Chapter 2: Apprehension

Rey didn't know what to expect, but an empty control room with only the emergency lights lit was a surprising turn of events. Only as her eyes adjusted to the light could Rey make out a huddled figure at the central hologram emitter. Chewie growled softly, an endearment, and the figure immediately regained composure that was unmistakeably General Leia Organa's. Chewbacca gave Rey a gentle nudge forwards, and when Rey made to rebuke him for it, he had already left the room.

The General paused for a moment, and Rey got the feeling that she was grappling with maintaining her poise, but when she turned, Rey saw no hint of grief or unrest on her face. Instead, the once-Princess exuded a strength that Rey felt could only come from years of hard choices and haunting decisions. Rey couldn't imagine what this woman must have seen and done to warrant that kind of unwavering will.

"Finally," the General surprised Rey with her gentle, even motherly, tone, "I can officially become acquainted with the girl I've heard so much about." She gestured to a chair beside hers, also haphazardly pulled to the emitter. "Sit, please. Rey, was it?"

Rey sat shakily on the chair she was shown, "Yes, General."

She flapped her hands at Rey, jerking her head back and forth, "Oh no please, none of that dear. Leia will do just fine." Leia surprised Rey again by actually smiling at her with just the faintest tinge of vivacity, "These are not working hours, nor do I currently have an oversized-death ball aiming its payload at my head. And you'd be surprised just how often that's happened."

Rey couldn't suppress a tiny laugh, "I believe you Ge- Leia."

Leia chuckled with her, but then was silent for a time before speaking again, "Rey," she seemed to be picking her words with care, "I'm truly sorry if this opens wounds but, I find myself needing to know. Whatever did my son want with you?" Her gaze pierced Rey to her core.

Rey knew something along these lines had been coming, and she was certain the conversation was going to get a lot worse. Thankfully, there was no pressure against her mind, and the 'bond'- for lack of a better word, though she loathed it- was mercifully silent.

"He wanted the map," Rey answered flatly.

Leia cocked a brow, "But why you, and not a much easier to manage droid? I hardly think a Bolo-ball-sized astromech would be hard to catch out in the woods, as a pose to something that is capable of shooting back." Somehow, Rey got the sense that Leia was looking for a very specific answer, and Rey knew she would fast tire of such games.

She sighed, "I don't know. All I know is he wanted the map. I won't pretend to know what Kylo-"

"Ben."

"-Ben wanted with me beyond that. Though he sure had a fun time picking around inside my head, till I kicked him out, that is." Rey could still taste how sweet it had been, to find his insecurity and get him with it.

But Rey felt guilty when Leia flinched at her words.

"I'm sorry, Rey. I haven't forgotten what he's become." Grief flickered across General Leia's face. It had been brief, but Rey had not missed it. "Or what he's done."

"Leia-" What could Rey ever say that would lessen this blow?

"No. I haven't forgotten. Nor will I. But this does not mean I don't want him back home."

Rey felt pity for the woman in front of her, but the certainty with which Leia spoke almost made Rey feel as if her pity was misplaced.

"Did Ben know you were Force-Sensitive when he captured you?" Leia asked, quickly diverting back to her questions.

"No, I only found that out myself strapped to the interrogation pallet, trying to get him out of my head."

"Did he torture you?" Leia's voice was soft, almost lost in the whir of the lights and idle consoles. If Rey hadn't been studying her intently, she would most definitely have missed the thin line of worry that had appeared between Leia's brows.

Again, Rey sighed. "Oddly, no. He didn't. If I hadn't fought back as I had, I doubt there would have been any pain at all. He didn't so much as touch me when I was strapped to that thing, and he left has soon as I pushed him out."

Leia almost looked relieved, but confusion eventually etched itself on her face along with a more evident sorrow, "That is odd. You know. When he…defected…Snoke had him slaughter all the other younglings in the academy?"

Rey's stomach flipped in uneasy antipathy. There was regret in Leia's voice.

