Author's Note: This is for underhandlilies, who gave me the idea. Much love to you! :D

Edited 9/8/11

Intelligent Conversation

My son wrote to me about you once. 'Zero attention span. Restless as a little puppy.' ~ Gillian Hewley

Demonic growls blared from the television, closely followed by the high-pitched screams of a terrified woman. The scene flashed from the charging wolf to the fleeing girl, who ran through the woods in nothing but a scanty nightgown that barely covered her underwear. A root jutting out from the leaves caught her foot and caused her to stumble while she looked back, giving the wolf ample time to catch up.

It briefly dawned on Cloud that her attire was one of the most ridiculous things he'd ever seen; after all, who went walking in the woods in nothing but their underclothing? Then the wolf lunged for her throat and he returned to hiding under his blanket.

A sharp slap landed on his hip, startling him. "You're missing the best part, Cloud!"

Cloud rolled his eyes, gripping the blanket tighter. Leave it to Genesis to enjoy seeing some innocent lady get ripped to pieces by a werewolf. "I can't watch!"

"This coming from an infantryman who has accompanied me on missions?" He could practically see Genesis shaking his head. "You're never going to make it into SOLDIER at this rate. The blood gushing out of the hole in her neck is so obviously fake, and poorly done, if I might add..."

"Genesis!" Cloud screeched, the image of a dead, mangled woman forever burned into his mind by his overactive imagination. The fact that he could still hear the snarling and ripping of human flesh from the movie didn't do anything to help. His stomach churned and some of the dumbapple pie he'd eaten for dessert threatened to make its way back up his throat. In all honesty, he would have preferred watching Loveless for the thirty-second time instead of the horror film the commander had chosen.

At least then he would have gotten some sleep.

Much to his dismay, Genesis continued to commentate. "Ugh, there goes her heart," he said. "I once saw a monster do that to an infantryman. Clawed open his chest and ripped his heart right out!"

Cloud ran for the bathroom.

"I think Zack is a werewolf."

Genesis blinked. His pen halted on its journey across the paper, leaving his signature as Genesis Rha. Setting the writing instrument aside, he looked up to see Cloud standing in front of his desk. "Excuse me?"

"Zack is a werewolf!" he repeated, flinging his arms in the air and waving them around in a rather panicked fashion.

After coming out of a meeting with Lazard about his 'less than desirable attitude' towards the regular army, the spastic blond was not something Genesis wanted to deal with. It would prove Lazard's point.

"Cloud..." he said at length, folding his hands, "werewolves don't exist."

"Aha!"

Genesis jumped at the loud exclamation accompanied by a finger pointed in his face.

"But they are real, because I've discovered that Zack is one," Cloud said triumphantly. "According to that movie-"

No more horror films, Genesis added to his mental list of what not to do around Cloud.

"-werewolves are shapeshifters who only turn into their true form on the full moon."

The cadet's eyes were slightly red and dark circles had begun to form underneath them, giving him a slightly crazed look. "Did you get any sleep last night?" Genesis asked.

"Sleep with Zack on the loose? Are you insane?"

"That was just a movie, Cloud. There's no such things as shapeshifters or werewolves..."

"But I can prove that Zack is one!"

Sighing, Genesis dragged a hand through his hair. How on Gaia was he supposed to get out of this one? He supposed he could always just throw Cloud out the window, no one would notice him gone, but the idea was less than appealing. After all, the unenhanced infantryman probably wouldn't survive the fall, and then he'd be stuck with Sephiroth for conversation again.

He'd rather do paperwork.

"Cloud. Zack. Is not. A werewolf."

The blond leaned over the desk and glanced around in a conspiratorial manner that Genesis thought was ridiculous. "Why do you think Angeal nicknamed him 'Puppy?'"

"Because he's hyperact-"

"BECAUSE ANGEAL KNOWS HE'S A WEREWOLF!"

"Angeal doesn't believe in that kind of stuff-"

"And his hair! Have you seen Zack's hair?"

"You know I have, Cloud..."

"From the back, he looks just like a wolf! There's no denying that!"

"Cloud, from the back, you look like a chocobo. Does that make you a were-cobo?"

For a moment, it looked like the cadet might actually slap him. Genesis would have him doing toilet duty, but he still wished Cloud would just do it and show some fight for once. But the blond simply clenched his fists at his sides. So much for that.

"I do not look like a chocobo!" he pouted. "Besides, I can't turn into one. But I'm positive Zack can turn into a wolf! He's even got wolfy senses!"

Genesis buried his face in his hands. "And what 'wolfy senses' would those be?"

"He can hear people whispering practically across a room-"

"Mako."

"-he's got the strength of a behemoth-"

"Mako."

"-and he can smell food on the floors above and below him."

"We're SOLDIER!" Genesis exclaimed. "Mako makes us all capable of doing things normal humans can't."

The blond's eyes narrowed; a sure sign he was going into overdrive. "He eats the meat from the cafeteria," he practically whispered. "And he likes it!"

Genesis groaned, massaging one of his temples. He was starting to get a headache. "He's crazy, Cloud. Mad. Insane. Cracked. Off his rocker. Coming unglued. Take your pick."

"You're missing the point!" Cloud slammed his hands down on the desk. "Zack is obviously a werewolf!"

Finally, Genesis snapped. He shot to his feet, mimicking the cadet's dramatic hand-to-table antics. "You know what? Fine!" he hissed. "Zack's a werewolf! Go shoot him with a silver bullet if you want! But leave me alone or you'll be dangling by your ankles from the forty-ninth floor, without your underwear this time!"

However upset Cloud was, he wasn't upset enough not to understand the treat was deadly-serious. "You'll be sorry you didn't listen to me when he comes to rip your heart out!" he spat, spinning on his heel and marching out of the office.

Slumping back into his chair, Genesis allowed himself a noisy, frustrated sigh. Leave it to Cloud to get the absolute most absurd ideas in his head. Although, the more he thought about it, Zack really did act like a dog sometimes. Maybe there was some gravity to Cloud's theory after all.

Perhaps it was something in the Mako, Genesis thought with a smirk. He wouldn't put it past Hojo to throw some animal cells in any of their Mako shots. Shuddering, Genesis thanked the Goddess he was treated by Hollander. But then, if his theory was correct, maybe that was why Sephiroth was so catlike...

There was still one thing prodding at Genesis' conscience, regardless of whether he wanted it to or not. Pulling out his PHS, he sent a text to Angeal. If the Puppy was in any sort of danger, Angeal would have his skin if he ever found out he was indirectly responsible.

Hey Angeal, keep Zack away from Cloud. He's gotten it in his head that Zack's a werewolf and that we're all in danger. I know he's only a cadet, but I'm not sure what he's capable of when he's mad like this.

Genesis snorted at the mental image of the 'were-cobo' chasing the 'werewolf' through the halls, brandishing whatever absurd weapon he'd chosen and screaming nonsense, then pressed send.

A/N: Oh Cloud, what are we going to do with you? Happy belated Birthday to him, by the way. I was going to include it on the first chapter, but I forgot! D:

Got any strange ideas about the other SOLDIERs or Turks? Leave them in a review! Because I like hearing from you guys :) You make my day when you tell me I've made yours.

RegenesisX