Author's note Dear Reader, as expected unless original characters (such as Uncle Wallace) all characters and background plots are the property of WB, Lois & Clark TV show, and who ever else has rights and ownership. This is simply an exercise in writing that I hope you to enjoy and except for seeing a story accomplished this writer has no gain from writing this except to offer you - reader - something to enjoy reading.
This chapter is based on "Honeymoon in Metropolis" written by Daniel Levine
Chapter 2: Honeymoon
Date: Friday December 3, 1993)
Lois Lane figured she had a new definition for exhausted. She never looked forward more to the end of the business day on a Friday then she did that day. There were many reasons she could count off her fingers why she had a right to pamper herself that weekend, many and they all boiled down to Clark Kent.
There was the resurfacing memories of being under the pheromone spray, to which she'd thrown up when she first remembered. The awful memory that City Hall lady how she'd tested her and Clark, declaring them of sound mind... She shook her head, then there was the adjusting and trying to get their friendship restored. He was supposed to be her brother type friend, not husband. If Lois Lane ever married for real, she thought, it would be to someone more dashing then country Clark Kent. Superman, or Lex Luthor perhaps. Of course the stress the week before had escalated with Thanksgiving and the biggest argument that year between her parents.
Then after three times that week oversleeping, she'd made a reservation at the Lexor Hotel for the weekend, a weekend of self pampering.
"Lois, are you going somewhere?" Clark stared at Lois as she closed up her desk for the weekend, pulling out a travel bag from under desk at promptly 5pm. Jimmy, Cat, Perry and Clark, all zoomed in on her, making bets as to what breaking story Lois Lane was after now.
"I'm not going on a story, I do have a personal life." She glared at him. "Alright if you must know I am checking into the Lexor Hotel for a night of pure relaxation. You want to see my reservation?"
"Yes." Clark took it, holding it up for Perry to stare with him at the reservation. "Honeymoon Suite?" Clark raised his eyebrows.
"It was the only thing available." Lois crossed her arms.
"Lois Lane in the honeymoon suite?" Cat laughed.
"Stranger things have happened." Jimmy joined in the laughter.
Perry pointed to Lois. "Now, Lois, the idea of you spending the night just relaxing is a little far fetched..."
"Oh Yea of little faith." Lois grabbed her bag and marched out of the news room, determined to enjoy her night of Lois Lane time. No annoying secret husband she thought, smiling. With her worse then normal PMS this month, that would be quite nice.
DATE: Saturday, December 4, 1993
Lois was relaxing in the heart shaped jacuzzi that night, enjoying the thick layer of bubbles surrounding her. "Mmmmm." She said softly, enjoying herself. She was startled when the phone rang a few minutes later. "Yes?"
"Working hard?" She heard Clark say, why she could even imagine him smirking at her.
"No Clark, I'm Relaxing." She clarified, though, earlier it hadn't felt like it it. She had been so bloated she'd barely been able to eat anything all day.
"Yea Right. How's the view?"
View. She looked, barely avoiding dropping the phone into the water as she concentrated on the office building outside her hotel room. Lois did a double take, realizing that there was a scoop with a story waiting. "It's wonderful, it's... I don't believe it."
"You don't believe what? Lois?"
"Yes. Yes! Yes it's wonderful just wonderful. Congressman Harrington?"
She heard Clark's voice crack on the end of the line. "Lois are you ok?"
"Yes." She cried, as though in ecstasy.
"How's the bed?" He asked, his own mind flashing up images of a few weeks before.
"Oh... Uh... Bed..., the bed is just great. Clark, I'm in the jacuzzi, can you just hold on for a second." She scrambled for her bag near the bath for her camera, turning towards the window and taking pictures of the suspicious trade happening in the office building across the street.
"Lois... Lois... Hello... Lois..." He stammered.
"Yes, Clark, Yes."
Her voice, he thought, brought memories springing back of their wedding night. As his body reacted more and more, he thought for a distraction. "Lois, is the TV on?"
"Yes, oh the TV is on."
"You're sure?" He asked. "I don't need to bring some chocolate over?"
"Just me here Clark, no date here or coming, certainly not you."
"We had an agreement..."
"And I'm holding my end, now you do yours and let me just have Lois time."
"I still think I should bring you chocolate... You sounded like you were... you know."
