Chapter Two – December 24th

A/N: Thank you for the favorites and reviews, they make me happier than you might think. A random little thing for you guys: songfics are one of my top FF pet peeves, I've always felt like it was lazy to put lyrics in your stories instead of just writing stories for yourself, but if I were ever to do a "LOL CULLEN KARAOKE" story, this would be my song that Edward sings to Bella: http :// www . youtube . com / watch?v=m54qM8nm9rg. Delete the spaces, copy and paste – it's so perfect, right???

Disclaimer: Fun Fact 1: Santa Claus is a member of the public domain. Fun Fact 2: Twilight is not.

I woke up to a surreal light pouring in from Edward's window. "Whaz happening?" I mumbled, rolling over and whacking me nose on Edward's chest. "Ow."

"And a good morning to you, too," Edward chuckled, kissing my nose where I'd bumped it. I smiled, bringing my lips to his for a long, lazy kiss.

"What's that light?" I asked when we finally pulled apart.

"See for yourself," Edward replied, grinning. As I pulled back the covers and climbed out of my side of the bed, my feet landed perfectly in a pair of pale yellow cashmere slippers. Alice, I thought, rolling my eyes, before padding softly around the bed to look out the window at a completely white world.

It had snowed at least a foot overnight, something that was unheard of in Western Washington. The snow covered trees, the cars in the driveway and the mailbox. As I continued to look, I heard an almighty whoop as Emmett launched himself out the front door and swan-dove into a giant snowdrift. Completely covered in snow, he and Jasper emerged and began to plot something as they ran into the backyard, shouting and laughing the whole way.

Aside from the slippers, Alice had left me a pair of snow pants, a sweater in the same shade of pale yellow, a scarf, hat, and gloves, and my parka and trusty galoshes. I took them into the bathroom to take my human minute, and when I re-emerged Edward was wearing a pair of blue jeans and one of his trusty beige sweaters. "Esme has made you breakfast," he said, picking me up and carrying me into the kitchen at vampire speed.

Indeed, Esme had made me breakfast – a pile of waffles and a massive fruit salad. "This looks delicious," I said gratefully, and ate as much as I could manage. Feeling slightly guilty that a sizable portion was still on my plate, I thanked Esme and followed Alice and Edward out to the backyard.

"Careful," Edward warned me as I took my first step into the powdery snow and quickly ran out into the middle of the backyard. "Emmett and Jasper have been-" his sentence was cut short as I shrieked, feeling the ground give way beneath me and falling below the surface of the snow. "-tunneling," he finished weakly, as I found myself face to face with Emmett, who was looking at me through the hole in the snow.

"Hiya, Squirt!" he boomed, taking my hand and pulling me out with one hand and slapping my back to shake the snow off me with the other. Edward gathered me protectively into his arms as Emmett, Alice and Jasper nearly fell over laughing. However, Emmett turned his attention away from me as Rosalie stepped tentatively out the back door, wearing a fur-lined jacket, designer jeans and bare feet, followed by Carlisle and Esme. Startled, I looked around and noticed that all the Cullens were barefoot – they aren't exactly going to get cold, Bella, I told myself. "Rose, babe!" Emmett shouted, bounding over to her at vampire speed and planting a kiss on her lips. Rosalie giggled and then did something very out-of-character for her – she took a pile of snow and slammed it down onto Emmett's head. Shrieking with laughter, she tore away from him, pausing only to give Alice a high-five, but Emmett was faster. He caught up with her, took her around the waist like a football, and tossed her 10 feet into a particularly large snowdrift.

"Dammit, Emmett!" she screeched. "There's snow down my back! Get him, Bella!"

Surprised that Rose had chosen me to get revenge on her husband rather than Alice or Jasper, I picked up my own lump of snow and tried to run over to Emmett, but tripped and fell on my face almost immediately. Guffawing, Jasper helped me up and carried me over to Emmett, where I took his coat and shoved snow down it. "That was a bad idea, Bella!" he said, grinning evilly. "You'll have to pay!"

Taking me football-style, he didn't hear Edward shout "No, Emmett!" until it was too late. He let me go and I flew through the air.

It was as though time had slowed down. I saw everything happen in slow motion – Emmett and Jasper first laughing, then looking concerned, Alice smirking, Edward looking horrified and then running to try and catch me and, finally, Rosalie diving out of the way as I went right through the snowdrift, landing on my back completely winded.

