The Big-Dicked Bandit
[Zoey: New York City! This is amazing! I've always wanted to travel to the Big Apple! Broadway, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, there's so much to see and do! I'm so excited!]
"We will not be seeing or doing anything in New York." Chris said as he led the girls through the streets of New York. "That is, we won't be seeing or doing anything that will be fun for you five."
"What exactly is the challenge then?" Gwen asked Chris tentatively
"Oh, you're gonna love this one." Chris said, though none of the girls thought they would love any part of it. "You know the New York City Marathon? We're doing something similar. You're gonna start at Times Square, race through all five boroughs of New York City doing various mini-challenges along the way. Some of the mini-challenges will be easy like pole dancing on the subway or sucking off a hobo. Others will be more challenging like getting gangbanged by the whole cast of Hamilton or getting worked over BDSM-style by an entire NYPD precinct. And, as a little bonus, we even got the Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy Go-Time Tentacle Bot working again for it! It's gonna be great!" [Gwen: If I make it out of this challenge alive, I am going to make sure Chris doesn't]
Finally, the girls and Chris all arrived at Times Square. Chef was there, waiting with a starting pistol and five nude hobos with erect cocks. The girls all shuddered at the thought of even participating in this challenge. "Once Chef Hatchet fires the starting gun, you five will have to suck off these hobos as quick as you can." Chris said.
"Is there any way this challenge can get any worse?" Gwen asked.
"No," Chris said, "but there is a way it can get better! As you all know, the reward for winning Total Drama Sex Tour isn't just a million dollars. It's also the opportunity to spend one night of passion with the person you love most in any city in the world you want! And, since you all have made it to the final five, we thought we'd give you an early reward with those people."
"Wait." Zoey said excitedly. "Do you mean…"
"Girls, please give a warm welcome to the people you love most of all!" A party bus pulled up to Times Square. The girls all squealed and cheered as individually their most-loved people stepped off of it. "For Zoey, we have the gothy girl who smiles only for her girlfriend: Crimson!"
Zoey ran over and kissed Crimson as she stepped off the bus. "This is going to be amazing!" Zoey exclaimed. "I mean, I have to suck off a hobo, so it'll still suck, but, with you here, it'll suck a little less."
Chris continued going down the list. "For Sanders, the dominant cop who just won't stop: MacArthur!"
As MacArthur stepped off the bus, she gave Sanders a firm slap on the ass. Sanders moaned just from that. "There's a lot more where that came from, sweetheart." MacArthur purred.
"For Bridgette, he's the surfing hunk who lets his GF cheat on him repeatedly on national television: Geoff!"
As soon as Geoff stepped off the party bus, Bridgette leapt up into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. "I am gonna milk you dry tonight~" She purred as she started making out with her boyfriend.
"Okay, little creepy there, but still hot." Chris remarked. "For Leshawna, he's a gigantic geek with a heart of gold: Harold!"
Harold leapt from the party bus wearing an outfit one would expect to see in a Shakespearean play. "Leshawna, fair Leshawna, how do I love thee?" He said dramatically on one knee. "Let me count the ways."
Leshawna blushed, partially from the sweetness of Harold's grand display of his affections for her and partially from how embarrassing it was having her long-time crush dressed like that and reciting poetry in Times Square. Fortunately, he was stopped from reciting anything else by none other than Duncan shoving him aside.
"Zip it, Doris." Duncan said. "We aren't here to woo chicks, we're here to fuck them."
Gwen groaned. [Gwen: Duncan? Duncan?! He's the one person Chris thought I loved the most? Please! I may have liked him a lot during World Tour, but he clearly still wasn't over Courtney and I had to dump him. Plus getting fucked by Duncan is like sex in a prison shower: rough, uncomfortable, and usually in the ass. Ugh. I don't see how this challenge could get any worse]
"Thank you, Duncan, for shutting Harold up." Chris said. "And, for Gwen, like I said before in Paris, we couldn't figure out if you liked Duncan or Trent more, and we didn't want you to get stuck doing this challenge with nobody, so, as a compromise, we got both of them!" At that moment, Gwen's other past love, Trent, stepped off the party bus too. Gwen groaned and put her head in her hands.
