Author's Note: I know…It's a couple hours late..But better later than never. This chapter was actually harder to write than I'd ever woulda thought…I will chalk it up to boredom lol. Anyways this chapter is dedicated to Leigha, it was her birthday on Monday. Happy Birthday Leigha (though by this point it's Tuesday) Happy eighteenth I think (please correct me if I am wrong) Anywho, please enjoy the chapter.
–bows-
Chapter 1: Confusion
Eyes the hue of obsidian watched as Ed left the room, but the Colonel made no move to stop him. Though he was confused, and very surprised, at the teen's aloofness and lack of composure he also felt that if he were to push it with Edward at that moment, he might risk pushing him away forever. Instead he turned his attention to his other visitor. He looked over at Alphonse, who looked torn between running after his beloved older brother and staying. Anyone else might wonder why someone would wear a hulking, awkward, and bulky suit of armour even in a hospital, but Roy Mustang accepted Al for who he was, even though at that moment there was nothing inside that iron suit but a seal sketched in blood. If this wasn't fascinating enough, there was the fact that if you looked past the intimidating exterior, Roy had never met a kinder, gentler soul. He put a hand on Al's shoulder to keep him from taking off after his brother, drawing him back into the hospital room with him and shutting the door. He nodded once to Al, who sat gracelessly in a chair that looked far too small for his size.
"So Alphonse, how have things been in my absence?" He asked carefully. Though Alphonse often seemed more mature and level-headed than his older brother and was generally the grounding force behind the pair, Mustang really was uncertain what had befallen the brother's while he hadn't been there to watch over them. He felt helpless in the face of Fullmetal's anguish and wanted to know the whole picture in order to better guide the youth through what appeared to be a tough time. It was frustrating to be left in the dark when something really bad happened, especially feeling as though he were responsible for him.
"I'm---not sure, sorry." Al began thoughtfully, shrugging. "All I know is it had a lot to do with that shape-shifting Homunculus. My brother went to look for you as soon as he heard what happened…And he was gone awhile. When he came back you were with him, but of course it wasn't really you and he--"
Roy cut him off with a wave of his hand, trying to digest what he had just been told. His mind worked through the facts he'd been given with all the impassivity of a detective working through a murder case. Knowing that Envy had been with Ed, it suddenly made sense why the teen had bruises and cuts on him. 'Envy obviously attacked him…' He sat down on the bed, massaging his temples as he felt a migraine coming on. 'If he'd been attacked and it was bad enough that…Well maybe he was lucky to be alive…It's no wonder he's jumpy...Who's to say this isn't another trick in his mind.' He thought bleakly.
"Can you let Ed know I'm very sorry for the hardships he's endured and that I'll see him Monday for a debriefing?" he said in a tone more weary than he actually felt. He hoped the younger Elric would take that as a sign to leave. Obediently Alphonse nodded and made his way as quietly as he could from the hospital room. As soon as Mustang was left alone he ignored the bed and sat down instead at the small table in the corner, making notes on the situation at hand and how it could be avoided. It wasn't much, but he hoped it would calm the animosity he'd seen in Edward.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alphonse walked into the still apartment. At first he thought he may have beaten his brother home. However after gazing around the dark room he noticed Ed's boots kicked into the corner and his blood-red jacket hastily draped over the couch. Quietly he closed the heavy door to the apartment and reaching over flicked a switch, filling the room with light. It was then that he noticed his brother's door was closed, answering the question of Edward's whereabouts. Figuring he'd check and make sure his brother was okay he walked over and turned the knob and was surprised to find it locked. The discovery sent a small jolt of pain through him, Ed always left his door unlocked…Just in case Al got lonely in the night, since he couldn't sleep. Al usually checked on his brother at least once in the night, more to reassure himself that he was still there than to talk. He was so used to his brother's empathy that finding this small cold place within the other surprisingly felt unbearable. He rapped his knuckles gently against the wood as he tried to alert his older brother that he was no longer alone in their home.
"Niisan…Are you awake?" he called gently straining afterwards to hear his response. For a moment he thought his brother really was asleep, but then he heard a sound that made his eyes widen to white at the discovery. His brother…The one who hadn't shed a tear throughout the whole of his automail surgery and the long recovery process, the one who always preached about looking forward and never feeling sorry for yourself….Was quietly sobbing all alone in his room. His older brother rarely cried, Al could actually count on one hand the times he'd done so the whole time they'd been on their journey….Something must be very, very wrong. Al was reminded of Nina, and Hughes death and felt cold thinking what could be the matter. Ed never became emotional like this over something trivial.
"I'm coming in..." Al declared, digging out the pin they'd used countless times to break into places they had no business being. Carefully he inserted it into the lock and wiggled it around. Inside the room there was a sudden flurry of activity as the elder presumably made himself presentable. With a small click the lock gave away under Al's expert fingers. He waited a moment out of respect for his brother and when all was quiet again he grasped the doorknob and turned, the door falling open enough to allow him entrance. Shyly he poked his head in, noticing his brother wasn't in the bed like he had expected.
