Ja: Did you know Fujisaki means Wisteria Cape? Oh and I dedicate this to Mortheza this is for you babe.

Animal I Have Become

The first thing I noticed as consciousness wrapped around my brain was that where I was, was much too bright. I groaned and tried to roll over. That ability was lost to me. I slowly cracked open my eyes only to scrunch them closed, it was way too bright. Then the throbbing started, low barely unrecognizable until I tried to move my hands. Then sharp pain hat made my eyes fly open, and the room came in to bright focus.

A hospital?

I looked around to see my cousin worryingly holding his forehead against his thumbs. I tried to speak but my throat rebelled, then I tried to reach out to him. Finding the motion still lost even though consciousness had been fully aroused. I looked down at my arms. They were bound in semi-tight cuffs to the bed.

I groaned again and hit my head against the pillow. What had I done last night? Why was Touma here? And why was I bound up in a hospital? I continued to his my head against the pillows. I looked over as teal eyes fell on mine.

"Suguru!" Touma stood up and looked at me with pity. I wanted to growl, but the whole concept of my voice was lost to me. I couldn't groan anymore. Touma saw my distress and got me some water.

"Touma. What the fuck am I doing in a hospital?"

"They didn't think you'd make it."

"What are you talking about?" I tried to sit up, failing miserably.

"You came to my house and were freaking out, then you tried to kill yourself." I blinked then shrugged looking at the water again. He took mercy on my poor throat and gave me some.

"So?" I said.

"So? You could have died Sugi." My cousin's cold shell breaking. Obviously, the fact that I wasn't deterred by this information upset him. I tried to remember last night's events. At the bar, mysterious man buying me drinks. Flirting, bathroom, on my knees. Masao , that was his name, the drugs. Using the drugs.

"Sugi."I looked at my cousin. His voice, now, stern "The police were notified at the attempted suicide, and when they checked your blood for your type they found the rennets of Amanita Muscaria. The police have been notified about that as well."

"Shit." So I was going to go to jail and do time for my attempted suicide and the drugs. Oh holy fucking shit.

"However. I called your parents and they are on their. . ."

"Why did you have to call them?" I needed a cigarette, I needed a joint, or maybe a shot.

"They are your parents! Now, back to business. I talked to the police and told them that I would enroll you in a rehab program. . ."

"I won't go." Touma glared at me, and I glared back, taking in my cousin's disheveled appearance. So he rushed me here after I must have slit my wrists.

"You will go, you have no other choice." He said that flatly, it wasn't up for debate. " There is a nice place in the States." I started to laugh. " Suguru! Listen to me. The rehab center which is called Malibu Echo. It is in-"

"I do hope it is in New York." I laughed at the shocked look on my cousin's face. The power of being little and eavesdropping.

"Suguru." Touma said sharply. I just looked at him like an angel. "It's in California. It's a very good clinic. You will be leaving as soon as you are recuperated, and you will make up the last year of school you missed."

"Going to get me a tutor now? You know Touma those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it." He glared are me.

"You will get your life back on track." My parent's came bursting through the door.

"Sugi! Oh Suguru we came as soon as we heard the news we were do worr-"

"Please, Izumi if you don't mind me saying." My cousin said with a serene smile on his face. "You were not worried. Not now nor ever."

"Touma how can yo say that?"

"Well considering all the track marks on his arms. I think that should have been an indicator."

"Touma I don't understan-" My father started.

"Look at your son, Kenrou, take a good look at him and tell me how it was hard to miss the downward spiral." The smile still on his face. I thought about my own appearance, was coke skinny (1). Which would make sense, I did do cocaine. My unkept hair from when I was little had grown out. It was about down to my chin and really in need of a washing. Bruises from lovers, and haters lingered on my body.

My style of dress had changed dramatically, I used to dress conservatively. Now, Tight low riders, shirts that were barely there. Heels, make up, and jewelry. Completed most of my outfits. Hell I had gone underground to find some shady asshole to pierce my tongue. I was longing for more piercings but the guy that did my tongue wound up in jail.

"Touma you are not his father, or his mother." My father started.

