In Error's Darkest Hour
Disclaimer: Avatar:the Last Airbender duly belongs to Bryke. No profit is made from this story other than the sheer gratification of reviews.
NOTE: So sorry for the atrocious delay. I was bogged down by the simultaneous mess of school, home, and health issues. But here is the first chapter and I will definitely be posting the next one in November. So sorry. Please review if you're still interested.
I took some liberties with the events prior to the "Day of Black Sun" to better suit my tastes, and to show how some characters followed a path that to me seemed more likely than what was originally shown.
Many of the events involving Zuko from "The Awakening" until "Nightmares and Daydreams" have been significantly altered. I will set these changes straight in this chapter and hopefully you will not mind my little "adjustments". They are vital to the story.
I do not presume to know better than the creators of the show, but this is called fanfiction for a reason.
CHAPTER ONE
The prince looked behind him to make sure that no one was eavesdropping on their conversation.
Fortunately, none of the guards seemed the least bit concerned with what the young man had to say to his aged, imprisoned uncle.
Zuko knelt down to face Iroh, his hands clutching at the cold metal bars of the cell, looking more like a prisoner than the person within.
The young man was graver than he used to be, and that was saying something.
His uncle sighed deeply. There was so much they still needed to talk about, even if they had been secretly planning with one another for so many days past.
Zuko had only recently learned of his connection with Avatar Roku and now the young man was eagerly trying to make up for lost time. The day of the eclipse was drawing near and he knew that there was still so much he had to accomplish before then.
Ever since he had returned to the Fire Nation after that momentous attack in Ba Sing Se, he had been wracked with guilt about the flawed decision he had made to side with Azula. Something had been nagging at him all the way home, a voice telling him that he had done a grave mistake.
And not even Mai's attempts to assuage him had succeeded. He was grateful for the companionship she had initially offered but soon realized that this was not the kind of comfort he needed. Not wanting to disrespect her by pretending to return feelings which he knew he was incapable of, he soon made it clear to his old friend that friends were all they could ever be. He had tried to be as gentle as he could so that she would be injured less, but the pain he caused could not be avoided.
But he knew that he would be causing a greater wound if he had been dishonest with her.
Mai at first did not take such rejection very well, and there was great bitterness and sometimes almost spite from her side. But she was a reasonable girl and soon learned to accept her defeat. Zuko was grateful for this.
And so, even in spite of Azula's prodding and encouragement, Mai gave up on Zuko and had to content herself with simply being his friend. It wasn't easy for her, but she dealt with her predicament with her characteristic forbearance and composure. And though she pretended to continue spying on the brother out of some fear for the sister, Mai knew where her true loyalties lay.
Zuko had also immediately sought to make things right with his uncle. He had secretly and carefully visited the old man as soon as he had a free moment and made known his true sentiments. The young prince expressed his deepest remorse and apologies to the old man for acting so selfishly and foolishly and at once offered to break Iroh out of prison and to once again enter the life of fugitives from the Fire Nation.
Iroh, for his part, refused this last offer.
The aged firebender was glad and relieved that his nephew had seen the error in his ways and was grateful for the respect and love Zuko still showed for him. All the discomfort of the prison had vanished as soon as the old man found out that his beloved nephew was not so plunged in darkness as he had initially feared.
But he discouraged Zuko from breaking the illusion that he now lived as the returned, "triumphant" prince of the Fire Nation. It would not do for them to act rashly or impulsively now that they were back in their home country. They needed to plan their exit carefully, and they needed to gather as much information as they could before they went out to join the Avatar.
And their present situation afforded them some advantages in terms of knowing the Fire Lord's plans. So Iroh advised his nephew to continue acting like he was supposed to and to remain in the good graces of his father. This was a rare enough circumstance and Iroh told Zuko to take advantage of it.
The time would come for them to escape the Fire Nation again. But it was not now. There was much still they needed to do.
Zuko agreed with the plan, not daring to doubt his uncle's wisdom again. He understood the value of his current position and he was determined to make the most of it. He also did not want to appear before the Avatar empty handed. He knew that his last decision had already cost too much.
He had much to make amends for but he was not about to mess things up again.
