Seized With Life

by Lord Malachite

Chapter 12-The aftermath of Raven's outburst finds Jinx ministering to Terra, but the blonde is happier in the realm of her fantasies than in that of the cold dark reality lying in wait for her. Meanwhile, Raven approaches Robin about a way to end the ongoing drama surrounding the raising of their daughter, Rain-if he can bear the cost. RobxRae eventual BBxTerra Updated 6/25/14

2. The Human Stain Could'a Would'a Should'a

Chapter Two: The Human Stain, Part One: Could'a, Would'a, Should'a

At the top-center of Titans Tower, Cyborg worked at a control panel feverishly, making adjustments beneath its dashboard. Several feet away, Terra sat in a chair with a tall, metal back. There were slots on the arms of the chair to secure her arms and wrists, but currently, the nervous blonde girl was not restrained. She would be, when they were ready to start—not for her imprisonment, but for her own protection. Robin was sure not to wander far from Terra's sight. It had been a joint effort between himself and Beast Boy to convince her to try this, and he wasn't willing to let the girl feel like she was on her own now. Beast Boy had gone out to get her a bit of comfort food for later, knowing all her favorites—but he had promised to return before anything started. As for Raven, she was in her room, meditating, Starfire was directly engaging Terra, offering her abundantly cheerful attitude and positive outlook as reassurance that things would turn out well. Of that, Terra felt uncertain.

The room's extra inhabitant paced back and forth in frustration, bored out of her mind and looking as though she wanted to be anywhere else. Her pink, matted hair was strewn about her head in a mockery of her normal hairstyle—she had been temporarily released from her imprisonment to assist the very people that were responsible for it, the irony was not lost on her in the slightest. She clenched her fists, skin chaffing against the manacles that bound her. It would serve them all right if she forced herself free and hexed their stupid tower a new one. It would certainly make her feel good. But it wouldn't do anything to ease her overall predicament. Three months cooling her heels in a prison cell that was very effective at deflecting her special brand of black magic had taught her something nothing else had—H.I.V.E. didn't care about her anymore. And she had burned a bridge with the Titans to boot. Surely H.I.V.E. would've sent someone to break her out, or the Titans would've used some influence to get her a suspended sentence. But ever since her confinement, there had been no visitors, no communications, not even a cake with a file in it. And then he had to come and show up and offer her a chance to do something. Smiling confidently through that stupid mask of his, offering her some fresh air, a change of scenery, something to do—and all he wanted was for her to accompany him back to their stupid tower and be on standby as some kind of insurance policy.

Jinx sighed loudly, the bindings on her wrists rattling loudly with her animations. It had been such an enticing offer. One night, even one night away from that torturous cell was worth almost anything, she had thought. And now that she was here, it was nearly as boring as prison. They wouldn't let her do anything. Not even watch TV under guard.

"Something wrong, Jinx?" Robin asked, inclining his head in her direction.

"You could at least let me do something." She moaned. "This is more boring than those rehabilitation films they force us to watch in prison."

"Actions have consequences." Robin told her. "You're here because we have a use for you and your recent prison record shows there's some hope you might pursue other interests."

"And you call yourself a hero. You could at least have undone these stinking cuffs now that I'm here. They're digging into my skin like leeches. Trust me, I'm not stupid enough to take all three of you on, plus the gloomy chick can't be far away. And I'm not naïve enough to think that even if I somehow beat all four of you I would get more than two lengths down the hallway without running into traps and defenses you've outfitted to resist my charms. You never would have let me in here otherwise unless you were desperate." Jinx sniffed. "And you're not desperate."

"All the same, I think we'll keep you the way you are, Jinx. Trust has to be earned."

"Does it matter, bird brain? It's common sense!" It doesn't matter whether we trust each other or not. The fact of the matter is that even if I was dumb enough to try something I'd get squashed like a bug! You could at least do me some common courtesy!"

Robin made a show of pondering her request. "Common courtesy…I guess it's a good thing you're uncommon."

"But I've helped you before!"

"Yes, you have. That doesn't excuse the shoplifting spree you went on at the mall."

"So I was blowing off steam!"

"Nice way of going about it."

"Look, we were downtown, having a nice lunch at this great little bistro. Here I am, the city's cutest little hearththrob, out with one of the biggest hunks around, and the jerk is sitting there, totally staring down our waitress' shirt, right in front of me! I mean, who does Flash think he is? And then he tries to deny he's been doing it when I call him on it! I was so angry, I decided I would show him a thing or two!"

"So in your frustration and grief, you wandered down to the mall and held up seventeen different stores and hexed the fountain and the escalators."

"Old habits, alright! Look, it was stupid, I admit it. I didn't exactly fight when the authorities arrived. Better to be caught by the ridiculous cops than to have you guys come down on me."

"I wouldn't have been too pleased. I'll give you one bonus point for ending it yourself."

"How generous." Jinx snorted. "I thought that maybe a little criminal activity would revive H.I.V.E.'s interest in me."

"You sided against them in battle, remember? With us?"

"And look what I get for my trouble. None of you even bothered checking up on me!"

Robin shook his head. "I really wanted to think you were changing, Jinx. But you can't just explain stuff like this away."

"I said I'm sorry! Look, I got angry, and I did something stupid, okay? I was just trying to hurt Flash the way he was hurting me. But…even he didn't come to visit."

"When you've finished serving your time, we'll talk."

"Don't do me any favors." She glared at him angrily.