[Gwen: That's how this challenge gets worse. Yes, I really liked Trent a lot, but, the one time we ever had sex, he finished in about 30 seconds and cried for about a half hour afterwards. I hope he's at least got more experience under his belt now, but with him and Duncan both here… I'm going to have to put up with a looooooot of bullshit, aren't I?]
With all the contestants' special people out with them, it was time to begin the challenge. "All right, Chef!" Chris said. "Fire when ready!" None of the girls looked like they were particularly excited for this challenge to begin. Fortunately, an interruption was on its way.
"CHRIS!" The third host, Blainley, suddenly came running up to everyone. She was completely out of breath, having apparently run all the way there from the Total Drama Jet. "Code red!" She panted. "We've been… We've been…" Blainley seemed too out of breath to finish her sentence.
"We've been what? What happened, Blainley?" Chris asked.
"We've been… We've been robbed!" Blainley exclaimed.
"What?!" Chris yelled. "Who robbed us? What did they take? They didn't touch my Gemmy Awards, did they?"
Blainley shook her head. "No, Chris." She said. "The thief stole something much more valuable. They took the million dollars!"
The next half hour went by in a blur. Chris herded everyone back to the plane. Everyone was relieved, of course, now that they weren't going to have to do the marathon challenge, but Chris was devastated. He stayed in the control room on the plane just going over the security tapes of the thief breaking into the secret safe Chris had put in underneath the padded floors of loser class. The thief was a large, very rotund man who was, for some odd reason, naked in the footage. He wore a ski mask, so no one could see his face, but there was one major discerning detail about him.
"That guy has one. Big. Cock." Blainley said, practically drooling over the size of the thief's dick. It had to be at least a good 13 or 14 inches long, and it was thick too. But Chris wasn't focusing on the thief's cock.
"Who the hell is this guy?!" He exclaimed. "How did he know where the money was? How did he even get on the plane? And where is he now?"
"The guy could be anywhere in New York City by now." Chef remarked. "The cops are already looking, but they ain't having much luck so far."
"Please. The police are a joke." Chris said. "We need some serious investigators on this case. People who have a stake in it in some way." Then it hit him. The perfect way to make up for losing out on the marathon challenge. "Ohhhh, girls!" Chris called.
The contestants and their loved ones were all brought in and briefed on the situation. "So, what you're saying is you want a group of untrained, unqualified, and unprepared people to search through all of New York City in the very, very small hope that one of us will find this guy with a huge dick?" Gwen said incredulously. "You've officially gone insane, Chris."
"Shouldn't be too hard for us to find him since one of us is already a criminal." Trent said irritably.
"At least I don't cry after sex, Ringo." Duncan shot back.
"That was one time!" Trent roared "And did you just call me the worst Beatle? He's not even a guitarist!" Gwen groaned. [Gwen: After we all got back on the plane, all anyone's done is have sex with their loved ones. Me, on the other hand? I've had to put up with Trent and Duncan arguing and sniping at each other the whole time, and I haven't even gotten laid yet! This is beyond suckish! Why is my stupid lovelife such a wreck?]
"Ooh! I know exactly where to start our search!" Bridgette said. "Come on, Geoff!" Bridgette ran with Geoff off the plane as Chris applauded her.
"There goes someone who actually wants the million dollars back." He said. "You ladies do realize that, without that money, you've all suffered through this show for nothing, right?"
That got everyone else's attention. "Don't worry, Leshawna!" Harold said. "I spent three summers at Sherlock Steve's Detective Camp! We'll find that thief for sure!"
"Woo! Yeah, baby!" Leshawna cheered. "Let's go!"
"And I think I have an idea of where a guy with a dick like that might try and spend the money." Zoey said. "Come on, Crimson!" [Zoey: Sure, Harold might have gone to a detective camp, and sure Bridgette may seem to know where to look too, but I've seen every episode of Scooby Doo, like, a bazillion times. Wait. Is that a good thing or a really sad thing? Doesn't matter. My point is I think I know my way around a mystery]
Gwen managed to pry Duncan and Trent, who were trying to strangle each other, apart and pulled them off the plane. "I don't care if we find the money or not, but, if you two are gonna keep fighting, then we're at least going sightseeing." Gwen said as she dragged the two of them behind them.
"You think we should follow one of those groups in case they're right?" Sanders asked.
"Well, we could do that," MacArthur replied, "or we could stay here, study the camera footage some more, and keep using that strap-on I was using before."