"Bella, are you okay?" Rosalie asked, first amused and then concerned when I could only gasp incoherently in response. "Edward!" she called. "Something's wrong!"

Edward was by my side in a flash. "Bella!" he exclaimed, horror-struck. "Bella, love, talk to me, what's wrong? Emmett, I'll kill you! Bella, Bella, come on, talk to me, are you okay?"

"That – that – that…" I wheezed, willing my breath to come back to me. Eventually it did and I jumped to my feet. "That was awesome, Emmett!"

Edward visibly relaxed, smiling. "You are unbelievable, love," he said as he kissed my forehead. "Come on, let's kick his ass."

I was carrying an armload of snow and Edward was carrying me and we were both chasing Emmett when Alice screamed, "Hold everything!" Everyone froze: Emmett mid-stride, Rosalie in the middle of putting up her hair, Carlisle and Esme by the back deck and Edward and I mid-throw. I was beginning to get scared that she'd seen something life-threatening when she got a wicked grin on her face and uttered two very dangerous words: "Snowball fight."

The teams were organized quickly and efficiently: Carlisle, Rosalie, Alice and Edward against Jasper, Esme, Emmett and me. At first Emmett was irritated that Alice and Edward got to be on the same team, but then Jasper reminded him how annoying it would be if the snowball fight turned into a mental battle and Emmett acquiesced. "Okay," Jasper said, gathering his troops – we'd named him general. "Esme, you start building the fort. Emmett, start stockpiling ammunition. Bella, you stay with me. We've got ten minutes until battle, break!" Esme and Emmett both ran to start completing their tasks, and Jasper slung a brotherly arm around my shoulders. "Bella, Bella, Bella," Jasper said, chuckling lightly. "You may just be our most important weapon in this war."

Jasper's plan was ingenious, I had to admit. I was to be the safe – the one person he would tell his plans to, because Edward couldn't read my mind. I was to remain indecisive up until Jasper gave me a signal and I relayed those plans to Emmett and Esme, giving Alice only a split-second advantage. Esme had set up an eight-foot fort and Emmett had made hundreds of snowballs by the time Jasper had finished telling me all of his plans and we rejoined them. "Okay," I said. "First action: Jasper, Esme and I will launch as many snowballs as possible to distract him while Emmett uses his superb tunneling skills to get behind enemy lines. Emmett," I said, turning to him. "This is your most important mission. You need to decide to do something else to distract Alice, and think X-rated thoughts about Rosalie to keep Edward out of your head. I'm talking disgusting, depraved things, things that are only legal in Mexico. Can you do it?"

Emmett jumped up from his squat. "I shall not fail!" he boomed excitedly.

"All right," I said. "Let's do this. Vampires, ho!" I shouted, and we began our full-fledged attack on our enemies.

(EmPOV)

I love when I can use my vampire abilities to wreak havoc. Having Alice and Edward be on the same team might be dangerous, but Jasper and I make nearly as formidable a pair. We complement each other. We both know when to take the lead and when to act as a sidekick, and we always have each others' back, especially when teamed up against Edward. One could say that we were the ultimate pair of bros. Whoops, I forgot that I was supposed to be concentrating on Rosalie. Oooh, like the time she kidnapped me and brought me to the middle of the woods and-

"Dammit, Emmett!" Edward roared, breaking me free from my reverie. Stay out of my mind, Wardo! I thought back, as speaking would give away from my position. I could hear Alice bickering with Rosalie about the best attack strategy fifty feet above my head and smirked. Team Awesome, as I had dubbed us, was much more unified than Team Lameass.

Quietly, I began tunneling upward. Alice was so distracted by Jasper, Esme, and Bella's onslaught of snowballs that she didn't even notice me until I popped up between her and Rose and dumped snow on each of their heads. "Surprise, bitches!" I hollered managing to peg Carlisle in the face with a snowball before Rosalie came at me like a freight train, burying my face in snow and shoving handfuls down my pants. "Abort!" I tried to yell, but with my face in the snow it sounded more like "Abhmmmfphmmpfh!"

