Disclaimer: Hiro Fujiwara is to Maid-sama; God is to Mari. How unfortunate…
Warnings: Crack fic. SI.*
Outblack – Insert question mark here
by Marisol Gaddi
Dingdong, dingdong, dingdong, dingdong…
A groan came from a plush couch.
N-No, it isn't the couch that groaned. It was the blonde, smoking hot –
Five minutes later…
– freakin' sexy, young man, named Takumi Usui, who had groaned as the persistent ringing of his doorbell interrupted him from his peaceful slumber.
Dingdong, dingdong, dingdong… the doorbell rang on.
Finally, when what seemed like an hour and a half has passed (for he had taken a shower, brewed himself a cup of coffee, cooked himself breakfast, and stared into space) he opened the door and was greeted by the sight of *bleep*, wearing *bleep*, and *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* girl.
"Oh my God. Finally… I thought you were dead already. What the hell took you so long?"
"… I didn't hear the bell ring."
"Reeeeeally?" Usui nodded. "Oh, the hell with it."
…
"Well, aren't you gonna let me in then pin me against the wall as I question you about your nearly barren apartment?"
His brow quirked up. "What are you?"
The girl walked ever so slowly towards the glass wall and only began talking once she had a good view of the city below. "You proposed to your long-time girlfriend Misaki-chan Ayuzawa, last night, yes?"
"Yes… and, now, I'm going to call the police." Usui said warily as took out his cell phone and started dialing.
"W-W-Wait!" The girl pounced at the blonde, missed, fell smack on the floor…
… and started crying. "My nose hurts!"
"It's bleeding too."
Fifteen minutes later…
"Here." Usui said as he gave the ashen girl another roll of tissue paper.
"Thank you…" she said as she stuck two sheets of tissue in her nostrils.
"So…"
The girl straightened up from her seat in the couch and stared up to Usui who remained standing up. She took a deep breath and "I'm Mari and I've come from the future… a future that didn't have you existing in it. Without you, Armageddon came in the form of a raging demon school president and I have come to make things right, to bring forth peace to the future Earth by keeping you alive."
"…"
"A-Aren't you going to ask me what made you nonexistent?"
"I died, naturally, like any other normal human being."
"Are you implying something?"
He shrugged.
Mari sighed. "Okay. That was partly a lie. The truth is… I am God."
Usui's eyes narrowed into thin, suspicious slits.
"Oh, fine! I'm such a fan of yours and that's why I transcended dimensions just so I can save you." Her expression turned grave. "You see, your little stunt last night killed a lot of patients who rely on life-support machines – machines that run on electricity – in the hospitals around the city… the families are gonna know that it was you who was behind the city-wide blackout and they're going to kill you when they find you. But, not to worry, I've concocted up a plan to… protect… you… Damn it! Where the hell are you going?"
Usui got his keys and proceeded to the door. "Eh? To my Misa-chan. Just lock up when you leave."
However, just as he was about to open the door, Mari ran and grabbed his arm – not tripping this time around. "No! Wait!... Oh my God. I'm touching you!"
Just then, the door bell rang for the nth time that day and fear instantly gripped the dimension-travelling fan girl. Mari pushed the reluctant and slightly annoyed perverted alien away as she reached up to look at peep hole.
She quickly looked back at Usui. "They're here… with torches and ropes and all that torture shit. You need to get out of here Usui."
"I can just fight them off."
Mari's blood boiled and she charged towards the blonde in an instant. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're gonna harm innocent people again? Are you some kind of psychopath? Will you honestly be that kind of husband and father? Are you really the man whom I've used as a template for my future boyfriend? Are you?"
Usui simply stared at him boringly. "And what do you suggest that we do, fan girl-chan?"
"Awww… you gave me a nickname." She then cleared her throat as he gave her a suspicious look once more, and stared at him evenly. "We're going back to my world and I'm gonna lock you up in my bedroom."
Usui shrugged her off. "Alright. Fight 'em off, it is."
Mari deadpanned. "Ouch. That hurts. I was only joking, dude. Here's my real plan: I want you to promise to pay for the patients' burial services and hospital fees then thrown in your charming, bishie smile to the grieving families."
A strong breeze swept by.
Wait… why is there a strong breeze in an enclosed room?
"… it's worth the shot."
Epilogue
It worked.
Takumi Usui lived
and the world shall continue seeing a brighter tomorrow
for the many years to come
all thanks to the crazy fan girl Mari
who was never found anymore after that.
The End.
Authoress' Notes:
Firstly, I am freakin' overjoyed! This oneshot received so much love and I could only cry with joy with the number of reviews and faves this got. Thank you very much to all of you who read, reviewed, fave-ed, or did all of the above. You peeps rock hard! XD
But I guess I apologize too if I weirded you guys out in every way… I couldn't help not doing this when my friend threatened to cyber-kill me for killing a lot of patients in the hospital after Usui's proposal. She's a cyber-law enforcer AND a cyber-sniper, you see. I needed to redeem both Usui and I in some way to save both our lives.
Yup… my friend and I are both insane and that is why this is a crack fic. Haha. My first ever crack fic! And I was in it! Wooooo~ XD
I talked and touched Usui! XP Hahahaha…
Hope you enjoyed this and totally not ruined the original story!
I swear I'm gonna study now.
Hearts,
Mari
February 10, 2011
P.S.: For those who don't know… SI means 'Self-Insertion'… not the SI units in math.