"Yes! Yes to all that!" Sanders said immediately. She needed some more time with that strap-on inside her. "Let's go!"
An hour later, no team had succeeded in finding the Big-Dicked Bandit, but one pair thought they were starting to get close. "This was a great idea, Zoey." Crimson said. "I mean, anyone with a dick like that and a million dollars would definitely come here first."
Zoey and Crimson were busy cruising the Red Light District of New York City. Strip clubs abounded, as did prostitutes of all shapes and sizes. "If we just keep looking around here, we're bound to find him!" Zoey declared. "Hey, we haven't checked that strip club over there yet. Come on!"
Zoey and Crimson entered the strip club and both ladies instantly got wet at the sight of some of the strippers there. "Wow! This has got to be the best strip club in New York City!" Zoey said.
"It is, honey." One stripper said as she walked by. "We won a contest." The stripper pointed at a plaque hanging on the wall that read "Best strip club in NYC."
"The Big-Dicked Bandit has to be here!" Zoey said. She and Crimson started looking around the club, trying to see if any of the men inside resembled the bandit.
"I'm not seeing anyone who looked like him." Crimson said.
"Keep looking." Zoey replied. "Maybe we won't find the bandit himself, but we're bound to find at least a clue of some kind."
"You girls looking for clues?" A rather wimpy-sounding voice said. "I gotcha covered."
Zoey and Crimson looked over, and there, getting a lap dance from a particularly hot stripper, was Cody, the geeky Total Drama ex-contestant. "Cody?" Zoey said. "What are you doing here?"
"I come here every week." Cody replied. "I mean, come on. Have you seen the ladies this club has in it? They're amazing!" Cody looked at one stripper as she walked by. "Hey, beautiful." He said flirtatiously.
"Get bent, geekwad." The stripper replied.
"That one's name is Honey." Cody said. "Geekwad is sorta her pet name for her favorite customer: moi."
"Pretty sure it's actually an insult." Crimson said. "Now, what was it you said about you having clues?"
"Well, you girls are looking for a thief, right?" Cody said. "These strippers cater to some of the evilest criminals in New York City, and their favorite customer can get them to give you all the information they have."
"That's great!" Zoey said happily.
"Wait." Crimson said. "What's the catch?"
"Well, I'm getting a little tired of this stripper grinding on my junk." Cody said, causing the stripper who was giving him a lap dance to slap him and leave. "Ow!" Cody said. "Anyways, I could use another couple girls to keep me happy."
Zoey and Crimson looked at each other, both trying to decide if it was worth it. In the end, they both sighed. "Fine." Crimson said. "We'll give you a stupid lap dance."
"Oh, I never said I wanted a lap dance." Cody said, unzipping his pants. "For only the highest-quality information, I'm gonna need a little more from you two." He pulled his dick out. "You get the drift?" [Zoey: Wow. Velma and Daphne never had to do anything like this to solve a mystery]
Zoey and Crimson both got down and started sucking Cody off. Each girl licked one side of his cock while Cody just sat back and enjoyed it. "Awwww, yeah." He said. "But I'm still gonna need a little bit more to get you the strippers' help. Keep going." Crimson started deepthroating him while Zoey sucked on his balls. Cody was loving it. The only other time he had ever gotten laid was once with Sierra during the first Aftermath Special, and, while that had been fun, only having sex once before now gave him sort of a quick trigger. Cody groaned as he came in Crimson's mouth. "Ahh, that was nice." He said. "Now swallow like a girl who wants that information." Crimson did, though she was shooting daggers at Cody the whole time. "Nice."
"So, now will you convince the strippers to talk to us?" Zoey pleaded.
"Ehhhh. I'm gonna need a little more convincing." Cody said. Crimson was seconds away from murdering the little man. Fortunately, Zoey knew just how to cool her girlfriend down and get the info they needed.
"What if Crimson let you fuck her in the ass?" Zoey suggested.
"Hell yes!" Both Cody and Crimson said at the same time.
