Disclaimer/: Cassie Claire owns, but this is my plot and fantasy.
Sorry, it's been long =(, but enjoy and please review.
"I miss you" a message popped up on my phone from Seb. "I miss you too" I quickly wrote back uninterested. I looked to the side, then sighed before I plastered a smile on my face and quietly knocked and waited. I could hear the music inside, which made me nervous I hated big events.
I still had my plastered smile on when the door flew open and a guy dazzled in glitter stood before me. He definitely looked familiar, with his coal lined eyes, and his peculiar fashion sense. "Password" he slurred catching my attention again. Behind him, the music was extremely loud and lights were flashing about, this was definitely making me nervous.
"Um" I said, my eyes popping and trying to keep a smile on my face. What had I signed myself too, when I agreed to come I thought. "Um" I said again looking around, then I read on the ground. "Magnus is awesome," I said shrugging my shoulders shyly. "Wrong" he slurred, "But come in," he said grabbing my free hand.
I followed him in the apartment whilst dodging away from people who were about to bump me. "Have you seen Isabelle" I turned around to ask but he had already walked away. I recalled to when she had called and invited me this morning saying it would only be a small gathering, but now I could barely find her in this mass crowd.
"You look a bit lost there, Cla—Merida" I closed and opened my eyes hoping the anger deep within me would resolve before I faced him. I resented that voice, but it also tickled and pickled into my soul, in different ways.
"Mmmh" I hummed turning behind me. And there Jace Herondale stood extremely close, too close that my forehead was touching his chest. "Could you move back a bit" I mumbled, looking up. When he didn't move, I tried moving to the side but he blocked my way, then the other way. "Fine, what do you want" I stomped on my side since he was being immature.
"Look, I will leave you alone if you answer me one question only" Jace held up a finger. I knew not to follow his finger high up because, I now was stalk still starring into his sparkling, and mesmerising gold eyes. "Why— did you ask me— to lie" he asked thoughtfully.
I paused, "I had my reasons" I heard myself say softly, not the way I had intended to answer but I was so captivated by his eyes—and by him. "Which is," he asked lifting his eyebrow. Damn, he could also do that I thought to myself.
"It was my Father's big night alright, and I don't particularly like sharing things about my life with everyone" I explained looking away, I was still ashamed by what I had done in New York. "Your lying—and I shouldn't have to either" Jace muttered sounding annoyed. "Because you know so much about me" I raised my voice angrily.
He stepped back beaming at me. "There you are Clary" My friend Simon yelled across from the kitchen. "Look, can we not repeat about New York to me or anyone ever" I ground my teeth, then turned to go give Simon a hug. "Simon" I said cheerfully.
"How about a game of beer pong" Simon suggested after he let me go. "No, I just got here and I haven't seen you in long Si, we need to talk" I said smiling at him, and very aware of Jace still behind us, but I could see Simon was extremely absent from the alcohol, and the chances of us having a real conversation were not going to happen.
"Clarissa" Isabelle yelled behind us. "Just in time darling, you're already late" she slurred. "You can verse Simon and me" she continued grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the table.
"No, I'll sit out, besides who will be my partner" I scowled looking at them both. "Me silly" Jace stepped up. I frowned looking him up and down. The last thing I wanted to do was play drinking games with him. "No, I am fine" I muffled looking at him. "Come on Clary" Isabelle squealed laying out the cups already.
I rolled my eyes and began helping her mix drinks into the cups. Jace handed me the ball, as he came to stand next to me. "Ladies first" he whispered, causing me to develop goose bumps. I looked up momentarily and saw that he was facing forward waiting for me to play. I threw the ball and missed.
But, when Izzy and Simon returned the ball, it landed in a cup. "Ladies first" Jace whispered again.
…
By the end of the game, only one cup remained for both our teams. "Would you like to take the honour?" Jace asked. "Really" my eyes sparked wildly. "Really, I believe in you," he said handing me the ball. I smiled at him then turned to lob it towards Isabelle and Simon. It hit the edge and bounced in the air only to fall on the side of the cup.
