It was two days later when Toriel decided to enact her plan. The timing was perfect. Frisk would be spending the weekend at Kid's house to celebrate the monster child's birthday. It was an event they had been very excited for, enlisting Toriel's help to sew the gift they had in mind. She hated to brag, but she had to admit the matching striped ponchos had turned out especially nice.
Thankfully, the child was bringing along Flowey as well. Not that she really minded watching the flower monster. He just tended to need a lot of supervision, and she was determined to keep her focus on a certain skeleton today.
Papyrus would be busy too, as he was set to be going on a short trip with Undyne and Alphys for some sort of "beach training." She had no idea what something like that could be, but she hoped it was safe and that he would have fun. It would take at least two days, according to Undyne. Toriel hoped that turned out to be true, as it would give her exactly the scenario she was hoping for. This weekend would just be Sans and her, with the house to themselves.
Such a scenario was not uncommon. Indeed, the two of them tended to be the least social of their family circle, often leading to them both choosing to stay home if they were given the choice. They'd attend family or work-related events surely, but neither felt very inclined to pursue much beyond that. Nearly a century of living alone in the ruins had done nothing for Toriel's social confidence. And Sans… well he'd avoid any situation that demanded his constant engagement if he could.
So often the pair found themselves home alone. Toriel very much enjoyed these times, as it reminded her of those early days when it had been just the two of them. Having a noisy home full of family was wonderful, it was everything she ever dreamed of. But the relaxing days she spent with just her dear friend's company were every bit as valuable. She could be her true self around him, in a way she simply couldn't with others. Perhaps he still was a source of escape for her, even now.
Usually during a weekend like this they'd pass the time together baking, watching television or simply just talking the hours away as they used to. All of this punctuated with their customary shooting of jokes back and forth, of course. Thank the stars they didn't have any direct next-door neighbors. She was sure the unrestrained laughing fits she often succumbed to during these days with Sans would have earned her many noise complaints.
But there would be none of that this time. Her goal needed to be realized before she could ever hope to quell her worries enough to return to such activities. She was "filled with determination" as Frisk would put it. She would see this through, no matter how difficult it would surely be for both of them. She only hoped that what she was about to do would not create a rift between them, marking those fond times together as things of the past.
Toriel was still lingering anxiously on that thought when she was brought back to the present by a gentle tug on her dress. She peered down to see Frisk smiling up at her, their overnight bag slung over their shoulder. Flowey was peeking out from under the bag's flap, but retreated with a grumble at the sight of her. She paid him little mind and smiled down at Frisk as they lifted their hands to sign to her.
(I am heading out now, Kid is meeting me halfway at the park.) They signed, grinning all the while.
Their movements were a bit hasty, clearly showing their eagerness to set off. Toriel chuckled at the sight, leaning down to plant a kiss on their forehead.
"Very well my child, just be sure to keep your phone with you and on at all times." She said, briefly wrapping them in a hug. "I love you dear, have fun and text me when you get there okay?"
Frisk made a soft affirmative sound, returning the hug in earnest. She gave them one final squeeze before releasing them, watching as they rushed to the front door. They turned to sign a quick (Love you Mom! Goodbye!) before hurrying outside and on to the path that led to Newer Home's park.
Toriel watched after her child until they were out of sight, her soul brimming with maternal affection. It was good to see Frisk getting the chance to have fun like any child should. Sometimes she felt they spent too much time and energy towards their role as ambassador. The world of politics and reporters was no place for such a young one in her opinion. Though she did have to admit they handled the role exceptionally well. Perhaps she shouldn't be so quick to think such things, especially considering everything that Frisk had achieved in the past. After all, how many children could say they helped save an entire civilization?
That notion kept a proud smile on her face as she turned away from the window. She had intended to return to the dishes she'd been washing earlier, but the sound of the skeleton brothers' voices from the living room drew her to go there instead. From the sound of it, Papyrus was getting ready to leave as well.
