To my dear reviewer, sorry I won't write haikus with Zer0. Mostly because those attempts I did while preparing this chapter were aberrations.
Chapter 2.-Kicking frozen asses.
Cold. It was cold. Colder than a party full of people who hate each other in the room. Colder than absolute zero!
Okay, that's exaggerated. Also, why he complained about cold? He was a robot! Claptrap, the last of his kind. Courtesy Handsome 'Jackass' the Asshole. Jack the son of a... he was getting too pissed off. And it was understandable, if your product series decides to start a robolution and ends up starting a crusade to slaughter all humans, and your creator is a human... just see this things and see the result.
Nevertheless, Jack was an Asshole. He would avenge his brothers, except that robots don't have family. Never mind!
Five seemed drifters to survive this time. Perhaps he would be lucky and get out of this frozen hellhole of a dump where Jack dumped all the idiots that came to Pandora looking for the vault. If they were one of those, he could use them. He was more intelligent after all. Robots are always more intelligent. And handsome, and more...erm... EVERYTHING! End of the question.
Five seemed in fair shape. Ups, there was a psycho. Okay. With this one take a stone and smash-
Krieg grabbed the claptrap and stared it. Right now his sentient, reasonable part was groggy.
"Nipple salads, what we have here? It's a poop-bin!"
"Ahhh! Jesustron save me!"
"Krieg, stop right now!"
Upon hearing Maya's command, the intelligent part of Krieg (you know, the one that's not always thinking about nipples and meatbikes) managed to get a hold of his body. By then both Axton and Salvador rose up too. And Jinx was moving right now, flipping his legs and his torso buried in the earth like an ostrich. She was screaming, asking for help. When Axton and Zer0 plucked her out of the ground she was paler than before.
"W-where's shorty?"Asked Jinx.
And then an arm appeared from below the snow, hairy and white. It was obvious it belonged to a zombie, so everyone did the most sensible thing when a zombie attacks: scream and wet their breeches. Claptrap excelled in that department. Screaming that is, robots don't wet their breeches, never.
"Mmha-ammah."Gurgled the owner of that zombie arm.
"Vade retro satana!"Shouted Axton while doing the cross' sign to exorcise it. No effects, thought.
"Dieeeeee!" Cried Jinx while hammering it with a shovel she had found. Once, twice and thrice the steel clashed with the zombie. Then Jinx got a sudden surge of energy derived from hysteria and proceeded to swing the shovel with all her strength... for a whole minute.
Once she finished, the hand moved again, but before anyone could react again, Salvador emerged. Apparently the arm didn't belong to a zombie. A pity, specially the poor gunzerker's arm was nearly broken now.
"Welcome to this frozen shithole! Here's where Handsome Jack dumps all the idi-adventurers that come in search of the vault!"Claptrap picked a piece of junk from a corpse."Take this tool I just found to aid in your endeavour."
"Wait, do you expect us to plunder the de-"Maya's voice trailed off as she saw Jinx disrobing one of the leanest corpses, the others were doing the same."What's wrong with-OH MY GOD! IS THAT A LUIS VUITTON!?
At that, Maya couldn't resist the temptation. It helped quite a bit that she was freezing her ass to death too. Just a bit, though. Now everyone was properly clothed to survive the unforgiving cold, but none of them had weapons. The corpses had none so the living wouldn't go better.
"No problem, as long as I have fishbones and..."Jinx tried to find her beloved weapons, to no avail. She turned all the corpses, dug the surrounding snow, and when she realized she wouldn't find them, she kneeled and shouted."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GOOOOOOD I CUUUUURSE YOUUUUUUUUUU!"
The other members of the party observed her from a safe distance. Salvador, due to his deep connection with the Gunvana (the Nirvana of Guns) could understand Jinx's pain. For a gunzerker (and she was truly a gunzerker) there was nothing worse than losing your gun... well... yes, getting your gun stolen and that the thief shoots you with it. Nevertheless, it is painful.
"Are you okay, girl?"Asked Salvador once she stopped her yelling.
To all response, Jinx rose up, with a pissed off expression.
"Let's find this Handsome Jackass."
Claptrap guided the group inside his hut, if a cave with a few things and devices was worth calling a hut. He promised them guns (you can't go to a hellhole like Pandora without weapons), so all of them agreed. Apparently Claptrap had been there months before by Jack's actions, similarly the way the ended up dumped in the snow. Fortunately, the robot found the hut, and made it a 'nice' place to take refuge from the wild Bullymongs, specially the alpha male of this zone, whom Claptrap nicknamed as Knuckle Dragger.