Instead Edward was sitting in the large window in his room, staring out at the star filled night as though he'd never before looked at them. The room was full of nervous energy and Alphonse could feel it rubbing off on him. He'd always found that when his brother was upset it transferred to him. People often joked about 'Elric Telepathy' and it was at these moments that Al found it most plausible. Alphonse hated when his brother suffered…regrettably Edward had something of a martyr complex and carried the weight of the world at times on his shoulders. Apprehensive, he made his way slowly over to his brother.
"Brother??" Al asked timidly. Ed started despite knowing he was coming in, then turned and smiled, waving him over. Alphonse noticed his smile wasn't reflected in his eyes. Instead of easing the younger's worry it intensified at his brother's attempt at normality. Alphonse wandered over, standing by his brother and sharing the view. The stars were out in full force that night, twinkling merrily at the two brothers despite the mood. The moon was nearly full and cast a soft glow on Ed's face, making him appear paler than normal. Alphonse scrutinized him, but it was impossible to tell in the darkness if he actually had been crying or not. Al also knew that mentioning it would hurt his brother's pride and let out a sigh...mentally rolling his eyes at his brother's stubbornness.
"Al, where should we go next?" Edward asked, breaking the silence. Alphonse let out a small sound of surprise before the words sunk in. He didn't need to ask to know what his brother meant. They'd been traveling around the country three years now for information on the Philosopher's Stone. Ed thought the best chance they had in restoring their bodies lay in that alchemical catalyst, which amplified any alchemy that was done around it. Sadly, every lead so far had turned out to be a case of fraud, or a fake. He shrugged, his metal joints creaking noisily to accomplish the movement and Al idly thought about the oil can Winry had left him out in the living room.
"I was thinking maybe we could stay in Central awhile." Alphonse replied carefully. "I haven't heard anything new while you were away and we really have no leads to work off of. We could go to the National Library and comb through the books again, in case we missed something. Or we could talk to Mr. Hughes and that girl Sheska, they always seem to have good information. Also…" He paused a moment, unsure of how his brother was going to react to the next part of what he had to say. "Ed, Colonel Mustang needs to see you on Monday, he insisted on it."
"Oh come on Al!" Edward countered impatiently, a bite to his voice. "The Colonel won't even be out of the hospital, it can wait. We could go up North to Drachma and see if they've heard anything or go back out East to Xing to lean about that rentenjutsushi or whatever they call it, that medical alchemy I saw while I was there…There's so many places to go and things to learn, whatever the Colonel has to say can wait until we get back." Ed tried to keep the desperation out of his voice; his brother wouldn't understand the meaning behind it anyways.
A crash right beside him made him start, almost falling out the open window in shock. Al had slammed one large metal knuckle down on the window sill which had caused the clatter. He stared Ed down with a smouldering expression, angry for one of the first times at his brother's behaviour. He didn't understand why he was being so obstinate about all this. He had chosen the two farthest places they could go, and Alphonse wanted to know why Ed wanted to avoid Mustang at all costs. He grabbed his brother's shoulder instinctively and pulled him back inside the room and to safety.
"He's worried about you!" Alphonse finally said after he'd calmed down slightly. "Before I left the Colonel asked me to apologize to you for anything that happened. But…It wasn't his fault you know. You shouldn't blame him for your getting hurt. That's not like you at all! The brother I know wouldn't be afraid because some imposter attacked him, he would face things head on like always. He wouldn't sulk and stand still simply because he was hurting. What happened to you? What happened to my brother who would stand tall no matter what happened, who would surpass everything anyone ever said he couldn't do and look the world in the face??! Stop being so selfish Ed; don't you realize the Colonel is hurt too...That he went through the same thing? Ed….He just wants to talk!"
Golden eyes stared in shock, taking in his brother's outburst. Al so rarely got angry that whenever it actually happened Ed found himself at a loss of what to do. Slowly a smile spread across his face and he broke into nervous laughter clapping his brother on the shoulder. Then as quickly as it came, it passed and Ed turned back towards the window in quiet contemplation.
"I'll try Al…" he promised, then lapsed back into silence scanning the horizons and mentally counting every star that happened to be in the sky that night to get his mind off of everything.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday seemed to come too fast for Ed. Early as it was Edward was already awake and staring at his ceiling. Saying that he was simply awake was actually somewhat of an understatement as the teen hadn't slept at all the night before. Instead he'd pondered his situation and how best he could work through it without admitting to anything that had happened. The only solution he had been able to come up with was simply to ignore it all and pretend it had never transpired. He would attempt what felt impossible to him and treat the Colonel exactly as he always had...With disdain and witty retorts. He didn't know yet how long he could keep it up, but anything was worth a try.
He stretched as the sun came up, greeting the day with a scowl. Pulling on his regular clothes, for once he was glad for the layers of protection it offered. It gave him something he could hide behind in the day ahead. If the Colonel were to touch his shoulder, he'd hardly feel it...If his emotions started to well up he could pull on the hood and complain the sun was too bright. He wondered how many times in the past he'd done this very same thing but couldn't come up with a single incident. It was only recently he'd felt the need to shut out the world and create some sort of barrier between himself and it. It was only now that he wanted to hide from his emotions and how they affected others.