"I AM TRIPLE CHECKING SANS. I MUST ENSURE THAT I SHOW UP TO THIS TRAINING WITH ALL THE NECCASARY EQUIPMENT. UNDYNE WAS VERY SPECIFIC IN HER INSTRUCTIONS." Papyrus said with his usual dramatic flair as she entered the room.
The younger skeleton was sitting on the floor, rummaging through a large, overstuffed backpack. Sans was lying on his stomach on the couch behind him, pillowing his skull on his crossed arms as he watched his brother with mild amusement.
"heh, k bro. but I gotta ask, what kind of training requires you to bring a pool floaty?" Sans asked, eyeing the item in question as Papyrus attempted to cram it into one of the bag's pockets.
"EH… WELL…" Papyrus paused and lifted the large, inflatable ring, looking at it incredulously. "I DON'T REALLY KNOW. BUT WHATEVER ITS PURPOSE IS, I'M SURE IT IS IMPORTANT!"
With that, he gave another go at stuffing it into the bag, managing to get it halfway in this time. That seemed to satisfy him, as he simply zipped up the pocket to the point the pool toy was squished enough that it would stay in place… probably. Toriel giggled lightly at the sight and stepped over to them, gaining both of their attention.
"All set Papyrus?" She asked, looking over his overstuffed bag. "You certainly seem to be well prepared."
The skeleton gave a confident nod, giving the bag a pat. "INDEED! ASIDE FROM WHAT UNDYNE REQUESTED OF ME, I HAVE CAREFULLY CONSIDERED EVERY POSSIBLE SITUATION AND PACKED ACCORDINGLY FOR EACH. NOW IT CAN BE ASSURED THAT THIS BEACH TRAINING WILL BE A GLORIOUS SUCCESS!"
He ended his little speech by striking a dramatic pose, placing his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest. Sans gave a soft chuckle from his place on the couch. "i dunno pap, kind of sounds like this "training" might just be undie's excuse for the three of you to go on a beach trip for a few days."
Papyrus shot him an annoyed glance, his bravado fading. "SANS, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! I AM SURE THAT THIS WILL BE A VERY-" He was cut off by the text message notification from his phone, a few notes from one of Mettaton's songs.
He plucked it out of the front pocket of his bag and looked at the screen before leaping to his feet. "GOODNESS SHE'S ALREADY FINISHED PACKING! I HAVE TO GO! THE GREAT PAPYRUS MUST NOT BE LATE!" He shouted, scrambling to pull the massive bag over his shoulders.
He ran over and squeezed Toriel in a quick hug, which she barely had time to reciprocate. "GOODBYE MISS TORIEL! TAKE CARE! I'LL SEND YOU PICTURES!" He spoke rapidly, the words coming so fast she hardly had time to register them.
She had opened her mouth to reply, but he had already let her go and rushed over to his brother. He scooped Sans up from the couch and hugged him tight, an act Sans seemed to be ready for, unlike her. The older skeleton returned the hug gladly, wrapping his arms around Papyrus' neck. "GOODBYE SANS! DON'T BE TOO LAZY ALRIGHT? I KNOW HOW YOU GET WITHOUT A COOL GUY LIKE ME LOOKING OUT FOR YOU!"
For just a moment, Toriel thought she saw it again, a flash of pain in Sans' expression. But it was gone as quickly as it had come. His signature smile was put back to place and he leaned back to shoot his brother a wink.
"no promises bro. heh. hope you have a good time though. say hi to the lovebirds for me. I'm shore it will be great." He quipped, grin widening as he emphasized the pun.
"UGHHH" Papyrus groaned in irritation. "DON'T MAKE ME DROP YOU BROTHER…"
Toriel covered her mouth with a paw, trying to hold in her laughter but not quite succeeding. Sans winked at her as well, which only made it worse. She watched as Papyrus set Sans down and quickly began heading for the door, his overburdened bag making all manner of noises as he moved.
"I MUST GO NOW! GOODBYE AGAIN YOU TWO! SEE YOU ON MONDAY! DON'T MISS ME TOO MUCH! NYEH HEH HEH!" He yelled over to them from the door, waving furiously.
