an unsatisfying tale of separation.

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chapter 2.

Makoto served her friend tea from Mama-Ikuko's kitchen.

Usagi said with no small amount of humor, "You didn't have to come over, Makoto—"

"Nothing heals like some good, old-fashioned chocolate chip cookies, Usa-chan," Makoto smiled, setting out a plate of cookies to go with the tea. "Now let's chat!"

"I don't need 'healing', but it's nice to have your company," Usagi smiled. "So, which boy did you ditch to come save 'the Princess' this time?" Usagi asked, never losing her smile.

"Kinto," Makoto said, grimacing. "He's my tutor in culinary arts this year."

"You don't need a tutor for cooking!" Usagi laughed.

Makoto raised her eyebrows: "Sure I do! I completely forgot how to bake overnight." She blushed and added, "He wanted to see my ..um, baking techniques outside of school."

The two girls giggled and chatted about lots of small things, before Makoto finally cut the crap. "Mamoru was supposed to leave for graduate school in a few days, Usagi; he's miserable about the way he approached you."

Usagi had been prepared for this: "He took me by surprise. But Makoto, I really believe Mamoru will meet someone new soon, and all this awkwardness will be over before you know it!"

"He's not going to America now," Makoto said glumly. She, along with the rest of them, knew how hard Mamoru had worked to get into Harvard; even as smart as he was, it wasn't a gimme these days. And to know that he'd done it all for Usagi, even though they hadn't formally 'dated' since he'd broken up with her two years ago… Makoto had never heard of anything so romantic!

Usagi dropped her cookie. "What? —Why?" she seethed.

Makoto ignored Usa's anger; she was used to it by now. "You know why, Usagi. He tried to make things right with you, but it didn't work. He didn't feel he could commit to Harvard when the whole reason he was going was you, and you won't even talk to him!"

Usagi shook her head. "Is it too late, Mako? I mean, can he still go?"

Makoto shook her head: "Motoki asked him the same thing. But no, it's too late to change his mind. He sent word that he wasn't going last week, and he's been accepted for a residency at a local hospital instead." Beat. "He said it was okay; he'd learn just as much."

Usagi grew angry and stood up. "Will this never END, Makoto?" Tears threatened to well up in her eyes; and she'd long since stopped crying over every little thing. Usually it was only when a boy tried to kiss her that tears would well up in her eyes; and usually she could flee the situation before she had reason to cry.

But now she was just pissed. She'd never be rid of him, of that future. There would never be light at the end of her tunnel. It was positively oppressing.

"But Mamoru doesn't WANT it to end, Usagi! He's never wanted that!" Makoto said, pleading with her best friend to see some reason.

.

Mamoru sat at his desk, trying hard to focus on studying for his bio-chem final. Instead, he daydreamed of a future like Chibiusa had declared to him, where her parents were happy together, always holding hands, always getting caught kissing…

A future which now seemed impossible to Mamoru, no matter how many times Chibiusa told him otherwise. It had been nearly two full years since Prince Dimande's attempted rape; two years since Usagi had let anyone near her. Luna said her grades were still an epic fail, in part because she didn't care about the maths and sciences, but Mamoru knew she'd jumped into her homemaking courses with fervor anew, and was making dresses and hats in her spare time that were being shown in a few of the city's boutiques. He found that quite impressive, especially given that she was still just in tenth grade.

She'd really moved on from them, Senshi battles aside. She'd tried to push them away, although they couldn't allow such a thing since she was the reason they'd been re-awakened. And now of course, they had a brilliant future in Crystal Tokyo to look forward to, with her as their Queen! The very same future that Usagi didn't seem to care for any longer.

He'd banked on her friends helping to bring her around, but …they were teens. Minako especially had tried to push Usagi back to Mamoru far before she was ready; they all had, really. But Usagi had nonsensically refused to even speak to him, much less date him. Even after she had lost her Silver Crystal and couldn't transform, and he'd helped her to regain her powers through their love alone, Usagi had continued to avoid him in every way possible.

Maybe she would have grown out of it; Mamoru knew she wasn't one to hold grudges! But her friends just hadn't let it rest; they'd guilt-tripped her for hanging onto resentment of the breakup, or for being too sensitive…. Mamoru had warned them all that their approach was all kinds of fail. Usagi truly felt that she'd been 'thrown to the wolves' in Crystal Tokyo...

Of course in a sense, she had been thrown to the wolves: dangled before the Black Moon Clan in Chibiusa's place to divert Wiseman's attention away from Chibiusa. —But Mamoru had tried to reach her in time.. He HAD reached her In time!

