Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Merlin. If I did there would be a lot more Gaius admonition/adoration hugs.
Merlin, contrary to the popular belief of the citizens of Camelot was not stupid. If fact, he was rather clever. He'd been the only boy in Ealdor that had had the patience to learn to read. He'd been the only child in Ealdor to escape his tiny village, and make his way to the capital city of Camelot. He knew the medicines Gaius prescribed were good, and he knew that he could make them if he tried. And one thing Merlin knew particularly well were loopholes.
Valiant's got a magic shield that shoot out killer-snakes? That's not an issue, just call them out independent of Valiant. Arthur's been bitten by a beast and there's no cure? No problem, go to Nimueh. Nimueh takes your mother's life instead of yours? Take hers instead of Gaius'. Merlin was good at loopholes.
So when Arthur told him that if he ever spoke of what happened in the tent again, he would kill him Merlin pulled out a classic lariat. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
Which meant that talking Gwen about what happened in the tent was absolutely fine.
He found her in the lower town, carrying a basket of Morgana's laundry on her hip, her eyebrows furrowed together. He skidded through the crowd narrowly avoiding knocking down the vegetable vendor's cabbages. For the third time. That week. (Merlin was the first to admit that being clever didn't improve your equilibrium.)
"Merlin and Gwen together again." he looped his gangly arm through crook her arm made with the basket. Gwen looked up with a smirk.
"I think we've found your true calling Merlin! Who knew you were such a poet."
"Just about every one Gwen. It's one of my exalted talents! I think you were just a bit slow on the uptake." He smiled down at her letting out a breezy chuckle. She made no remark and kept her eyes on the ground as they walked. "Head in the clouds Gwenie?" At this she looked up sharply, her left eyebrow raised accusingly.
"Alright, no more 'Gwenie' then," He paused. "Is something the matter?" The trouble with clever people is that they know exactly how clever they are. And Merlin, being clever, knew exactly what was wrong.
And he also knew Gwen. And her complete incapability at speech when flustered. She started at least eight different sentences. "I— Nih— Wuh—," Until she let out her air on a "pfff" through her teeth.
"You might not want to hear it. It's quite feminine and I know men find those sorts of things boring."
"What are friends for if not to be bored by stories?"
They made their way to the well, which for midday, was surprisingly empty. They sat on the stone benches to the left of it and were quiet for a moment. The furrow returned to her eyebrows.
"I kissed Arthur."
"I assumed that's what happened."
"I mean I really kissed him. It was long. And he bent me backwards. And his arms were wrapped around me, and my hand was in his hair and I mean I Kissed Him!"
"Mmhmm?" He motioned for her to go on.
"And then he came to my house and he brought me a red rose, and this lovely letter, and he just looked so happy and hopeful and then—" she cut off abruptly.
"And then?" Merlin was virtually on the edge of his seat. In his mind the cogs were turning rapidly— what did this mean for the future of Camelot? What did this mean for them? And most importantly, was Arthur going to do something stupid?
When she began to speak again, it was almost imperceptible. "I told him we could never be. I told him he would have to fall in love with someone else."
Inner-Merlin jerked his head backwards as if he'd been slapped. Most definitely, Arthur was going to do something stupid. He was about to ask how he'd reacted when Gwen started to speak again.
"I've been carrying around the letter with me. I can't put it down." She tugged it, folded beneath pounds of laundry, out of the basket deftly and carefully as if she was afraid it would crumble in her hands. She looked at it uncomfortably and passed it to Merlin.
"May I?" She nodded he assent and he unfolded the parchment.
To My Lady Guinevere, (here Merlin took the time to note his incredible forgery skills. The handwriting in the note he left for Gwen looked exactly the same)
I am not one that can easily express himself. I have little patience for bards and poems, and it is a well known fact in Camelot that I haven't any artistic talent. I am one for the lance, forward and true. Which is how I try to live my life.