Toriel lifted a paw to wave back, but he had already charged out the door, cackling to himself all the while. She let out a weak chuckle of defeat. That monster moved a mile a minute when he wanted to. She hadn't been able to get a word in during that whole exchange. At least he hadn't seemed bothered by her lack of response. Still, she would have to try and remember to send a proper text to him later.
She cast her gaze back down at Sans, who was still staring at the door his brother had left through. His expression was… hard to read. His smile was still in place, but it didn't quite reach his eye sockets. That sadness was there once again, dulling the lights of his eyes a bit. Situations like this were perhaps the most consistent in bringing out that side of him. Something about his brother leaving, even for something like a short weekend trip, seemed to bother Sans far more than he would admit. She knew the brothers were very close, but this seemed to go beyond simply missing one's sibling. Something like that wouldn't cause the kind of despair and even… fear? that she could see lingering in his expression.
Toriel felt a sharp pang in her soul, as the sight reminded her of her plans for their time alone together over the next few days. Right now, all she wanted to do was cheer him up, not confront him. The sudden urge to back out was strong, but she shook it away, reminding herself that it had to be done. For his sake. She took a deep breath, preparing the words she'd been going over again and again in her mind.
He noticed her looking at him though, and quickly composed himself as always. He faced her with a grin, tilting his head to one side a bit.
"so, tori, looks like it's just you and me again. whaddya wanna do?" He asked.
Toriel didn't reply immediately, the question catching her slightly off guard and scrambling her thoughts. "W-well… um…" was all she managed to get out. Sans looked a bit confused but shrugged it off.
"if you want, I recorded this documentary thing about black holes. It seems pretty interesting, it's got interviews with all these NASA guys and even some recently updated paradigms for…"
Sans kept talking but Toriel stopped listening, the uneasy anticipation that came with what she was about to do blocking out his words. She took another steadying breath, willing herself to be stern but still gentle. Her eyes hardened and she forced strength into her voice.
"Sans." She spoke his name, cutting off whatever he'd been saying. His previously dim eyelights sharpened as she did, snapping back to look at her with full attention.
Toriel met his gaze with equal focus, her expression both serious and concerned.
"We… we need to talk my friend."
She swallowed, trying to drown out the last of the uncertainty from her voice. She knelt slowly down to her knees in front of him, closer to his level, hoping that way it would seem less like she was talking down to him. He watched her, his expression now openly confused and a bit nervous. Still his smile remained, if a bit shaky.
"what's up tori? e-everything okay?" he stammered, sweat beginning to dot his skull.
She shook her head. It was now or never.
"I think I should be the one asking you that." She replied.
Sans blinked, taking a small step back from her. After a moment though, he plastered on his fake smile again, seemingly a little relieved.
"is this about what happened two days ago? tori we did talk about this, remember? i'm fine. don't worry about it." He said, shrugging dismissively.
Toriel stayed firm though, shaking her head again. "No, Sans, you are not fine. Please my friend, be honest with me. Be honest with yourself. You have been just been getting worse and worse lately… I cannot just… keep watching this happen to you. I do not wish to pry but… please…"
She softened her expression a bit, wringing her paws together. "Please, tell me what is wrong. What is hurting you Sans? Why do you have such terrible nightmares? I… I just want to be able to help…"
She trailed off briefly, waiting for a reply from him. She braced herself for how he might react.
Sans stared at her, his nervous expression returning, but there was now some guilt in the lights of his eyes too. He diverted his gaze to the floor, beginning to sweat again.
"tori… it's… it's not as bad as all that." He insisted, trying and this time failing to work up his normal smile. "it's…" He paused, shuffling his slippered feet a bit before letting out a sigh.
"it's nothing you need to concern yourself with alright? you have enough to worry about, and really, it isn't that big a deal." He shrugged again, but it seemed more forced.
"i've had issues sleeping for years now. sure, it's been a bit more… intense recently, but it's nothing i haven't dealt with before. guess i'm just not in the night mind lately, heh."
