XEMNAS'S THERAPEUTIC VACATION
And Other Related Stories Involving The Cast Of KH On Crack.
Or, Alternatively Titled: 'Something Really, Really, Really Stupid Came Into ArcBus's Head And Once Again She Found Herself Writing For The Sake Of RANDOM IMPULSIVE Purposes, Whilst On The Way To Kingdom Hearts'
Written by: ArcBus
For: TinoaGaruna
Note: A lot of the story will be inside jokes between myself and TinoaGaruna, so I personally don't care if you 'don't get it', because, well, all respective reviewers, it's not actually meant for you. It's meant for her. Okay? So I won't accept flames for it. It's just for her. GOTTIT!?
Chapter Note: Ah, the joy of multiple storylines. This means that this chapter will focus on Sora, Riku and Kairi, whilst the next will be the Twilight Town kids, then there will be Org. XIII again, and then chapter 5 back to Sora, Kairi and Riku, and so on and so forth. Also, Xemnas will have his own separate storyline added in eventually.
Anyway, on with the fic. God, the formatting in this story when ff-net converts it is TERRIBLE.
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CHAPTER TWO - THE CHAPTER FORMALLY KNOWN AS TWO
(Or, 'GOD, THIS AUTHOR IS CREATIVE, WITH IMPLIED SARCASM')
"Nothing's changed…" Riku said, sitting on the paopu tree that he, Sora and Kairi would usually gather on.
The three of them had recently come back to Destiny Islands after defeating every single Heartless in existence. Which meant no more could be created, and no more could plague the worlds. Plus, Organization XIII would be able to get their hearts, without destroying the worlds. Which Sora felt was a good thing, and so put an extra gold star on his 'Good Deed' chart, which was FULL of stars since Sora is a really, REALLY good guy. Kairi has one too, and she has one that's nearly full. Not quite as full as Sora's, but still pretty good! She also got an extra gold star. Riku also has one, however, it happens to be empty. Since he turned to the Darkness, he had to lose the small number of gold stars he had on it anyway. And he never got them back. Not even an extra one for annihilating all the Heartless. Poor guy…
"Nope. Nothing will." Sora said.
"…What a small world." Said Riku, looking out to the clear ocean's sunset horizon.
"But, part of one that's much bigger!" Sora continued his sentence, referring to all the other worlds out there. Actually, it was more like a GALAXY than a world. No, not the chocolate. The space type of galaxy.
"Yeah." Riku agreed, but was secretly thinking, 'Technically, no, but he's making a good point. Now, I wonder if the--'
And, before Riku could think any further, Sora cut his trail of thoughts off. "Hey, Riku, what do you think it was? The door to the light?"
Riku pondered that question. He thought it might have been a Nobody or a Heartless or a big boss like every video game cliché. He thought it might have been a banana. Or a banana-shaped Nobody or Heartless or big boss. He thought it might have just been a door. But Riku decided to answer in a cheesy RPG reply.
He jumped off of the tree, and laughed slightly, before tapping Sora in the middle of his chest.
"This." He replied.
"…What do you mean, Riku?" Sora asked, curiously clutching back at Riku's hand before he could retract it.
"What I mean is… It's always closer…" Riku answered gently, moving slowly in towards Sora to lean down and whisper his warm breath against his lips. "…Than you think…"
And to that, Riku steadily, yet softly pressed his mouth against Sora's… … …
… …Until he squinted and pulled away with a groan, wiping his mouth.
Sora laughed victoriously.
"YES! HAHAHAHA! I am the KING of Gay Chicken!!!!" He said, his hands on his hips.
"Oh, fine… Go add another star to your faggot chart…" Riku mumbled, to which Sora just laughed again, until a voice was heard in the distance, calling their names.
"SORA! RIKU!" It yelled, before the sound of footsteps crunching against soft sand was also audible.
The two boys looked over to see Kairi running towards them with as much speed as she could muster. She came and stood in front of them, something clutched in her hands.
"Hey, what's up?" Sora asked, as she panted for her breath.
"Look!" Kairi finally said, handing Sora a bottle with a small scroll of paper inside. The paper had a distinct mark on it. It looked like three very cleverly arranged splodges, which it would appear as to anyone who has been living under a rock their entire life. However, any Disney fan or associate or anyone who HASN'T been living under a rock their entire life would recognize it as the Disney symbol for Mickey Mouse.