She raised an eyebrow. "Clark, I'm just relaxing. Only Lois Lane here. Anyways I've been so bloated I couldn't eat all day, and for once, Lois Lane is saying no to chocolate."
"Alright Lois, you get a good night's sleep."
"I will."
"Lois." Clark smiled into the phone. "I didn't think you had it in you."
"What?"
"The ability to take the whole weekend off."
"I got to go Clark, I've got to get back to relaxing." She turned towards the window. The scoop of a story, just the thing to distract her. Lois smiled, this was just what she needed.
DATE: Monday, December 6, 1993
Lois marched into the Daily Planet the next Monday, handing the roll of film to a surprised Jimmy. "Get it back here pronto!" She grinned at him.
"Yes Ma'am." He saluted, before rushing off towards the photo lab.
An hour later she was happily pinning up her finds on the cork board above her desk, studying the pictures as Jimmy, Perry, Clark and even Cat looked over her shoulder.
"Isn't that?" Cat asked.
"Congressman Ian Harrington." Lois smiled smugly.
"Chairman of the House Defense Committee." Clark added.
"And the most notoriously sexy man in Washington." Cat grinned as she bit her lip.
"Unsubstantiated rumors." Lois flicked the comment away.
"The best kind."
Perry ignored Cat, moving forward to point at the photo of the two other men she'd watched with Congressman Harrington. "What about these jokers?"
"We don't know." Jimmy shrugged. "I'm running our Identafile program looking for a match."
"We do know those offices are leased to a company called 'Apocalypse Consulting." She turned to Perry as she tilted her head to the left. "Chief, I was just thinking…"
"Let me take a wild guess?" Perry crossed his arms. "You want the Daily Planet to put you up in the Honeymoon Suite until we figure out exactly what's going on in Apocalypse Consulting."
"Thanks, Chief." Lois grinned, patting the older man on the arm.
"Now hold on a minute. We're talking a major surveillance operation here."
"Perry, this is major. A Washington VIP selling highly classified information."
"That's right." Clark cut in. "Chief, we're on it, we'll go undercover as newlyweds."
"No." Lois glared at Clark.
"Okay, you guys have three nights." Perry nodded.
"Chief, I am not sharing that Suite with Clark. How would it look? And this is my story. I found it, no partner."
"He's your partner. And the Honeymoon Suite? Natural."
"But…"
Perry cut Lois off. "Lois, think it through. No hotel's going to sit still for us using it as a base for spy operations. You need a cover. What better cover than honeymooners in the Honeymoon Suite? It's called." He leaned in closer to Lois. "Keeping a low profile."
"But…"
"Besides, how are you going to manage 'round the clock surveillance all by yourself?" Perry nodded at Clark. "Clark's right. Best the two of you go. You've been so jumpy around him Lois the last few weeks. I want my best reporting team back."
"It would be business, Lois." Clark nodded. "Not a real honeymoon, just strictly business."
"You two, honeymoon suite, three nights. That's the deal. Take it or leave it…" Perry nodded as Clark held out his hand to Lois.
"Fine." She shook Clark's hand. "Partner let's crack this story open."
"Just don't try anything funny." Clark smiled.
She jerked his tie towards her forcing him to lean in. "As if anyone could mistake you for Betsy."
"Alright Mr. And Mrs. Kent." Perry slapped them on the shoulders. "Time you got off on your honeymoon. You're wasting time here. I'll get you some rings and make the reservations."
Lois rolled her eyes at how close to the truth that was. "What? Not Mr. And Mrs. Lane?" She asked.
"Now no funny business." Clark said in her ear, then only for her benefit. "Remember our agreement."
She growled at him. "Fine, lets get our things and get the show on the road." She stormed out of the news room.
It was late afternoon when Mr. and Mrs. Kent, newlyweds, arrived at the Lexor Hotel to check in for their undercover assignment. "Rings?" Clark asked, holding up a small velvet bag.
"What did Perry give us to wear." Lois leaned in towards him.
"Here." He handed her a gold plated ring. "I hope it fits."
"Ugh. If we have to go undercover, why did Perry insist on such cheep rings? It looks fake."
Clark shrugged. "You could wear your ring if you rather. We both know we're undercover, it won't mean anything." He lied.
