A little sad my friends, I see that some of you have skimmed and added to alert listing, but I must know how I'm doing so I don't disappoint you all. Either way, I greatly appreciate all of the support that I have received. Funny thing is, every time I re-read the first chapter I think "Um.. serious Erin? That sounds really artificial and mediocre." I want to try and put some real emotion in it this time, and use some personal experience to fuel it as well. Hope this chapter come out well. Here we go~!

Chapter 2: Pushed Closer To The Ledge

Edward's P.O.V

This can't be happening.

I listen to my breathing. Shallow beats of a worn heart, sullen drops of rain trickling on the pavement. Everything mixing in a somber tone. I wanted to fade.

How could I have been so stupid? So sensitive… So… So translucent?

I don't even know how to face him again.. To walk into that office tomorrow… To expect everything to be okay and over with… It's just not…

I felt myself stumble in step, the puddles forming around me, binding me to this dreary existence. All that was left to do now was to return home, see Al, and move from that point. Paint on this mask that I've grown so accustomed to, and spackle over the cracks that have been forming.

There was very little light to illuminate the path home, the road of lone darkness making itself more present with each new step. It was where I belonged.

When I finally made it to the small building that I dared to call my "home", I kicked off my boots and closed the door shut behind me. I was so drained. So pathetic. It made me sick.

"Brother is that you?"

"Oh yeah Al, just me," I called to him, placing a smile on my face.

"You had me worried brother. You don't usually stay out so late," he replied, finally walking out into the room.

"Got a little tied up in Central, but it's all worked out now," I lied.

"Your eyes are red brother. Are you feeling well?"

"Never felt better. Don't worry so much, it's probably from the lack of sleep. Just an hour or two and I'll be good as new, you'll see," I chirped, trying my best not to crack. The only thing I hated more than lying was lying to Al.

"You need to take better care of yourself. You'll burn out too soon if you keep over working yourself like this," he said, his voice concerned.

"Ah, don't sweat it Al. Takes a lot more than sleep deprivation to bring me down," Maybe just a broken heart and years of bullshit would do the trick…

"If you say so. Just try to get some sleep tonight please," He said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"No prob. Hey, I'm going to go wash up some before I turn it alright?"

"Mhm," he said, walking back into the other room.

I sighed and walked up the stairs, grabbing a shirt and some shorts, walking into the bathroom, and locking the door.

I looked in one of the cabinets for a little black box that I kept. I hadn't needed this box in years. I swore to myself that I'd never open it again. But I felt myself sink to a new low. Slowly, I lifted the lid off of the box to reveal an old blade.

I'm just as weak as I was then… I thought I could stop, I tried, but it burned at me every day… I deserve to know the pain that Al does every day, but I never will. I deserve to feel the sting and burn of Roy's words. How could he ever love someone as fucked up and twisted as me… Now he's left some where confused and hurt because I decided to be an ass hole. I was the inconsiderate one wasn't I? It's my fault that I feel this pain.

I rolled up my sleeve, looking at the tiny thin lines that were scattered across it. People always thought that they were from fights that I had been in. Thank God I had an excuse.

The blade gleamed in the light as I pressed it to the skin. I held my breath for a moment, but there was no going back.

You deserve this…

I slid the blade across, feeling my breath hitch as I dug it deeper. The familiar sting clawed its way up to the surface of my skin, as thick red blood gathered in a thin line, daring to bead out and poor over the edge. I moved to another area and struck again, and again. The blood trickled down my arm and dripped to the floor, forming little splatter marks against the tile. My nostrils were filled with the metallic smell. I craved it.

I looked at the mess on my arm and inwardly cursed at myself again.

You stupid bastard you didn't have to actually do it. You're better than that, stronger than that..

But wait, I wasn't. I DESERVED this. I needed this. I wasn't any better than the shit seeping into the sewers and collecting at the bottom. I was scum. This was what I needed. This was my realization.

These conflicting thoughts, where do they lead me? What side is actually right?

I got up from the floor and turned on the water, letting the steam fill the room. I picked up a cloth and wiped up the mess on the floor, tossing it into the tub when I was done, and then following suit.

The warm water ran over me, and I slid down the wall of the shower. I was definitely at a new low. But then again, I could really only go down from here…

Roy's P.O.V

It was a lonely drive back to my home. I walked through the door, slamming it shut, and tossing aside my coat and boots.

What went wrong tonight? What did he mean one sided love? With me? He couldn't see it either? What the hell am I supposed to do now, he doesn't even want to talk to me…

I walked up the stairs and grabbed some clothes to change into, walking into the bathroom and running hot water for a shower.

I looked into the mirror, placing a hand against it for a moment.

What is it that I'm not seeing? How can I help? God, I love him so much, but I don't know what to do… Why can't I help him?

"WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DO IT ALONE?" I yelled, slamming my fist into the mirror, watching shards fall to the ground, each reflecting blood and tears.

I cursed and removed my hand, shaking my head.

I want to be there, to help him out… I want to be able to take the pain, the burden. He's only 19…

Right colonel pervert… He's only 19…

I shook the thoughts from my head. It was late, and thinking about this now was only going to make the matters worse, but it's hard to move on when the only thing on your mind is someone you care for the most.