Jasper must have sensed my panic (or just heard Rosalie and Alice shrieking obscenities at vampire speed) because he hollered "Forward!" and Team Awesome came barreling toward Team Lameass, chucking snowballs the whole way. Rosalie tied me to a tree – to Esme's favorite tree – I noted, ensuring that I wouldn't uproot the tree to attack them. My wife was very cunning when she wanted to be. It was pretty hot. I heard Bella scream in fright and Edward growl at whoever had managed to frighten Bella. Chaos reigned – snow flew everywhere, and the fight had turned from a team battle to an icy free-for-all. I chose to relax into the trunk of Esme's favorite tree and watch my criminally insane family battle each other with snow. This was better than reality TV.

(BPOV)

I was a fighting machine. I had just managed to simultaneously kick snow into the back of Carlisle's legs and peg Jasper in the face with a particularly large snowball when Alice shouted "Freeze!" Everyone froze – Carlisle crashed to the ground mid-leap, Edward was hunched over Rosalie shoving snow down her back, Jasper was riding his wife's shoulders, Esme was mid-stride, and Emmett was bound to Esme's favorite tree, laughing hysterically.

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked, wanting to get back to the fight.

"If we keep fighting, you'll end up with a broken nose," she replied, tapping her temple knowingly. "Come on, let's get you inside."

I had been sweating from my vigorous snow workout, but as soon as Alice brought me inside I began shivering uncontrollably. "Its okay, Bella," Alice soothed. "We're going to draw you a nice bath, how does that sound?"

We had entered Rosalie and Emmett's bathroom, because they had the best tub – it was two feet deep, seven feet long and made of green tile that matched the floors and the walls. Alice poured in freesia-scented bubble bath, added a couple drops of essential oils, lit a few candles, dimmed the lights and left me to bathe in peace. As I stripped down and climbed into the tub (which was the perfect temperature – were the Cullens masters of drawing baths, too?) – I reflected on how happy I was that it was nearly Christmas and that I was spending it with my favorite people in the whole world…

…I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I had woken up, swallowed a large amount of water, and found myself sitting in a lukewarm bath. After toweling myself off and dressing in the soft blue-and-white striped pajamas that Alice had left me, I ventured down to the kitchen to see what had happened during my nap.

I stopped short at the doorway to the kitchen – flour covered the counters and someone had managed to toss an egg at the ceiling. Jasper's face was covered in a sticky sugar mixture, Emmett was laughing loudly, and Esme had pulled a tray of Christmas-shaped sugar cookies out of the oven. "Bella, dear!" she called, noticing me in the doorway. "Try one of these!"

I bit into it. It was perfect – buttery and sweet, with slightly burnt edges and a light dusting of sprinkles. "This is amazing, Esme," I said truthfully. "You are a master chef." Esme laughed and struck a pose with her spatula. "What time is it?" I asked.

"Ten past five. You were asleep for a long time!"

"What?" I heard Alice yelp. "How is it that late already? Bella, get up here!" I didn't move, knowing that a session of Bella Barbie was sure to follow. "Pleeeeease, Bella?" she pleaded in her best puppy-dog voice.

I didn't last a second. "I'm coming," I grumbled, jogging up the stairs to her room.

Alice's room was worse than I could have predicted. Rosalie, dressed in a simple turtleneck sweater-dress, was curling her blonde hair in front of the full-length mirror. Alice, wearing a black satin bathrobe, pushed me into a chair and brandished a large curling iron. "Hold still, Bella," she ordered. Jasper must have taught her a thing or two about military presence, I found myself thinking as she curled my hair and teased it into perfect waves. She applied smoky eye shadow and mascara to my eyes, smeared foundation and loose powder across my skin, stuck diamond studs into my ears, and tossed me a midnight blue bandage dress. "Put it on," she said, putting a pair of matching kitten heels on the floor next to my feet.

The dress fit like a glove, dipping in front to show cleavage and clinging to my hips. "Is it supposed to be this…tight?" I asked, looking at myself in the mirror self-consciously.

Alice beamed. "Oh Bella, you look gorgeous. You'll knock everyone out." Rosalie, who had finished her makeup (sparkly white eye shadow and bold red lips, giving off a snow-bunny vibe), nodded in approval as she zipped up her black boots and pulled on her black wool coat. Alice pulled on a pair of dramatically high-heeled silver platforms, pairing it with a dark red coat to keep up human appearances – the cold wouldn't affect her in the slightest. As she handed me a luxurious-looking cream-colored coat, we paraded down the stairs to a lavishly set dining room table. Rosalie hung her coat over the back of her chair, and gestured that I should do the same. On one side of me sat Esme, who looked very elegant in a forest green satin dress, with her auburn hair piled into a chignon at the crown of her head. Diamonds sparkled on her ears and at her throat, and she grasped my hand.