"You mean your ring. It's not mine." She bit her lip thinking. "Fine, this one is so cheep it'll stain my fingers no doubt. Good thinking to bring it just in case."
He pulled the ring out of an inside pocket in his dress shirt. "You know," he said. "Typical of us on our honeymoon to be sent undercover as honeymooners."
"It's not our honeymoon, just an assignment." She said. "Now come on, lets check in and get into our room as soon as possible."
"Remember to look excited."
"You know you're not getting lucky."
"Neither are you." He grinned as he opened his door, ready to play the part of the exuberant groom wanting to film every moment of his new life of marriage.
She was ready to kill the bellhop by the time he asked for his tip. First, she thought, he'd filmed Clark trying to carry her over the threshold, not that he could carry her well, he'd nearly dropped her. Superman or even Lex Luther would have done much better. But, she thought, Lex Luther wouldn't have carried her. He'd be too busy to do something so sentimental, or maybe not. Superman, he would have flown her in. Then Cat and Jimmy had arrived. Cat, Lois thought knew far too much about the suite, and the grin on both of their coworkers faces. She was ready to hurl at all the newlywed jokes, and the bellhop unpacking her stuff... she was just reminded of why they weren't telling anyone.
"What if no one shows?" Clark asked late that evening as they sat in their lounge clothes surrounded by the surveillance equipment.
"Then the honeymoon's over. Don't worry, they will. They made it really clear on that calendar."
"Old Maid?" Clark asked.
"We're here to work, not play games."
The surveillance picked up a couple arguing about them being in love... It hit too close to home for Lois. "Relationships." She said.
"People are entitled to private lives and thoughts Lois, who are we to judge."
"Are you in the right business Clark? Our job is to rip away the veil of secrecy and expose the naked truth."
"Alright when you put it like that. Hypocrite."
"What?"
"Are you forgetting rule number one?" At her puzzled look he continued. "When you put it like that." He grinned. "Hypocrite. Alright if Old Maid is too tame… Maybe raise the stakes."
"We're working Clark."
"I plan on enjoying my honeymoon. Come on, one game."
"Alright." She nodded. "Stud Poker." She grabbed the cards from his hands, beginning to deal. "What are the stakes?"
"No." He placed his hand on hers. "We'll just end up with strip poker. If it's only a paper marriage, we're keeping things friendly on the honeymoon. I don't want more memories to haunt me."
"Your haunted by us too?"
"Yeah. Keeps me up at night." He took the cards from her. "How about rummy? We can even throw in some stakes, safe ones though."
"Alright. I want lavender ice cream when I win."
"Lavender Ice Cream?" He stared at her, pausing in dealing the cards.
"Got to make the stakes hard now." She grinned at him. "You can make me a fresh batch."
"Alright." He nodded, placing the last card down before picking up his hand. "If I win I get to take you out on another date."
"In your dreams. Unless it involves lavender ice cream."
"What happened to Chocolate?" He asked in mocked horror. "Lois Lane demanding something other then chocolate."
"You're right. Dipped in chocolate." She shrugged. "Can I help it if I'm suddenly craving something different?"
"What's lavender ice cream taste like?" He asked as he laid down three nines.
She shrugged before taking a card from the pile. "I thought you could use a challenge."
An hour later, she grinned laying down four aces, smiling at him as her stomach grumbled. She paused to rub the bloated stomach. "So when do I get my lavender ice cream dipped in chocolate?"
"Not tonight." He leaned towards her. "Course, if you convince me really good we can both win. I can take you out, a real date and end with lavender ice cream and chocolate… Next week, I'll need to find the right place, make reservations. Check with my wife about seeing you…"
She pulled back away from him. "I won. Go get me ice cream now. You didn't win, so we're not going on a date."
He shrugged. "Your loss. I know a great place, and if any place has lavender ice cream…"
"Now if you're a good boy and bring me my ice cream tonight…" Lois shook her head at his far away look.
Clark jumped up and bowed. "As you wish Milady." He turned towards the door. "I will return."
He was back, an hour later, reasonable time he thought. He'd stopped to take care of a large pile up outside of Metropolis and then a flash flood over Arizona before landing on the California coast to step into a little ice cream shop he'd been to once before. That place, if anywhere had lavender ice cream, this was it. He got her a pint, along with a few chocolate coated waffle cones. He was back in Metropolis, five minutes later, walking down the stairs of the Lexor hotel towards their suite.