"No, I didn't know. We didn't get much galactic correspondence on Jakku. Just traders, treasure hunters, and people looking to get lost. Frack-" Rey rubbed her palm over her eyes, "-I spent most of my time convinced that some of the stories the traders told were just legends. My handler, Unkar Plutt, kept us scavengers dependant and clueless. Just how the Hutts liked it."

Leia looked at her despondently. "Were there very many of you?"

"None as young as I was."

"You were just…left there?" All previous emotion was gone from the General's face, and in its place was a genuine curiosity.

"As far as I know, yes. I'm sorry," Rey was almost embarrassed, "I don't really remember much about it. In fact, I hadn't really ever remembered anything at all of back then till I had an, uh, incident of sorts at Maz's."

"Incident?"

"A vision of sorts," Rey answered uncomfortably, her tone turning slightly bitter again, "A Force vision, I guess. I made the mistake of touching that lightsaber." Rey had given it to the General in the infirmary. More tossed it than given it, but that was a mere technicality.

"Ah, yes," Leia said tersely, "I know the kind you mean."

Rey was fascinated to see Leia's understanding expression.

"You've had many Force visions before?" Rey asked eagerly, unable to mask the hope in her voice that perhaps someone would be able to understand the pain it had wrought.

But those hope were instantly dashed when Leia shook her head and smiled acridly, "No. But I spent many nights awake with Han trying- and failing- to comfort my son, who was plagued with them."

Rey tensed, "Oh."

Leia flicked her eyes over Rey's face, "And what exactly did the vision show you?"

"Just a lot of really odd imagery-" This was not something Rey was going to explain to the General. "-And then Jakku."

Leia pursed her lips, no doubt picking up on Rey's unwillingness to talk about the imagery.

After a beat, Rey relented and spoke again, sharing the only part of the vision she was willing to spare. "I saw myself, maybe five or six, and I was calling for someone to come back. Plutt was holding my arm. I guess that was when I was left there." She swallowed the little lump in her throat at the memory of the vision. "I don't even know if that's what really happened. But I don't have anything else to hang onto at night so I suppose it's better than nothing, besides-" her voice turned acerbic once more, "the Force seems to be the catalyst in most other things, why not my non-existent memories too?"

Leia huffed a sharp laugh, "Now that, my dear, is a sentiment I can agree with. And I think Han would have toasted you for it too, till the both of you met either the floor or the bottom of the bottle."

Rey ignored the pang in her chest, "He wasn't a fan of the Force, then?"

Leia laughed outright at that. It was a sorrowful sound. "Heavens no. He was suspicious of it before, tolerant of it by the time the Republic had reinstated themselves, and then just outright hated it when he saw what it did to Ben."

She hesitated, and Rey could see the General was debating whether to say more. Eventually, she did, and when she spoke her voice was low, almost as if she were speaking to herself. "Han did only his best to comfort Ben when the terrors would come. But he never understood it, and he hated that he was unable to fix his own son."

Rey was utterly captivated. She wasn't sure whether it was honest intrigue or morbid curiosity, but she found herself oddly fascinated hearing about this person that existed before he became Kylo Ren. It unsettled Rey. As much as she found it fascinating, she didn't want to know him as anything more than a monster. She didn't want to feel anything but hate for him.

Leia did not continue speaking about him. She was staring at an unfixed point on the inactive emitter, lost deep in thought. Unpleasant or troubling thoughts, by the look on her face.

They sat in silence for quite a while, wrapped in their own thoughts.

To be honest, Rey was rather perplexed as to why the Leia Organa was being so familial with her. Scratch that, Rey thought, she was confused as to why everyone was being so open with her. Finn trusted her right from the get-go, Han offered her a job, Chewie seemed to have practically adopted her, and Poe had focussed on making sure she was okay. Now, here was the General of the Resistance sharing her private life with her. What was Rey to them? She was just a scavenger; a nobody.

Rey couldn't have possibly been very important in any way. She was just left on Jakku after all, and despite all her hope, she knew in her heart that Maz Kanata was right. Her family wasn't coming back. Frack, she didn't even know if it had been her family that had left her there in the first place. Did she want to do something about it? Of course! That's why she had taken a stranger's hand to deliver a droid. But to receive such care and attention? Rey had spent her entire life fighting to simply exist. Was this what other people experienced? Was this normal? Rey had no way of knowing.