—But only barely in time. He frowned at the memory of seeing his maiden Princess nearly stripped of her dress while that vile prince humped her like a dog in heat. He'd known that surely she'd been brainwashed, and that this was an attempted rape. —But he couldn't un-see what he'd seen that day: when Dimande had looked up at him, Usagi had pulled that Black Moon devil back down to her, practically inhaling his mouth.

Still, he'd stopped it! —and had come close to killing Dimande on the spot.

Yes, Usagi had been brainwashed. She'd passed out the minute Dimande had been forced to release his hold on her mind. Mamoru had covered her delicately, and when she had come to, she hadn't remembered much, initially, besides waking up in a strange dress. But she'd pushed herself up and looked herself over, as if to detect evidence of a rape. There'd been no such evidence: she'd see markings on her delicate neck, and possibly feel things he couldn't imagine. That and her mussy hair were the only things to suggest that the evil Prince had attacked her.

But while Usagi remembered nothing specific, she'd still refused any kind of close contact from anyone, even including a hug from her closest friends. It was almost as if her subconscious had retained the horrific memories…

Which, at that time, after Wiseman's defeat, had been fine with Mamoru. The visuals he'd been subjected to had been almost too much for him to bear, and while he'd proudly maintained that their prior breakup had been due to his nightmares, he couldn't quite forget her reaction to Prince Dimande, either. Brainwashed or not.

Of course, the fact that Usagi had later defended the man when he'd conveniently overcome his brainwashing hadn't helped, either. Nor when she and the Senshi helped Dimande and his brother Saphir integrate into 20th Century society. The fact was, Usagi and Dimande had been more intimate in that one afternoon than Mamoru had even imagined being with Usagi at the time.

…but two years had passed since then. It had taken months for Mamoru to realize that Usagi might have been seriously traumatized by the unfortunate timing of their breakup and Dimande's attempted-rape… and really, looking back, who wouldn't have been traumatized by whatever Dimande had done to her? Mamoru had tried to talk to her more often, especially after their love had produced a working Silver Crystal and an even better transformation for her, but she'd merely thanked him for the assist, and then spurned him again.

And all there was for him to do was hope, and in the meantime dream of how things might have been, and yet might be one day—

.

There was banging on his door which jolted him out of his reverie; he rarely got visitors anymore, so it took him a moment to get presentable before answering the door:

Usagi! He was shocked to see her; she most certainly hadn't been to his apartment in years. Maybe something he'd said after they had defeated Nehellenia had finally sunk in, but before he could help himself, his hands were on hers and pulling her in: "Usako! Come in!"

Usa allowed the man to grab her hands and pull her in — she'd steeled herself for an even worse invasion of her space, though also to kindly rebuff any more kisses without seeming cold. She allowed him to escort her quickly to the sofa, and was still taken aback by his offer of tea before she'd had time to say hello. "No thanks…" she tried meekly, but he was in the kitchen preparing her a drink anyway.

"You haven't been to my place in …a long time, Usagi-chan," he said, smiling as he poured her a tall glass of chocolate milk, heavy on the chocolate, like she used to like. Makoto had told him she now preferred tea to chocoloate, but somehow he'd known that hadn't sounded right, so he'd remained prepared. "I'm so glad you came," he added, trying not to sound overly eager.

She merely sat primly on the sofa and noticed that he'd changed very little about the apartment. To her horror, which she hid, she noticed he'd even kept pictures of her displayed. She winced and said, in as friendly a manner as possible, "I was really too young to be visiting a boy at his apartment back then."

"It was innocent, Usa-chan," Mamoru said as calmly as he could manage.

Usagi shrugged, remembering how she had enjoyed spending time with Mamoru here. However, she also remembered being crushed in this same apartment as well, when he'd broken up with her. She pushed those uncomfortable memories aside and, trying to think of something appropriate to say, she finally blurted out, "Are you dating anybody?"

Mamoru dropped the second glass he was preparing for himself. "No," he said, bending down to sweep up the shards of glass. "You're the last person I dated." He thought to himself that you couldn't much improve on perfection; he had no interest in dating anybody else.

Then it occurred to him that she might be here to announce different news; maybe that SHE was dating someone now. He cleared his throat and asked, "Are you? Because—"

"No," she said quickly. Although it seemed like she'd become quite the boy magnet — Makoto had dragged her to several clubs, supposedly to get her used to socializing again, though apparently having Usa or Minako with her helped Makochan get guys to swarm their table. But no, Usagi hadn't even entertained the idea of talking to, much less dancing with or dating, those boys. She delicately picked up a picture of herself and Chibiusa, then said, "I was just going to suggest you put these away if you were dating. A new girl might not understand—"

Mamoru finally brought her the drink and sat beside her: "I don't want to date anyone else, Usako."

