Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stan Lee is God.

A/n: You know I like this if I am publishing the second chapter already. Enjoy!

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There are five stages of grief and loss: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Not everyone goes through it. Most do, but some think of themselves as either more rational, accepting what they cannot change, and some want to drown in the grief. Let themselves feel it, because the grief never goes away. It embeds itself into your soul, into the very core of who you are, and you can never escape it.

Pepper didn't know what class she fit. Maybe she was in one all her own. Because she isn't in denial; she knows Tony is gone. She is angry, yes, but there is not bargaining. She is depressed, she hasn't spoken to a soul, and her tears seem endless. She accepts he is gone, but she hopes that it will all turn out to be a twisted dream. Maybe that is the denial? Maybe she is so rational she made her own stages of loss, or maybe she is lost all on her own.

His funeral was like a cold shower, a chilling event to force her to face her agony. Fresh from the hospital, she couldn't get Tony off her mind. As she dressed in a black dress that had once been meant for serious board meetings, and had been a gift from Tony, and veil over her eyes to hide the redness from constant crying, she could hear his comments, numbing her to her core. She never thought she would miss his perverted compliments, or the way he would leer at her in approval. Such little things she took for granted, she now wished she could have more than anything.

It was raining, appropriately so. The sky above the grave yard was dark, it was dreary, it wasn't Tony at all. Even the grass seemed dark, seas of dark green waves covering graves that were identified with equally dark tombstones. The Avengers were all there, staring at Pepper with sad eyes and worried glances. Many from Stark Industries were all giving Pepper looks of sympathy. James Rhodes was sitting by her, listening to people who didn't really know Tony, and some that did, speak in his honor. There was no viewing, no real wake. Just the funeral, because Tony would have never wanted one in the first place. He hated people mourning, it brought on painful memories. The casket was closed, which bothered Pepper, (Wasn't Tony always the one to show off his looks?) but she realized it had been at the request of Nick Fury. No one knew the extent of Tony's injuries. And Pepper didn't want to know. She would lose it all if she saw.

The Avengers spoke of Tony, some with silly stories, all with kind words. Natasha teared up, an odd sight, such a strong woman choking on her words and wiping her eyes with a napkin. Pepper knew Tony would be amused if he was there. She could almost hear him (I guess gingers do have souls, eh Pep?), and her chest tightened in the pain. It was unbearable. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to wake up..

You can't wake up, Pepper. Its real, it's all real. And I am so sorry..

None of this felt right. Nothing felt real. It was as if Pepper was in an alternative world, one without Tony, where JARVIS was even silent, a world that was upside down and ten shades of wrong. Even when James took her arm to help her limping form to the podium to recite her own speech for Tony, it didn't feel real. Her soul was not attached to the world anymore. There was no unbreakable tether anchoring her to this moment. Only when she stood before all these people, all their friends that grew to become family over the years, did it all sink it. More so than she already knew, maybe it was something suppressed deep in the recesses of her mind, this realization. When her voice seemed to fail her- when was the last time she spoke?- did she feel the cold in her veins sink into her painfully beating heart.

When Tony Stark died, he took a part of Pepper Potts with him. In that closed coffin, encased with the still body of the man who changed her life, all Pepper knew was going to be buried. And it was real. So real and wrong and a nightmare. Her world was soon to be buried, and how she was still standing was a mystery. Unfathomable to her, unfair. He was the stronger of the two. He was always supposed to be okay.

'You were never supposed to leave me, Tony.. You promised..'

A soft hand on her shoulder broke Pepper out of her thoughts, and she realized her body was trembling. She was gripping the podium within both hands in an almost iron grip, knuckles white from the effort. Her composure, something she developed and perfected over time, was ripping at the seams. She felt as raw and exposed and vulnerable as she did in the hospital after waking up. The pain ripping through her skin like a rabid animal ripping apart a carcass. It was painful and agonizing, pain worst than death. She gulped, weakly, her throat was suddenly dry and she felt as if she was swallowing sand. The tears that fell from her eyes were like a water fall, seemingly endless, hadn't she cried enough? No. Not for this. Never for this.

James Rhodes was the man who held Pepper's shoulder. He knew her grief, but only a fraction. He had been Tony's friend, maybe his best friend in their own way. But he also was aware that nothing could hurt as much as this. Pepper wasn't just one of the many girlfriends Tony had in his lifetime, she was the only one that truly mattered. The girlfriend that was the wife without the documentation.

The one thing Tony Stark couldn't live without.

