Chapter Two
My alarm pierced through the room as I struggled to regain consciousness. Last night was the first time since Julia died that I didn't dream about her. The last thing I remember before finally passing out was a big pair of deep, smoldering, ocean-coloured eyes burning into my frontal lobe. Did I dream of Clare? No, surely I couldn't have been dreaming about another girl when my girlfriend had not even been dead four months. I sat up in my bed, trying to recall what I did dream about; I couldn't remember. I went downstairs to find my mother making pancakes and bacon for my father and I. "Hey baby! How was your night? I'm sorry we weren't able to have dinner together, so I decided to wake up early so I can make you breakfast!". "Mom-err, CeCe, I really don't have time to eat breakfast, I don't even have time to shower this morning". God, calling my mom by her first name gets real annoying, real quick. But she insists.. "That's okay, I figured you could skip your first period and have breakfast with us. I kind of already called the school and said you'd be late. I hope you don't mind." She looked kind of sheepish and I know she means well. A half mooned smirk spreads across my face and I take my designated seat at our humble kitchen table. "Thanks Cece, I really appreciate it. I love you guys". After breakfast, I take my time getting ready. I'm already late right? I take a shower and I blow out my long black locks. I use my handy flat iron that I haven't touched in months. In three and a half months to be exact, I think to myself again. Will Julia ever leave my fucking head? She's left the earth and I mourned for her. But do I really deserve to mourn the rest of my life. "Of course I do", I muttered softly. With my hair impeccably straight, I swipe a couple of dark lines on my eyelids. I used to wear eyeliner back home in British Columbia and everyone loved it. I threw on my favourite outfit: My skinniest black skinny jeans that I got at Hot Topic on a clearance rack, a metal looking Alesana band tee, and my black Doc Martens that were identical to the ones that Julia was buried in. I took another quick look in my bathroom mirror and headed out to leave for school.
I kiss my mom and tell my father goodbye; they were just going to lay down for the day. I had fifteen minutes to get to second period. I start Morty up and head over to Degrassi for my second day. Am I more than you bargained for yet? I've been dyin' to tell you anything you want to hear, cause that's just who I am this week. Fall out boy's been one of my favourite bands for as long as I could remember and I'm singing along to the poppy beat as well as I could. I pull up in a spot and dash into the school to receive my late slip. I made it just in time for second period to start and the bell rings as soon as I walk through the doorway. I go to take my seat and realize that someone is in the seat directly behind mine. "Holy fuck", I accidently said out loud. Clare fucking Edwards, my new fascination is sitting at the desk behind me. "What was that Mr. Goldsworthy? You're already late, you don't need a detention for cursing aloud in my classroom on top of that. And it's only your second day! Take your seat so I can begin." I didn't even apologize to Mrs. Dawes due to pretty much being in shock. Before I sit down I take a quick peak at Clare and my knees start to buckle. You can get through this class without looking like a total idiot, Eli. Just be cool, be your normal self, I give myself a mental pep talk. I can feel a pair of eyes on the back of my head. Was Clare staring at me? "Clare, would you please read the next scene from Romeo and Juliet to the class for us?" Obeying Mrs. Dawes request, Clare stands from her seat and begins reading without looking from her book. She knows Shakespeare by heart? Impressive. "O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse they name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet!" My mouth drops open and I turn all the way around to get a better look at this classic beauty reciting one of the most tragic love stories of all time. "'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot belonging to a man.." This is where I decided, I had to kiss her.
I spent the rest of English class daydreaming of Clare. I woke when the bell rang and turned around to say hello to Clare, but she was already gone. I head to my next class and start planning my ambush. Lunch finally arrives and I retreat to the cafeteria to find a certain pair of pretty blue eyes. I spot her at table with the girl she was with yesterday. I'm halfway to her table and feel myself being jerked in the opposite direction. "Hey! Where were you at lunch yesterday? I was going to see if we could have sit together but you totally went AWOL". I recognize Adam's small, feminine voice and remember we talked all day yesterday. "Oh, I really like to just sit in my car during lunch. You know, and listen to music? But today I thought I'd be a normal person and socialize", I reply pretty lamely. Adam leads us to an open table and begins ranting about his stupid ballroom dance class and how it's totally queer and barbaric. To be honest, I really wasn't listening. After about five minutes of pretend-listening I interrupt him, "Hey who's that?" pointing at Clare's table. "That's Aliah Bhandari and Clare Edwards. But Aliah goes by Ali" Adam says while chewing his food. "Dude, that's so gross. Hm. Clare." "Wait, you have a thing for Clare?" "No, of course not. I don't even know her", I try to cover up the question. I think Clare realizes I was staring at her because her eyes flash to me briefly and I give her one of my famous half smile smirks. She turns a delicious shade of pink and turns her head back to her friend. I can't wait to make her blush every day for the rest of my life.
I can't help but feel guilty for the rest of the day. I didn't think about Julia the whole time I was at school. I knew it didn't make any sense for me to care so much about what Julia thought, because she was dead. Literally six feet under the ground, she had no idea who Clare was and that I thought I was in love with her. Julia and I didn't believe in an afterlife and I knew that she was wasn't looking down at me, judging from Heaven. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I cared so much if she was upset that I was pining for Clare. And she would never know. Julia was my girlfriend for two and a half years and I loved her. But could I love Clare like I loved Julia? I don't know if that's possible. I made this drive home from school a silent one. My temples ached from thinking so much today. I came home to an empty house. Again. I go to the kitchen to myself dinner and I eat while watching television. I take out the student directory and open my laptop. I sign into to my IM and search Clare's name on the directory. I send an IM to her and hold my breath until I get a reply
eligolds123: hey, I'm Eli. the kid who broke your glasses. and i'm in your english class.
clareedwards: Hello, nice to formally meet LOL I'm Clare.
eligolds123: let's sit together tomorrow during lunch?
clareedwards: Sure, meet in the café? (:
clareedwards has signed off
My heart felt like I just ran a marathon. I could feel my heartbeat through my ears. I go up to my bedroom and throw on my headphones. I quickly turn my ipod on and let the lyrics of Eyes Set to Kill flow to my ears. Sip my blood till there's no blood left to spill from my neck, embraced by a concealed grip I welcomed in my arms, in my arms. In my arms. Bruised by your love, burned by your kiss. Is this true love? Is this true love. I went over what I was going to talk to Clare about tomorrow. I was drawing blanks and I was scared shitless.