"Neither are you, prick." I said glaring at my father. "You abandoned me, a long time ago I am my own parent."

"A horrible one at that." Touma said turning that smile at me. "You are going to rehab, and you will get your life on track. You will make up for your lost year of school, and when you come back you will live with me for some time. Until I see fit. Understand?" I opened my mouth, and his head cocked to the side and he smiled again.

"I'm glad you understand Sugi." With that he left the room.

"Suguru, what do you think your doing running to Touma like that."

"Shut up. Listen I didn't mean to. I liked how my life was going, fucking bad shrooms, fucking Masao. Fucking Touma." I grumbled.

"Suguru, listen, why didn't you talk to us?" My mother said coming to clutch my hand I tried to bat it away.

"Do you remember at Touma and Mika's wedding when you told me to stop sitting by you because I was fidgeting. I met a man that day and he guided me to a path. I liked that path, a cold despondent path. But some sort of path."

"What do you mean?"

"He was bored with the whole exchanging vows thing and I was standing beside him almost asleep, he asked me if I wanted to go outside. I had my first cigarette that day, and for once I felt like I could talk to someone, but words weren't necessary."

"Sugu–"

"I liked it with him, I liked that feeling of life with out a voice. Just look. What's the song. Oh shit, how does it go. . . 'If looks could really kill. . .then my profession would be staring. . .' something like that."

"Su–"

"Oh yes. And" I was manic, shrooms could do that, I was giddy and laughing cracking sick smiles. "I am a homo-sex-u-al! I am a poof. I like it up the –"

"Suguru Fujisaki" My father shouted, I shut up but still giggled. "You will shut up, you disgusting cretin. You will get better and you will live with Touma until you behave like a normal human being."

"I am a desperate human being, so I get what love I can."

"You disgust me." My father said as he led my mother out of the room. I was laughing, laughing till I blacked out because I couldn't breathe.

"Fujisaki-san, Fujisaki-san." A sweet voice whispered in my ear. I slowly opened my eyes, confused then remembering.

"Yes?" I said slowly. Feeling the binding's on my wrist loosen, then disappear.

"Touma-san asked me to come get you. So you can have a cigarette." I quietly confided my love for my cousin. Thanking him.

She led me out to a small court yard that patients used to visit something green and to use as a place to smoke. I looked for my cousin and in his hand shone a shining glory. Angels suddenly appeared and played the most heavenly of chorus's as my cousin held the small cylinder of euphoria.

I approached him and watched as he drew it up and took a drag. Then I got scared, my cousin only smoked with he was beyond angry and into homicidal mode, or to unwind once and a while. I thought for how he reacted he was in homicidal mode. I knew I had to go to him. I took a deep breath then swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Yes, Touma?" I said once I was in ear-shot. His eyes meeting mine. All right he wasn't in homicidal mode. He took out the pack and a lighter handing me one. With some difficulty I got it out of the pack, and Touma took pity and lit it for me. That was better, I was still being nagged at for a line or a hit or something but I knew I would never do any of that again.

"I am disappointed in you." It felt like a hot knife into a cold heart.

"Touma, I am sorry. . .I will go to rehab. I have to get better." I hoped it was what he wanted to hear. He smiled at me as I inhaled.

"I know Sugi-chan. I know you'd get better for me." He reached out and brought me into a hug.

"I love you Sugi-chan, and I will protect you no matter what." I knew what meaning those words held. I had seen him with Yuki-san. The over protective coddling that man was given by my cousin.

"I love you too Touma."

"Good., because if you didn't I'd die." I thought for a moment, as my cousin pulled away from the embrace.

"Touma. This rehab center won't make me stop some of my other. . .traits will it?"

"No, it's a drug, alcohol, and self-mutilation rehab center. They are nice people and they have been very kind to let me admit you under such precarious circumstances.

"Good. because I like parts of me that I am now."

"I just want you off things that kill those precious brain cells Sugi-chan. I wouldn't want certain parts of you to change for anyone ir anything." Little did I know what those words held.

"So what if you can see the darker side of me. No one can save me from this animal I have become. Come on and help me believe, it's not the real me."

(1) You know looks like most models?