The night before...

Anna

Anna sat at her dresser, brushing her grey hair. There were still some blond streaks in it, but it had thinned considerably and the color had changed. This didn't matter though; he still loved to run his hands through it whenever he could. She had stopped wearing it in a plait or using a cap to hold it in at night, because he loved it and through the years she had learned that it was not worth the effort to fix it, as he would undo whatever she'd done. She looked at him through the reflection on the mirror. He was not sleeping. He was looking up at the ceiling, but she could see he was laboring to breathe a little. Not so much for her to get up and run to his side, but enough for her to continue to glance at him continually. She finished, setting set down her brush, and her eyes strayed to look through all of the pictures that adorned the dresser's surface. They were all there, the most important people in their lives. Several were of her children at various ages, her granddaughter Mamie, still a toddler. She loved the one of her and John on their 20th wedding anniversary and adored the one of them on the day they were married. She also had a picture of her and Lady Mary when her son became the new earl. Then there were the pictures of those who were no longer with them. There was the only photograph Anna had with her parents when she was about 10. There was John's beautiful mother and one of Elsie and Charles Carson on their wedding day just a few years before he died. Next to that, John with Lord Grantham taking in a pint at the pub. All of these pictures were important to her and they all told their story.

Anna Mae Bates had lived a full life, one that she cherished completely, even when things had been bad. She couldn't complain, really. She liked to think of her life before and after him, as he really did mark the difference in the experiences she had. Before him, she was happy, working, carefree, but life had no meaning. She experienced no emotions other than complacency and boredom. She went on every day because she had to, because it was expected of her and because her mother had told her that an honest day's work would keep her out of trouble. Not that she needed to be kept out of trouble, she wasn't really a troublesome girl, but her mother thought that the younger she was able to start working, the easier it would be to keep her on a correct path. That it did, until he came into her life. Anna always thought that it was good her mother had passed well before John Bates arrived, because if she'd been living at that time, she would not have agreed with her choice of husband and the actions that Anna undertook to secure him by her side. Anna and her mother were very similar and Rose Smith would have learned to love John if she were to ever get over the initial shock of Anna's attachment to a married man who was also an ex-convict and ex-drunkard. She would have wanted something better for her daughter, someone not so similar to the man she had chosen herself. Jeremiah Smith had been a gentle, but troubled soul and years of drinking had taken their toll on his body. The decision to place Anna into service at such a young age was done for economic reasons, but, partly to protect her from watching her father self-destruct. Jeremiah adored Rose and Anna. There was nothing he wouldn't do for them, but he often lost his way. He was not violent, but the emotion of watching all of his children, save Anna, die in their childhood had proven too much for him. That pain, accumulated with that of losing their farm and compounded by farming injury he sustained, made him lose his will to live and he drank himself towards a senseless death. Rose Smith tended to him, lovingly. Those last years of eternal devotion to his welfare, wrought their effects on her too and she followed him within months. Anna's parents were naïve to think that she didn't know what was happening. She did, and it was a pain to see them die, but a consolation to have had them die within months of each other. For all the turmoil she saw in her young life, the one thing she was certain was that there was true love and a steadfast commitment between them. Perhaps, then, when he came into her life, she knew no other way. When she recognized her own symptoms of love and his love for her was also proved true, her devotion and loyalty came through, zealously, much like Rose and Jeremiah's.

After John's arrival at Downton, she found that the meaningless days turned to ones full of emotion. Sometimes, it was overwhelming. At first, not knowing whether he loved her when her whole body was overcome with the dizzying sensation of complete fascination, kept her with nervous excited anxiety. She was inclined to think that did love her back, even when he tried his hardest to resist the feeling. There were times when that fascination and love turned to frustration and loathing. Not at him directly, but at the situation she saw herself submerged in when she discovered his marriage, when he left her and the subsequent struggles to obtain the divorce than never came. She had felt fear and devastation as well when he was incarcerated and sentenced. In the years that followed, she found that she could not remember anything about that horrible period. She had been there, sat through all the testimony and deliberations, but she could not recall anything other than how her heart had stopped briefly and the powerful and absolute heart crushing look between them. They had only experienced it one other time, when their daughter Gwendolyn succumbed to a fever when she was only 3, dying in their arms, but that time, they had each other for support. When he had been sentenced and word of his reprieve had not come through yet, she felt alone and was almost sure she could not survive in this world without him beside her. She had told him once that she could bear anything, except for him to go away and she found that true with every fiber in her being. She was pushed to the edge and despair made her contemplate all the ways she could make that pain go away and rejoin him if he were lost to her forever. She never told him about that. That was the lowest point in her life and the amount of fear and devastation is what erased that episode from her mind and she didn't mind one bit. She didn't need to remember anything about it at all.