"Honey I'm home." He grinned, opening the door. He didn't see Lois in the living room, and paused, allowing his hearing to locate her heart beat. She was in the bathroom, yet she didn't respond. "Lois, I found some ice cream. I"m just going to dish it up. Little deli I know stocks a specialty brand from California. Got us a pint."
She didn't come out, and five minutes later he walked to the bathroom door to knock. "Lois?" He asked. "Are you alright? I've got your lavender ice cream."
"Ugh." She said, coming to the door. "I hate PMS. This is the worst it's been in a long time. Lasting longer too."
"PMS?" He raised his eye brows.
"You know the time of the month where women go crazy? I've been so bloated the last few days that, actually you don't want to know. Hopefully the lavender ice cream will help. Thanks."
He grinned, leading the way. "Desert awaits, Milady."
"Any word from across the way?"
"Nope. Checked the tapes too, still no sign."
The two of them sat on the couch recounting childhood stories as they dug into the pint. "Quite good." She nodded, before flicking a piece of the waffle cone at him.
"Food fight?" He asked, snatching the piece of waffle & chocolate in his hand before dipping it into the ice cream and savoring the taste. "I'll stick to eating thank you very much."
Lois yawned. "Lavender Ice Cream, don't know why I was craving it but it's good."
"You look tired." He placed his hand on her knee. PMS must be rough."
"Tell me about it."
"Why don't you get some sleep?"
"Ok, I'm going to bed." She dropped her spoon into the now empty pint. "Set the recorder for voice recognition and wake me when our friends across the way show up."
"Wait a minute, aren't you forgetting something?" Clark asked, stalling her as he held onto her arm.
"What?"
"This is our first night on our honeymoon…"
"So?"
Clark pulled out a coin, hoping that he could distract her further from her misery. "So, we flip for the bed."
"How about: I get the bed, I lend you a pillow."
"How about we alternate nights?"
"How about we don't." She pulled her arm out of his hand.
"It's a really big bed. We could share. Not the first time you've shared with your husband…"
She laughed. "And get mistaken for a teddy bear or Betsy? No thanks. How about we alternate nights?"
"Deal." Clark grinned, walking towards the bedroom to grab a pillow and blanket off the bed.
Lois worried for a minute, Clark on the small couch, but she wasn't giving up her night. She started counting all the reasons why sharing would be a bad idea. One, there were silk sheets in the bed. One last chance to enjoy the silk against her bare skin before she had to bundle up from her period. Two, any day her period would be here, no girl she thought wanted any man near her then. She was really looking forward to it starting, PMS had been worse then normal. Queazy stomach, bloating, exhaustion, sore breasts. It was as though her body wanted to punish her for being so idiotic over Clark under the Pheromone spray.
She nodded, looking at her hands for where she was at. Three, that was it. Three, Neither of them would get any sleep of they shared the bed. They'd both lie there awkwardly, remembering what had happened. Four, Clark was the last person she wanted in her bed. Who though? She wondered. The other men in her life, Lex and Superman both came into her thoughts. Lex could be charming, but not him. No, A secret visit with Superman. She smiled to herself as she dropped her sweatshirt on the floor, quickly followed by her sleep shorts. Dressed then in nothing she crawled into the bed to dream of Superman. To dream of him slipping in the middle of the night, to discover her waiting for him.
"Goodnight, Lois." Clark kept calling out to her, disturbing her fantasy.
She shot the door a look. "Goodnight Clark." Yes, she thought, if Superman had been here, or even Lex they'd had known how to sweep a girl off her feet. At least she had the protection of the under cover work, to guard her heart.
DATE: Tuesday, December 7, 1993
Three hours later, Clark softly padded into the room, to stare down at his wife asleep in the bed. She lay there curled up into one of the pillows, her bare shoulders and part of her back visible to his view in the moon light. He touched her shoulder gently. "They're back." As she quickly woke up, he retreated back into the living room towards the equipment nearly tripping over her sweatshirt and sleep shorts on the floor. Naked, he thought. Naked in bed on our honeymoon, and I'm on the couch. Of course, he thought, only them.
