Chapter 2: Depression and Goodbyes

Raijin0794

DISCLAIMER: All characters (except for OC characters like Raiden) mentioned and used in this fanfiction are the creative works of Masashi Kishimoto and belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.

# = Time skip & scene breaks

'Boo' = thought

"boo" = speaking

My second life in the narutoverse

Depression and Goodbyes

My whole damn life or second life feels like something straight out of a fanfiction, after my world shattering discovery of being reborn in the Naruto world my mental state took a turn for the worse. I'm sure from my mother's perspective I was the perfect baby only crying when I was hungry or needed changing, which is somewhat normal for a baby however other than doing those things I would just lay in my crib and stare at the ceiling. My new mother obviously was just that, a new mother because she didn't find any of my behavior strange in fact I would say she probably felt like she was doing a good job. Someone with a background in psychology would probably say I was depressed if they could spot the signs in a however old I was baby, and they would be right I was sad as hell. I lost my relatively comfortable life and got reborn in a world where they basically raise children to be soldiers and no one has a problem with that.

Hell, I was civilian as they come, not to mention a total pacifist, don't get me wrong I would fight if my life and loved ones was at stake but other than that I hated fighting and flinched any time someone moved to fast in my general direction. So, believe me when I say laying in my crib and thinking about how my past life in comparison to what I had to look forward to in this life made me a very depressed baby.

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It probably took me about 3 or 4 months to really get over my depression and come to accept the fact that this was my life now and I was just going to have to deal with it. So, me knowing what I know about the Naruto universe I had a lot of planning to go through, I needed to figure out what time period I was in, who my father was, whether or not I wanted to become a ninja, and the most pressing concern for me was determining whether or not my new mother was a member of the Uzumaki clan because if she was then I could cross being a civilian off my list of things I could be in my future. That would also paint a giant target on my back for kidnapping and considering we actually lived in Konoha I would have to fear kidnapping from the inside of the village as well, especially sense people like Danzo lurked in the shadows just waiting for another weapon to be found as he would most likely put it.

After thinking about all the things, I needed to learn I threw myself into figuring out this language because God knows or maybe I should say Kami knows Japanese was extremely different from English and it would definitely take me a while to actually learn how to speak it fluently. Luckily being completely immersed in the language by my new mother who just so happened to be a chatter box, even to her 4-month-old son, made learning new words and sentences a lot easier. While learning Japanese from my mother I found that I actually grasped concepts of the language way faster than I could in my past life which lead me to the theory that this new body I was in had a brain that processed information a lot faster than I could in my old body. Speaking of new bodies this body itched like crazy, it felt like lightning was running through every muscle fiber, artery, nerve, and organ. It was driving me absolutely crazy and I'm sure that if I had been a normal baby I would be screaming my lungs out from the discomfort I felt within my body. It wasn't overly painful it was just ridiculously annoying and distracting, I could only assume this was my chakra network being formed and the fact that I had a little less than 5 excruciatingly long years to wait before this would subside was not helping things.

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8 Months later and I was turning 1, let me just say that my new body was freaking amazing I got this language down in 8 FREAKING MONTHS! I still haven't said my first words to mother yet because I wanted to make sure that I met every milestone at a normal baby's speed. Being a genius only equaled a sad and depressing life as well as having the eyes of people I definitely did not want to watch me cough-Danzo-cough. So, during those 8 months of intense language immersion I figured out that my luck was shit because it turns out that my mother was in fact an Uzumaki and she hid said fact from the village leaders when she became a citizen of Konoha. If you're asking how she hid said fact from freaking ninja well that's simple, hair dye apparently exists in this world and my dear mother decided to dye our hair black. I swear to kami if this stuff is toxic and I lose brain cells because of my new mother's air headedness I'm going to become the most intolerable toddler she has ever had the displeasure of encountering.

Personally, I doubt that dear old mom was able to pull a fast one on Hiruzen Sarutobi, especially considering she has the same personality of one Kushina Uzumaki and I'm pretty sure the hokage would notice such a…. unique? personality? Luckily, I was still in her bag at the time (damn oblivious new mothers and their life ending shenanigans) so Hiruzen probably doesn't know about me just yet, though it did feel like someone was staring rather intently in my direction during their conversation. I really hope there weren't any sensors in the room because if so then Hiruzen probably knows that there are now 3 Uzumakis in Konoha instead of the…. ugh whatever I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

One thing I figured out about my mother is that she isn't very healthy, apparently the pregnancy did a number on her body and she is apparently getting weaker by the day. Again, my luck is shit, I get a brand-new life after being murdered and then find out that my mother might not even make it to my 4th birthday. What kind of Kami forsaken second life is this, I don't know who my father is, my mother is dying, and I just might become an orphan in a village that breeds child soldiers… THIS LIFE IS BULL SHIT! I bet she came to Konoha hoping that Tsunade would be here but now she has no hope of getting better and is probably scared that we would never make it to another village with the way that her health was slowly deteriorating. I would have been completely oblivious if I hadn't learned the language as quickly as I did and overheard her talking to what I assume was a doctor, I guess she figured I wouldn't understand what she was saying.