"You don't want a second chance?"

"I…" She felt like a door was closing on her. Her past was gone, and the future would escape, a chance to be someone would escape…Kid Flash would escape.

"Jinx, if you help us out tonight, I'll make sure you get that second chance if you want it. But you have to want it."

"I'm here, aren't I?" She put on a lopsided grin. "I'll help out. And I won't try anything stupid. So can you let me out of these? Please?"

"For now, they're staying. I'm a little short on people to babysit."

Exasperated, Jinx raised her arms in a classic put-up-your-dukes pose, stretching the chain between her manacles so taut her wrists were screaming for relief. "What's the matter, Robin? Your girlfriend doesn't let you tie her up with handcuffs? I should've known you were the type to enjoy that type of thing."

Starfire temporarily abandoned her post to intervene. "I do not understand where this false idea started, but I can assure you that my boy does not utilize the handcuffs on me as I am not a threat." The red-haired alien grinned widely, floating just slightly off the ground and wrapping an arm possessively around Robin's shoulders.

Robin felt a combination of pride, embarrassment, and a bit of discomfort for having Starfire's considerable strength weighing down on his shoulders unexpectedly. "Erm…thanks Starfire." He smiled sheepishly.

"It was my pleasure to assist." Starfire said happily, always grateful to be praised by her leader.

"Whatever." Jinx rolled her eyes. "Look, can't you let me do anything? A deck of cards? A magazine? Some pots and pans to bang together?"

Robin rubbed his chin, looking up at Starfire. "I suppose we could always just gag her and stick her in the corner until we need her."

Jinx snorted. "Kinky, too." She looked the Boy Wonder over with exaggeration. "Well, I suppose we don't have common goals or values, but there may be other things we can come together on."

Robin grabbed her by the ear and began moving her towards the room's closet. "Ow! That hurts! Come on, don't be so rough!" Her eyes went wide when she saw the blackness she was about to be forced into. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'll be good! It was just a joke! Please?"

Robin released her ear and spun her towards him.

"Please? Come on, not the closet, it's dark in there."

"Afraid of the dark?"

"Brother Blood put me in solitary once when I failed…that's enough to make anyone afraid of the dark."

Robin sighed in frustration. "We don't have time to babysit you, Jinx."

"I'll be quiet." She pouted. "Just let me out of these things, please. I'm not kidding, they're scraping me!"

"Toughen up."

"They hurt!"

"Robin…" A voice came tentatively from the middle of the room, where Starfire was standing next to Terra again, both girls staring intently at the exchange. Starfire spoke again now that she had his attention. "I will watch her."

Jinx looked at the Tamaranian powerhouse in shock. "Huh."

Robin said nothing, but seized Jinx's left arm and pulled her towards the girls. "Fine, you two can keep her company." He let go of the hex princess when reaching Starfire, fishing inside of his utility belt and removing the keys. A little more gently, he took Jinx's arm again and fulfilled her desires, unlocking the restraints and removing them. To his surprise, the girl hadn't been lying—her pale skin showed angry red marks on both wrists.

Jinx caught him looking and thrust both her arms towards him. "See! I told you those things were killing me!" She blew on them gently, frowning at the marks that would undoubtedly be left behind.

"Terra, go get some lotion out of the first aid kit." Robin stated to placate the prisoner's whines. "Starfire, watch our guest. If she tries anything, if she even sneezes or breaks wind, I want to know about it immediately."

Jinx alternated rubbing her wrists. "I already told you, what am I going to try? I'm alone, I'm outnumbered, I'm outgunned, I'm not armed, and you've made it clear you can take me back to that horrible place at any time if I don't cooperate. Just because I've done stupid things doesn't mean I'm stupid."

Robin examined the girl with a hard stare. "Then why'd you go backwards? Doing hard time isn't fun when you know no one is coming to bust you out."

"I've still got another six months to go." Jinx moaned.

"And after that?"

"How should I know? Why do you care, anyway?"

"Because I like to offer choices."

"What you want me to join your little jamboree of girl scouts again?"

"You were well on your way to that before and didn't seem to have a problem with it. Why not start by deciding not to do the kinds of things that get you put in jail to begin with?"

"It would be most agreeable if we did not have to meet in battle again." Starfire nodded, wanting to encourage the girl.

"Yeah, well…look, why don't you look me up when they let me out for good and we'll see. I might get a better offer." Robin stared at her and said nothing. Finally, she relented. "I'll try if you'll have me."

"I'll be the one to pick you up when you've finished serving your time."

"First you argue with me, then you ask me out on a date? Maybe you're my type after all."

Robin rolled his eyes and went to check up on Cybrog's work.

Jinx watched the leader of the Titans walk off, shaking her head in confusion and wonder. "Is he always so-?"

"He is Robin." Starfire said. "He always wishes the best for others if they will only make the effort."

"Hmpf." Jinx crossed her arms over her chest, finally smiling when she saw the blonde girl coming back. She quickly snatched the tube of crème before Terra could even finish extending her arm, and practically purred as she rubbed it onto her wrists.

Terra looked at Starfire apprehensively. "Is she alright?"

Jinx responded before the green-eyed girl had a chance. "So I bruise easily." She scoffed, sticking her tongue out. "So what am I doing here, anyway?" Based on the fact two of you are absent and Goldilocks here is new, this isn't a fight. Too bad, I could've used some real exercises."

