I thank all of you who have taken your time to read my first fic. I am even more grateful to those who even made effort of dropping me a review. If you ask my boyfriend I was really nervous before posting the prologue and afterwards I was bouncing and really happy for with your positive response. But I guess you didn't really click into this story just to read about me right? So on with the fic!
-"Speaking"
-"Someone else speaking"
--
Disclaimer: I only own the plot and nothing more or less.
It has been a whole week. A week since I last saw Natsuki. The reasons are many. But no matter how I
disguise them, in the end it is still the same. I vowed to myself that I would set her free. Never
again would I be the cause of her misery. The guilt that remained from the HIME-festival would be
carried by me alone. Again and again would I gather up courage to finally tell her to do whatever she
wished, whatever she truly wished for. Then when the time, which was decided by me, came, I would
simply make up excuses. Reasons, for which I could not, would not, should not or did not want to meet
her. And now I have postponed it for a week. Painfully enduring not seeing her when otherwise I would
count seconds when I would meet her once again. But the mere thought of what I would have to utter
words which contradict what I am feeling. To actually once again have to put up my mask in front of
Natsuki when I really want to show her the whole me, the REAL me. Which is why I am now sitting behind
my former desk and, as calmly as I can be, drinking my afternoon tea. A memory of Natsuki brings a
smile to my face. And for a split second I forget my worries.
--
However it does not last for long. A shrill from my cellphone interrupts my peaceful daydreaming. Once
again it is time to put on my mask, and the charade can once again begin.
-"Hello, this is Fujino Shizuru speaking. "
-"Cut the crap and tell my why the hell you've been avoiding me."
Ah, speaking of the devil. Here she is. A genuine smile graces my face.
-"I am afraid I do not understand what you mean. As a matter of fact I was planning on contacting
you. But I see that someone was a bit more eager than me."
-"WHAT?! I'm not... I wasn't...I mean you...ARGHH!! I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.
Just tell me...did I do something wrong?"
She is as shifting as the sea. One second a raging storm and the next it is a calmness that makes you
wonder if the sea in truth is as frightening as people say. And her sadness is something I really can
not handle well.
-"Natsuki should not worry too much. Natsuki has done nothing wrong. This means she should not worry.
How about lunch in the garden? I presume you know which one?
-"Yeah, I know which garden. But isn't it usually very crowded?"
"Ara, Natsuki we are simply having lunch I am afraid I have to decline to any other inappropriate
activities, we are in public after all."
This is the only way we can communicate without it being too intimately.
-"What do you mean inappropriate activities?"
-"What are you...!
-"Oh my god! SHIZURU!! What are you thinking I wasn't suggesting...that. Humph!"
-"Baka!"
-"Ara ara, then may I ask what exactly were you suggesting then?"
-"I just...I want to be alone with you. Stop pushing me away."
-"Dammit Shizuru! Just talk to me! I'm not good at talking or expressing feelings or showing
emotions or...the bottom line is that I'm not good with people and their...stuff."
And just like that she makes my defence wall crumble away like it never existed. No deep words, no
hidden meanings and no lies. It is all that I want, simply the truth.
-"And we will speak. However this is not the best of time. I would love to chat away my time with my
lovely Natsuki but I am afraid I still have some final paperwork to sign until I can hand over my
position as the school president. Can you survive until tomorrow at lunchtime or shall I end this
conversation with some hugs and kisses?"
-"No! I mean yes! No, I don't know what I mean. What I mean is that I do know what I mean but you
don't know and...uh... I'll see ya tomorrow! Bye!"
Perhaps I went too far. She seemed to be in a hurry. I giggle at the thought of her tomato red
expression. I do not really know why I enjoy teasing her until she is so red that it is as if she will
explode any minute. Possibly for the fact that I can get the response from her that no other can or
are allowed to. This is my territory, in any case for now.
--
The next day passed by smoothly. Nothing in particular happened however a feeling of uneasiness
remained. I did not feel confident enough to face Natsuki. Despite my determination towards finally
releasing her I could not help myself from feeling...total emptiness. Nothing really mattered anymore.
I was once again shutting away my feelings and calmly analyzing every aspect in depth, as if it no
longer was about me. I should be feeling concern, fear and sorrow other than peacefully explaining the
situation without a hint of emotional attachment.
--
I noticed that the weather was rather gloomy. It did not seem as if it would rain soon. It seemed as
if it was holding back an upcoming storm. There were lots of clouds, blocking the rays of light from
filtering through. Still some managed to sneak themselves pass the clouds. The feeling of
uneasiness...still close by.
--
I arrived and started searching for my blue haired beauty. Finally I spotted someone sitting beneath a
tree, it seemed she was asleep. I walked closer but dared not to approach her too close. I was afraid
to disturb the peacefulness she portrayed. It was as if a circle was drawn around her and inside this
circle time stood still. In some way I felt sad, for not being able to take part inside this peaceful
circle. I must have observed her for quite a while, and probably continued; if not suddenly a voice
interrupted my thoughts.
-"You're not as innocent like many people believe you are, Fujino?"
It was a mocking voice, dripping with sarcasm and despise.
-"Ara, can I help you with something, Yuuki-san? Or perhaps we are familiar enough for me to address
you by the name Nao-san?"
If it is a battle of wits you want, it is what you will be given. I put on my best smile.
-"Oh, I guess I know you well enough, maybe too good for my own safety. You have a very special...how
do you say it in your words? Ah, diversion."
How did she know?
-"We all have our own types of diversion do we not, Nao-san?"
Oh, I think I may have stepped on a toe or two.
-"Well I think that we have chitchatted enough. Let's get to business, shall we?"
-"If you do not mind me saying, Nao-san, I do not know what this is regarding so I am afraid I do not
comprehend what ¨business¨ you speak of."
Add an innocent smile. Let it linger for a while, just like you were taught.
-"Fine, you wanna play? I'll play your sick game, Fujino. You think Natsuki is sleeping, don't
you?"
Oh, finally getting serious now are we?
-"Don't even bother answering that. She isn't sleeping...or in a way she is. And she will, for a
little while longer too."
Suddenly I did not enjoy the way she was smiling or laughing.
--
This chapter got a little bit longer than I first intended so therefore I am splitting it up into two parts. And don't worry my boyfriend is as eager as you all to read the continuation. Thanks for reading and drop me a review and maybe I'll post the rest real soon!