"Oh," we all yelled. When it was, Isabelle's turn she perfectly lobbed the ball and it landed in the cup. Considering how drunk she was. "Ah" everyone erupted with loud cheers. Izzy and Simon had a victory kiss, whilst Jace and I both went for the cup on the table. Sometime in the middle of the game I had resolved to actually joining in and had been drinking since.
Our hands both went for the cup causing an electric current to run up my arm. It hadn't been the first time either tonight. We both let go at the same time. "You have it" he said. "No, you," I said looking up at him. We were inching closer to each other at this moment. I moved my hand knocking the contents onto him. "Oi," he yelped stepping back.
"Sorry I'll get a cloth," I said dropping my eyes and turning before he said anything. I looked back to make sure no one had seen us. I went to fetch a cloth and when I got back Jace had people already handing him wipes. I found this as a leeway to escape back to the kitchen, and grabbed my bottle of wine and began dousing it straight.
My emotions were running wild, I needed the release and often found it this way, sadly. I found myself wondering about in the kitchen. I just didn't know anymore. I had felt, the electricity, the pull—not even Seb… made me feel that way. I couldn't look into Jace's eyes and not give it away. It was simple I wanted him, and very badly I thought as I paced.
My body ached and twitched at the sight of him, I couldn't describe it. Nor did I want to call it lust, or label him as anything bad because he was far too kind to me and I wasn't. I looked up and I saw him across the room with people—girls trying to help him and I felt a sting, an ache that they could touch him freely but I couldn't.
I felt my eyes water as I raised my left hand, which immediately went to my neck to hold one of the silver bands that usually rests on my fourth finger. I hiccupped and looked again, but Jace was gone. All I had to do was stay away from him, that's all I had to do tonight. Stay away.
Somehow, I did manage to avoid Jace for part of the night. But I saw a glimpse of him throughout and it did things to me, I couldn't say outload or even think about. I was beginning to feel them and I knew were inappropriate, things that would hurt people around me if they did ever happen.
When he did finally catch up to me later in the night, I was dancing with a bunch of people I didn't know. I preferred it this way, the faces that recognised me I dodged them.
They all had the same questions and all liked to prude for what wasn't their business. "You're alone" "How is he, we miss you, when are you coming back" I rolled my eyes taking another sip. Yet no one asked what was going on inside my head, what I wanted, no one could see my struggles—I was unhappy.
"You look unhappy," I thought I imagined Jace whispering and taking the word out of my mouth. I closed my eyes sharply to refocus my senses.
"I am still waiting for the cloth" Jace whispered behind me in my ear. Making me jump when I thought I felt his hands graze my waist lightly. "We can't, you need to stay away from me" I yelled turning around. The others kept dancing and couldn't hear us over the music. "Whatever have I done now," Jace asked. But I quickly turned and left through the back door.
I regretted it the minute I stepped outside. It was freezing. "I would have told you to take a jacket but you never want to listen to me," Jace said casually behind me. I looked back momentarily then began walking towards the bushes. "I wouldn't recommend the woods either, there are wolves this time of the season" he continued.
"Perhaps you should leave me alone" I shrieked very un-lady like. "At least grab my jacket I would rather freeze than you," he said handing his jacket over. I took it without hesitation. I was thankful when I put it on and regretted it too. "See there you go, I can see colour returning to your cheeks already," he said lightly gracing my cheek with one of his fingers.
"Thank you" I muttered snuggling in his warmth and smell, which was divine and pretended he didn't just touch me. I sat in the opening of the backyard, where it was completely dark only the stars were visible. "What are you thinking about," Jace asked thumping beside me.
"How beautiful the sky is," I said, a small smile playing on my lips. "The scatter of stars, so close together, yet so far away from each other" I mumbled looking up.
"Ever tried to count them" Jace whispered quietly. "An Impossible and a ridiculous task" I turned smiling at him. "Like you," He said looking back at me, where his eyes were full and his lashes fell lightly around his orbs, mine must have just gawked at him. "Jace no, you can't just say things like that to me" I sat up frowning.