If his words were meant to lessen her worries, they had the opposite effect. Not even the pun had any effect. Instinct took over and she acted before he could speak again. She leaned forward and gathered him in her arms, hugging him close.
He froze up at first, and Toriel worried if perhaps she had acted too brashly. But then he seemed to deflate a bit, allowing the embrace and even pressing back into it slightly. Slowly, he removed his hands from his jacket pockets and returned the hug. He was unable to wrap his arms all the way around her much larger body, but he did the best he could, curling his phalanges into the fabric of her dress. Toriel took a moment to reign in her emotions before speaking again.
"Sans, please… Please let me help you. You are not a burden on me, do not ever think that. It causes me much more stress to see you hurting like this and being unable to do anything about it."
She paused, and when he stayed silent, she continued, her tone becoming softer. "You are my dearest friend, you know that right? I owe you so much. I… I care too much for you to turn a blind eye to this… I just cannot do it anymore…"
She trailed off, tightening her grip on him slightly as she was overcome with emotion. Sans remained silent a bit longer, and Toriel began to feel him trembling again, much like he had two nights ago.
"i know…" He murmured weakly. The despair in his voice was clearer than ever and it made Toriel's soul ache. On one hand that meant her attempts at getting him to drop his façade were working. On the other though, hearing him sound so… empty was just agonizing.
She felt him press his skull into her shoulder, a defeated sigh escaping him. "look tori i… i do wish I could tell you everything, really. it's not that I don't trust you or anything like that…but if I did tell you…" A hollow laugh escaped him and he shook his head. "you'd never believe me, not a word of it. hell, you might end up hating me. even if you did believe me, it… it would just hurt you…"
He trailed off, and due to their close proximity, Toriel could detect the fear emanating from his soul. She let his words sink in, trying to make sense of them. Clearly, he was hiding some great secret, perhaps many. In what way did they involve her though? … and why would he think they would drive her to hate him? She worried her lip with her fangs, wondering if she had possibly pried into something far deeper than she had expected. Of all the possible things she'd theorized could be the cause of her friend's inner torment, none involved anything regarding Toriel herself.
Still, she held strong and steeled herself again. She'd made a commitment that'd she'd see this through and she intended to honor it. She pulled back from the hug a bit, just enough so she could meet his gaze again. He resisted letting go of her the same way he'd resisted allowing the hug in the first place. But upon meeting her eyes once more he seemed to relax and released his grip enough to step back a little. He was making little effort to hide his unease now, eyelights dim and wavering as he gave up on keeping up a smile. Toriel gave his arms a reassuring squeeze before speaking again.
"Sans, I promise you, I will listen to whatever you are willing to share with me. And I will believe you. I have no reason not to. Whatever is causing you pain is undeniably real. There is no doubt in my mind about that. Also…" She smiled warmly at him, eyes softening. "I could never hate you my friend, you mean too much to me. I know I have a certain… history of carrying grudges. But just as I was never able to truly hate Asgore, not like I thought I did, whatever you admit to me could never make me hate you. I promise. I may be concerned or disappointed, even shocked, depending on what it is. And I will certainly help you decide what can be done for it, but I will never hate you."
Her eyes became slightly haunted and she closed them briefly. "Truly my friend, none of us are sinless. Our dire situation underground led us all to do desperate things we now regret. But the past is behind us, and we all are doing what we can now to heal and move on. I think talking about this will help you do that too."
There was a pause and then Sans let out another humorless wheeze of laughter, covering his face with one hand. His smile stretched back into place, but it seemed to be a desperate act rather than a facetious one.
"tori… i just… don't think i can…there's so much and it's all so confusing. I'm not even sure how much of it is real anymore. i wouldn't know where to start… and even if you say all that, I know you would never look at me the same again if you knew… and i just… don't know if I can handle that."
The admission came with him tightening the grip he had on her sleeve with his free hand. Toriel wanted terribly to pull him into her arms again, but she resisted, determined not to let herself back down from this. She settled for gently teasing away his tightly curled phalanges from their hold on her and wrapping them in her paw instead, running her thumb pad over his knuckle bones. This did seem to help him relax a bit, as he accepted the action with no uncertainty this time and closed his hand around hers gratefully. It was a small gesture that made Toriel's soul warm with hope once more.
