Secret Santa – Rated T

This was entered into an anonymous competition and won tied as the judges choice :)

Beginning of December.

"What's wrong with you darlin'?" Bella looked up meeting Jaspers piercing golden stare.

"I... A... Ummn... Nothing." Bella stutters and stumbles over words not really wanting to tell him anything, nothings a secret in this house, in her life. Bella can't even make decisions without revealing her thoughts in some way, shape or form to her husband and that's the worst part; she isn't free to dream.

Quickly after her marriage Bella realised that she was a dreamer, that there may not have been things she consciously wanted from life but there were things she liked to dream about and now Bella feels incredibly exposed around her family, her shield is not enough to hide her in a way that she feels a modicum of privacy.

Yes she's free, free to leave Alaska, see her father for the holidays, to go and see her mother in Florida or visit Europe with Angela, no one will question her even if they do ask of her husband's where-about's but she can't do any of those things because Bella knows that by leaving Edwards side, in that way... She knows all other roads lead back home; so instead as she is kneeling by the tastefully decorated, yet obscenely costly tree with glass and crystal ball-balls, while thinking she smoothes the ice blue taffeta bow atop of the package she has just this moment wrapped, one of the eight presents that she insisted Alice did not touch so Bella could wrap them herself. She had previously hated the task but once she noticed everything was being done for her Bella fought to regain what little control she could; and she knew that it was all done for her happiness but, Alice unfortunately didn't seem to grasp and neither did Edward that by getting entirely your own way didn't, doesn't make you happy.

"You're so high and low with your emotions its driving me to the brink, Bella." She feels terrible immediately, her emotions are the one thing she cannot cover and consequently Jaspers thoughts and reactions to her.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. I just miss... Dad sometimes, a lot recently." Bella couldn't tell but Jaspers mind was working a mile a minute, he'd seen this, they all had to have and Edward was waiting on a final ultimatum from the Volturi before he would change her, Edward was right, loving her was the most selfish thing he would ever do.

"There is more Bella. I know how you feel but-" She may have been just a mortal but that glare, Jazz wasn't going anywhere near a woman who could send those kinds of daggers.

"I don't. I won't talk about it. This was-is my choice." Jasper nods.

"Are you going to cook? You enjoyed that last year." Bella smiled, she did enjoy cooking, when she had people to cook for. It was something else that she had looked on as a chore at the time. Jasper sensed her elation and then the quick spiral of depression, so fierce the cavern where his heart had once been throbbed in recognition. Bella was always so full, so weighted and concerned with doing right by everybody she rarely did anything for herself. In the sixteen years he had known her Edward had been the only 'selfish' thing she had done. Everything was always about Edward and in the end she did what he wanted because she lived to make him happy.

There had been so many arguments while she slept, especially in the beginning about how Edward should have been strong enough, good enough to let her go. In all honesty Jasper saw how weak Edward was.

It had been a little over a year, Jasper had trialled and tested, just to be certain of the way Alice's visions worked around Bella, sometimes she would go blurry at the edges, they put it down to other people's decisions making an impact on her future even though Bella was decided. Bella's loyalty worked in Jaspers favour wonderfully.

Today was the day he had been working toward, December 23rd; enough was enough. Edward was physically unable to let her go and while there was nothing actually wrong in their relationship Bella continued to stay, to love Edward unconditionally.

Jasper knows he has to work quickly; he has waited, plotted, watched. Cleverly he had made decisions for other people and not himself, or Bella. That was crucial. He hoped her future would be unchanging right until the last minute as he had little by little moulded everything so it was exactly where it needed to be. Jasper and Bella had grown close since her marriage into the family; Jasper kept himself well fed and Emmet was usually close, those were the only precautions Bella would allow, for Edwards peace of mind of course; therefore this afternoon while Edward and Alice were in Seattle collecting Bella's present it was the perfect time to push the last block into place.

Alice always wanted to get that one more present and Edward was happy to please Bella, he had spent a long time looking for this particular gift. Jazz had kept Alice's mind engaged by giving her lots of ideas, her excitement would have been tangible without Jasper's talent projecting it. Rosalie was working on a car that was going to be displayed in some museum in Europe and Carlisle and Esme were not due to return from the isle until later that night.