Terra spoke up. "Robin is going to help me with getting-"

"A good night's sleep every night." Robin stated, interrupting Terra's explanation.

"Huh? But you said-"

"And I meant it. But I think it's best if Jinx doesn't have all the specifics."

Jinx mocked him. "And how am I supposed to help if I don't even know what we're doing? You're supposed to be the brains of the outfit!"

"We're doing something." Robin emphasized. "You're the insurance policy in case things go wrong."

Cyborg pulled himself out from beneath the console, checking a few connections. "Besides," he vocalized the thought Robin wasn't saying, "the less the hired help knows, the harder it is for them to be treacherous. Alright, I think we're ready for phase one."

"I'm not being treacherous!" Jinx stamped her foot, but the others continued to act as though she weren't there.

"What's phase one?" Terra asked nervously.

"Phase one is where we scan your brain and see if we can find the memory block."

"Will it hurt?"

Cyborg smiled to her. "Hurt? No, it won't hurt at all. Although it might tickle a little."

"Tickling I can handle." Terra smiled.

"So what should I do?" Jinx asked, following their conversation.

"You should wait for us to call you." Robin told the witch.

Jinx kicked at the floor. "The hospitality in prison is better."

"I could put you in the closet and you can pretend it's your cell." Robin offered.

Almost immediately, Jinx's attitude changed. "No, no, that's quite alright! I think I'll just sit on the floor…over there…out of everyone's way….with Starfire watching me. Yeah, that's it. I've been looking forward to it all week…"

Starfire half-pulled, half-carried the coquettish villainess-turned-heroine-turned-prisoner away from the chair Terra sat down in,. Cyborg lowered a helmet from the top of it and fastened it around the blonde's head. "Okay, Terra. We're going to do a brain scan. We're just going to try and make a map of your mind. I promise no one will do anything until Beast Boy comes back."

"Okay." She held her hands together nervously.

Cyborg and Robin looked at each other. Casually, the dark-skinned man activated the machine, causing the helmet around Terra's head to glow slightly. Almost immediately, data began pouring in from the wires that connected the helmet to the main apparatus, which parsed the information and began constructing a mental map of Terra's head. She grimaced slightly, and Robin reassured her.

"It won't hurt, Terra. Just clear your head and let the helmet probe you. We won't try to reach the locked memories until you're ready."

"It feels like something…rummaging through my head…I'm dizzy."

"Relax." Robin moved closer to her and reached for her hand, squeezing it. "We're here. We won't let anything bad happen to you.

Terra screwed her eyes shut and let the machine have its way.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Seventy-Five minutes later, Terra was not only free of the machine (for the time being), but also indulging in an oven-cooked cheese and macaroni casserole. Beast Boy sat across from her, offering his best support and encouragement.

"Robin and Cyborg said you did great!" The changeling beamed, spooning his would-be girlfriend a second helping and taking a plate for himself as well.

"I just sat there." Terra shrugged, popping another mouthful of the gooey dinner into her mouth. "It felt really weird."

"Did it hurt?" Beast Boy asked with concern.

Terra thought about it for a moment, unsure of the right response. "Not exactly. It didn't hurt per se, but I don't know if I'd want to go through it again."

"It don't think you'll have to. Now that your mind is mapped, we can help find the damaged parts of your memory and help you remember before."

Terra put her spoon down, frowning. "Beast Boy?"

"Yeah?"

"You said…that what I can't remember…I did some bad things."

The green changeling seemed to deflate. Sure, he knew Terra would remember the bad times if they were successful—but she would remember the good times, too. "I, you see, Terra…yeah…" He looked down into his bowl.

"How bad, exactly."

"Terra…"

"Tell me the truth, please."

"Bad." Beast Boy admitted.

"Did I hurt people?" She asked earnestly, afraid to know the truth but feeling she had to.

"You could say that." The green boy failed to meet her gaze.

Terra shut her eyes, afraid she was about to cry. "Then why would I want to remember things like that?"

"Because that's not all there is. We were friends, Terra. We were really good together. It wasn't all bad things. And the good times…they were some of the best memories I have, Terra. The bad stuff, it doesn't matter. We would've moved past all that."

"You're not going to tell me what happened, are you?"

"I don't care what happened anymore, Terra. None of us do. Why would any of us want you around so much if we cared about the past."

"Then why do you care if I remember it?" Terra cried. "I'm here now. You claim you once took a chance on whoever I once was. Well I'm willing to take your word for it that this other life happened. Isn't that enough? Why do I have to remember things if they're so terrible?" she pleaded with him like one would pleas for their own freedom. "I don't know anything about this other life you say that I had and I don't want to."

"But it wasn't all bad."

"If it wasn't, then why won't you tell me, really tell me what happened."

"I…" And therein was the problem. He had no real answer to give her. Fortunately, he would be spared having to admit that…for the moment.

"Beast Boy." Robin walked into the kitchen from the stairway, concern evident on his face as well as in his voice.

"Robin?" The Titan in question responded.

"We need to talk about something." The masked lad inclined his head at Terra sheepishly. "In private."

Terra nodded her head. "Should I go?"

"No, wait here." Robin told her. "You and I also need to have a private chat when we're done."

"Okay." She replied nervously, swirling her spoon in her pasta casserole.

Robin wasted no time, pulling Beast Boy into the alcove off of the common room. "We have a problem."

The changeling frowned. "What kind of problem?"

"The brainscan."

"I thought you said you finished it."

"We did."