She joined him in the other room, dressed again in her night clothes. They watched, uncertain the meeting they were watching as to what it meant. They had stared at each other when the the offices across the way became dark, eyes wide in shock. Both shook their heads, neither saying a word before returning to their respective beds and sleep. He struggled again to get comfortable. If he hadn't already popped his pillow into a million feathers he would have then. The image of Lois naked in the bed in the other room brought up other memories. Of her skin against his. Of their wedding night.
They only found some clues when they met with the others the next morning at the planet. After sending Jimmy & Cat to get more research, Perry glared at both Lois and Clark. "Now get me the story. You've got two more days. Go back, and play newlyweds."
Clark opened the door to their suite as they returned. "Well?" He asked. "Any suggestions of what to do?"
"Well, what were you thinking of?" Lois asked. "And no, we are certainly not going to partake in the traditional honeymoon activities."
"Staring at the moon and wondering if it's made of honey?"
Lois laughed. "No, and not the other one that involves the bed."
Clark shrugged. "I guess we could take a dip in the Jacuzzi."
"And do what?"
"Relax. You need it." Clark grinned at her as he took her coat from her. "Course, I've brought some games. Risk, monopoly, scrabble… if you're up to it, maybe it would be best if I prepare a nice bath for you, and let you soak while I watch the game…"
"No way Farm Boy, You're on." She grinned. "Come on, slow poke. Only you would think to bring games on a stake out," she mumbled then, "or a honeymoon."
They played several games, as they ate hamburgers and drank milkshakes. Some Lois won, others Clark. They reached a stale mate though when they reached scrabble.
"Chumpy is not a work." Clark insisted.
"Is too."
He grabbed his dictionary flipping through it. "Not in here."
She pouted. "Spoil sport. That dictionary is just too small."
"Keep that pout up I might have to kiss you to wipe it off…" Rushed out of Clark's mouth skipping his brain.
She gabbed a pillow from the couch, throwing it at him, leaving the scrabble game forgotten as a pillow fight ensued.
They were busy setting up the equipment, this time by the bedroom window when Clark heard the maid coming towards their room. With no time to waste, he threw the equipment on the bed. Covering it with a red blanket, he pulled her onto the bed, covering her and kissing her deeply as the maid walked in.
As they heard the maid apologize and leave the two got up. "Doesn't anyone knock around here?" Lois asked, wondering to herself, just what had gotten into her, the angry thought, that the maid had interrupted her and her husband.
It was after 9pm when Lois turned from the window, where still no meeting was being held across the way. "Have you ever lived with anyone, I mean full time, relationship, with a member of the opposite sex?" She asked as she sat down next to him.
"Like if we really gave our marriage a go? No, not full time."
Lois shrugged. "Me neither, I mean full time. What do you think it's like.
"I guess scary at first."
"Compromises."
"Forced intimacy."
"Sharing Responsibilities"
"You're never alone."
"You're never alone." Lois repeated his words.
"Of course that's nothing like what we're doing now."
"No of course not. This is artificial, an act, a charade. We'll go back to our separate lives."
"Not like in our marriage we'll ever live together."
Clark heard movement in the office they were watching then, motioning her to watch with him at the window. He declined the field glasses, telling her they didn't work well with glasses letting her watch. When they closed the shutters and he complained about it being lead lined. She shook her head. That she thought, along with the cheese of the month club was why she was only wearing that ring undercover. Clark, and his odd remarks. She was quite glad, this living together was all their marriage would see.
Lois thought to herself, that congressman was scared. It could be our biggest scoop, but I can't loose myself, not in marriage and not in this partnership. An excuse, was what she needed. She'd find one, slip out of the room to sneak into the building across the road to try to get ahold of the video that had scared the congressman. "I've got to slip out and get something from the concession store. I'll be right back."
"What you getting?"
"Tampons."
"Oh." He quickly went back down to studying the print out before him, as she slipped out of the room. The Equipment had picked up when his parents had called, teasing him about being in the honeymoon suite.
"You and Lois?" Martha asked.
Clark sighed, wishing he could tell them the truth. "We're checked in the hotel undercover as husband and wife." Clark then saw her there, in that office they were watching snooping around. "Hold on Mom & Dad, I'll call you back. Lois is in trouble."
He'd slipped over there as Superman, rescuing her without Lois even noticing. She'd come back to the suite soaking wet and mad at him, that the camera was empty. She snarled at him. "I'm taking a hot shower and going to bed. I get the bed. No argument."