It has made you strong.

Rey's heart leapt into her throat, but this time she stayed calm. She needed to. She couldn't have General Leia find out about this. Whatever this was.

Talking with my mother. How sweet.

He was composed, and his mind was tranquil against hers. It was a stark contrast to the contorted mayhem that had been his mind earlier.

You caught me at a bad time.

Good, she thought spitefully.

I was rather impressed. I'd read of such 'bonds' before, but never thought much of them till-

Stop! Please just stop! She practically screamed in her thoughts, and her heart crashed wildly against her chest.

Kylo Ren fell silent.

Rey was shocked. Was that even sufficient? Is that how one talked through the Force? Just…Think something?

He was still silent, but there was a thrumming in the back of her mind that indicated his continued presence. Rey swore at herself for leaving her mind open yet again, and she had an ill feeling that it would be a continuous issue.

Only, Kylo Ren was still silent.

Rey groaned inwardly at what she was about to do.

Can you hear me like this? She intentionally projected the question to him.

Yes, he answered, but only when you consciously direct at me. I am ashamed to admit it, but at this distance, I can't do much more than brush at your mind without your consent. I can only hear that which you intend. Suddenly, there was admiration blossoming over the bond, and a twinge of jealousy. Yet, you managed to get into my head. You. And untrained Force Sensitive who claims to be a no-one. My question, now there was amusement, was what you were intending to see in there.

Nothing! Rey spat back. I never intended to get into your mind! I never wanted this- this tether. She sincerely hoped, wherever he was, that he was recoiling from the anger she lashed across the connection. If anything, she could sense he was startled at her sudden outburst. You did this-

I did not- He spluttered, but she cut him off.

-And I want nothing to do with you! Now GET OUT of my head!

I JUST said I couldn't get in by myself! There was the anger she knew as Kylo Ren, and it gave her a sick satisfaction to have cracked his calm. This was all you, Rey. I can ONLY get into your head when you LET ME.

GET. OUT. She shoved him back with a fury, hopefully scorching him in the process, and the bond fell cold. But Rey was still fuming. She wanted him to taste blood. She wanted to be the one to make him bleed.

"Rey?"

Leia's soft voice pulled her from her own mind. Rey could finally hear how hard she was breathing.

"Are you alright? Do you need air?"

Rey gasped, reeling from the poisonous words that man had said.

"I-I'm sorry, General, I need to go. I-"

"Please, go get some fresh air, and try get some decent sleep." Leia eyed Rey apprehensively as she staggered up from the chair and steadied herself.

"Rey!" Leia called her back just as she had reached the door.

"Yes, General?" Rey's voice was withered.

Leia eyed her for a moment, again carefully choosing her words, "You've been through a truly distressing time for you, and I do want you to know that you can talk to any one of us should it become too much."

Rey nodded quickly before ducking out the door and fleeing back to the Millennium Falcon. If anyone tried to call her attention on the way there, she didn't notice.

She didn't look around, she didn't think, and she barely even dared to breathe till she was back safely inside the Falcon.

'Decent sleep'? Rey didn't think it was possible.

At first, she passed it off as fear of him lurking on the outskirts of her consciousness, but when she had paced the passageways of the Falcon till her feet ached, and eventually fell into the co-pilots chair, she knew that was not the case.

No, Rey was scared of something far more sinister to her. That vision, her entering his mind, and all that scathing hate that just felt so exceptionally satisfying to this new side of her. That was all her, and the Force within her.

Rey huddled into the chair, wrapping a coarse blanket around her. Kylo had been right. It was intoxicating. She felt poisoned and she was needed help to control it. Rey knew she needed to find Luke, she just didn't know if she was ready for that. Besides, there was still a large part of the map missing, and Rey didn't know where to start. She supposed- no, hoped- she would have a better mind-set in the morning.

But sleep was an elusive respite, and Rey was a faltering seeker.