"So what's the problem?"

"Her brain."

"Say what?"

Robin sighed. "Beast Boy, her brain is…something doesn't add up. Cyborg and I are having trouble sifting her memories. I'm not sure she is blocked."

"So what's the problem?"

"That girl…she may really not be Terra."

"What? You're out of your mind! Come on, of course it's Terra! I know Terra. She looks like Terra. She sounds like Terra. She smells like Terra. I don't care what some stupid computer says! I'm telling you, it's her."

"Is it? Or do you just want it to be her?" Robin asked.

"I know the difference between fantasy and reality. I'm telling you, it's her."

Robin said nothing for a moment, letting Beast Boy's declaration speak for itself. "I'm not saying she's not. I can't prove it either way at this point. But we have a hard decision to make here. If I go inside her mind with her to unblock those lose memories, and she doesn't have them because she's not really Terra, then we're putting a lot of anguish on a nice girl for no reason."

"Well that's not going to happen, because it is Terra! I'll swear it in a court of law!"

"So lets say she is, and we find those memories, and we unblock them. She's happy now, Beast Boy. Do you really think she still will be when she remembers being Slade's apprentice?"

"What about the good times? She was more than just Slade's plaything, wasn't she?"

"Yes, she was. That's why we tried to reach her even when she seemed intent on killing us."

"Robin…"

"Beast Boy, what I'm saying is…this is starting to feel more and more like a lose-lose situation."

"But…we might be able to help her get her powers back. She could be a Titan again!"

"What if it isn't her?"

"Then where did her statue go? I don't know what's happened to Terra since we last saw her, but I won't write her off!"

"Okay." Robin breathed. "But whatever we do next, it has to be her decision. Let me talk to her. I want to try a few things."

"You're not giving up, are you?"

"No. I'm going to try everything I can to get more information before we commit to doing or not doing anything."

Beast Boy's frustration couldn't be more evident, but Robin had promised he wasn't giving up. For now, he would take comfort in that. "You believe me, right?"

Robin offered him a soft look. "I believe that you believe it's her. That means something. But I also know how much you want it to be her. I'd rather not decide whether she is or isn't without better information to go on. But I will do everything in my power to prove it one way or the other. Even if she isn't Terra, these coincidences are entirely too big to be explained away. If it truly isn't the Terra we know, someone's playing a game with us. And I think we both know who likes to play games."

If he had looked concerned before, he was downright crestfallen now. "No…Slade."

"Exactly."

"You can't let him have her again, Robin!"

Robin placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and spoke with confidence. "We won't."

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

When Robin moved back to the kitchen, he found Terra sitting at the table by herself, the lighting dimmed. She stared into the bowl of cooling food, looking through it rather than at it. Beast Boy had gone upstairs to check out the brainscan, leaving the leader of the Titans alone to talk with the troubled girl.

"Terra?" He asked gently, putting some water on to boil and taking the seat directly across from her.

She looked up, here beautiful, doe like eyes moist. She was holding back tears. Robin normally kept himself emotionally neutral to most crises, even among his team. Being supportive was important, and he always tried to do that. But he couldn't afford to become too attached to any of them—split second decisions in battle could just as easily result in him having to leave one of them in harm's way.

Terra, however, was not a part of the team. She had been, once. Or the other Terra had. She was one of the better things to have happened to them. And also one of the worst. Still, in spite of everything, Robin couldn't bring himself to harbor anger against her. She had been his responsibility. He should have been able to reach her. He'd been through what she was going through, been a puppet for Slade. Terra represented one of his two greatest failures as leader of the Titans, something that still kept him awake some nights. If she was back, it meant more than a second chance for her. It meant a second chance for himself.

"I thought I knew who I was." She sniffed, struggling so hard not to let the tears come.

"You do know." Robin told her.

"But everyone keeps saying that this isn't who I am. But they're not me. You're not me."

"I know."

"So why shouldn't I just run away? You can't keep me here!"

"If you really want to leave, we won't stop you. You're not a prisoner."

"I want to leave." She wiped her arm across her eyes. "I just want to go back to school and see my friends and pretend that we never met." She finally pushed the food away from her, not being able to look at it any longer. "But every time I try to, something stops me. I don't know what it is, I don't know how I let it get this far. I keep thinking that Beast Boy is crazy…but then there's this voice whispering inside me that keeps saying to listen to him. That he's telling the truth. I just…I just want to know who I am! Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up in the morning in the place you think you've always known and suddenly be afraid that it's a lie? That nothing in your life is real?"

"I want to know who you are too." Robin answered as the kettle began to whistle. Standing up, he took it off the burner, then opened the cabinet and rummaged in Raven's stash of tea. Idly, Robin wondered if she actually counted the bags. If so, there would probably be hell to pay later. Regardless, he helped himself to two servings, and placed each bag into a mug.

"You said you knew who I was." Terra asked, now more confused than ever.

The masked teen placed a mug in front of her, then added sugar to his own before proffering it to the blonde. She accepted gratefully, it was as though something hot and relaxing was exactly what she needed. "Could I have some cream?"

One hand on the back of his chair, Robin spun around, opening the fridge and removing the small cruet of half-and-half kept on hand for coffee. He placed it in front of the girl, shutting the fridge and sliding into his chair in one fluid motion. "I thought I did."

Terra added a few dollops of cream to her beverage and stirred with the spoon from her bowl, blowing on the tea and then taking a sip. She instantly felt the warmth spread into her throat like an embrace, and was grateful for Robin's keen observation. "I don't understand."

