Thank you for the positive reinforcement. My first fanfic and no beta. Still figuring out where this is going but have the next chapter close to completion.

Since the day Emily walked away from JJ in Paris her thoughts were consumed with two things. JJ and finding Doyle. Emily had spent the last several months quietly leveraging her European contacts on Doyle's whereabouts without success. She began to wonder why she continued to run and hide. What kind of life was this? The days were beginning to run together. They were spent tracking contacts but she had to be careful not to leave a trail, which meant she was always moving around. Fortunately the funding provided to keep her safe allowed her to roam Europe without any trouble. Not that her expenses were much. She spent her time primarily moving between Prague, Paris, Rome checking in as she was instructed,. Over the last several weeks she started to wish she would be contacted with some news from the State Department. Any news would be welcome. But after each return to a cafe no one was there to speak to her. Her telephonic check ins were the same… simply report you were safe and hang up. No one at the other end only a recorder.

And while she tried to keep busy her thoughts continued to go to JJ. Wishing and often dreaming of an existence which included having all of the woman she loved. Had she made a mistake by not telling JJ how she felt?

After a long day ruminating over this fact and feeling sorry for herself, she found herself in a bar in Prague. She had previously committed to the notion she would not use alcohol to manage through her current existence fearful doing so would lead to weak moments and perhaps compromise her cover. However, today was different. She not only craved the alcohol on her lips, but she had virtually no contact with anyone since her arrival in Europe. So any personal contact or light conversation to take her mind away from the current situation was needed even if it were found in a bar.

The bar she selected was a small cellar bar near the Vltava River. There were only two other patrons in the establishment sitting at a corner table deep in conversation. She approached the bar and ordered a vodka on the rocks barely looking at the bartender. Once she was settled on her stool she finally looked up to fully take in her surroundings. As she scanned the room, she heard the drink being poured in front of her. The bartender, a woman in her early 30's, offered a friendly smile. While not fluent by any means, Emily thanked the woman in Czech. The woman smiled warmly and replied.

" You are american?" she asked.

Emily looked at her briefly and asked in Czech why she thought she was American.

The bartender laughed and said, " I've served many people so I am usually able to spot a American. I also spent several years in New York City in my 20's." Her English was quite good.

Emily smiled. "Of course."

"Are you visiting?"

"Yes, for business mostly." Technically that wasn't a lie since none of this was for pleasure.

"My name is Anna"

"I'm Sara."

For about two hour Emily and Anna made small talk and for the first time in a long while Emily felt normal. As they spoke Anna, seemingly thankful for the company, continued to fill Emily's glass. Emily knew she should watch her alcohol consumption but she was staying only 2 blocks from the bar and there were only a few people in the establishment. By all accounts it was safe. So throwing caution to the wind she pushed her glass forward for yet another. As Anna poured her fifth shot she asked,

"So, is there a special someone for you? "

Emily sighed then smiled. " Sort of. To me they are special."

"They don't find you special?" Anna asked raising her eyebrows.

" Well, in some ways. We are good friends. Great friends actually."

Anna didn't say anything at first taking in the few comments Emily had made. Then it hit her. "Ah ha! I see!"

"What?"

" You are in love with your best friend. And since you referred to them as they it must be a woman?" Anna stated fairly proud of her assessment.

Emily looked down at the bar. She was not prepared to have this conversation and had not shared any of her feelings on the matter with anyone. The vodka was beginning to take effect and she could feel the warm fog beginning to settle over her. The mere fact the discussion was about JJ forced certain emotions to the surface. Melancholy began to rear it's ugly self and she now found herself fighting back tears.

Seeing a clear shift in Emily's emotions Anna apologized. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to upset you."

Emily took a deep breath and looked up. " You didn't. You are one hell of a bartender."

"I talk to a lot of people and everyone has problems. Most find it easier to talk to someone they don't know."

Emily smiled. "I'm sure you've heard some really good stories."

Anna laughed. " You have no idea." Pausing for a bit. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to talk about. I don't want to take the chance she doesn't fee the same and ruin the friendship."

"But what if she is the One? How do you manage through not knowing for sure?"

"I just bury it from myself, try to keep moving ahead, and be the best friend I can for her. It's better than nothing. At least this way I have part of her."

Anna eyed the vodka. " You don't seem to be burying it tonight. What do you have to lose? If she is your friend, as good a friend as you say then it will be ok."

Emily shook her head.

" Honestly, what is the worst that can happen? That she doesn't feel the same? As bad as that sounds it sure seems like it's better than not knowing at all and walking through life wondering what if. At least then you really could move on."

Emily looked at Anna. She was right. What was the worst that could happen? She was already in hell living a life that wasn't even her own. "Maybe you're right."

"I know I am. Now put the glass down and go do something about it. "

"Thank you."

"No problem. Be sure to come see me when you are back in town. And if she turns you down I might know someone who would be interested." Anna said with a wink.

Emily laughed. " I will."

As Emily made her way to her hotel she thought long and hard about what to do. She had nothing to lose, right? If she never made it out of her current situation she could die never having revealed her true feelings.

When Emily got to her room, she opened her computer and typed the following:

J,

Do you remember the Saturday morning at my house when you made me promise I would tell you when my compartments were full? I remember. I remember I tried to push you away that day but you wouldn't let me. You know me so well. You knew I needed your shoulder whether I wanted it or not.

I'm writing to make good on that promise. My compartments are overflowing. Not because of my current situation, although that does consume quite a bit of space.

Our friendship means the world to me and I cherish all the time we've spent and all we have shared. But I have not been completely honest with you and the weight of what I have withheld is becoming too much to bear. At the risk of losing so much I am choosing to be truthful.

I love you J. You are and always will be my best friend and the closest to family I have ever had. The problem is I don't just love you. I am in love with you and have been for some time.

Yes, you read that right. The "I want to spend the rest of my life with you' in love with you.

The very real prospect of never seeing you again combined with the notion I never shared my true feelings has weighed heavily these last few months. I so wanted to tell you that Saturday morning but was too afraid.

I hope you can forgive me and will still consider me a friend. I wish you nothing but happiness. You are the most special woman I have ever met and you deserve nothing less.

All my love.

Emily did not sign the letter. JJ would know who it was from. Remaining sensitive to her cover she did not email the letter, rather she went to Frankfurt the next day and mailed it. This would be the first and only time she would visit Germany.