A/N

Again - without you, justayellowumbrella, where would I be?

And a very special thank you to you, madaboutdanny, and to your comment - it meant the world to me! And I really hope you stick with me.

Also thank you, Coljayjay, M E Lover and scully1138. Your comments made me go on!

Harold stopped for the umpteenth time on the keyboard. What he had wanted to do...it wasn't lost, but it wasn't that important anymore. Only a bug to be fixed, but it had been a welcome excuse. For being here, in his sanctuary. And nowhere else.

"Will you spend tonight with me?"

He couldn't work. He really couldn't. John was the whole time on his mind. John...and his last look. So much silent sadness, he could have almost touched it, although John had tried to hide the feeling behind a mask. It was more than Harold could bear with.

"Finch I would never expect you to act against your will and your conviction because of me. I am truly sorry. I was misled to think your feelings were going… in the same direction."

What was John thinking?

He must have known...about the risk. About the blow their friendship would take. But how important it was must have steered him. John had calculated for a no as well, he knew him. He rushed sometimes head over toe into situations, but not in this one.

So why did he suggest...such a thing? Harold tried to wrap his head around it but he did not really come to a satisfying conclusion. Nor to a solution to this whole mess. All he knew was John's almost tender approach to the situation. Inviting him to a bar. Making him a bit tipsy? Talking about feelings. And asking about Grace.

"Forgive me, Harold."

One night. Had he ever thought about John...as a lover? As someone this close to his heart? He wasn't from the beginning – but he had become someone almost as close as Grace to his heart. Someone who knew more of his real life than anyone ever before. Nathan had known about the Machine, assumed about Grace, but not much more.

Harold tried to take it step by step. The women he knew from John's life, what would they tell about him?

Judging from the outside, John was handsome. A lot of looks followed him wherever he went. Not only by women, but by men also as he had learned tonight. How would he classify him...skilled? Yes. Zoe Morgan wouldn't turn to a less skilled man in bed, he was sure of. Judging from the inside, John was beautiful as well. Tender? Loving? Caring? That would appeal to Dr. Iris Campbell – and to Jessica as well, he suspected.

He simply couldn't bring his mind to stop thinking about John. It was like the zeros and ones that had always fascinated him. But tonight it was the human heart. John's heart, to be exactly. How could John have wanted him for his bed companion? Harold was no one to deceive himself. He was not handsome and beautiful, not at all. It was still a mystery to him.

Harold shook his head. It simply could not be. He was not…interested in men. Neither was John. Not in that way, anyway. But his inner voice told him it wasn't about that. John and he shared something different. They had gone from mistrust and odd behavior to trust and deep friendship. Saving their lives so many times, mutually. Sticking together through good and bad.

"You were really thinking this proposition last night would make me slip under your sheets?"

Harold cringed at his answer given to John. More than surprised, he had been indignant how John could bring up such a subject. Looking back, he had sounded most deeply offended.

But he couldn't just stand around and do nothing, either. There was a force in him that drove him back to John. A need to talk this through, again. To understand.

Determined, Harold left the computer panel as it was and left the subway car, picking up his jacket along the way. He knew John resided in their safe house. And that's where he headed now.

"The answer is no, John."

John had flinched upon hearing Harold's words. What was he only thinking? But Harold had taken it all the wrong way. He would never seduce him if he didn't want to be seduced. He simply had tried to make Finch stay a night with him…open for all possibilities. Because to put it simply, John hadn't wanted to stay this last night alone, and he clearly thought it could be. It was okay with him. Without Harold — he wouldn't live anymore anyway.

But he couldn't hinder himself feeling the sadness that swept so fully over him. After all, he had hoped...that Harold would comprehend why of all people John wanted to be with him. To experience. To engage in a new situation and to get involved.

"In the same direction? Are you aware what you are implying?"

How could John have told him he was open to all things? Even if they stayed completely dressed in a bed together? He had just wanted...to have Harold at his side, being close to him, for one night – or especially, for this night. He had not anticipated such...indignation. Upsetting reaction. Dismay, close to abhorrence.

John's defense had crumbled in view of Harold's obvious rejection. He stood up.

"I was hoping you would understand, Harold. Excuse me for making a pass at you."

John sighed and was fully aware to what extent this could go tomorrow. Had he lost Finch's friendship, too, after he had left for good?

When Harold arrived at the safe house, it was oddly quiet.

Harold hesitated upon entering the rooms, but John was nowhere to be found. Should he track him down? This wasn't how it was supposed to be...

There would be no way back from this. But Harold decided to stay put where he was.

When he came home, John knew at once that somebody had been in the house. Finch?

He found him in the kitchen, working on a computer.

"Harold. What are you doing here?"

Harold got up from his chair and looked down on his hands, embarrassed.

"I wanted to apologize, John. "

It took a moment before John was able to answer.

"I'm listening."

Harold nodded and clenched his hands around the table.

"After thinking quite a bit about it, I know now that my words were harsh and accusing and harmful. I was surprised about your personal questions and started to feel uncomfortable about the whole subject."

This pulled a reaction from John. He wanted to say something, but Harold raised his hands briefly.

"I'm not done, John. - In other words, I was never expecting…a proposition from you."

Harold paused for a moment.

"I was convinced…after all…that you preferred women. Like me. Your history shows nothing of the contrary."

John intervened gently.

"You know this is not the point here."

"I thought as much, but still…" Harold fiddled about his next words, "…still you have to explain to me…what made you think of me as someone…you consider taking into your bed?"

With the last spoken words, Harold couldn't avoid some blushing.

There was a tender smile on John's face.

"You."

"Me?"

"You need a better description?"

"Seriously, John. - If you want me to stay, enlighten me."

Still, Harold could not look into John's eyes, although John's stayed the whole time on his face.

"Fair enough." John inhaled deeply and tried to find the right words.

"I wanted to spend some time with you. With you alone. Like…in the beginning and closer…than ever before. I wanted to give us both a moment, not thinking of tomorrow. And the only way for distraction…would be you and me in bed together."

Here, John couldn't suppress another smile, but Harold didn't look up. At least, he was listening. Hesitantly, John continued.

"The passionate way you handle your programming made me always wonder if you were the same way in bed. I wanted to find out about the really private person tonight. - Sorry for my outspoken thoughts."