For the last two years, I've been taking care of Sarah every night. The first few times, I thought Joel was working late and that he had no choice but to ask me to babysit his daughter.
But then I saw him coming home in other girls' cars, messy hair, swollen lips, wrinkled clothing and the smell of alcohol was evident. It was like this for two years.
I'd put Sarah to bed around 9:30, reading her stories or singing lullabies for her to fall asleep, and only around 3:00, 4 A.M Joel would come home. My mom didn't know I was out so late from Joel's house when I had early morning classes.
Whenever I tried to confront Joel's irresponsible behavior, he would start getting weird. First, he would lick his lips, focusing his eyes on me. Then he'd slowly approached me, until he had me against the wall or the couch, trapping me with his muscular arms.
What happened then differed a lot. Sometimes he would hide his head between my neck, his breath making me shiver while he muttered thanks for the fact that I put up with him and continue to be there for him. Other times, he'd touched me, lightly on the shoulders, arms, hands, and hips, kind of seeming to be holding himself back.
But the last time I was in his house, it was more intense. He had just arrived with a regular girl. She wanted to kiss him and he denied it, coming inside the house. I was near the door. Close enough to be inches away from him as soon as he entered the house.
I was quickly pushed against the door, which was a new place for me, and my wrists were captured by his left hand, elevating them above my head.
The nights in Austin were very hot, so when I was wearing a low-cut strap top and cloth shorts, he didn't seem surprised. I spent two years at Joel's house and he never forced me into anything, even if he was a dumbass, I trusted him.
His hand rose slowly through my belly, and I felt my body temperature increase dramatically. His mouth found my shoulder, rubbing his lips slowly against my skin, his beard increasing the pleasurable feeling he was giving me. I released all the oxygen from my lungs, rolling my eyes as soon as Joel kissed my neck.
The hand, which was once in my belly, came down to my ass, squeezing it aggressively. Okay, Ellie, now you know you like when Joel is aggressive with your butt. The mouth of the 27-year-old man went up to my ear, his panting breath making every single hair that existed in my body to rise up. I felt a knot in my belly when he grinded himself against me making me moan, totally intoxicated with the sense of pleasure that Joel was giving me. Another aggressive grope was attributed to my ass and Joel grunted with delight, approaching his mouth towards mine.
– You have no idea what I want to do to you. – The hoarse voice from the alcohol, the sensuality and the honesty in the words was something that made me moan like a ridiculous bitch.
Joel's lips joined mine, his left hand dropping my wrists to cup my cheek. His tongue went into my mouth. The taste of the liquor in his tongue made me so crazy, so wrapped up in the moment, that I could only answer to the kiss with the same eagerness as him, tangling my fingers in his black hair, pulling him to me, taking a hoarse moan from him.
Our tongues fought with each other, dancing a sensual and intense dance, leaving us breathless; Leaving us with the thought that that kiss was the right thing to do at the moment, that without that kiss, everything would fall apart.
Joel's erection was still pretty obvious against my stomach. I wanted to touch it, but I was too numb by the kiss to think about it. His hips started grinding against me and I was hornier than before. He grabbed me by my thighs, raising me to his height, the erection aligned perfectly against my core.
This was paradise. This set of emotions was all new to me. Joel supported one hand on the door and grabbed my waist with the other. My legs were wrapped around his waist and my arms wrapped around his neck.
And that's when it started. Joel started rubbing himself against me, only this time the angle was different and it hit my center directly. I stopped kissing Joel, moaning lowly and leaning my head against the door. It was all new to me. The feeling of being held and controlled, the feeling of being desired. The feel of his beard against my throat, or his breathless breathing near my ear. The feeling of being horny enough to not even be able to think properly, and just seek the release of both.
Seeing Joel so desperate about the coming and going moves, trying to give me as much pleasure as he was having, made me even wetter. Seeing him with his eyes closed and jaw clenched was such a turn on. Hearing him saying what he wanted to do to me, how he would like to have me now, how I turned him on with just one look was the best foreplay.
I felt my shorts being drifted to the side by the consecutive moves. I choked on the new sensation, the barrier that split us was diminished. Joel moaned my name, appreciating the new feeling as much as I did.
I began to tremble, my breath got stuck in my throat and my legs tried to close themselves. My hands were grabbing Joel's biceps, my fingernails were sinking there, pretending to be anchors, I felt like I was going to fall if I didn't stabilize myself.
– Fuck! – I moaned, already in a panting mess.
Joel's arms tightened more around me and I felt him tremble too. The knot forming in my belly was bigger and unbearable. My eyes rolled up to the back of my head. It was like a volcanic action. It all started very suddenly and when it happened, it was explosive, destructive. My legs tried to close around Joel, my body started to shake non-stop, my breath ceased and my mind went blank.
My mouth, near Joel's ear, couldn't get enough of his name, giving him more encouragement to prolong my feeling. My body still trembled violently under Joel's touch and when he shared the same feeling as me, his body shuddered, his voice broke and my name was his favorite anthem.
We stayed a few more minutes in the same position. We were tired, but maybe not too tired to let go. We both knew that as soon as we let each one go, that our moment would be over, and nothing would guarantee that we would share it again.