"Neither do I." Robin shrugged his shoulders. "We did the brainscan. But we're having trouble pinpointing any definitive memory blocks."

"So what does that mean?"

"There's more. Everything seems too organized, too…artificial. Typically, a brain is like a messy room. Everything's in there and you generally know where to find it, but it's not exactly organized and alphabetized. Your mind is…very organized. It's like looking through a filing cabinet."

"So, you mean I'm not her? This other Terra?"

"Actually, I'm not certain. There are a lot of possibilities. I didn't want to tell Beast Boy exactly what was on my mind until I can be more certain."

"Can you tell me? Please, Robin, I need to know who I am!"

"That's what we're going to find out." Robin took a sip of his own tea, rubbing his chin in thought. "Alright, I can give you a basic rundown."

"Please!" Terra insisted.

"The first one would be what we initially were expecting. That you really are Terra, our Terra, the one we keep talking about. That somehow your memories were blocked, or overwritten, or something."

"That's what Beast Boy keeps saying."

"And he may be right. But he may not be either. We'll have to find out."

"So what else could it be?"

"Well, you could just be a schoolgirl who happens to look incredibly like our Terra. Identically like her. But unless you have a long lost twin sister, or an evil twin, I'm kind of ruling that one out. There are too many other coincidences that I can't just ignore."

"Okay." Terra breathed, drinking more of her tea. "So, let's say for a minute that it's not a coincidence, but I'm not your Terra either. Then who the heck am I?"

"If that turns out to be the case, I'd rather not say."

Terra stood up, knocking her chair away. "Don't play games! Tell me the truth! I need to know who I am!" She yelled, and tears finally broke through her fragile visage. "I need to know, please…I'd rather know I was some kind of monster and be sure of it than question everything I've ever known for the rest of my life."

"Terra…"

"Please…don't do this to me. It's my life, Robin. It's my choice."

"You…she…she wasn't a monster."

"Beast Boy said that she…that I…did bad things. Really, really bad things. I need to know the truth. Why won't any of you tell me?"

"She was our friend. Those bad things…she didn't do them because she was born that way. She didn't start out trying to hurt…she was just…slowly made into one. I should have stopped it. I should have seen the warning signs and pulled her back."

"Pulled her back from what? Robin, please…"

Clutching the mug so tight he was afraid it would break, Robin downed most of the tea in one gulp and stood up. "Come on, there are some things I should show you." He took her hand and led her upstairs.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Robin walked down the dark hallways briskly, Terra in tow. They marched through the general living areas and beyond the series of bedrooms that each one of the Titans had made into their own personal refuge, before finally reaching the end of the hall. Yellow police tape had been across the door, but sometime recently, it appeared to have been cut.

Robin sighed. "Looks like Beast Boy has been busy."

"With what?" Terra questioned.

"After we lost you…her…"

"Robin?"

"Yeah."

"For now, just act as though I'm her. It's okay. If it turns out I'm not, we'll go from there."

The masked lad nodded, squeezing her hand once before letting go. "After we lost you, we did a meticulous search over your room to make certain there wouldn't be any unpleasant surprises. Once we were satisfied that it was clear, we all worked to put your room back to the way it was when you were still living here, with us. We got it as close as possible, anyway. Beast Boy was a lot of help. And then I had it sealed."

"You were trying to preserve it."

"We all cared about you, Beast Boy most of all." Robin explained. I didn't want your room or your memories to become some kind of storage dump. And I didn't want to get it all messy. For awhile, Beast Boy used to come in here on his own. He wanted to be close to you. I let him for awhile. But I had to help him move on. All of us have lost people in our lives before. Just because you go on with life, doesn't mean you forget that person or stop caring. I just felt it was time. I sealed the room so that we would always have a reminder."

"It was nice of you to do that for him, to preserve his memories of me. Thank you."

"It wasn't just for him." Robin explained. "Or you. My room is on the other side of the hall, we passed it a few moments ago. I see this sealed door every day. It's a reminder of my own mistakes. So that I never make them again. You needed more help, Terra. And I should have given it. But I was too busy obsessing over someone else to see what should have been so clear. How many times did you beg each of us to save you?"

"I did?"

"Not with words." Robin told her. "Come on. Let's see if anything triggers a memory." Robin showed her inside, flicking on the light switch. He crossed over to the closet, where the few articles of clothing Terra had owned remained. Carefully, he removed a pair of her customary shorts and black top from a hanger, placing them onto a bed, and took a pair of earth tone shoes out of a rack on the floor.

"Were those…mine?"

"Yes. I thought it was time to try it. Why don't you get undressed?"

Terra gripped the hem of her skirt, stepping backwards. "Um…"

Robin blanched. "I mean, out of that outfit and into this one. Not with me here!" He waved his arms in front of his face. "I, uh, have some stuff I need to show you from the evidence room. So I'll just go and get them while you, y'know…"

For the first time that day, Terra laughed, the tension around her finally being broken. "Robin, it's fine. If I had thought you were some kind of sexual predator, I wouldn't be walking down dark hallways alone with you."

Robin cocked an eyebrow. "Sexual predator?"

"Hey, I've seen those shows on TV. Aren't you going to ask me to get in your van?" She giggled, pushing him backwards playfully until he was standing outside the room. "Go get what you need, I'll be ready when you get back." She smirked, the door sliding shut in front of Robin as if to punctuate her statement.