And aside from the Avatar, there was one other person Zuko knew he needed to make amends with. It was seeing her again that filled him with the most fear and agitation.
He only hoped that it wasn't too late.
But it had not been easy to keep up appearances, especially with his sister's constant and sharp observation. Zuko had to use all his powers of deception to be able to convince even his sister that he was still on their side. He knew she still didn't trust him and it was difficult to avoid her gaze at times.
But he had succeeded so far in deceiving even her. He figured she would not really concern herself with anything he was planning since she had always underestimated his talents. As far as Azula was concerned, poor, pathetic "Zuzu" didn't matter.
And for once this was a good thing.
She had already manipulated the situation so that he would get all the credit for "killing" the Avatar so that he would eventually be punished when the airbender re-appeared. At first he had been extremely disturbed by this prospect but lately, he didn't really pay it any mind.
He would be joining the Avatar soon, if the young boy would find it in his heart to accept a former enemy. This was what Zuko was most afraid of, more than his sister's manipulation or his father's wrath.
Keeping appearances before the Fire Lord was easier than doing so for Azula. The princess had seen Zuko's indecision in Ba Sing Se, but their father had not. Ozai was too busy concerning himself with the impending domination of the world to take note of his only son's shifting loyalties. Besides, the Zuko Ozai knew was still the groveling, pathetic boy who was ready to do anything to gain his father's approval.
Ozai would never imagine that Zuko had changed so much during his exile. So for the time being, the prince was safe with his father.
Zuko had made occasional (and very discreet) visits to his uncle and had almost been caught at this by Azula but he had made some excuse or other which had seemed to satisfy her. Besides, his ruin would only add to her glee so she did not really bother checking on him.
She was only waiting for the moment that he would betray himself, to save her the trouble of doing so herself.
"How much longer do we have to keep this up?" Zuko whispered low, addressing his uncle.
Iroh suppressed a smile. His nephew was as impatient as ever.
"Not long now, Zuko, patience," the old man replied calmly, "how many times have I said not to waste your energy worrying over every little detail. You know the plan inside and out, we have only to wait for the appointed time."
"I'm sorry, Uncle," Zuko answered, "I'm just quite nervous, I guess."
"Understandably," Iroh replied, "yours is a great burden to bear."
"I've been having that dream again, Uncle," Zuko said after a short, pensive pause.
Iroh's expression darkened. His nephew had been recounting the dream to him for several visits already. And in spite of the old man's wisdom, he could not fully make sense of it.
"The dragons are telling me something," Zuko continued, "but I feel like such a fool for not being able to fully understand what they want me to do. That I have an important task to fulfill is clear enough but they didn't really get into details. Don't you get the same dream at all?"
Iroh sighed with understanding and shook his head.
"I fear that the task they have in mind is for you and the Avatar alone," the old man explained, "for the great spirits do not often show themselves to just anyone."
"But you are the Dragon of the West, you saved the last remaining dragons!" Zuko protested, "why should they not show themselves to you as well as me?"
The old firebender shook his head again.
"I think the greatest of my achievements have already been done," Iroh went on, "the fate of the rest of the world lies in other capable hands, those of your generation to be more precise."
Zuko pondered on this for a few moments.
"That may be true," the young firebender whispered gravely, "but are we ready for what's coming?"
--
"Not you too," an annoyed voice muttered, rousing Katara from her reverie.
The waterbender turned to see Toph sitting up, and rubbing her eyes.
"It's bad enough that Aang hasn't been getting enough shut-eye," Toph complained, "and now you're struck with insomnia too! Not everyone can fall asleep as easily as Sokka, you know!"
For a moment they both turned their faces towards the soundly sleeping Water Tribe warrior, oblivious of what was happening, drool spilling out of his wide-open mouth, and snoring as loudly as a platypus bear in a rage. Such an enviable position, indeed.
Katara smiled sadly at her companion, slightly sorry for having roused the earthbender from some well-deserved rest.
"Sorry to wake you, Toph," Katara said earnestly, "I was just thinking."
"No biggie, I wasn't sleeping that well anyway," the earthbender replied with a grin, "but honestly, you should give that brain of yours a rest. You've been abusing it lately and that can't be healthy."
Katara almost laughed at this fairly accurate description of her activities.