Crimson stripped down and lowered herself on to Cody's cock. "Aaah! Fuck!" She moaned as she slid his dick in her ass. "Yeah, that's just how I like it!" Crimson started riding Cody, going slow at first just to enjoy herself a little bit more, but then, as things started heating up, she began bucking her hips hard and fast." Ohhhh, yes! Yes! Yes!" Crimson moaned. "Aaaaah! Fuck! I'm cumming!" Zoey got down to lap up Crimson's juices from her orgasm, then kept eating her girlfriend out as she kept riding Cody. "Fuck, Zoey! I love you so much!" Crimson groaned.
"Love you too, Crimson!" Zoey replied. And, to show how much she loved her, she began sucking on Crimson's clit, causing her to moan even louder as she had her second big climax.
"This is so great!" Cody squealed happily. "Sierra's ass didn't feel nearly as good as yours!" He gave Crimson's ass a nice, hard slap, earning him a punch in the face. "Okay. Too far. Sorry." Cody said.
Crimson moaned again as she came a third time, and, finally, Cody groaned as he pumped Crimson's ass full of cum. Crimson got off of the little man's dick and redressed herself. "Now, how about you do what you promised?" She growled, still angry even after cumming three times.
"All right, all right." Cody said. "Excuse me? Ladies?" The strippers of the club all looked at him. "Can you all help your favorite customer out and tell these two girls anything about the criminal they're trying to catch?"
One of the strippers scoffed. "You're not our favorite customer." She said.
"What?!" Cody exclaimed. "But… But you've all told me I'm your favorite!"
"We say that to every customer." Another stripper said. "It makes them give us more money."
"What?!" Cody exclaimed again. "But… But… But…"
One of the strippers walked up to Zoey and Crimson." He may not be our favorite," she said, "but we saw what you two were willing to do for information. You've got guts. We'll totally help you out."
"You will? Great!" Zoey exclaimed. "We're looking for a guy with a humongous dick who just stole a million dollars. And I mean humongous! That thing must have been at least 13 inches! Does that ring any bells?"
"Well, nobody's come in with a dick that big." The stripper said. "But there was one guy who was bragging about how he was going to have a million dollars by the end of the day. I remember him because he tried to pay us with fake cash. It looked like this." The stripper pulled a bill out that was stuck in her G-string. It was one of the Chris Mclean bucks like what Heather, Duncan, and Harold had won in an episode of Total Drama Action.
"Who do you think the guy the strippers talked about was?" Zoey asked as she and Crimson left the club.
"I bet it was Chris." Crimson replied. "Who else would pay in money with Chris's face on it?"
"But why would Chris steal the million dollars for himself?" Zoey wondered.
Meanwhile, across town, Harold and Leshawna were walking through a hotel. "What the hell are we supposed to find here?" Leshawna asked.
"Well, Leshawna, by knocking on people's doors, we can ask them questions about whether or not they may have some clues that could help us in the investigation." Harold explained. "I think I saw it in a TV show."
Harold kept knocking on doors, but Leshawna wasn't after clues today. [Leshawna: Sure, I hate the fact that the million dollars was stolen, but I hate that I haven't gotten laid all day even more! Harold's been so focused on the investigation, and before that he was focused on writing me more poetry, so he hasn't paid attention to me all day! If I could just get that skinny little weirdo's pants off, I'd be happy for the whole rest of the day]
Harold knocked on the next door in the hall, and a man with wide eyes and a strange, foreign accent answered the door. "Hello." He said in a small voice.
"Good afternoon, sir." Harold said. "We're looking into the mystery of the Big-Dicked Bandit, and we were wondering if you knew anything about it. But first, can we have your name for our file?" Leshawna facepalmed herself. What file?
"It's Mlepnos." The funny foreign man said.
"Could you spell that please?"
"M-L-P-E-Klay…"
"Did that fool just say 'klay?'" Leshawna asked incredulously.
"Yes, the klay is silent." Mlepnos said. "Now, please excuse. I must go." The man exited his hotel room, leaving Leshawna and Harold even more confused than they were before.
"Hmmm. I bet that guy knows something." Harold said. "We should follow him. He may have a connection to the Big-Dicked Bandit."
Leshawna suddenly had an idea. "Yeah, I bet he definitely knows something." She said slyly." But we'll never be able to follow him in all this city's traffic. We'd better wait for him here." Leshawna opened the door to Mlepnos's hotel room, but it was not what she expected. "Holy fuck..." She said in awe.
