He only raped me once this week. I passed out right in the middle.
(he smiles)
"That's good."
Yeah, he was really angry. I barely had time to feel him inside me before the pain was too much.
(he stands up, then sits back down)
I'm hearing things now. (he laughs) I thought I heard him yelling at me.
"Subconscious message?"
(he shakes his head, then nods vigorously) Probably. He keeps telling me he loves me still, without even beating me.
"Do you want that? Do you want it the way it was?"
I don't know. Its all new… I was used to the abuse from my father, the rape from my father, the animosity from my father. But love… has been unreach-
(he stops suddenly)
Unreachable for all eighteen years of my life.
"Give him a chance?"
N- yes. I don't know. Really, I wish he would stop so I can pull myself together.
"You feel…"
Broken. Shattered.
(he stands up again, walking over to the window)
"Please don't answer your phone in here."
Sorry. He hurts me more when he thinks I'm ignoring him. I've been doing drugs, by the way. Heroin really takes the edge off my life.
(he bites his lip, drawing blood)
I barely feel it when he hits me.
(the blood travels down his chin and he catches it in his hand)
He took most of my stash. He said it wasn't good for me. Like he really cares.
"Maybe he does."
Maybe he does. But I doubt it. He knows when I'm high 'cause of his friends. He took my needles and said he loved me too much to see me go through addictions. I don't believe him, but hey.
(he wipes the blood off with a tissue)
"Love is complicated."
Like you would know.