"Your very shrouded Clary, like you, always seem to be inside of your head, very unhappy and hesitant," he said his voice coming out harshly. "I mean we are not strangers, if you look at it we have a short history, getting high, drinking, making out—" he said softly. "Okay, I get it," I said looking away not needing a reminder of my past behaviour.
"What is it that bothers you then" he continued to ask. "Have you thought that maybe it's you, Jace" I yelped getting on my feet. "Come on now, with my good looks" Jace pointed out sarcastically, as I paced to go back to the house. I turned around to argue but I had no words. "So, you find me attractive then, is this what it's all about," he asked and I could hear a smile in his voice.
I wanted to turn around to argue but I had no words yet again. "Settled then" he yelled, laughing. "So, if you find me attractive, have I suddenly become terrifyingly very good looking for you that you have lost your voice too" he laughed coming towards me.
I began to walk away and to hide the shade of red appearing on my cheeks. "We are probably locked out by the way" Jace mumbled coming to his senses again and following close behind me. "What? just call Izzy or anyone to open the door" I said patting the pockets of his jacket. "I am sure I saw her go upstairs with that boy" he mumbled.
"So how do we get back in, because I also have a sudden urge to go home and sleep" I wanted to shout feeling irritated. "Home to sleep, but I thought we were making progress," he asked innocently. "Jace please can we not do this now I want to go home," I said tiredly. "Why because daddy condemns you staying out late" Jace mocked.
I stared forward as though I hadn't heard him. After we tried all the doors I gave up sitting on the steps in the front yard. "I forgot to mention Magnus's parties have a lock out time, his that popular" Jace mumbled casually sitting near me.
"However, my car is available" he suggested dangling his keys in front of me. "I don't think so and was that your plan the whole time because you knew we would get locked but continued to follow me outside anyways" I side eyed him.
"No definitely not, besides the point I told you they were, wolves and god know's what else hides in these bushes at night" he shrugged lamely. "That's beside the point" I argued. "So, my car it is then," he said jingling his keys, I looked seriously at him but I also knew I had no other choice. "Or would you rather freeze then," Jace asked standing up.
"Or we can just drive to Isabelle's, she did mention you were going to sleep there" he suggested. "No don't push it, you were drinking with me remember," I said sternly. "Or my house," Jace said quietly.
"No," I said plainly.
"You don't have to be afraid you know, whatever it is your hiding it shouldn't make you afraid to do what you feel," Jace said suddenly. "Who says I am afraid," I asked feeling annoyed. "I see the look on your face like you need permission like you haven't gotten to be yourself for a long time you can't even take jokes, it was the same in New York" he said.
"Because what Jace you're wise all of a sudden now" the words left my mouth instead of me interjecting what he was saying. Was it true did I need permission; did I really look like that.
"You judged me quickly" Jace stated quietly. "I have heard things about you" I whispered quietly, avoiding eye contact. Here in front of me was the boy who had overthrown his parent's wishes to be who he wanted to be, what would Valentine my father, ever make of that. "Good or bad I don't care, but I could say the same about you" he mumbled, I looked at him then.
'But you're brave' I wanted to say then. I found myself speculating if he knew anything about me really, I mean if he did he would not still be here, would he? Why was I here, I knew about me, but I was here in his company still? "Keys," I said getting up and ignoring him and the choices I was making.
I don't think I was ready to know what he knew about me either way, he would run and call me names if he ever found out. Jace smiled, that smile I had grown to love where it showed his imperfections, his chirped tooth. I must have been gawking because he just ignored me and began walking towards his car.
We reached a small old hatchback, that was practically falling apart. "This is your car," I asked feeling defeated because one thing for sure it didn't look warm. "Yes, this is my car," he said proudly opening his door and getting in. "Coming in or what" Jace yelled in the driver's seat.
"I had a fall out with my parents and this is the result of it, so no luxury," he continued opening my side of the door. "Sorry" he muttered chucking things in the backseat. "Comfy," he asked when he had turned on the heating and we had settled, and his windows began to fog up.