"Hay, Jazz." Bella said, squeezing his shoulder as she passed through the room to get something to drink. He had worked to keep the mood light and relaxed, Bella was showered, she had baked and was just about to call home to her father. He touched her hand and went back to watching the news. The great thing about Emmet was that his strength was non-invasive. Smiling from across the room he gestured at Jasper once she was out of the room. Of all of them he could be so human still, he didn't realise, remember even that he could whisper. Bella had done that too them all, it was only when they caught sight of themselves in a mirror or stopped and thought about things consciously that they remembered. That and the hunger, Esme thought it was similar to when you were human looking at yourself and realising you suddenly looked older, it wasn't that it happened over night it was just that the changes were so subtle you didn't see them. Being around Bella caused the opposite of that to happen, they didn't consciously realise that they hadn't changed until they looked.

"Take her Jazz. She's going to love it." Jasper had lied to his brother, Emmet wouldn't mind when all was said and done. "I'm going to tell Rose we're going now." For a fraction of a second Jasper became nervous.

Bella stood rinsing the plate she had just used for lunch and was looking out the kitchen window, the scene picture perfect. She dithered, she hated the snow; no that wasn't entirely correct, she loved it but it was just so cold. Suddenly she felt a little melancholy before her mood lifted and peeked.

"Get your coat, I want you to see something." She smiled, Jasper was the best at giving presents, they were always so out of this world and yet so right, so fitting. Bella loved to receive his gift, they were never keepsakes, or practical. She was really excited but grimaced.

"Is it going to snow on us?" Jazz smirked and she blushed, he would do it on purpose to tease her, she knew now after all these years. Momentarily she was disappointed that Edward didn't do that kind of thing anymore, they were happy and loved, she loved him so much, but she had come to realise it just wasn't enough. Love had nothing to do with how she felt now and what hurt, so damn much was after everything, all this time she saw how much more you needed than just love. Love did not make things work, it helped but you needed other things too. Bella wasn't sure what they were but she knew love wasn't enough anymore.

"Don't know." She knew she had felt it but he ignored it and smiled. Emmet was too impatient for human Bella and as soon as she stepped tentatively out onto the back porch he swung her up onto his back and started running full tilt toward the barn for her surprise.

Bella squealed and giggled, she loved her brothers, and they really were her family, she was used to travelling like this when they were out of sight now, she was fascinated by how her eyes would try to focus, take everything in but there was just too much information; it just went to show what the human mind was capable of.

Edward had brought her to the barn once before, the summer that had just passed. Esme was restoring it but as far as she had known it had been left and she had opted to re-design the bungalow on her isle instead. When Emmet stopped she slid down his back and he laughed, steadying her while she regained her balance.

"Yes, I know, you love my lack of balance. Get off you big oaff." She told him, slapping his hands away and looked between them. "So, what are we doing here?" Jasper was nervous, he tried to keep a lid on it but he could tell it was spilling over.

"Your present is in there." Bella pulled a funny face at his wry smile. She was so excited she was bouncing on the balls of her feet. Raising his eyebrows Jazz stepped out of the way.

"Go on Bella." He encouraged. Hesitantly she stepped forwards toward the small entry door and lifted the latch and biting her lip pushed the door open. Walking into the middle of the main space she looked around and shrugged, clicking her tongue wondering what Jazz was playing at and how much had Emmet had to do with her present this year. Just as she was about to speak, turning round again she heard scuffling and was pulled to the floor, wrapped in heat, fur, lapping tongues, whimpers and playful yaps. Bella couldn't see much, and at first she was terrified and froze, waiting for the pain, panicked as to why her brothers would let her get hurt.

As soon as she realised that they were playing she relaxed and started laughing. Covered by a pack of dogs, real dogs, she pushed her fingers though the fur, as many as she could touch, warm wet noses touched, pushed and snuffled at her.