I stepped into the shower and let the warm water run over me. I was hoping it would melt away all the stress, all the pain. I was hoping maybe it could cure some of this heart ache. Even if it didn't in the end, that was alright, because I know he's out there hurting more than I could even imagine right now.

Did he even make it home? As upset as he was, he probably would have at least made sure that he checked in with Alphonse. He doesn't like to worry that poor boy.

I'll just make sure to check in with them after I get out of here.

I'm frustrated. It's direct, clear. It's rather straight forward, redundant, but I'm frustrated, and there is no other way to put it. I want to know why everything was so off balance around me; I wanted to know why I lost all the trust and faith I had placed in me; I wanted to know all the answers that it took to make everything okay again. To make him smile; To make those golden eyes light up again, and show that young healthy spirit, that fire that once burned in them. They reflected hurt now. They were so dull, so dead and lost. What I would do to see them so beautiful and natural again. I wanted my Edo back…

Edward's P.O.V

I let the water run through my hair, the pinkish red tint pooling around me as it washed away my sin.

I can remember all the nights I spent doing this. The torment I felt the first time,the relief it provided for a little while, until it constricted my thoughts, absorbed me into addiction. This pain, this control, it was all I needed. It drove me insane, shook me to the core, brought me too the edge. It was the thrill of my life.

It was haunting, sick, but it was what I needed. I needed to be punished, to be pushed until fear poured out of me. It was under my skin, confusing me to no points end, whispering all these thoughts to me… There was nothing I could do any more. It was like a contract with the devil inscribed in my own blood against my soul. His penmanship scrawled so neatly that it was impossible to ever forget the beauty of sin.

I scrubbed myself clean, washed thoroughly until the water finally turned cold. I switched the nob, dried up and changed. As refreshing as it all was, there was still the stench emitting from my skin that was so sickly sweet, and that could never be washed away. That was my own damn fault.

I walked into the room I shared with my brother and curled up in my bed. My eyes stung from crying, my heart hurt even more as I rolled over to see his eyes glowing from the corner.

"Brother are you sure you're alright? You seem kind of depressed lately," he asked.

"I'm alright Al, just really tired," I told him weakly. It was true. I was tired.

"If you want to talk, I'm here. You don't have to do every thing for yourself all the time," he trailed off.

"You just let me do all the worrying Al. Watch, one of these days we're gunna get that body of yours' back, then it will be smooth sailing from there on," I smiled.

"I have faith in you. I always have. You seem to be the one doubting yourself all the time though,"

"Eh don't think about that too much, I do what I have to do to get to an answer,"

"But if that means your always tired, always hurt… I don't think that's very fair brother,"

"Well, I got us into this mess, and I'm going to get us out. It will take some blood, sweat, and tears and I'm fully prepared to take that head on every day," I said.

"I know you are… You have to take time to heal… You just do. I know there's something wrong Ed. You always look away from me when your hiding something. Ever since we were kids, you always did that. I just want you to know that it's okay to rely on others, to hurt and be unsure. Every one is human, and even in this suit of armor, I take the time to heal too," he said softly.

I felt tears come to my eyes. God damn this.

"I really appreciate that Al. I really do. Trust me, you'll be the first one to know when something comes up alright? But for now, we just need to focus on getting all rested up, and collected," I sighed, trying my best to hold back these tears.

"Okay," he said.

I rolled over to one side.

Even in this suit of armor, I take time to heal too….

That fool. He shouldn't have to be caged in there. Why does he always treat me so well, why does he always stay by my side. After all I've done. After all my emotions and mood swings… How the hell can he be so caring for me? For such shit… I will never understand him, but I will always be grateful.

Even with all these thoughts in mind, I only want to be there for him, to give him what he needs, and then fade into this nothing that I've become. I've been pushed so close to the ledge, the temptation to resist the plunge seems too great sometimes.

Roy's P.O.V

I lay in my own bed now, rolling every which way. There will be no sleep for me tonight, but that's no different from any other night.

There's no use in trying to think of this any longer. I'm no closer to an answer than I was before, and I just don't have enough pieces yet to put this all together. But this much, I have come to realize. I do have feelings for the young Alchemist. I do want to help him more than I want to breath, and I know without him, I would die. But in turn, I know that he's in a dark place. Somewhere so far, so deep, so masked, that it will be hard to get him out. He's suffocating from the pressure. He's just doing too much alone… I know all of this, so why haven't I helped him yet? Why have I just been watching from the sidelines?

You damn fool. It was because you were scared. How could I have not seen this sooner. I was too scared to man up and help him out. I'm such an ass. I've been watching him get pushed closer to the ledge for all these years. This time, I'm going to catch him before he falls.

Alright guys, that's the end of chapter 2. I really felt some of my own emotions pulled out for this one (trust me, sometimes it takes a lot to write these types of stories, even if the emotion is hidden behind metaphors sometimes). Either way, I hope to catch some feed back, but if not, that's alright too. I am going out tomorrow, but I will probably post another chapter before I go to sleep. (Funny thing is, its 5:11 am, I haven't gone to sleep yet, and I only got a few hours today any ways, which turns out to be about 6 in the last two days) I'm very special guys ;) Who says sleep deprivation screws with your mind? (it probably does, but I'm just taking advantage~!)

Alright let me shut up. Review if you can, for it makes me happy~

Happy Reading,

~Eri-chan