"From the King!?" Sora exclaimed, since Sora is one of the aforementioned and could tell. Also, in this eccentric universe, Mickey Mouse is a king. But not of Gay Chicken. Sora has claimed that title himself. Guffaw!
He quickly took the bottle, and slid out the paper and opened it up. As perky, adventurous background music began to swell, Riku and Kairi moved in to look at the paper, too.
Dear Sora, Riku and Kairi. Mickey Mouse's irritating voiceover read in the background. There's been a terrible outbreak of more creatures - that are neither Heartless nor Nobodies - that are creating disturbance in the worlds outside of our main galaxy. You must come to the Disney Castle as soon as possible! Only the Keybearers can save them from spreading to us!
"Sora, we have to go!!" Riku said.
"B-But…!" Kairi yelped. "How will we get to the Disney Castle without a Gummi Ship!?"
"Hmmm…" Sora thought thoughtfully for a thoughtful while. About ten minutes, to be precise. Riku and Kairi just stood there… Like lemons… Or better yet, Paopu fruits! I mean, lemons are inactive, but so are Paopu fruits, even if they are kind of magic…
Eventually, Kairi thought of an idea instead.
"Wait! I've got a plan!" She said perkily.
And then there was a scene transition, which was just basically a 60's Batman transition, except with the outline of a Paopu fruit instead of the Batman logo.
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…So, before they knew it, Sora, Riku and Kairi were gliding through the empty (yes, empty, since all the Heartless and Nobodies had disappeared from them) Gummi Ship pathways towards the Disney Castle… On no other than Nathan Petrelli.
"Yay! Thank you for flying us to the Disney Castle, Daddy!" Kairi said happily.
Nathan just rolled his eyes. Hooray for inside jokes!
So, then, because Nathan Petrelli is fast and efficient and would make a great President were Scylar not around, they got to the Disney Castle, and landed in the garden, JUST LIKE THAT!
"Thanks!" Sora said, paying him enough Munny to be changed into about a 1000 dollars when Nathan could get to an exchange bureau.
Riku and Kairi also said thanks, and then Nathan just FLEW OFF with his Munny, just like that!
"BYE DADDY!" Kairi yelled, waving to him as he disappeared into the sky.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSORA!!!!!" Called a familiar… Quack.
And WHO came running up to them but… Donald Duck, of course!
"SORA!!" Donald yelled at the top of his lungs. "YA GOTTA COME QUICK!!! THE KING NEEDS TO SPEAK TO YOU!!!!"
"I know! I know!!" Sora said, in an attempt to calm Donald down. "We're coming!!!"
The author of this story - dear ArcBus - would now like to point out that ever since she started reading lemon fan fiction pieces, she can no longer take the phrases 'I'm coming' or 'We're coming' or '(insert other pronoun here) coming' seriously, for it makes her think of dirty things. Because she is a pervert. Guffaw!
So, they were summoned to the throne room. Since Mickey and Minnie Mouse are the King and Queen in Kingdom Hearts, they were sat on their thrones like they were the King and Queen of the world… Even if they are… Whatever!
"Sora!" Mickey yelled. "I'm glad you're finally here! We must discuss the problem at hand!"
"What is it, your Majesty!?" Sora asked quickly.
"In the worlds outside of this galaxy, there are creatures of darkness forming. No longer are the Heartless you vanquished a problem, but these are far worse!" Mickey replied.
"Great…" Riku groaned. "The only thing worse than Heartless that I can think of is fan girls!"
Mickey nodded. "Right you are, Riku. These creatures are, indeed, rabid fan girls, specifically fan girls that have bonded themselves to darkness… … The dreaded… Mary-Sues."
As Mickey said those two horrible words, the air went cold and dark, and the windows and doors of the room racketed in their frames. Minnie let out a short squeal. Mickey jumped out of his seat after everything went back to normal.
"My sources have a great amount of detail on them." He said. "Quick, follow me!"
And so, everyone followed Mickey to his ÜBER SPECIAL SECRET LAYER! Hooray!
"The sources known as Ketchup and Mayonnaise have informed me that Maleficent is behind all this." He explained.
"Ketchup and Mayonnaise?" Sora asked quizzically.
"This is the Disney Castle!" Minnie replied in her very annoying voice. "Inanimate objects spring to life and become our bitches!"