"I guess you're right," the waterbender agreed.
"Of course I am," Toph replied smugly, "but come on, Katara, what's bothering you enough to keep you up so late and so close to the invasion?"
Katara sighed. As much as she wanted to keep some of her thoughts to herself, she knew it would be no use to lie to Toph.
"I'm just worried, Toph," Katara began.
"So are we all," Toph replied, "what's really bugging you?"
"Well, there's always been something bothering me about Sokka's plan to attack during the eclipse," Katara continued, "ever since we came from Wan Shi Tong's library, I've been wondering if what we're planning to do is actually going to succeed."
"Wow, you'd better not let Sokka hear that," Toph commented, but not bitterly, "what put you off?"
"It's a terrible thing to even consider, I know," Katara continued, "and I'm definitely not going to mention anything to the others about this. But there was something, I can't quite put my finger on it, but there was something that the owl spirit said that still makes me so uneasy."
"Well, you might feel better if you share it."
"Remember how Sokka got the idea of attacking during the eclipse from the library, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, before we were even allowed to browse, Wan Shi Tong was reluctant to let us in because he said that all the humans who ever visited his library only used the knowledge they found to help themselves and defeat their enemies. Sokka was able to make some excuse to make the Spirit grant us access. But what's bothering me is that we're doing exactly what he accused us of, and I'm so worried that it won't end well."
"But we're using the knowledge to end a war. We're doing the right thing."
"I know that," Katara said, "and yet, isn't this just our justification for using that knowledge we weren't allowed to find in the first place? In a way, we're just as bad as all those who used what they knew to defeat their enemies, even if we think we're doing this for the greater good."
"Well," Toph conceded, "I can tell where you're going with that and you do have a point."
"That's what I'm most afraid of, Toph," Katara admitted, "and I really don't want to be thinking such things when we have all been preparing so diligently for this plan not to fail. But I just can't help but doubt."
"I think it's fine that you're doubting," Toph replied gently, "at least it shows you're thinking about things. Maybe we aren't choosing the best way to go about it, but we are doing it for the rest of the world, you know. And I know that our good intentions, at least, must count for something."
Katara said nothing but considered this pensively.
"But then again, it also doesn't help to think too much about everything," Toph continued, "sometimes you'll just have to trust that things will work out somehow."
Katara pondered on these wise words and then sighed with understanding. After a few moments, she sighed.
"You're right, as usual," the waterbender replied with a smile, "thanks for hearing me out, Toph."
"No problem, Sugar Queen," the earthbender replied with a grin, "now will you please get some sleep? We've got a lot of training to do in the morning so we need all the energy we can get. I'm just really not in the mood for heavy philosophical conversations at this time of the night. Save it for when you want to talk to Aang or something."
Katara laughed softly at this, momentarily cheered by her companion's exuberance. Toph grinned at her before settling back into a more comfortable position.
"Oh, and Katara," the earthbender added, "whatever it is that's bothering you, I hope you snap out of it soon."
Katara was once again astounded by Toph's amazing perception. Toph was always the one who could tell what was troubling her and she was extremely grateful for it.
"I'll try my best, Toph," Katara replied as honestly as she could, "really, I will."
And that was the best answer she could give for the moment.
"Well, you'd better," the earthbender warned before shutting her eyes, "because the day you become pessimistic is a really, really bad sign for us all."
Katara almost laughed aloud at the accuracy of such a statement. She could definitely not deny it. She had changed a lot, ever since she had set out on this long journey to help Aang.
But it was more than that. There was something that weighed heavily on her heart, and it had been clouding her vision for quite some time.
She had become more quiet and pensive than she used to be.
And there were some days when she missed her mother with such a startling intensity that she even surprised herself with such longing.
How she wanted her mother's guidance and advice at such moments of uncertainty. But she never spoke of this, not even to her brother.
The young waterbender hugged her knees closer to her and glanced at her sleeping companions for a few moments, taking note of the calm and contented expressions on their faces. How she envied them at such a moment!
She turned her gaze to the moon as it gently illuminated the night sky. Closing her eyes, she made a silent prayer for hope, and for strength.
"Oh, Yue," she whispered softly, addressing the princess spirit, "please send a bit of your light my way, will you?
I could really use some."