– Ellie... – Joel's voice was husky.
I answered him with a little mewl, tired of what had just happened. Joel lifted his head from my shoulder, looking me in the eye. My breath got stuck in my throat. The intensity that he looked at me left me speechless.
– You can put me down, Joel. – I lowered my hands to his chest, his heartbeats kissing the palms of my hands.
I got down slowly, my butt slid through the door, Joel's fingers sailed from my hips to my waist. We still looked at each other steadily, the intensity manipulating my mind. I want to kiss him...
– Why don't you sleep here tonight? – The question intertwined with pleasurable promises, I knew that.
But I couldn't forget that he was drunk and that, tomorrow, I'd be one more in his bed, fueled by false hopes that he would feed me during a night of sex. I knew he was aware that I was a virgin, I never intended to hide it. And probably as soon as he was sober, he would continue to despise me and think that I was an immature girl, as he always implied. Or maybe he would say it was a mistake, like most guys say.
– I'm going home. – My lips were tingling with the lack of contact with his.
I felt him walk away from me, my body whimpering with the lack of warmth and proximity. Joel was disappointed, you could tell. The way the eyebrows gathered, looking like one, the squinted eyes and the lips together, forming a firm line.
– Why? Did I do something wrong? – Despair. Something new for me, coming from him.
I smiled. Alcohol really changes a person. I elevated myself, getting near his mouth. I pulled him to me by the neck, our noses rubbing gently. Kissing him was my wish. To feel again the ecstasy of a few moments ago. Joel's breath quickened like mine, his hands reaching quickly to my waist, pulling me to him.
I kissed his neck, my lips prolonged more than they should, enjoying the hair of his beard. My teeth joined the equation, scraping occasionally on his skin. Joel grunted, his grip on my waist increasing drastically. My mouth went up to his, without any kind of kiss involved, just hovering, dangerously close to his. I kissed him in the corner of his lips, controlling me not to beg him to take me to his room.
– Good night, Joel. – I walked away from him, and went out the door.
(…)
Maybe it's been three weeks. Yes, three weeks since that night. Joel asked me to look after Sarah the next day and I denied it. I said I had to finish some work for college, which was a lie. He asked me to take care of Sarah for the rest of the week, and I've always dodged with more lies.
He never asked me for such a thing again, and, after that, we stopped seeing each other. I never went to his house, whenever my mother was going to have dinner there and wanted me to go with her, I always told her I wanted to make her more comfortable with him, so she'd have more chances to win some ground in the neighbor's heart.
For some unknown reason, that lie stuck in my throat, it ached in my heart whenener I said it, it was something I didn't think would happen. That I didn't want it to happen.
I put my head in the wheel of the car, tired of the volleyball practice I had had. My phone started ringing, scaring the shit out of me. Riley's name was flashing on the screen. I groaned, even though I was feeling a little homesick for my cousin.
– What up, bitch? – Riley squealed.
– 'Sup, Ley. – I sighed, accustomed to the way she treated me.
– How's shitty Texas? – She was making fun of me, everything I wanted to make my day better.
– The same shit since I got here two years ago, what do you think that might have changed? – I replied, a little aggressive.
I opened the car door, getting irritated. The keys still in my hand, swinging through my thin fingers.
– Hey, hey, don't be like that, cuz.
– Ellie! – Sarah screamed at the sight of me.
I swallowed dry, a yellow smile spreading through my plump lips.
– Ellie? – Riley called on the other side of the line.
– Riley, I'll call you later, 'kay? – I didn't wait for her to answer me and I hung up the phone right away, keeping it in the back pocket of my jeans.
– We could go play football, yeah? – Sarah's radiant smile was something contagious.
– Huh... – Joel appeared in my field of vision and I almost choked on my own saliva.
He was only in shorts, without a t-shirt, with folded arms and contracted muscles. Thank you, sweet heat, for being such a great gift from the heavens. My throat was dry with the image of Joel, who stared at me, with the usual arrogant smirk on his lips.
Sarah didn't care about my lack of response and grabbed my hand, pulling me behind her to the garden of her house. My gaze didn't abandon Joel's body, focusing on his delightful and too masculine figure for my teenage hormones. I heard him laugh, his abs were contracting with every laugh and, I swear, I tried to keep my tongue in my mouth and not pant like a dog in heat.
There was a short-haired path (clearly shaved) that covered his chest and descended until it disappeared into his shorts. The line of his boxers' brand was showing and I never liked Calvin Klein as much as I liked it now. His skin was glowing from the blazing heat, and for a moment, I pictured him drinking a bottle of fresh water and dumping half of the contents on his Adonis body that he had. It was kinda weird seeing him now, after what happened three weeks ago. He seemed really relaxed, almost making me think that he didn't even remembered what had happened. Maybe he didn't.
– Sarah, I'm a little tired, you know... – I tried to dodge this situation, still looking at Joel.
– But Ellie, we ain't playing together for a long time, actually, for exactly three weeks. – Sarah pouted her lips, melting my shame away.
– Alright, just one football match. – I smiled at her, showing her my index finger to guarantee that it'd only be one football match.