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

The trip to the Evidence Room had been another walk down Memory Lane. Especially when Robin took hold of the box he was about to bring to Terra. Losing one member of his team to his greatest adversary was a failing Robin had to face every day. Nearly losing a second one…that was something he wasn't willing to consider. Much like with Terra, it still hurt inside to think of how truly and utterly he had failed Raven, to see her stop fighting the destiny that had been gnawing at her, for her to be so accepting of the end of herself, let alone the fate of their world. He had gotten his second chance, after that. He had been able to go after her, rescue her, make a difference. Robin had been lucky, and he remembered that every day. Those kinds of chances rarely came along in life. For him, it might be happening twice.

Robin returned to Terra's room with the box as well as a manila folder containing some photographs he had taken. Maybe something could be brought out in the girl to determine the truth about her. Hoping that this would give him the lead he needed, the leader of the Titans thumbed the door chime to announce his presence.

Inside, Terra was standing in front of the mirror, examining her new attire. It felt comfortable, agreeable even. But she didn't feel anything special. It was more like a new look she was only just discovering. Intrigued, she struck a few poses, trying to make herself appear heroic. "Just a minute!" She called to the door when she heard the buzzer, finally deciding to untuck the shirt from the shorts, and tighten the laces on the shoes. The gloves that had been tucked in the short pockets remained on the bed. For some reason, she just wasn't sure about putting them on.

Smiling, Terra opened the door, leaning against the frame slightly after it slid open. "Well?" She asked, running a hand through her hair nervously. The effect was enough to cause the hero to take a step backwards.

"My God, you could be her twin." He said quietly, but it was easily heard by the girl.

"Or I could be her." She spoke softly. "Maybe I am." Her voice dropped. "If I'm not, maybe if you wish hard enough, I can be."

"If you aren't, none of us would ever try to make you into her. No matter what, you should be yourself."

"Robin…were you and me…her…close?"

"No." Robin told her gently but firmly, not wanting her to feel rejected but also worried she would get the wrong idea. "You and Beast Boy were the close ones." He smiled. "We were friends."

"He is kind of cute." She smiled. "I just…you're going to so much effort, and…you always seem to know what to say. So I guess I thought…"

"Hey," Robin smiled. "I think your life is getting complicated enough right now. Why don't we find out the answer before you start worrying over who's taking you to the prom?"

"Okay." She giggled, and Robin mussed her hair playfully.

"Alright, so I took some photos from the tapes of a training session you once did with us. Pretty impressive stuff." He opened the folder and passed several photographs to the girl, action shots of her acrobatic skill, her ability to move rock and earth, battle stances she had adapted.

"This was me?"

"Yes. You were a pretty impressive girl. Your powers were incredible. You…ah…well, you had a little trouble controlling them sometimes."

"Did I hurt anyone?" She asked worriedly.

"A little. When you lost control, things kind of got, um, big. See, turns out that was the entire problem. You didn't want anyone to know you didn't have the control, and because of a misunderstanding, you ran away from us and to…someone else."

"Who?"

"Someone bad." Robin clenched a fist.

"Is this about the bad things I did?" Terra asked, shaking a bit.

"Yeah."

"What did I do?"

"It's…complicated."

"Robin! I'm tired of this, no one will give me straight answers! What happened? What did I do?"

"You secretly went to work for one of our greatest enemies while pretending to be on our side. It was a daring plan. A bomb planted right into the heart of our infrastructure and set to detonate at the worst possible time."

"Robin…why did I…"

"You were scared, you were confused, you were hurt. Look Terra, whatever happened back then, there was something with you. It was bigger than us. Bigger than Slade."

"Slade?" The word came off of her tongue with hatred. Maybe, just maybe, it was something.

"Yes. Things are never easy when it comes to him. Everything is like some kind of elaborate chess game, back and forth. I would say that the only way to win is to not play, and if we don't, he'll only keep putting innocent people in danger." Robin fingered the box, opening the lid carefully and removing one of Slade's masks he made sure to keep track of. "This is one of his masks. You worked for him. So I was hoping, if you are her, maybe it would trigger something."

Terra breathed shallow, taking hold of the talisman Robin pushed towards her. She hated it. She did recognize it, not from memory, but like an echo. A stone thrown into the pool of her mind, its effects rippling outwards. Hesistantly, she traced the contours, the way it curved, the way it seemed to stare back without needing to be worn. She began to shake her head, screwing her eyes shut and letting the mask clatter to the floor.

"Terra!" Robin asked with concern. "Do you remember something? Anything?"

"I…I don't know. It's not so much a memory as a feeling." She kept her eyes shut, her voice whispering as though she might be overheard by someone other than Robin. "I don't know where, but I've seen that face somewhere before."

"In your memories?" Robin pressed.

"In my mind." She covered her face with her hands.

Robin felt sorry for her, truly. Having Slade on the mind was something no one should have to go through. Too often, he himself was obsessed with the malicious gamemaster. Slade liked to play five and six moves ahead, Robin strove to always stay at least half that far ahead. But no one should have to give a sick mind like Slade's more than a passing thought. "There's one more thing I think I should show you."

The girl's entire body seemed to tense at that idea. "Please Robin, no more."

"It's not my intention to hurt you, but I think this is important. I won't force you…but I am asking you."

"It's important?"

"It's the reason why Beast Boy was so adamant about you to start with. It's why I decided to try to find out the truth. It's not just about him, or me, or the Titans…it's about you."