Usa blushed and allowed a small smile. That was his choice to make, even though they really hadn't even been friends in years, much less more. She awkwardly looked at his desk, saw the books piled up there: "I imagine you stay pretty busy with all your studies."

Mamoru shrugged uneasily. "I guess." Then he asked hopefully, "Hey, would you like to go grab a bite to eat? I'd love to take—"

"No," she said simply. She turned to him with her brows knitted and finally said, "Makoto told me that you weren't going to Harvard, Mamoru. That you're opting for a local university hospital here in Tokyo."

"Yes," he colored slightly. He'd thought the decision would be obvious enough to not warrant discussion. "I've already been accepted into the program. I'm not going anywhere, Usa," he said.

Usagi ran a hand through her streamer and thoughtfully said, "I don't want you to sacrifice a promising future for me."

Mamoru bristled and sat near her: "Usako, you are my promising future! Why don't you see that, even now?"

She collapsed dramatically against the soft sofa cushions behind her: "Oh… Mamoru!" She smiled and glanced at him: "I'm not going anywhere, if I'm really your future. —I think you should go. Do what's best for you!"

"I am doing what's best for me, Usako," he said. "One day it's going to hit you that still love me—"

"It's hit me!" Usa sighed and rolled her eyes. "I do still love you, Mamoru," Usagi said, then pressed her lips together in frustration.

Mamoru continued, "And you'll get over what happened in Crystal Tokyo, and realize what a beautiful future we have together. And I'm going to be here when that day happens."

"Mamoru, look at me," she said, sitting up and setting her glass down firmly. "I want what's best for you—"

"You're what's best for me!" the man argued, feeling a little testy..

Usagi shook her head: "You're a great guy, Mamoru, but you're not what's best for me."

Mamoru said sadly, "But… how could you say that, Usako? Together we've beat impossible odds! Saved the planet several times over; defeated the worst monsters imaginable! If any two people in the world were meant to be together, it's us!"

"No," Usagi said more firmly. "Mamoru, I promised myself I wouldn't get back into a relationship like that again. I think you were right all along: that what happened in the Silver Millennium is history. We have a whole new life to lead as we please!"

"I told you," Mamoru said gruffly, "I just said all that stuff to push you away, Usako! I had those nightmares warning me to stay away from you; I had to convince you we were over—"

"Your future self explained that perfectly well," Usagi said, waving a hand to stop him from going over it all again. "All of it. How he sent you the dreams to break up with me." She smiled uneasily, still angry despite her best efforts, though more at their future counterparts than the Mamomu before her: "How he set me up to be captured by the Black Moon Clan, so I could be nearly raped—"

"He hadn't known that would happen!" Mamoru said, far too angrily for such a delicate situation. Usa literally jumped liked a skittish cat at his tone. "I mean, the way you phrase that makes it seem like we intended for you to get hurt! You continually refuse to take into account that I WAS there for you—"

She shook her head adamantly: "It's not the phrasing that's wrong. King Endymion told me that he'd planned for me to be captured, to protect Chibiusa."

Mamoru said, "Usako, he said that only you were powerful enough to withstand the Dark Crystal. The other possibility was one he just couldn't live with!"

"Yeah," Usagi said. "Chibiusa getting captured would be so much worse than me being raped."

"You weren't raped!" Mamoru insisted. "Endymion told us that we couldn't imagine the horrors unleashed upon the world by Chibiusa's brainwashing! He wanted to spare her that—"

"At my expense," Usagi said haltingly, looking away. "I've thought about it a lot, just like you told me to, Mamoru." She stared right at him and said, "And I know I wouldn't have set up even my worst enemy for that kind of treatment, much less… oh nevermind," she rolled her eyes, stiffening with the knowledge that he'd absolutely never get it.

Mamoru wanted to comfort her so bad, but didn't want her to scare her away again, either. "Usako, I came for you. Endymion had planned for that too, that I would come for you."

"You came late," she said, trying hard not to cry. "And he'd been wrong; I wasn't immune to the brainwashing!" She couldn't believe she was having this same argument again! If not with Mamoru, then with Rei, or Minako. Even Luna, her so-called advisor.