I sat down one day and thought of how I treated Tokiwa which is my mother's name and I found that at the very least I was growing to love her as my mother and it was time I started treating her like the mother I was starting to see her as. So, I stood up and I walked to my mother in her bed room and I looked into those beautiful teal eyes crawled into her arms and brought her forehead to my foreheads and I said my first sentence to my new mother. "Okaasan I love you" my mother froze her eyes grew wider and wider after each word and then they softened. "I love you too Raiden" I was surprised and I'm pretty sure it showed on my face by the laughter that came from my mother, she always struck me as the lose it after your baby's first word type of mother. "I already knew you could talk Raiden, I just thought you had your reasons for not doing so, but I'm glad to hear that you love me" I could feel my face heating up from embarrassment and shame for hiding the fact that I could speak from her, "I'm sorry Okaasan I didn't mean to hide it" she laughed again and then said, "it's alright Raiden I don't mind that you waited until now to speak to me." That was the moment that I fully came to accept Tokiwa Uzumaki as my mother in this second life of mine and I promised myself that I would love her with everything I had until her final breathe.

I broke our bonding moment after a couple of minutes of just enjoying each other's presence and asked the question that I had been dreading the answer to, "how long?" Mother looked at me quizzically and said, "eh, how long what rai-kun?" I looked at my mother for a moment and then said, "kaa-san I heard you talking to the doctor, I…I want to know how long we have together" my mother's eyes held so much sadness and resignation in them that I could feel my heart dropping into the pit of my stomach. "The doctor told me I have about 3 years left so long as I don't do anything to weaken my body further" I looked into her eyes and tried my best to smile and hide the ache in my chest, "I promise to make these next 3 years the best 3 years of your life" My mother laughed as tears started to form in her eyes, "you're such a sweet boy always thinking of others, but I don't want you to sacrifice any of your time you could spend making friends and having fun hanging out with me all the time." I shook my head, "No kaa-san I want to spend as much time as I possibly can with you, I promise I will still make friends and play but I just want to spend most of my time with you." She smiled with the tears streaming down her face, "alright rai-kun so long as you don't spend all of your time just trying to please me then that's fine." We just stayed together the entire day just talking and laughing, I got to learn more about my mother and our clan. When I asked about my father all she said was, "you'll meet him when he's ready to meet you, right now he isn't ready but don't worry he will be." I really didn't know what to make of that so I just put it to the back of my mind and continued the conversation with my mother well into the night. She never did question how intelligent I was, it almost seemed like she expected me to be this smart which only made me want to know who my father was even more because no offense to mom but it definitely didn't come from her. I'm glad I decided to speak to her though, I feel like we wouldn't have bonded this much if I had waited a couple more months, still second or first Tokiwa will always be seen as my mother for the rest of this life and beyond.

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3 years later and its time, I stand holding her hand as she smiles weakly at me while sitting in her hospital bed. Her breathing grew weaker as she looked me in the eyes and said, "rai-kun I know you're not like other children, over these 3 years I watched you grow I saw the intelligence you tried to hide from others, but I also saw your kindness, the way you would help people without letting them know you were helping or the way you would play with other kids even though it only taxed you mentally, I'm telling you all these things because I don't want you to hide rai-kun, help people but don't hide from them, your too kind to be such a lonesome boy, make friends rai-kun real friends people that will stick with you through it all and whether the storm with you, and I'm so sorry I can't be with you through it all physically but know that when I'm gone I will always be there no matter how lonely you may feel, just remember that I will always be with you and that I…will…love…you…..always." Her eyes that looked like the clearest sea slowly dimed and I shook with grief "Kaa-san please don't go… I'm not ready, please" I sobbed into her stomach looking exactly like the child my physical appearance portrayed me as. I slowly remembered the past 3 years I spent with her, her laugh, her cry, her admonishing tone, her love, her smile, the way the world seemed so much brighter on top of her shoulders. I tried so hard to be strong for her but when she breathed no more my world shattered again and all I felt was grief and loneliness. I wanted to send her off with a smile and as much love as I could but all I could give her was a broken-hearted…. "goodbye." TO BE CONTINUED…

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This took way longer than I thought it would and I'm still not sure how I feel about this chapter but the idea was to kind of speed past the baby days and kind of get to a point where I could explore the village and meet people. I know Tokiwa didn't exactly get that much character development but honestly, she never would have been that big of a character anyways. This fic is mainly going to focus on my OC's relationship with his father, but anyway let me know what you guys think of this chapter I'm still trying to get dialogue down its really hard but I still had fun writing this, have a good day and thanks for reading.