"Alright." Terra sniffed, pulling down on her shirt, tugging at the hem for support. "Show me."

Robin nodded. "We eventually caught up to both you and Slade. You began to realize that we weren't the ones you should be fighting. You turned on him. He almost destroyed everything, but in the end, because of you, we won. It wouldn't have happened without you. In the end, when we needed you, you came back to us. What was it that Starfire said? 'You were punished too much for doing too little.' I don't think any of us could have put it better." Robin stated, pulling another photograph from the folder—taken after the battle with Slade had ended

Terra stared, fingers trembling, as she took the picture into her hands, looking at it in detail, the image of her own stone visage staring back at her. "Oh my god." She breathed. "It's me, isn't it?"

"Until Beast Boy found you recently…this was the last time we saw you. The amount of power you unleashed to save our tower and prevent catastrophic destruction, it was too much for you, would've been too much for anyone. No one knows for sure what happened. But it didn't kill you. Or maybe it would have. Our best guess is that you did it to yourself."

"Myself?"

"Underground earthquake. Falling rocks. Lava. There were too many things certain to kill you, but you stayed behind and gave it your all. We think you might have turned your powers on yourself in the end in an effort to save yourself. Being turned to stone is a pretty terrible thing, but it still beats being dead." Robin explained. We decided to make you into a monument of sorts. I probably should have visited more often, but it wasn't exactly easy to get down there.

"So if this happened…how did I get out?" Terra asked, afraid to know the answer.

"No one knows." Robin stated. "This is why Beast Boy is so certain it's you. And I've begun to have the same suspicion." He handed her one last photo, taken much more recently. "Beast Boy decided to visit your memorial after he saw you. He had to know the truth."

Terra looked in shock as she saw the absence of the statue girl that occupied the other picture, an eerie before and after. She couldn't hold it back anymore, and dropping the pictures she cried, clutching onto him like he was a log keeping her from being swept into the undertow. Robin stiffened at first, afraid of getting too close, of confusing her even further, but it was clear in that moment that she just needed to feel safe, that she needed someone to hold onto. He had failed her once before. He would not do so again. "It's alright. Just relax, don't let it overwhelm you."

"What can I do, Robin?" She sniffed, trying to regain her composure and beginning to sob a second time. "If I'm not her, then who am I?"

"I don't know." Robin admitted, hating to tell her the truth, knowing he couldn't afford not to. "If you are her, the one thing that everyone has to recognize, including yourself, is that you aren't anymore."

"But if I am her, then whoever I am now…I'm false. I don't want to be a ghost living her life."

"Then let's find out the truth. There is a way, I'm hoping."

"How?"

"I can go into your mind, with you. Raven can meld our minds together. If the memories of the other Terra are there, together we can find them. But it's up to you."

"I said before I was willing to try."

"That was before we gave you part of the bigger picture."

"If she's buried in there, and we bring her out, what will happen to me?" Terra asked, knowing the answer to the question but needing to hear it.

"There can only be one of you." Robin told her. "Otherwise your mind would fracture. One of you will have to yield…or, perhaps, you can merge."

"Will she hurt me?"

"I can't pretend to be you…either of you. But I think you might be able to help each other."

"Will you and Beast Boy be with me?"

"Yes."

Terra shut her eyes again, finding her center. "Then I will try. I have to know. I don't want to live a lie…even a pleasant one is a nightmare if I know that none of it is true."

"You're a brave girl, Terra." Robin smiled, pulling back to look into her eyes/ "We'll find the truth, no matter what it takes."

Terra squeezed him tighter for a moment before letting go. "Careful, I might hold you to that."

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Raven answered the knock on her door with a lot of aggravation. She was deep in research and hated to be disturbed at times like this—it was very easy to lose your place in a scroll and have to start all over again. "Yes?" She asked, her voice indicating that she was busy but also assuming that the interruption was warranted.

Robin delivered his news without delay. "Terra's decided. We're going to try linking minds to see if the memories of our Terra are there to find."

Raven slid her door open fully. "You'd better come in."

"I thought you hated people coming in=="

Raven fixed him with a glare that indicated she was in to mood for taunts or word games and got straight to the point as Robin entered and the door shut behind him. "Are you sure about this?"

"She deserves the truth, one way or another. I wish I could send Beast Boy, he's the one who deserves this, but if anything happens, I'm the only one of us I'm willing to put at risk inside of her mind."

"Are you sure this is how you want to proceed?"

"I'm not willing to come this far and not see it through to the end."

Raven looked at him intently, trying to find the right words. "What you're asking of me is difficult. And dangerous."

"I can handle it."

"You probably can. But what you need to understand is if you do this, you might not come out the same person."

Robin's eyes widened behind his mask. "What do you mean."

"If you link your mind with Terra's, the two of you will merge into a shared consciousness. All her knowledge, all her feelings, all her secrets…they'll be open and exposed to you. And yours to her. The sharing of minds on this kind of level…it's intimate. She might learn things you don't want her too.

"I'll keep her focus on the task, push my secrets awy."

"You can try. But understand the consequences. The two of you will be bonded in a way that is very intimate and lasting. You can't go backwards from something like this."

Robin looked at the gothic sorceress closely, so she would know he was being serious. "You joined our minds once."

"It's not the same." Raven shook her head. "What I did was much less powerful, not nearly so deep. I couldn't have joined us further than I did. The darkness inside of me would've tried to take you, and I might not have been able to protect you from it."