"My darling Bella," she murmured. "I'm so happy you can be here for this." I tentatively kissed her cheek and she smiled, and the boys entered from the kitchen.

As I got a look at Edward, I nearly fell out of my chair. He was dressed the same as Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper, in a pair of black dress slacks and a spotless white button-up shirt, with shoes that looked both expensive and handmade. His hair waved off his face flawlessly, and his topaz eyes were smoldering. "You look beautiful, Bella," he said, taking my hand and kissing it.

"I – you do, too," I spluttered, barely making sense to myself. How in the hell had I managed to get such a handsome fiancé with such an amazing family?

Suddenly, I noticed that each place on the table was set with nourishment – in my case, a cut of medium rare roast beef, potatoes, and a vegetable medley, and in everyone else's case, a champagne flute of blood. I had barely gotten over the shock that the Cullens were going to eat in front of me when Carlisle clinked his glass. "A toast," he intoned, and everyone stopped talking. "The breaking of bread with family is an important part of the day that our species is sadly deprived of," he began. "Therefore, we gather on Christmas Eve every year to honor that tradition as best we can. This year, we honor a newcomer to our table, Isabella Swan. Bella, we are all so glad that you have decided to join our family. You are truly one of my children now. To my beautiful wife and all of my wonderful children, thank you for making my existence less lonely, and much more exciting. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas," we echoed, each taking a sip from our glasses (mine was full of water.) Carlisle's toast made me want to cry. No matter how happy the Cullens were that I had decided to join them, I would always be happier that they had decided to take me.

Dinner was delicious, though it was slightly odd to watch the Cullens tip back glasses of blood as though it was water. I kept my dizziness at bay by convincing myself it was V8 Splash, and managed to make it through the dinner without feeling faint once. After dinner, Edward led us all in another round of Christmas carols, and Alice and Emmett held several raucous games of Uno. The shouting, good-natured ribbing and cheers of victory continued until 10:45, when we gathered our coats, walked to Edward's Volvo and Rosalie's M3, and proceeded to Forks Prince of Peace Lutheran Church for the midnight service.

***

Prince of Peace Lutheran Church was a charmingly comfortable church. The oak pews had floral cushions on them, the alter table at the front of the room was lined with candles, and pine boughs decorated the walls. It was understatedly elegant and it made you feel at home, which was probably the idea. The service was nothing like church services on TV – it was mostly singing carols and reading the Christmas story passages from the Bible. When the time came to bow our heads in prayer, I was relieved to see that I wasn't the only agnostic in the Cullen family – while Edward and Esme had their heads bowed, and Carlisle not only had his head bowed, but his hands folded and was moving his mouth rapidly, whispering in vampire speed, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were all sitting in respectful silence with their eyes closed.

The minister lit candles and we all sang "Silent Night" (I noted how all the Cullens managed to hold their candles as far away from themselves as possible), and then the minister said "Do you hear that? Jesus is present in the world. We are all receiving His divine light. Go now, have a Merry Christmas, and be thankful that Jesus is here to save us all."

"Amen," Carlisle murmured. I suppose since his father had been an Anglican minister he must have had a religious upbringing, but I'd never stopped to consider whether or not he was a practicing Christian – he certainly never went to church on Sunday.

As we drove home silently through the streets of Forks and into the Cullens' driveway, the wind whistled lightly through the pines and I snuggled into Alice's coat, feeling happy and safe.

Inside, we bid each other goodnight, and I saw the Cullens do something I'd never seen before: they all retreated to their separate rooms and shut the doors, as though they were humans and going to sleep. As I walked to Edward's room I could have sworn I saw Alice settle into an armchair at the head of the stairs with a heavy-looking bat, but it must've been a sleepy hallucination.

I took my human minute and groggily climbed into bed next to Edward. "Goodnight, love," he whispered, kissing a trail down my neck. "When you wake, it will be Christmas Day."

A/N: Woo! I'm actually doing well with this whole updating on time thing! Remember, kids: this fic is not trying to force Christianity on anyone. It just seems canon that the Cullens would attend church on Christmas Eve, and Christian things tend to happen at church (wacky, right?) Please review, you have no idea how happy your feedback makes me!