I would be a coward and a hypocrite then if I did not tell you of my feelings for you out right. I am in the deepest sense of the word, in Love with you. There is barely a moment that passes when you do not fill my thoughts. When I dream of the future, of when I shall be king, it only seems right that you are by my side. You have the incredible talent of keeping me humble Guinevere. You make me think of more than armor and hunts— you make me think of the people and of my nation.
It is because of this that I know I will never marry or love another. Since Ealdor—perhaps long before— every other woman I have seen is compared to you, and pales in the comparison.
I will not ask you to wait for me or even to choose me. This I think, would be a selfish act, and you would not approve. I will however let you know, that my heart is forever yours, should you ever find yourself in need of a friend, a partner or a lover.
Sincerely, and yours always
Arthur Pendragon
When he came to the end of the letter, Merlin looked at Gwen and let out a "whew."
"Did you know that red roses signify sincere love, passion and respect?"
"I didn't know that."
"I didn't either. The woman who sells flowers down at the end of my street told me that when she saw me carrying the one Arthur left for me."
"I think it means the most that he respects me." She sniffed and kept her eyes locked on her shoes.
"What are you going to do?"
"I have no idea. Do I run to him, and tell him my feelings or should I stick with my instincts and stay away?"
"What are your feelings?" Around them were the quite sounds of Camelot. A few birds singing in the courtyard, a child running her hands beneath the water of the well. In the distance they could hear the twanging swing of metal hitting metal, and by the frequency of the clashes and by the occasional yelps they heard, Merlin could tell that Arthur was working out his frustrations vigorously.
"I'm not sure! I feel strongly for Arthur, I do. But sometimes, I feel a twinge in my heart for… for Lancelot. And does that mean I don't love Arthur? Does that mean that I love Lancelot? I told him while we were in Hengist's lair that I felt strongly for him. Passionately even. There may have been a declaration of unyielding love. And if I tell Arthur the same, what does that mean? Does it make my word moot? Does it make me a liar or a trollop?"
Now it was Merlin having trouble speaking. He remembered his latest trip to the dragon's keep. Should he tell her? How could he tell her that she was Arthur's true love? He could take a leaf out of Arthur's book and go the forthright approach. No; he was too clever for that.
"I wouldn't say trollop. And I've never known you to lie. Perhaps you love them both, just in different ways. And I know this much is true— Lancelot isn't here. He isn't giving you roses and promising to love forever. And if I know Lancelot, he's too noble to come back now."
"Why?" She looked at him desperately and he begrudgingly told her that after the incident at Hengist's lair, Lancelot noticed the way that Arthur felt.
"When he became a knight, he pledged his allegiance to Camelot. And Arthur is Camelot. I think he feels like were he to woo you, he would be betraying that allegiance. Loving you is a selfishness. Though when you think about it, denying you is a selfishness as well."
"Merlin, are you supposed to be helping?"
"Sorry," he exhaled. "Gwen, I like Lancelot, but I don't like you and him together. I feel like he's an ideal. And now that he's gone he's more of a memory than a man. And as it is my sworn duty to praise the Crowned Prince Arthur at every turn…"
He studied her. The girl—more woman now— that he'd come to know in his time at Camelot. She was surer of herself nowadays. There were few times now when she would stutter or ramble on. This was causing her turmoil.
"Gwen, you don't have to do anything right now. You have time. You can think about your life and breathe. No ones forcing you to do anything. But think about it like this. Who makes you more of a person and not more of a pair. That's the person you want to be with."
"I like that Merlin, thank you."
They sat together for a few more moments before she bustled off to do Morgana's laundry. As she left, Merlin took in how relieved she looked and certain too.
He heard his name being shouted in the distance and scurried of to attend Arthur. He really was quite clever.
AN: So, I finally updated! Hurrah! Don't judge me, I'm applying to college. I was busy! Hope you enjoyed this little chapter. A thousand thank yous to my lovely reviewers.
Also: to my anonymous review who I made Roflcopter. I like that, I'm going to keep it and if anyone else mentions it, I'm going to say that it's dialectic punctuation.
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