She then pointed to the mops and brooms in the corner of the room, that were carrying buckets of water around and cleaning the floor all by themselves. Sora then spotted a bottle of ketchup and a jar of mayonnaise working on elaborate computer system. They both seemed very keen on their work.
"Sora… SORA!!!!" Mickey yelled.
"Hey, Sora, snap out of it!" Riku said, smacking Sora over the head.
Sora immediately broke from his trail of thoughts after he was hit. "Oh, sorry, we were talking about the Ketchup and Mayonnaise?"
"That was five minutes ago!" Mickey groaned. "Now, listen, ever since all the Heartless were taken care of, and Organization XIII were assured Kingdom Hearts, Maleficent planned to use these Sues to overthrow the Organization and take their castle!"
"Let me get this straight, you want us to help the Organization again!?" Riku asked. "We just got rid of EVERY SINGLE HEARTLESS IN EXISTANCE so they could have their Goddamn hearts, and now you want us to save their black-clad asses from Maleficent, too!?"
"Ahh, I understand, Riku…" Mickey replied. "But only the light of the Keyblades can purify the darkness inside the Sues! And, in all honesty, what do you think would happen were the Sues to find their way to the Organization! Think of the mess it would create!"
"Yeah, you're right!" Sora said in a very courageous way, turning to his friends. "C'mon guys, we've gotta help the Organization! They'd do the same for us!"
"Would they Sora?" Riku and Kairi both asked simultaneously in a very dull, sarcastic manner. "Would they really?"
"Ketchup believes that the Sues have their own world used as their base." Mickey continued to explain. "However, since The World That Never Was can only be accessed through rifts of darkness, the Organization are currently safe in their own world… For now. The Sues will wait until a member has gone to a different world. A Sue will be dispatched to that world, and that member will… Errm…"
"We've gotta do something, quickly!" Sora said loudly.
"Yeah, or exterminating all of the Heartless would have been pointless!" Riku added.
"It levelled us up!" Kairi tried to argue.
"…True." Riku said. "But STILL!"
"Warriors of the Keyblade!" Minnie squeaked in a very cheesy RPG manner. "Donald and Goofy have agreed to guard the only open rift to The World That Never Was - the one in Twilight Town. There will be no way for the Sues to get inside!"
"YES MA'AM!" Sora cried, saluting.
"Now, you must hurry!" She continued.
"YES MA'AM!" Kairi also cried, also saluting.
"GO!!!"
"YES MA--" Riku began, before he suddenly yelped in shock upon feeling an odd bump against his shin…
…And another… And another… And another… And another… And another…
He looked down a his leg, and there… Was Pluto.
"PLUTO!!!!!" Mickey roared. "STOP HUMPING RIKU'S LEG!!!!!!!"
And so, after Pluto was removed from Riku's leg with the aid of a newspaper and a crowbar, Mickey showed the Keybladers to the Gummi ship hangar.
"Now, kids, you all know--" Mickey began, before he heard an almighty 'WHOOSH!!', and off zoomed the Invincible Version 7.3, with Sora at the navigations, Riku at the weapons and Kairi at the shields. Straight out of the hangar.
Mickey paused and blinked, before groaning in response. "Aw, shucks. Those kids just grew out of listening to important story line information too quickly!"
Meanwhile, Sora was driving the Invincible throughout the galaxy. Singing to the radio that was on, and bopping along like a… Bopping chocobo.
"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE - YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY, WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN WITH AN ITTY-BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR FACE YOU GET--"
Kairi and Riku exchanged dull glances. They could tell that this was going to be a loooong journey for the Keybearers.
Not that all their other journeys hadn't been long, tiring and time consuming… Oh well.
BASS IT!
When I said Chapter 2 would be funnier I meant Chapter 3 would be funnier and Chapter 2 would be TERRIBLE. My apologies. I hope you found at least a little bit of it funny… I hope.
Until next time, in which the Twilight Town kids will be off on their little… Random adventures, as usual! Lolz!
P.S. Unless your knowledge of the show 'Heroes' is rich, you probably won't get the part with Nathan Petrelli.
P.P.S. Yes, Maleficent is using the evil Sues to be evil and destroy the Organization so that she can have their castle. Lol.
P.P.P.S. We think Pluto might need to be put down soon. How sad.