"WHOA!" A voice boomed out echoing in the barn. The dogs scampered back and Bella froze, hairs on her arms rising. Realising each of the dogs were looking at the voice behind her, frozen about four feet away from her, there were nine, eight of them, their ears flat to their heads but obviously terrified to look away from their master. That was obvious. Bella heard something else muttered in a tongue she wasn't familiar with, that meant nothing though, Bella was useless at languages, she just couldn't grasp any language apart from English regardless of how many lessons she had or how expensive the tutor was. Looking over her shoulder her eyes grew wide, looking back at her was a pair of eyes so dark they rivalled Victoria's that morning on the mountain side in Forks.

"Jake?" Bella was on her feet and across the room in a second, wrapped in strong, hot arms. She cried, chest-heaving, all consuming dry sobs. "Jacob, Jake, Jacob." She said over and over. He had lifted her off the ground and held her to him, her legs wrapped around his hips, hands buried in his hair. Her tiny hands clinging to the back of his head pulling his face into her chest, her blood ran cold, Jasper had done this. Jasper knew.

"You're alive, really alive." His voice broken, the pain lodged right in her chest. Jacob's pain had always been her pain. Feeling suddenly serious Bella dropped her hands away from him and brushed away her tears. "How are you?" It was such a normal, regular question and Bella saw the pain in Jake's eyes.

Chocking back a sob she told him she was good and awkwardly wriggled out of his grasp and back to the floor.

"I suppose I should do what I was paid to do right?" Bella frowned. "The dogs are mine." Laughing nervously he used his hand to cover his mouth. "It's mainly seasonal but, yea, I love working with the dogs." Bella couldn't help it as she erupted in a fit of giggles.

"Oh my goodness, well you have so much in common, you're bound to get on." Jake laughed too shaking his head.

"Already with the dog jokes Bells?" Bella and Jacob spent the afternoon being pulled through the snow. Evening was drawing in when Jake directed the Huskies back to the barn. Helping her from the sled Bella noticed Jake's smile. It was painful again, his chin quivered and he looked away.

"Jake." Bella breathed softly, taking his hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of his scorching one. He just drew in a ragged breath.

"When I was told what they wanted, that they wanted the dogs to know you, they brought your clothing. I trained them to respond to you the way they did. You smell different to me now." Bella's hands shook and a painful lump formed in her throat, her eyes filling again. "You're still everything to me." Bella pressed her fingers flat against her mouth, it hurt. She still loved him so much. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't see. "I-I-I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty. I just wanted you to know, Bells. No one can—they aren't you honey." He swallowed, "You're happy though, so—"

"I'm not." Eyes widening at her own admission, she watched Jacobs face. "I'm sorry, God, forget I said anything." Turning away she headed back toward the barn, Jacob grabbed her arm though.

"What? What do you mean?" Bella shook her head, tears falling from her cheeks.

"Doesn't matter, forget it. I married him, I chose, I'm married." She pulled away and took a couple more steps, Jake just grabbed at her again, spinning her round to face him this time.

"No. What? No." Jake made some more indistinguishable noises that sounded something like I, um and generally gapped like a fish. Bella snatched her hand away, she was feeling so much, too much. She hated being human for this, you couldn't organise your thoughts quick enough. Bella felt the wave of calm slightly before Jacob growled.

"They're here." In a movement she hadn't seen in years she watched his fists clench and clamp straight to his sides.

"I-I have to go Jake." She licked her bottom lip and stepped toward him hesitantly.

"No, Bella." Rising up on her toes she pressed her puckered lips to his cheek.

"I'll be seeing you soon Jacob. Are you still in La Push?" Jake's jaw was held tight, it wasn't the vampires he was having trouble controlling himself around, it was the realisation, the revelations that had occurred. Bella wasn't happy but she was going home to him, with them because she had married him. It made him so angry. So what, she changed her mind. He didn't expect her to be with him but to stay with Edward just because she had married him? People got divorced every day, she didn't have to stay with him.

"You step through the border, I'll be there." His tone menacing as he turned away from her, gathering up his dogs. Once he was out of sight she didn't turn around.

"Thank you Jasper. Take me home I have to talk to Edward."

The End