Wearily he wandered out into the living room and waved to Al who sat studying at the table. Al gave him a long look and he knew once more that he'd surprised his younger brother. He wasn't usually an early riser. Shrugging he grabbed the top book off the pile, skimmed through it and put it under his arm with a wink.
"This will give me something to do while I wait for that lazy-ass Colonel to get to his office."
Alphonse seemed pleased that his brother was making good on his promise and returned to his reading while Ed fumbled with his boots. He was annoyed when for the third time he'd caught the tongue under his foot instead of in front where it belonged and yanked it out in a huff. The lack of sleep was already wearing small holes around the edges of his consciousness. It was making it hard to focus, and he knew he'd be more irritable today than his normal self. He wondered if he'd ever be able to sleep soundly again. His mind was so full of guilt and doubts he sincerely doubted it…At least not in the near future.
It turned out he didn't have to wait long that day. Mustang had arrived before him and was already hard at work, signing documents furiously. It was a sight no one under Mustang's command saw very often and for a long time Ed just stood by the door chuckling under his breath while the Colonel tried desperately to catch up on weeks worth of documents. Finally Roy noticed the other's presence and stopped his frantic dashing. He waved the other in without pausing, and Ed nervously shuffled in. The Colonel signed his name with a flourish on the last page and triumphantly threw the last document on the top of the pile before addressing the other.
"Sit down Fullmetal." He said, gesturing to a couch Ed had sat on numerous times to give his reports. The difference between then and now was the Colonel's mood. Usually he was smug and was always one step ahead of Ed, knowing almost what he was going to say before he said it. Those "meetings" usually ended with Ed getting frustrated with the thinly veiled insults his superior tossed at him. Ed often wondered why he had to make those reports, when the Colonel seemed to know everything he'd been up to…Including even what he ate, where he was at all times and what company he kept. This time however, he seemed grave and wore a serious expression. He seemed to be genuinely concerned. This bothered Ed, and he dreaded the questions that would surely follow that stern façade. Ed did as ordered and perched on the very edge of the couch, stiff as a board.
The Colonel, all business, rose from his chair and made his way closer He sat across from the boy in a straight backed wooden chair, crossing one leg over the other comfortably. Ed watched his movements closely, trying not to feel as though the Colonel were pursuing him. Instead of dwelling on this he instead took careful consideration of the other's mood. Roy also looked tense, and was drumming his fingers absentmindedly against his boot, fidgeting in agitation. He also appeared to be thinking hard, probably on a way to open the conversation. He thought about what Al had said the night before about the Colonel being hurt and he pondered that maybe he'd been released too soon. He waited patiently for the barrage of questions, getting ready to defend himself at a moment's notice.
"I guess I don't have to ask to know that Homunculus did that to you." Mustang finally said, gesturing quickly to Ed's neck. Immediately Edward drew up his collar, hiding it from sight. Mustang shrugged in reply and tossed Edward a small black notebook which the teen caught and looked over suspiciously.
"I'd been thinking for quite some time that we needed a way to distinguish friend from foe, especially since our enemy can switch forms at will and is very adept at behaving much in the same way as us. I've asked everyone under my command to think up one 'identification question' we can ask each other in similar situations. It should be something no one else knows about you, otherwise it could backfire. You should add yours to the list, memorize it, and give it back to me. Once everyone has had a chance to learn each of the questions and their designated answers I will destroy this copy."
Edward nodded, thinking that it was a sound idea. He wondered why it hadn't been put in place earlier. He leafed through the few pages, easily memorizing each and every one. For a short while all was silent, and then Ed wrote his own in and passed the book back to the Colonel with a chuckle. "I never realized you had such a pathetic middle name Colonel." He teased.
Roy shrugged it off, not rising to the bait. "Maybe with this, we'll never have to go through another ordeal like what just transpired. I am truly sorry we didn't think of this before." He said kindly, causing Ed to narrow his eyes at the unexpected empathy.
"Just what do you think happened exactly?" He asked coldly. 'Just what did that bastard Envy tell you....' he thought nervously to himself, twisting his hands together anxiously.
Roy looked at him in confusion. "You were tricked and attacked weren't you?" He said as though it were obvious. "Look, I realize it must have been quite a struggle but you made it through. I sympathize bu…" He reached out to the boy, which caused Ed to react violently, hitting the others hand away.
"You sympathize?!...You understand!?" He shouted, enraged at the other's flippant break down of what he was going through. "You don't even know the half of it…As far as I'm concerned you actually don't know a thing of what happened. Yet you insist you understand??! Stop trying to get into my head! Try seeing all this from my side…I…" He paused shaking his head, having momentarily come too close to confessing what really had him so upset. His glare withered on his face, replaced instead by an anguished gaze. "Fuck this…it was a mistake expecting you of all people to understand. Don't try to make things better anymoreokay?? Just do your stinking job like you're supposed to and leave me outta your stupid musings. Last thing I want is sympathy from you. Call me back when you have more leads for me." He finished and stormed out ignoring the blank stare boring into his back. He made sure to slam the Colonel's office door for good measure, filling the room with a resounding crash.