"Listen my friend." She began again, letting her voice take on a far gentler tone. "I know that this is difficult, there is no need to rush things. We can take all the time you need. Even if you are not sure of your memories or whatever else you decide to share, it will help you to talk about them. I am certain of it. It will be okay."
Sans didn't reply, continuing to hide his face from her. She could feel his hand trembling, even in her grip. She could tell he was listening to her though, so she continued, still stroking his hand all the while.
"I think I know how to make this a little easier." She murmured. "I would not feel right about asking you to talk about these things without some admittance on my part too. That is why I would like to tell you more about myself and my life as well. You said you feel as though I would never look at you the same, well that is true I suppose, but it does not have to be a bad thing. I am hoping we will both be able to see each other in a new light after this. I am sure we can look at each other with a deeper understanding than before. It will be difficult, yes, but I believe it could bring us closer than ever, not drive us apart."
That seemed to get through to the skeleton and he finally willed himself to drop his hand and meet her gaze again. He looked so exhausted and certainly not just physically. His eyelights were dim now to the point they appeared more hazy gray than white. Still, he kept them on her while the corners of his smile turned up just a bit. It still wasn't a real smile, but it was closer than before.
"heh, so… you want us to just info-dump everything about ourselves in the hopes that it will somehow make our problems disappear?" There was a bit of bitter sarcasm to his voice, but he mostly just sounded sad.
Toriel's instinct was to get frustrated with him, but she willed herself to stay the course. She could hardly blame him for feeling unsure about this. Letting yourself be emotionally open with someone was not easy, especially when you've spent your whole life doing the opposite. She understood those feelings better than most would. She shook her head and met his gaze again, eyes firm.
"No, my friend. Nothing is going to make our problems disappear. But one must know another's problems in order to help them properly. Healing is a process that takes time, but it is a far more daunting process alone. This is not about fixing ourselves, it is about taking a step. I for one know that it would be good for me to tell someone else of my past. I have not done so in… many, many years. Getting it off my chest would be a relief and help me be more trusting again." She softened her expression once more, scarlet eyes shining with warmth. "You feel the same, do you not?"
Toriel felt a momentary gratefulness for all her years giving improvised speeches as queen. It seemed to always give her some idea of what to say, whatever the circumstances. She could tell her words had succeeded this time too. Sans blinked at her, then slowly diverted his gaze to his slippers. He stayed like that for a bit before squeezing her hand tighter as he finally let out a deep, weary sigh.
"yah…. ok…." his voice came out barely above a whisper. "i'll… try to tell you what I can tori…" He didn't lift his skull, but his smile softened a little at the edges, some of the tension melting away.
Toriel's face broke into a grateful smile, eyes nearly tearing up as relief washed over her. She gave up trying to resist and hugged him again, almost picking him up off his feet. Sans was slower to reciprocate this time but seemingly more from exhaustion than hesitation. He carefully wrapped his arms around her neck as he was lifted, letting her bear most of his weight. Toriel was happy to do so, leaning back to sit down and carry him with her to the floor.
"Thank you my friend, that is all I can ask of you. I thank you for your trust and I promise to help you through this as best I can." She said, feeling her soul thrum happily within her.
Sans was silent in response for a few moments before tightening his grip on her. When he spoke again his tone became more serious.
"tori… y-you need to promise me something else, okay?" he said as he shuddered lightly, causing a muffled rattling sound.
Toriel made a soft affirmative sound in her throat, waiting for him to continue.
"you… you can't tell pap any of this… or anyone else for that matter. b-but especially not him, ok? p-please just…" he trailed off, perhaps embarrassed by the sudden desperate nature of his tone.
Toriel felt her soul ache for him again. Truthfully, she felt that he should be telling his brother these things too, for both their sakes. But that was a matter that could be addressed another day. For now, Sans needed to rid himself of the darkness he'd been carrying alone for far too long.