"But don't worry, he won't enter here, that muscles-for-brain." Assured Claptrap.
Yes, he didn't enter, he stormed the cave from the ceiling, grabbing Claptrap and stealing his eye. Nobody moved an inch, since apes' vision works on movement (wait, it was apes or snakes? thought Axton.). After that Claptrap rose up, whining in a happy humorous tone, the only one he had.
"Augh, please help me."Begged the robot."Without my eye I can't see, and if I can't see we won't escape."
That was enough motivation as to get the six adventurers on the move. They took the weapons (nothing fancy, four pistols, a small rifle and a gunshot that Jinx wouldn't give up to anyone). Good and sturdy stuff, just what they needed, plus plenty of ammo. Armed again, the party was all pumped out.
"Hell yeah, let's rock this party!"
"The days of the Tentacle are out! Prepare the Mister Kittens for the downfall!"Yelled Krieg.
With that they moved on, entering the tunnels outside Claptrap's lair and beating the dogshit out of the bullymongs that crossed them. The most memorable were the first two. Jinx made a super jump and shot at point-blank range the first one, whereas the rest pumped with lead the other. First blood, and it had been fun. annihilating the rest proved a more tedious job, more routine. I mean, killing one could be cool, two fun, but twenty? Fortunately, Claptrap trampling and falling and getting hit constantly (with his tirade of yells ranging from "Squires protect me!" to "Robogod save me!") made the thing more enjoyable.
Soon enough, the party reached what seemed to be an ice arena.
"Hell, someone has got to spend a lot of time here." Murmured Salvador.
"You bet it, this ice seems to be harder than stone, and it doesn't seem natural to me."Commented Axton.
Claptrap stumbled again, screeching louder than ever. But he suddenly halted.
"Wait, I can see a group of six weirdos and a super-gorgeous robot!" He announced happily."Oh...wait."
Yup, it was Knuckle Dragger. The super bullymong, with muscles bigger than Salvador appeared out of nowhere. He carried the eye, and was followed by a dozen bullymongs.
"This is going to get rough." Said Maya.
"This is going to get funny."Punctualized Jinx.
"IT'S DONKEY MONG!"Shouted Krieg.
Soon enough more bullymongs appeared. Zer0 killed ten, mostly beheading them.
The others got a good share too. Mostly the simply shot the fuck out of them on sight. Not something one would write home about. Axton positioned his turrets forming a defensive ring while the machines blasted the monkeys. Jinx headshooted them. Maya used her powers to... do things with them. Salvador wasted ammo while killing all his targets, somehow.
The real deal proved to be the alpha male. Dragger was a tough bitch, and shrugged all the bullets. Jinx tried to blow his head at point-blank range, but the bullymong caught her, and she ended smashed on the wall with Maya behind them.
Things went downhill after that. The others were roflstomped. Axton proved to stand more punishment with the help of his turrets. But seriously, what was wrong with that ape's skin? He didn't get a chance to ask, as it crushed his turrets, and nearly did so with his bones. It would have done so weren't for a boomerang that appeared out of nowhere.
Dragger turned to face the fool. A small ball of orange fur and brown eyes. Barely measuring half a meter of height. With big eyes and fangs that grew out of his mouth. The pitiful creature wore a skull cap and a loincloth. The bullymong didn't pay more attention to the annoyance, limiting it to slapping it and sending it flying backwards. The soldier was a more worthy prey.
Two pace Dragger walked before getting hit by a rock, a hugeass one. Now he turned again, really angry, his blood boiling.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
In front of him stood a humoungulous beast with red and blue fur and ferocious fangs, big and golden eyes who wore a skull cap and a loincloth. The beast wielded a tiny boomerang. The beast hid it inside the loincloth and charged. Dragger did so too. He had four arms, the red one just had two! Alas he couldn't use none of them. Before he could reach the other beast, it crushed his skull with its clutches.
The bullymong stumbled, danced a bit, and fell. When the party rose up and observed the spectacle, they were surprised to find again the little fur ball. It approached Jinx, who muttered in disbelief.
"Gnar!"
Soo... yes, this is how chapter 2 ends. I'm planning to progresively add champions from lol, either helping the resistance or Jack. Not all of them will be present, but at least my main champs will appear. That is: Vel'koz, Jinx, obviously, Xin Zhao and Annie. As for Gnar, I found it funny, and it makes a nice Deus Ex Machina.