"There you are."

Jace was standing in the doorway of Alec's room, taking in the scene. "I've been wondering what you were up to. Why don't you let me do that?"

Alec looked down at the stele in his hands, at the rune for speed he had been drawing on his own bare chest. Then he looked back at Jace, a slightly apologetic look in his eyes.

Marking each other was their ritual, performed before every mission ever since they shared the parabatai bond. No matter how much at odds they had been, no matter how cross and insulted and upset at each other, not once had they renounced the extra power that runes drawn by parabatai gave them. Not once, ever.

Until now.

Alec lowered his gaze. "I didn't think you'd want… I mean…" He blushed.

"Don't talk rubbish." Jace strode over to the bed and snatched the stele out of Alec's hands. "Come here."

Alec turned towards him and gritted his teeth when the stele touched his skin. Jace drew the rune in silence while Alec sat tensely, avoiding his gaze. Eventually Jace sighed.

"I can see you're not going to broach the subject yourself and just ignoring it won't solve anything," he said matter-of-factly. "So. How exactly do you feel about Magnus Bane?"

Alec flinched and Jace closed his eyes, wanting to kick himself. Well done, he thought. You really know how to broach a touchy subject.

"Sorry," he said aloud, in what he hoped was a gentle voice. "I didn't mean to be tactless. It's just…" He hesitated.

Alec looked up. "What?" he asked edgily. Jace met his gaze, not bothering to look at the stealth rune he was drawing on Alec's forearm.

"You know I'm not exactly the most observant person on earth," he admitted. "Clary and Izzy can read people much better than I. But even I noticed that Magnus was hurt yesterday. So… how do you feel about him?"

"There's nothing," Alec said quickly. "Between us, I mean. He's just… a friend."

"He didn't seem to think so."

Alec shrugged, and Jace let out a sigh.

"Please don't lie to me, Alec," he said earnestly. "You know I can always tell." He paused. "You know you can tell me everything."

Alec bit his lip. "Why would Magnus be hurt?" he asked, avoiding the question.

"Maybe because you denied your relationship with him and pretended that he doesn't mean anything to you?" Jace suggested.

"He– but I don't mean anything to him either!" Alec protested. "So why would that bother him? He just agreed to go out with me because he pitied–" He held his breath. Then, apparently realising that it was too late anyway, he went on resignedly. "He felt sorry for me, that's all. Why would a person like him care at all about me?"

"Why shouldn't he?" Jace said honestly. "You're worth caring about."

Alec gaped at him, and Jace felt a stab of pity at seeing the incredulity in his parabatai's eyes.

"But I'm just… me," the older boy said disbelievingly. "I'm not cool or handsome or funny or a good fighter or anything! I'm not… not you," he added, very quietly.

Jace stared at his friend, comprehension slowly dawning on him. So this was why Alec had been so upset that Jace didn't care about his relationship with Magnus. He was in love with him.

Apparently, Alec had realised that he had given himself away. Blushing furiously, he tried to pull his arm out of Jace's hands, but Jace tightened his grip around the other boy's wrists.

"Alec," he said, meeting his parabatai's eyes with solemn urgency. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course," Alec replied without hesitating. "You know that."

Jace pulled off his shirt and pressed the stele back into Alec's hands. "You're my parabatai," he said, holding out his arm so Alec could mark him. "You are the source of at least half my strength. I was always a good shadowhunter, but what made me truly extraordinary was you. I am not better than you." He could see that Alec didn't believe him, so he added, "Do you really think I would have chosen you if you were not worth caring about?"

Alec closed his mouth. "No," he mumbled finally.

"There you go," Jace said. "And if I can see that in you, Magnus can, too." He watched Alec's hands tremble as he moved the stele over Jace's skin.

"And if you care about Magnus at all," Jace continued quietly, "which I know you do, I think going over and apologizing might be a good idea."

Alec remained silent. For the first time Jace noticed how gently his parabatai's hands moved over his body, almost caressingly, but hesitant at the same time – always afraid of going too far, of being unnatural.

Jace looked at the boy he loved like a brother. And, carefully, in a voice as soft and gentle as he could make it, he said, "I just want to see you with someone who loves you as more than family. Or parabatai," he added softly. "I want you to be happy with someone who loves you… that way. And you know I can't do that."

Alec closed his eyes, lifting the stele off Jace's skin. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, barely audible. "I'm sorry. I know it's wrong. I shouldn't–"

"Alec." Jace gripped his parabatai's forearms tightly. "There is nothing, nothing wrong with how you feel. Don't ever think that."

Alec looked down at his friend's hands around his wrists. "Thank you," he said in a constricted voice, not meeting Jace's eyes. Then he freed his arms and started drawing another rune on his parabatai's torso. His hands were still trembling.

"Please don't let me get in the way of your happiness, Alec," Jace said. "Go make it up to Magnus. Let go of whatever you're feeling for me."

"Like you let go of your feelings for Clary?" Alec asked without looking up from his work.

Jace tensed. "I don't know what you're–" he started, but was stopped by Alec's flat stare.

"You just asked me not to lie to you," the eighteen-year-old said calmly. "Is it too much to ask the same from you?"

Jace opened his mouth, closed it, then looked down at his hands. "No," he mumbled. "I'm sorry." He paused, and Alec waited, patient as always. Jace took a deep breath.

"This is… this is exactly why I want you to be with Magnus," he started, somewhat lamely. "Or anyone else who makes you happy. To get over me. Because I can't get over Clary, and while you just think your feelings are wrong, mine really are wrong. She's my sister, Alec! How can I be in love with my sister?"

He looked up to see Alec looking at him the way he always did, open, trusting, his blue eyes holding no judgment, and was flooded by an unexpected wave of gratefulness. He had thought that there was no one he could tell about this, that everyone would be disgusted by this revelation, but he had forgotten how well Alec knew the problem. He had forgotten how well Alec knew him.

"It's not your fault, Jace," his parabatai said gently, his expression serious. "You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. Believe me, I've tried."

"That doesn't make it right," Jace said. "And that doesn't make it any easier to stop loving her. So if you could get over me… at least one of us would be happy. The one of us who deserves it most."

Alec stopped in the middle of putting on his shirt to stare at him. "No," he said. "Jace. I don't–"

"Alec, please. Be happy, okay? For me."

Their eyes met, and Jace stared imploringly at Alec until his parabatai lowered his gaze. "I'll try."

"Thank you," Jace said earnestly and pulled his own shirt back over his head. "Let's go then." He started for the door, but Alec's voice called him back.

"But, Jace," his parabatai said, and Jace turned to look at him.

"Yes?"

"You have to do something for me as well."

"Anything."

Alec looked at him, his eyes pleading and unyielding at the same time. "Please stop being so reckless," he said. "Especially when I'm not with you. I know you don't care about your own life, but when you die I'll be the one who has to live with the pain." He pulled up his sleeve to expose his parabatai rune.

"Don't do this to me, Jace. Please."

Jace looked into the deep blue eyes of the person who knew more about him than anyone else in the world; who knew he was in love with his sister and didn't pull back in disgust; who, Jace realised, shared a lot of the troubles he himself had been carrying around with him – and nodded.

"I promise."

So... it has happened. I continued one of my oneshots. I'm pretty proud of myself now :D And you know what, there's actually one more chapter up and coming. It'll be about Alec actually going to Magnus's and apologizing. Release date: 20th February :)

Love, Sparks