The emotions experienced were also happy. There was the first kiss they shared, innocent and sweet and those that were anything but, that were experienced afterwards. The sheer giddiness at and the promise of a future together and their actual wedding day were everything she hoped they would be. He was not an expressive man, but on those days, he kept nothing back and whispered the sweetest things to her. His words, heartfelt and poetic, pierced her heart and for years she would joke and tell him that she knew what it was to actually walk on clouds. Later, when they shared their wedding night, he took her into his expert arms and helped her morph from girl to woman. He joked that she had had her way with him, but, throughout that night, they met each other as equals, with unrestrained passion. It was not lost on them that they had embarked on this journey during an unstable moment and they savored each other that first time, as if it were also their last. It didn't matter that she had no previous experience, the years of longing and stolen touches and caresses with him had more than prepared her for this moment. When they were reunited after his horrid incarceration, those feelings of almost losing each other manifested themselves physically and for years, their desire and lust for each other was insatiable. They came together as often as possible, as a way to reaffirm their commitment and deep love for each other. So much so, that she experienced the ultimate joy of birthing three beautiful children – Annabelle, Gwendolyn and William. Had they both been younger, she was sure there would have been more children. Both of them were older than the typical age for procreating, but they were blessed and happy, nonetheless.

Now, both Anna and John were much older, and their children had reached an age where they could care for themselves. They were still young, but in the middle of their own lives. If Anna could reflect on her life, all of it, she would say that it had all been worth it. She had inherited her mother's wisdom and even she could understand that the hardships they had faced had made their relationship stronger. She knew that they were always destined to be together, but, would their love be as strong if the Boer war, Vera, his multiple incarcerations, her parents and siblings' early deaths and the nightmare of having Gwendolyn snatched from them never happened? For all the suffering they both had endured, it had made them who they were. It had made them stronger and it had made them inseparable.

Those photographs on the dresser would be a testament to all that they had endured.

Anna glanced in the mirror again and this time she realized he was looking straight at her. She turned slowly and their eyes met. John shifted in his bed and lifted his arm, as a gesture to invite her towards him.

"Anna, love, it's almost time. I can feel it."

JOHN

He lay in bed, under the covers as he had for the last few days. Dr. McMillan, the town medic, had diagnosed him a year ago with some fancy disease, but all John knew was that he was old and it was his time. He could feel it in his bones when he walked and he could hear it in his lungs when he tried to breath. Whatever it was, it had come to get him and he felt ready. It was not that he wanted to go, he was in no hurry. He had a beautiful wife and family and a prosperous business – It was quite a reversal of his earlier life and if he was allowed more time with them, he would gladly spend it.

He had already escaped death several times in his life and he didn't think he could be lucky again. He had been wounded in the war and actually knew what it was like to feel a bullet pierce the skin and shatter his bones. His knee had paid for that incident his entire life, but it was not comparable to his escaped death by hanging when he was sentenced for Vera's alleged murder. He didn't care about his war wound and almost wished back then that the enemy's bullet had actually damaged something inherently more important, like his heart or his stomach. Back then, he didn't care to go on living as he had nothing to live for. When he was sentenced to death, though, the stakes were higher and he had everything to lose. He couldn't leave his Anna a widow and much less with the stain of having been married to a murderer. He was not what they alleged, but, nobody would know the difference and she would be branded. Then, he also counted all of the times he had gotten into bar brawls in his post Boer days as missed death escapes. He had to agree that many a time, he had fought with some large rough fellows whose blows could have caused major damage. A misplaced punch was all it took, but thankfully, he always came out triumphant. How? - He did not comprehend. His most recent escape from death, though, was in the protection of his family. He was unconscious for days three years ago when he covered Anna and newborn Mamie during a random bomb dropping from Luftwaffe forces. Their dropped cargo landed within meters of the pub, blowing in a wall. He took the brunt of the force from falling debris when he covered them with his large body. Thankfully, bombs such as those that obliterated London and Coventry never made it back to Downton ever again and he recuperated.

He recovered that time because of Anna and her magic touch. She was his faery princess, even to this day. He looked down from the ceiling and gazed at her where she was sitting, brushing her hair for him. She was plumper than when they had met and married, the effects of having borne him three beautiful children. He liked her that way though. Fuller, rounder – she was more like a real woman should be. She was still the same beautiful soul, full of wit and charm. She was as sassy as ever and nothing went unnoticed in their household and in their little Inn.