Mamoru, as gently as he could manage, explained: "The King had told us you needed to be held long enough to ensure Wiseman had hope to turn you! —But we knew you wouldn't be turned! Usako, anyone else would have been brainwashed! Easily! Chibiusa would have been emblazoned with that evil black moon insignia… You were our only hope!"

"Mamoru, you let me get mauled and molested by a stranger!" Usagi said, disgusted. "And without warning!" She'd found out the truth from Dimande himself; a truth so horrible that she couldn't let herself believe him back then!

Mamoru stood up and paced the floor: "Absolutely not! I had no idea—" He blanched and dropped his head. "I mean, I knew about Prince Dimande's sick lust for you, although Endymion played down that part. But we had all imagined Wiseman would try to brainwash you some other way. To hurt others or something..." He added softly, "And that the Silver Crystal would protect you. Usako, I know you felt all alone. —And I'd never been so scared in my life!"

"Yes, I'm sure it was devastating for you," Usagi said. She glanced up again and asked, "But can't you understand why I don't want that future, Mamoru? Your future self threw me under the bus to save Chibiusa!" She stood up and said, "If I commit to a man one day, It would have to be someone who would throw himself in front of the bus for me."

She gathered her things as Mamoru squeezed his temples: "It wasn't LIKE that, Usako! I just wish you'd listen! I got to you in time—!"

"Not only was it exactly like that, Mamoru, but you went along with it! When he told me to get out of the palace, you didn't come running after me!"

"He said you needed time!" Mamoru reiterated loudly.

"No!" Usagi charged. "At some point you KNEW he had set me up, if you hadn't known all along. And you went along with it. —You all did! And the worst thing?" She shut her eyes and shook her head: "You'd do it again! If given the chance, you WILL do it again, to a future incarnation of me. —And believe me, I won't be responsible for ANY girl going through that." She got to the door and said, "That's not love, Mamoru; and I'm NOT a reasonable sacrifice."

"But Chibiusa, Usagi! What about our daughter?" Mamoru asked, trying to find some rhyme to her reason.

"Exactly; this all boils down to Chibiusa. AGAIN. And you're perfectly willing to sacrifice your future AND mine to make sure she gets born," Usagi said.

"Sacrifice? Usa, that's not what it would be at all!" Mamoru said. "We're to become the world's regents! And why? Because you and I have a connection!"

"Yes," she agreed, far more angrily than she'd intended for this visit. "A toxic one; one that says you get to throw me to the dogs to spare Chibiusa the least inconvenience." She shook her head: "Go, Mamoru. Seriously, go to America. You've fought the brave fight staying here all this time without a single glimmer of hope from me. I commend you for that. But seeing Chibiusa back here all the time does nothing but remind me that the man you will turn into would offer me up to be tortured if it would spare that girl. And that's NOT the future I choose for myself."

"When are you going to listen to REASON?" Mamoru asked, holding the door closed. "Usako, I never really broke up with you; I always had your back! —I almost killed my future self to ascertain your whereabouts from him!" He wiped his face down and said, "And if I thought going away would help, dammit I would! But I think a better idea would be us going back to the future, so you can SEE how happy we're supposed to be! How happy we WILL be!"

"Ah yes, the future with NO PEOPLE, Mamoru," Usagi said angrily. "So few people that Chibiusa's forced to come back here to get a friend, to learn some basic people skills. Sorry, but that's not my idea of a utopia."

"You sound like Dimande now, Usagi."

Usagi glared at him and grabbed the doorknob firmly: "Fine, Mamoru. Whatever. Go, don't go — I was just trying to encourage you to live your life; but do as you please."

And with that, she left.

Mamoru turned to his ceiling and considered yelling at the future royals with sheer willpower alone. He cursed, then nearly punched a fist through his wall. He'd known all along that he'd hurt her; he'd even known that she wasn't overly impressed with Crystal Tokyo. But he'd never imagined that she was still that bitter about Endymion allowing her to be captured so Wiseman couldn't capture Chibiusa! He'd thought it was clear that King Endymion adored Usagi, and the Neo-Queen; he wouldn't have put her through more than she could handle! He'd said she was more powerful than any of them could even imagine…

"Usa just can't imagine the hell that a brainwashed Chibiusa would have wreaked on the world," Mamoru said to himself, trying to calm down. "One day, she'll come around." —although this had been their absolute worst throw-down yet, and if two years hadn't healed her wounds, he couldn't fathom what might.

He sat at his balcony for hours, imagining Usagi walking through the streets alone. Trying to imagine her in five years; twenty years… He considered her words, over and over. And finally, he considered that maybe Endymion had been wrong to use Usagi as a decoy to spare Chibiusa.