"Sans, whatever you choose to tell me stays between us. I will not breathe a word of it to Papyrus or anyone else, I promise." She vowed, mirroring his serious tone and squeezing him tight.
Sans seemed satisfied with her answer, some of the tension leaving him. He let out a quiet sigh of relief before tightening his grip on her in return.
"ok… thanks…" Was all he managed to get out in reply.
It was more than enough for Toriel though. Her soul was alight with gratitude as she reveled in the fact that she had, at long last, gotten through to him. It wasn't anywhere near over yet, but she had managed to take the first massive step without him brushing her off or short-cutting away from the situation. The fact that he was finally agreeing to talk to her about this filled her with more gratitude than she could properly convey. Now, she needed to prove that she was worthy of the trust he had allowed himself to put in her. Any mishandling of this situation could have dire consequences for her friend's mental wellbeing. She was determined to not let him down.
The two remained in their embrace a while longer, both calming from the spurred emotions brought on by the confrontation. The whole thing had brought out a strange surge of protectiveness in Toriel, only heightened now that she was holding him in her arms again. It was somewhat like the desire she had to protect her children, but also quite different. It was making her soul feel all fluttery in a way that was familiar and yet still new to her. She tried not to dwell too much on it, even as it seemed to be bringing a sudden heat to her cheeks. Right now, she needed to comfort her friend.
Sans had buried his face into her shoulder and was gripping at her tightly again. She squeezed him right back, hoping it communicated her support. Sitting proved to be a good idea as his trembling from before began to slowly cease. She rubbed small circles into his backbone, happy to offer him the proper physical comfort she'd been dying to for so long. He said nothing for a few minutes as she did so and Toriel began to wonder if he had drifted off to sleep. But eventually, he shifted back a bit and lessened his grip, speaking again in a subdued voice.
"so…uh, do you… just want to talk here then? on the floor?" he asked, the barest bit of humor trying to creep its way into the question. It mostly failed, but she smiled at the effort regardless.
"Well if you are okay with walking a bit, I did have a place in mind." She replied, releasing him from the hug to face him again.
The skeleton looked like he was considering it, clearly part of him wanting to say no just so he didn't have to get up. "i could just shortcut us there if you tell me where it is." He offered.
"No, no. That will only tire you more. Besides, it is but a minute's walk, nothing more." She said as she rose slowly from the floor.
She winced slightly as her legs, terribly cramped from all the kneeling she had done, finally stretched out. Once up, her smile returned and she held out a paw to Sans who had remained sitting on the floor.
"Come, I will help you if you need it." She assured, voice warm.
Sans blinked up at her for a moment before letting out another weak, humorless chuckle. He reached up and took her paw, letting her help him to his feet. As it had before, the startling lightness of her friend surprised her. It shouldn't have, seeing as it was only logical that a monster made of only magic and bones would weigh little, but she often failed to acknowledge it. It took almost no strength at all to pull him up. He likely weighed less than even her human child did. Considering his usual composed and laid-back attitude, it was easy to forget just how fragile her friend really was.
That thought kept her movements gentle as she made sure he could stand okay. When he didn't topple over, she gave him another smile before beginning to turn towards the kitchen. She paused slightly though, when she realized he hadn't let go of her paw. He seemed fairly out of it, so she reasoned he just did not realize what he was doing. She didn't mind though, in fact, she had to admit it was rather endearing and brought back that odd, warm, fluttery feeling in her soul.
She made no move to free her paw as they both headed out of the room towards the front door of the house. A minor trepidation gripped her as they walked. She was unable to keep from wondering just what she was about to hear and how it would affect her relationship with Sans in the end. Her mind was abuzz with guesses, but she knew that none of them would likely be anywhere close to the truth. She gave Sans' hand a small squeeze, letting it be a sort of goodbye to the current image of Sans as she knew him.
Before the day's end, they would be seeing each other in a new light, as Sans had previously mentioned. It was a frightening thought in a way, but she had hope that what came next would only strengthen their bond. It was that resolve that steeled her as she opened the front door and stepped out into the midday sun, Sans following right behind her.