"Why did you have a fall out" I found myself asking to distract the both of us. "My father couldn't accept me for not being part of the family business, following in the politics, I just wanted to discover the world, what it was like doing things on my own without relying on them. Hasn't been easy obviously but I am getting there" he said.
"How about you, why did you move to Paris that's what everyone here seems to say" he mumbled toying with the heating. "Is that all?" I asked him, sneaking a look towards his direction. "Well yeah, but I would rather you told me your story" Jace mumbled seeming distracted by the heating buttons.
I looked outside where it was pitch black and I could only see my reflection "Well I graduated here in Idris, then moved to Paris to break away from my family as well, but over time I have begun to resent that choice altogether," I said looking back at him.
"You should join me in my travels then, it can be exhilarating, that's if you're looking for a change" Jace suggested, without asking further about my life. "Well, where are you off too next," I asked. "Peru, originally Alec and Magnus were supposed to accompany me but he is supposedly banned from the country, well he assumes he is" Jace smiled.
"Banned" I enquired lifting my eyebrows. Jace nodded. "He is one crafty guy" Jace laughed looking at me. "Well, I might take you up on that offer," I said. "Really, this is not drunk you speaking" he questioned. I shook my head, a small smile played on my lips. Then it was silent again, but I was comfortable in the silence, in fact, I was happy.
"Your eyes" I blurted out touching his face. "They're different," I said lamely dropping my hand on his collarbone. "You're different" I found myself saying. "You make me…" I whispered. Then the rain began to fall. "I make you what," Jace asked softly looking sternly at me. I looked away from him, feeling shy.
But his hand rested on the side of my face and slowly turned me to look at him again, his thumb delicately traced my lips. "I make you ... what" he whispered, his finger still on my lips.
They, fell open at his touch. And closing them I could feel the warmth of his hand, and when I leaned in I felt the slightest pressure on my lips. Jace was so delicate, I wasn't sure if this was real right now, or what it felt like last time. I opened my eyes and saw him looking right back at me. "I make you feel what" he repeated.
"I don't know, nervous—but I feel a certain type of hunger when I am with you, I cannot contain it and I know you have seen it too" I admitted looking into his eyes. "Tell me more" he whispered, his hand not leaving my face.
"I can show you better than I can tell you really, well I have been dreaming of showing you," I said my eyes dancing side to side, and swallowed hard surprised of the words leaving my mouth. "Show me then" Jace smiled sheepishly. I took his face in my hands and climbed over him. His hands moved to grab my waist.
Jace pulled me in closer leaving no space between us. I cradled his face as his hands worked to take my dress off.
I was wearing a maroon coloured slip bra, and his eyes went wild. Then he smiled bringing his lips onto mine. With every touch, I felt like I was being honoured and treasured, it felt right and like we belonged that I never wanted him to stop even in the small space of his car right now. Then it was just skin contact and he paused.
"Are you sure?" he asked. "Yes, all of you, I want to be consumed by all of you," I said, giving him access to my all. He looked at me, then brushed a piece of my hair back. Then his lips were back on mine.
…
I woke up when I heard voices muttering outside, and I was only covered in Jace's shirt and I was cradled by him in the small space in his backseat. It was 7:30 am and I was meant to be on the breakfast table by 8 at home. "Shit" I yelled quickly putting my dress over my head.
"Hey sleepy head" Jace mumbled. "Good morning" his voice was raspy. "I thought we could grab breakfast together this morning" he continued to chatter in his sleep. "I have, need to go and no," I said throwing my dress on and stepping out of the car.
Jace followed shirtless having properly woken up. "Well hello there" Magnus crooned. I chucked Jace's his shirt back in the car and stalked off in the direction of the house. "What's her problem" I heard Magnus ask.
Who looked disturbing in a morning gown and just underpants.
I was walking so fast to avoid or hear their conversation. That in the house it took me seconds to gather my items. When I returned outside the two men were no longer in sight. "Clary" I heard Jace call me, but I started my engine drowning his voice entirely and drove off.
I stopped on the side not able to bear the emotions I felt, I was confused. When my phone began to ring uncontrollably. "Seb—hi my love" I answered.