DarkAngel4u – first review of this story award goes to you! lol and thanks! Starinthenight – I only have one thing to say to you. Update!
sweetNaughtylittleangelgirl485 – okay I'll check it out when my internet is being a little more cooperative. I'll send you a review to let you know when I read it!
Purple-dragon-123 – sorry, used to swearing. You see the good side of me since I can't swear on neopets….
Kittyge – yep me too. She doesn't get recognized enough with fics, even though I think she's one of the more complicated characters.
DreammistressJade – yeah I think it definitely applies to everyone, because everyone gets lonely and has someone inside that they're afraid to show other people. A lot of fics on fanfiction people can't relate too, (even though I love 'em) and I wanted to try this out.
Reviewer – oh yeah, I'm definitely venting here. And don't worry, I'll do more description, as that was just a preview, I just wanted to get it submitted to see people's reactions. I liked your review though; thought out reviews are always very much appreciated by me. Thanks!
MasterBrattan – thanks and don't forget to review again! SusArackAhack – Nah, not a Seto/Serenity fic (I can hear you sighing in relief) lol don't worry its not mentioned much, sorry I wrote this chappie before getting your review, I hope there's not too much…
I have Feelings Too
Avoidance
Monday
I bore my eyes into the back of the head of the dimwit that sits in front of me. Math is so boring I could kill something. Poor fly, you landed in my way. Gross, fly guts on my hand. I shake my hand to rid myself of the disgusting mess.
"Miss Valentine?" I hear the teacher call me, thinking I actually raised my hand for a question. She must really be desperate today.
"I don't know, nor do I care." I say, going back to scraping the intestines of the deceased off myself.
"Miss Valentine…" She repeats in a warning tone.
"What do you want?" I ask, annoyed that she has bothered me. Can't she see that I have a little crisis on my hands? And I mean literally.
Ten minutes later I find myself in the principals, for 'back talking' the teacher. Whatever. Not like this hasn't happened before. Besides, what are they gonna do to me? Tell my parents? Boo hoo, but in case they hadn't noticed, I have no one that actually cares about me like that. To put it frankly, I have no one at all. It's me, myself, and I. Sometimes I think that's my problem.
"Yo Mai!" Someone walks into the office, and I recognize the voice. Of course I know who it belongs to, how many nights I dream, wishing the same voice would softly whisper in my ear…
"Hey Joey." I say, trying to keep my voice straight and even. I think it works.
"What are you in for dis time?" he asks, taking a seat next to me. His presence being so close I almost lose control of myself. I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks, as he had been on a vacation with Serenity. They had to figure out a whole bunch of sibling things after Serenity publicly announced Kaiba was her boyfriend. I feel bad for Joey, imaging Serenity with Kaiba must be terrible.
"I might ask you the same question." I retort, wondering why my voice came out that way. Trying to cover up my feelings is one thing, being mean is another.
"Bad mood, huh. K, I can live with that." Joey says, and I feel terrible. I don't want to say sorry or something though; I mean I do have a reputation to live up to.
"I hate this place." I say leaning back in my chair as I accidentally let a pent-up sigh escape my lips. Joey turns to look at me strangely, but doesn't say anything. We sit there in silence for a couple minutes, me trying desperately not to reach over and hug him just cause he looks so huggable at the moment, having a great tan from spending his vacations on the beach…wait that gets me to thinking about him in a bathing suit…no shirt….NO! I close my eyes, to get that bad thought out of my head, and trying to keep the color on my face normal. Luckily (for the circumstances that is) the principal comes in demanding to see me in his office. NOW.
"Later." I say to Joey as I get up.
"I'll wait." Joey says, and my heart seems to skip a beat. No, he couldn't like me; I try to tell myself, not wanting to set myself up for disappointment. It is hard though, I've been dreaming of this since I first admitted to myself that I liked him. The stupid principal drags me out of my thoughts as he motions for me to sit in a chair. I sit on the desk, just to defy him. He doesn't say anything at first, and then he goes into this whole lecture in a monotone voice, like I haven't heard it ten million times before. Nobody forces me to do something I don't want to do (listen to a lecture, for example), so I focus myself on the Joey issue for the next half hour. I literally jump off the desk when he says with a reproachful look that I may go. I walk into the waiting room (makes me think of a doctors office), and what do I see?
NO ONE.
Not a single freaking soul in the whole damn room. I blink, and then automatically yell at myself inside for being so stupid as to actually believe that he would wait for me. Didn't I impress it into his head that I care about no one? Those battle city duels I made it real clear to everyone that I didn't need anyone to succeed. That was back when I was still stupid. Of course I need someone, what was I thinking? I don't need just anyone, I need Joey. I don't like this feeling of neediness. I should only need myself.
That's when I made my decision.
I had to stop loving Joey. It had been almost a year now I continued with my torture of unrequited love and now it seemed clear to me that he obviously didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him. We could still be friends, we would be friends. But first, I had to avoid him until I stopped liking him.