"Sorry, our agreement I get the bed tonight. Anyways the couch's too short for me."
"Clark Kent." She said. "I'm miserable, PMSy and not sleeping on that couch."
"Ok," He grinned. "We'll bend the rules, you can sleep with your husband. That or if you'd rather, the couch…"
"I'm taking a hot shower. Go to bed Clark Kent. I want a restful nights sleep. Doubt I'll get that with you, you'll think I'm Betsy again. I'm still in pain. My breasts hurt, every joint hurts, I feel like hurling I'm so bloated."
"I'm sorry." He said. "I don't know how I could mistake you for Betsy. You're too fiery."
DATE: Friday December 10th, 1993
The next day they returned to the hotel, after going through all the material Lois had managed to lift along with the intelligence the others had gathered. Roark was dangerous. They found the hotel room trashed. Lois went into the bedroom to investigate as Clark, seeing with his x-ray vision a bomb under the couch sat on it holding in with his super strength the explosion.
"Did you hear that?" Lois asked, wondering how loudly he could have passed gas. "They've destroyed everything."
"We have no story." Clark said, as he replaced the couch cushion over the blown out section of the couch.
"Best we call Perry then." Lois sighed.
"Henderson too I guess." Clark slowly rose from the couch. "Guess the honeymoon is over?"
"It's over, alright." Lois snarled, "No one paws my stuff."
DATE: Saturday December 11, 1993
"Where is she?" Clark asked, as they all tried to guess where Lois had slipped off to. Not even when Lex Luther came after Clark's call to stop the shock wave, piping Lex's interest how the reporter could know about his top secret project with the government.
They quickly pieced it together, and Clark found Lois and the Congressman tied to a post on the dock. "He never meant for this to happen." Lois said deadpan as Clark tore the ropes tying them.
"Run." He instructed before disappearing and returning as Superman. Lois stared, as Superman flew into the giant tsunami. pulling the wave down with him.
That evening, he called his parents, apologizing for giving them the wrong idea about him and Lois. He wished he could have told them the truth, that they really were married, but a promise was a promise. She still had the ring though, it felt strange he thought to not have her near by or the ring on him.
The phone rang. "Clark?" She said on the phone.
He grinned. "Lois!"
"You'll never guess where I am, our former love nest."
"My bedroom, nope you're not here in bed with me." He didn't know what made him so bold.
"No." She paused. "The honeymoon suite. Remember, that didn't happen."
"Oh… yeah."
"The management felt so sorry and offered me the night. The curtains are closed, no distractions, just relaxing." She smiled to herself, cuddled in the bed, dressed in her favorite pajamas for when her period struck, it was normally so messy, and late now, and her bloating had not yet let up, causing her to be even more nauseous. Not only that she was still sore all over.
"Well I'm the one who should have been there, I'm the one who never got the bed."
"You did too."
"For twenty minutes while you were in the shower." Clark said. "You kicked me out, demanding that with your period starting you were too delicate to sleep on the couch and that if I was a true gentleman I would have. I didn't sleep for two nights, that couch was short."
"Well goodnight Clark." She said, staring at the ring, still on her finger. She hadn't meant to wear it again, yet, she felt better there alone with it on. She'd imagine it was Superman's and he'd be flying in any minute…
"Nope."
"What?" She was startled out of her daydream about Superman flying into the window with exotic flowers from South America…
"I'm coming over with chocolate milk shakes." He said, not knowing what had gone into him.
"Clark." She said slowly. "Don't come, I'm going to sleep. I didn't go on any date, you know that, and thats the only time per our agreement you can insist on chocolate milk shakes. I've been super exhausted lately. Not even chocolate can tempt me. I'm grouchy, tired and I've got a bug... Leave me alone." She puzzled why she'd tell him such details. But maybe, she thought it would convince him to hang up and let her sleep.
"That's why I should bring you chocolate."
"Then breakfast," she said. "Bring it for breakfast."
"Ok."
"Goodnight Clark."
"Goodnight Lois." He grinned. He thought of Uncle Wallace whom they'd met two weeks earlier. Rules, he thought certainly made marriage interesting, and that, was the most unique honeymoon he'd ever heard of. Her period though, he sighed. A small part of him had hoped.