She was the reason they prospered and had a little something to leave their children. After everything that had happened to them, he didn't think that they would ever be able to accomplish their dream, but she surprised him and he should have known that as tenacious as she was, she wouldn't let their dream fall by the wayside. She was very frugal in their expenses those first few years of their marriage and while they had everything they needed, she did not allow them to spend money frivolously. He wanted to buy her beautiful things, to pamper her when he could, but she would not allow it. It was all put aside and before he knew it, their comfortable savings and the proceeds of the sale of their London property had enabled them to take over the Grantham Arms when old Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan decided to sell it. Acquiring it was one challenge, then maintaining it another. It really did help that between the both of them they had plenty of service experience because they were unable to take on any help for the first year. They already had both their girls and Anna was pregnant with William, but she was a real trooper. They would finish their days exhausted, much like at Downton, but this time they had the satisfaction of knowing that it was all theirs and that the amount of work they had to do would be for their benefit and nobody else's. They had taken on the Inn when it needed many repairs, was looking dilapidated and aged, but they had turned it around. She had good taste, a benefit of having spent so many years by Lady Mary's side and she had transformed it into a comfortable, respectable, quaint Inn, garnering a solid reputation throughout the County. It helped that she was a very charming host and had maintained her ability to anticipate the needs of whoever was in her care. Yes, while he was a solid fixture in the place and maintained the finances, she was the heart and the reason for its success. They had managed it for almost two decades and now it was in the care of their daughter and son-in- law to manage it for them.

Leaving service had been a difficult decision. He was not afraid of the hard work, but he feared what could happen if they did not manage to make this a success. He feared becoming a failure the most and not being able to provide for his family. At least, as valet, he had a solid position for as long as he could physically manage. With trepidation, he informed Lord Grantham of his plans and was relieved to receive much support from him. So much so, that on their first day open to the public, the Crawley family paid their respects by visiting them and taking libations within the pub. He had worried that his past, marred by the very public humiliation of his incarceration for Vera's death might prejudice the town against him, but, with Lord Grantham's unconventional visit, the town took that very positively and they were well received in the community. They had been overjoyed that they had been able to make their dream come true and more so in Downton where they would continue to see those people that had been important in their lives. While neither he, nor Anna had parents or siblings left, they had those at the great house they had come to regard highly and with the placement of the pub, they continuously received visitors.

All of this success was more than he could have ever imagined. When he considered how much turmoil he had experienced in his first forty years, it would seem impossible that the second half of his life should turn out to be so happy. Anna always reminded him that the turmoil made him the man she fell in love with. Without those experiences, he may have never reached the plateau of peace he was finally firmly planted on to. His only regret, after so much happiness, is that it did not come early enough for him to share it with his mother. She knew of Anna, even when he had said nothing about her. As an old, wise, soul, she perceived immediately the growing fondness between them, hinted even, that he should pursue her as soon as he could. She was very diplomatic and never fully denounced her dislike for Vera, but, it was very apparent that she had no desire to talk to her, ever. When she met Anna, the opposite happened and she could not stop asking about her, even when he still hadn't made up his mind regarding the pursuit of her affections. If she could see them now, so many years later, she would be so proud of the way his life had turned out. It would erase all the pain and suffering he caused her. He was thankful, though, that she did not live long enough to live through the nightmare of his second incarceration. If she hadn't already died, he was sure that this would have caused it.

Anna was still at her dresser and during all this time that he lay in the bed, she had continuously glanced back to look at him. His darling girl always worried about him. She was picking up the pictures that were on the dresser and he could see how she gazed at every one of them. She was preparing to leave this world with him and he wished that she wasn't so determined about this. She was still young and had more life ahead of her. They had one grandchild and others would come soon. Even when he tried to explain that he would be happy thinking about her continuing on without him, she was obstinate in her stance. She was ready to go and would not be left behind. When it was truly his time, she would be there every step of the way. Since they had left service, they had never spent a night apart and she didn't plan for that to start now. He begged her not to do anything foolish, she was, after all, a Christian woman. She only chuckled. "John, don't be daft. It won't be necessary to do anything foolish. I am not as healthy as you think." He didn't know what she meant, he only knew that whatever Anna Bates set her heart to, she obtained, so, if she was truly intent on dying at the same time he was, who was he to stop her? They both had always been quite healthy, but this last year, something changed. Little by little, he felt he had no more life left in him. He had been sick the last few days, hadn't left the bed, and he could feel his energy decrease. He tried to breathe normally, but not enough air was getting into his lungs. He was 73 now and it was natural for his body to protest and seek respite after such a long life. He was ready to give in and he would do so tonight. All of his affairs were in order, the Grantham Arms was in good hands and his lovely Anna was by his side. He had no more cares or concerns. He felt free.

She turned and was looking at him now. He reached out with his arm, inviting her into the bed with him.

"Anna, love, it's almost time. I can feel it."

A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews, follows and favorites and thank you for reading this story..

If you read my notes on Chapter 2 of "Until We Can Manage", same calamity applies here and I will answer reviews this weekend.