The hotel room was one of the most luxurious ones Leshawna had ever set foot in. The was a bottle of primo champagne in an ice bucket, rose petals on the bed, even candles lit to set the mood. If it wasn't so perfect for her plan, Leshawna definitely would have been questioning why that Mlepnos guy's hotel room looked like this. "Say, Harold," she said, "you know, we are in a hotel room."
"Yeah." Harold said.
"And you know what people do in hotel rooms, right?" Leshawna purred. "Especially in rooms as nice as this one?"
"Leshawna, we can't afford to get distracted while we're working a case!" Harold said. "Sherlock Steve's first rule of detective camp was that you always have to focus on-" Leshawna took off her shirt, letting Harold see her breasts in all their glory. "Screw Sherlock Steve! Let's do this!"
Harold pulled Leshawna in for a kiss, then moved down to start sucking on her tits. "Ohhh, wow! Harold!" Leshawna moaned as Harold sucked on her nipples. "How about you move a little further down~?" Harold got down on his knees and removed Leshawna's pants. He then took off her panties with his teeth and began licking Leshawna's pussy with more skill than anyone else ever had. "Ohhhh, fuck!" Leshawna groaned. "Oooh! How'd you get so good at eating pussy?"
"I went to Pornstar Steve's Sex Camp for four summers." Harold explained before getting back to eating Leshawna out. Leshawna's knees gave out from how good it felt. She fell back on the ground, moaning at the top of her lungs as Harold's skilled tongue explored her womanhood.
"Oh, fuck! Here it comes!" She cried out as she had an explosive orgasm. [Leshawna: Pornstar Steve, whoever you are, thank you so much!]
Leshawna had to catch he breath after an orgasm that big. "Fuck, that was good." She panted.
Harold grinned. "I hope you're not too tired yet." Harold said. He took off his own clothes and he and Leshawna both got on the bed.
"Lie down, honey," Leshawna purred, "and get ready for the ride of your life!" Harold laid down and Leshawna got on top of him, sliding his cock in her pussy. "Ohhhh, yeah!" She moaned as she started riding him. "Oh, my God, it feels so good!" Leshawna bucked her hips as fast as she could, hoping to get off again quickly. Although, she didn't count on getting a little extra help. "Aah!" She cried out as another cock entered her ass. "What the hell?"
"It's Mlepnos." The funny foreign man said in his usual small voice as he pumped hard into Leshawna's ass.
Leshawna almost punched Mlepnos out, but his cock just felt so good in her ass, she decided to let him stay. "Harder, boys!" She moaned. "I'm getting close!" Harold thrusted up hard into Leshawna's cunt and Mlepnos gave her ass a nice, hard smack, which was just the thing she needed to push her over the edge. "OHHHHH, FUUUUCK!" Leshawna cried out as she came again.
"Hey, Mlepnos, how about you help me with the big finish?" Harold suggested. He and Mlepnos both pulled out of Leshawna and Leshawna got on her knees as the two boys rubbed their cocks vigorously and covered Leshawna's face and chest in a thick layer of cum.
"Fuck, that was hot!" Leshawna panted when they were all done. "Mlepnos, you really know your stuff!"
"I know." Mlepnos said in his small voice.
"There's just one thing I don't understand, though." Leshawna said. "Why was your hotel room decorated like this in the first place? With the rose petals, the champagne, the candles…"
"I like the smell of roses, champagne tastes good, and candles are cheaper than electricity. What is problem with that?" Mlepnos said.
"I just wish we could have gotten more information about who stole the million dollars." Harold said dejectedly.
"I may know something." Mlepnos said in his small voice. "Earlier, I was at airport and there was a plane where people were humping."
"That's the Total Drama Jet!" Leshawna exclaimed in surprise.
"Please don't interrupt." Mlepnos said. "Anyways, I heard a woman say she was going to steal a million dollars on the plane."
"A woman?" Harold said. "But the thief was a man. What could this mean?"
"I don't know." Leshawna replied. A smile crossed her face. "Maybe we could figure out the clues over a bit more fucking."
As Leshawna, Harold, and Mlepnos got busy once again, nobody was getting any closer to finding out who stole the million dollars. Who was the man at the strip club? Who was the woman who talked about stealing the million? And will any more characters from Brooklyn Nine Nine be making cameos in this fic? Find out when we return on Total… Drama… Sex Tour!