Loss is not subjective, grief is not a feeling that comes and goes when it feels right. It stays with you, penetrates your skin like a blade and leaves only agony in its wake. It hurts some more than others. It kills slowly in one person while the other learns to handle the grief and walk through life with it as a scar on their soul. The deciding factor is how close you were to the one lost. A mere friend, or acquaintance would never feel the grief as deeply or as agonizingly as a best friend, a family member or, in the case of Pepper Potts, the widow.

James Rhodes was going to wear the grief like one of his many badges of honor, hold his head high and be strong, break in some moments, but support his strength. That was who he was. He was a solider, through and through. He was the Iron Patriot (In his mind, he can almost see Tony Stark roll his eyes and call out the true name. War Machine ), and now, as he looked down at the broken expression of Pepper Potts, he knew he had another function. He had to be her rock in this hard time. He could never replace Tony, no one could, he never wanted to, but someone had to carry on with the strength Pepper Potts had lost.

Pepper was usually a true pillar of strength. The last one to panic in a situation. Anyone can admit that she even had a level enough head to save Tony in the many, many, dangerous situations he got himself in. But now, as she looked at the papers she had prepared on the podium, she was not a pillar of strength. She was a broken woman, about to fall to her knees and scream in agony any moment. Because this just can't be real. And this wasn't supposed to happen. It was never supposed to happen.

'I was never supposed to live without you, Tony..'

She took a deep breath. Collected herself the best she could. Because pain was not going to merely disappear on her will. She lost the love of her life, he man who touched so many lives, and changed her own. The man she wanted to marry, to share the joy of children with, to end her days with. Later on in life.. Not like this.

She could remember how they first met, how he gave her a job on mere first impressions. How she slowly fell for him despite his antics. How his kidnapping in Afghanistan nearly destroyed her. How they grew to fall in love and finally admit to that fact. How she nearly lost him in New York but he made sure to come home. And this time, when he gave his address to the Mandarin in a fit of anger over Happy, she still thought they would make it through.. She had hoped they would make it through.

Looking up from the papers, Pepper felt her throat close. The woman who could carry a speech in front of a crowd of investors, or an auditorium full of geniuses, suddenly had no voice. Her hands trembled and she looked back at the coffin, at the picture of her and Tony she picked for the last picture, his arm around her, her arms around him, all smiles. The flowers that were so gaudy, the cloth with a picture of the arc reactor and the A for the Avengers on it. The coffin surrounded by so much love with the man she loved inside.. And she couldn't do it. She couldn't say goodbye.

So she ran.

Pepper Potts grabbed the papers and she ran. Ignoring the calls of the people behind her, the shouts of concern. The footsteps following her, so soon to easily catch up. Through her tears, she could barely see, but she could make out the blur of the car that brought her to the funeral in the distance. She could barely run, she was limping and the physical pain was endless. But she could not be there. Not with everyone grieving and looking at her with such pity. She didn't want to show everyone she had lost part of her soul with the death of Tony Stark.

The driver was waiting, cigarette in hand, and looked at Pepper as if she was insane when she approached. From his knowledge, she had been too injured to be left to walk on her own, and here she was, running toward him. Her eyes gave him a determined look, and he looked past her, to James Rhodes running after her, and Nick Fury standing not too far behind, hand to his ear. He gulped, opening the door to Pepper, seeing her as the scariest person running to the car, cigarette thrown to the ground and crushed under his shoe. His hands reached out, bracing Pepper as she grabbed onto the door for support. She was panting, trembling, sobbing. Pepper Potts did not know composure in that moment.

"M-Miss-" The driver started, but Pepper cut him off, looking up at with a broken, yet determined expression.

"Take me back to the Malibu manor.." She ordered, and stopped the driver before he could tell her what she already knew. That the manor no longer existed, but she knew a part of it did. "I need to go back.. Take me there. Now." She looked back, and climbed into the car.

The driver took no time in getting in the car and speeding off, just as James got to the door to try to open it. Looking back, Pepper watched as her friend cursed and ran his hands through his hair in confusion of what to do. As the people of the funeral all rose to watch her car disappear into the darkness of the day.

As the car sped off towards her broken home, Pepper Potts, the former pillar of strength, gave into her pure grief, and cried into her hands.

Grief can destroy you. It can break the very person you used to be to a shell of your former self. But grief can only be a fog to the light of hope, and a future to come.

Like a phoenix, Pepper was soon to rise from the ashes.

A/N: Reviews are life. So supply so I may live? Also, if anyone wants to know the speech Pepper had written, let me know and I'll put it up on my writing Tumblr. Much love to you all!

- BetterxWithxAxPen