"I'm not letting go of her, Raven."

"You feel responsible."

"How am I ever supposed to stop thinking about the things I could've done, would've tried, should've seen…I'm not just going to walk away from a second chance. Whatever it takes."

"Even if you lose yourself?"

"I walked the line for you, Raven."

"I know that."

"I've got to walk it for her, too. I'll be okay. I promise."

"This is about more than being okay, Robin. I want you to be you. All of us do."

"I am being me. That's why I can't just sit back and do nothing when she needs my help. It's not fair to her. We owe her that much."

"Is it fair to Beast Boy that you'll become closer to her than him? Is it fair to Starfire that you'll be that intimate with another girl? Is it fair to-?" She stopped, unwilling to complete the thought. A cornucopia of emotions were all vying to speak their mind, and that was something she wouldn't allow to happen.

"Talk to me, Raven. I know things got particularly nasty between you and Terra back then."

"She fooled everyone so easily. But I never let go of all my suspicions. Not when she was using her powers so well."

"We saw what we wanted to see."

"Perhaps." Raven admitted. "But I was never very close to her. In a way, I guess that makes me partly to blame."

Robin started. "You blame yourself too?"

"I didn't give her a reason to betray us." Raven explained. "But at the same time, I didn't give her a reason not to. In rhe end, I was a poor friend. And she knew it. If I had known, I would have done things differently. I could have been a better friend. I should have gotten the truth about her powers."

"See? I'm not the only one with regrets."

"That doesn't make your intentions any less foolish."

"It'll be all right, Raven. I won't let anything change me. I promise. Please. I need your help to make this happen."

"Robin, what you're asking me to do is too much. I carry enough with me every day as it is. I don't want to be responsible for losing you."

"You won't lose me."

"It's a lot easier than you think."

"Raven…please. I need your help. I'm not asking you as a fellow Titan. I'm asking you as a friend. Help me. Help me to help her."

Raven visibly stiffened. "If you order me to do this, Robin, I will do it. But don't ask this of me as your friend. And as your friend, I can't willing put you in this situation."

"I promised her, Raven. What else would you have me do?"

"Something else."

"We've done all we can without getting to the root of the problem. I'm taking the bull by the horns. It's my call. My prerogative."

"I'm begging you to reconsider this, Robin. For the sake of the others it will effect if not your own."

"You won't help me, as a friend?"

"As a friend, I am helping you, Robin."

The masked boy sighed. He hated arguing with the people he cared about. "Fine. Then I'm ordering you to assist me as the leader of the Teen Titans. I need you upstairs in half an hour."

Raven had always prided herself on keeping her emotions behind a mask, but the look of hurt that lingered on her face for several seconds was unmistakable. She turned her back on him, fearing that this might be the last conversation she would have with him before he fundamentally changed. She struggled to find something to say to reach him, but their mutual stubbornness was like a barrier that neither could overcome. If she were more like Starfire, she could have reached out for him. If she were more like Terra, she would have asked him not to do this. If she were honest with herself, she should have never let it get this far. "Understood." She said quietly, shutting her eyes and refusing to meet his gaze yet desperately wanting to.

Raven remained like that until she heard the door open and shut, marking Robin's exit. She knew in her heart that she should have said something. But what would she, what could she have said?

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo

Author's Notes

I'm absolutely exhausted from penning this. Before I started, I had the entire Terra backstory in my head. It was simple, and easy, and I thought that tackling it would be a great way to simultaneously tell the blonde girl's story as well as loop back into the conflicts of Raven's character. Seemed like a slam dunk to me.

Nearly nine thousand words later, and I'm still not there. This entire chapter simply bled out of me with almost no control. I came to realize that this deals with more than just Terra. It's the instrumentality of her character combined with the people around her. There were so many raw emotional thoughts that came to me as I tried to put myself in the position of different characters, things I'd never even considered before. And so this thing just became the gift that keeps on giving, growing ever longer but also showing me more about the cast than I could have considered otherwise. Long update is long, but I like to entertain the notion that it's also something worth reading.

If for some reason there's some confusion, this entire chapter, and likely the next one as well, is a giant flashback going back a few years. Hence why I gave the hint that Robin/Starfire is still going on earlier in the chapter. Eventually, I'll get around to telling how that changed, but this Terra flashback is already going on for much, much longer than I intended. So once Terra's finished, I think I'll be telling some more parts of the main storyline first. It's kind of a strange case where I know where I'm going and what I'm doing with this story, but as far as how I'm telling it, I'm making it up as I go along. Bear with my, pardon our dust, and all that jazz. Techne, my muse, is much more into the emotionally driven material than she is about presentation, so I'm just kind of muddling through. Thanks for being understanding.

So, it's like 7AM, I've literally been up all night, and I'm about to keel over. This is the end of the line for now. I need to upload this and go crawl into bed. Special thanks to those of you that reviewed the first chapter—the encouragement is a big help. I know there's tens of thousands of fics to read…you took the time to look at mine, and for that, I'm quite grareful. I hate to beg for reviews, but really, let me know how I'm doing people. I'm sure it can always be better, and I'm always willing to take generally constructive criticism.

If you're so inclined, you may also reach out to me via e-mail or AIM. As always, I remain:

Lord Malachite

8/19/11

6:59AM, EST

E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com

AIM: Asukaphile26

Private Messaging always open, always accepted