"Name! Come on, we're gonna be late!" Feliciano called to you as he sprinted ahead in the halls. But you were too busy angsting over generic "girl" problems, I'm not pretty enough, I don't have any friends, no one likes me, blah blah blah. It sounds like the writer learned about depression through break-up songs and Linkin Park albums, but we a story, well not really a story, but you know what I mean.
You mumble to Feliciano and he, despite the fact he is awesome with detecting emotions, gets the role of useless friend and skips into class. You walk in as the bell rings and the class stares as you walk slowly to your desk. You could have avoided the stares and embarrassment, but the writer wants you to seem "relatable", so to Idiot Land we go!
"Why are you late, name?" Asks Germani- oh wait, um, Generically Named Teacher.
Instead of coming up with any kind of excuse you sink into your desk as Mr. Teacher lectures you, and only you, despite the fact that nearly all teachers would at least try to make not all of the speech focusing on you. But we get it, your life sucks, as a girl able to go to school without of being gunned down or sold into slavery, with the rights to vote and the ability to own land and yourself. But your life is totally the worst possible life ever. How can we get that across more?
"Oh, hello, name." Oh look, it's Ivan. Need a character beaten for no reason; Ivan will do so despite the fact he would never actually do that. But the writer is an uncreative person, so after a bullying scene, you begin to angst again.
"Oh!" You cry, "Why is my life so hard? Why can't the writer understand anything about depression other than you're sad and might cry? Why do I have to be bullied by a perfectly nice, if slightly unstable, character?"
"Oh, who are you?" Comes a nice British voice. Enter Arthur, as he acts more responsible than any adult because all the teachers are deaf and can't hear a kid screaming and crying from five feet away from their door.
"I-I'm name." You stutter, because all depressed people stutter now, "W-who are you?"
"I'm Arthur. Now, name, what happened?" He smiles and pulls you up.
Apparently you are the thickest person in the universe because you think Arthur will tell Ivan you told Arthur what he did. That sentence was confusing, but not as confusing as this brilliant logic you now have:
If I tell Arthur, he will tell the teachers
If the teachers know what happened, Ivan will know I told someone
If Ivan knows I told someone, he will kill me
Now, after this brilliant gem, you start crying into Arthur, who is understandably confused. You are crying, not because you were just beaten and might have some broken ribs, but because someone cares about you. This might have been heartwarming had you not been the stupidest person to make it to high school. But instead, most are just left wondering about your parents, who are probably killed off, Feliciano, who you even referred to as your best friend, those three random kids at lunch who trying to ask you what was wrong. But no, none of them, for all their doting and questions and kindness, actually care about you. Only some random dude who helped you off the floor cares.
"There there." Arthur pats you back, "Everything is going to be okay."
"No!" You scream, "Nothing is going to be okay!" Congrats, you have officially alienated the rest of your audience by not taking comfort or friendship when it is offered. No wonder everyone hates you.
"What is going on here?" Mr. Other Generically Named Teacher asks, walking out into the hall. The entire rest of the school shows up for some reason and you have a mini panic attack when you see Ivan. But right now, all readers still reading this just want to see you be punched in the face.
Arthur stands up (he was sitting?) and faces the teacher like a noble knight, because all teachers are evil and all hot guys are saints, "Mr. Generic Name," he begins, "It has come my attention that there are some serious problems with our school." Just now realizing that there are problems with a school where a kid is beaten up just outside an active classroom and no one notices? You might be denser than Idiot Lander over here.
Arthur continues his speech, somehow knowing your entire life story from the two sentences you told him. Forget the bullies, we have a stalker on our hands! But he keeps going, highlighting the horrible parts of your life. Like a wonderfully made dark character, you have an overly depressing back-story involving deaths of every kind, you are depressed, you are bullied in school by everyone, you have no friends if we ignore those five or six people you called your friends, and on and on.
Everyone is shocked beyond their wits. I mean, I would be surprised if that one bland girl who seems a-okay most of time turned out being effing grimdark. Your friends, wait no, good acquaintances (?), are crying and apologizing for being there for you even though it was you being a jerk whenever they tried to get close. Like before, this scene could be very moving if we cared about our (?) "character" at all. Really all she is brick with googly eyes and a computer reading Cleverbot dialog.
But every one is so moved by that speech I'm-not-a-stalker Arthur gave that they all promised to be nicer to you. Ivan is not mentioned ever again, so we have to assume he went over to the intelligent part of the fandom where people see him as a character, not a psycho.
And you get the happily ever after ending with Arthur despite the fact that you are so dull and awful to be around you would drive him to suicide.
Hello world! We have another installment of this story, so I hope you enjoyed! Nothing against actually depressed people, you have a real problem, but the "depression" in most stories isn't real depression, just crying and angst. I will take suggestions of what to bash next about reader inserts, or maybe OCs, but until next time, Scc out!