Tuesday
I wake up the next morning, ready to put my plan into action. It won't be that hard. I usually gave Serenity and Joey rides to school, but seeing as Serenity gets rides in Kaiba's limo now, Joey probably will too. Yeah right. Joey and Kaiba do not mix. But it's a nice, tidy little cover up for not picking Joey up like I should. It doesn't make me feel better in the least. I shove that from my mind and try to concentrate on the homework I'm doing during class.
Friday
I haven't seen Joey all week. It pains me, but I think that this must be how smokers must feel when going cold turkey. I'm hungry now. I eat a cold turkey sandwich and think some more. I've been in my own world so much lately. It's like an extension on Joey's vacation, and I'm crying so much more now. Last night I gave myself too many sleeping pills and passed out. Such a bad headache. I rub my forehead and decide its time for a relaxing bath, when my cell phone rings. I listen to the song for a second, before picking up.
"What do you want?" I answer, automatically passing on my bad mood to whoever is on the other end.
"Hi Mai, it's Serenity!" Serenity said in her perky voice. If there's one emotion I can recognize, its jealousy. I admit I'm jealous of Serenity. She has it all: brains, beauty, caring friends and brother, and not to mention a boyfriend who loves her. However, it's hard not to like Serenity. She's so sweet I can see how even Kaiba couldn't resist her. Me on the other hand, there's really no hope for. I'm not sweet or anything. I laugh at this preposterous thought. Anyway, Serenity and I are pretty good friends, as my friends come. Not close enough to tell her I love her brother though. Then I remember Serenity's on the phone, as she starts talking, ignoring my little outburst.
"Um, I was talking to Joey today…" I tune her out for a second to think that this is a bad sign. I tune her back in. "…thought you have been avoiding him. He said not to tell you, but I wanted to know if you were keeping something from me." Serenity continues in her quiet, soothing voice.
I want to tell her everything, how I (still) love her brother, about my plan, and how it wasn't working but instead sending me into a rut of depression that I can't for the life of me dig myself out of. Of course I don't tell her any of this. I don't want to lie to her, but I have to, otherwise everyone will know what a fool I really am.
"Well, you guys just got back, and I'm not really used to having you around again." I hear myself explain, wondering how I could think that Serenity would be stupid enough to buy this. She doesn't.
"Mai, I know when something's bothering you. We've been friends since I had my operation and met you. Please, if you want to talk, call me. Kaiba's taking me out to dinner now, so I have to run." She continues, and I can hear the smile in her voice. A silent tear rolls down my cheek as I wonder what it would be like if I could say in that carefree voice that Joey was taking me out to dinner. I angrily brush it away.
"Later." I say in a dead voice, and hang up, not waiting for her reply. I think that if I can continue for a few more weeks then I will stop liking Joey and everything will be back to normal.
A couple minutes later, my phone rings again. I contemplate whether to pick it up, but then my curiosity takes over and I'm answering the phone.
"What?" I say, trying to keep my voice emotionless.
"Mai, it's me." I hear Joey say. I don't know what to do! Should I say something, and act like everything's fine? Should I tell him to get lost? No that would be mean? When have I ever had a problem being mean? Something ruptures in my skull and I close the phone. I can't deal with it.
The phone rings again, obviously. I can't resist a small smile. Joey always was persistent. I let the phone do the dirty work for me, and take a message.
"Look Mai, I don' know wat's wrong wit ya, but will ya please tell it to ma face? Or else I'm gonna have ta come ova der and shake it out o ya." He says, in that adorable Brooklyn accent. I automatically lean my head closer to the phone, just wanting to be near his voice.
"I'm sorry for whateva I did, if I can rememba…just call me willya? Bye." Click. I curse myself inside; why am I doing this? Then I remember back to when I first met the whole gang.
(A/N: I don't know if this is exactly how it happened, I never saw that episode, but I'm hoping none of you saw it too, so we're all in the same boat, no pun intended. Wow that was lame. K, on with the story.)
I was independent back then, well I guess I still am now, except for that stupid needing feeling I get.
I was standing on the boat, staring at the water, when these two guys walk up to me. One was short and puny with weird hair. The other was taller, but still looked like a dweeb to me at the time. They wanted to get to know me, as I was another duelist they would have to compete with at duelist kingdom. I was bored, and figured what the hell they can entertain me for a little while, though they better not be looking for friendship. I don't need friends.
After we had introduced ourselves, the conversation turned to why we were dueling. Joey explained how he needed to win to get the money for his sister's operation.
"I duel for myself." I had said, just a tad haughtily.
They did want to be friends, and eventually we were. I want it to go back to that way, just friends. Everything else is too complicated, and if I tell Joey how I feel, it might ruin things. Because as much as I hate to admit it, I do need other people. I found that out the hard way.
A/N: short, I know. I can't get into the whole super long chapter thing. Probably because I have a VERY short attention span. I'm not kidding, I speed read thru half of the stuff I read. If that has anything to do with it……….see there I go again off on a tangent. Well this chapter would have been up sooner if it hadn't been for my evil internet. Screw DSL. As I write this, it will not cooperate even though I've restarted the computer five MILLION times, and reset the internet connections, still it says: "Page Cannot be displayed." God, I wanna kill that thing! Well don't forget to review.