Chapter 1

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away (No, I know what you're thinking. I can see you rolling your eyes and mouthing 'how awfully cliché' but it's a story with a PRINCESS! How on earth did you expect it to start? In a bar in Azerbaijan? No, don't answer that, it's rhetorical.) Right, now, where was I?

Ah yes:

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a lovely, young girl named Serena (which, to be honest, was a bit of an unusual name for her since she was anything but 'serene'. I mean, I'm not saying she was annoying or anything. She was very sweet, if a little whiny at times, and she got on with most people. I suppose a good way to describe her was bubbly, lively even… well, when she woke up, anyway… the girl could sleep like a log and would often have to be shoved out of bed for her to get up in the mornings. Either that or her brother would put their cat on her face, a cat which did not enjoy being moved and woken up in the mornings either… so you could guess the commotion which would often ensue). She was a little clumsy, but that's because she was young. She wasn't the best singer in the world (in the sense that dragging nails down a chalkboard sounded nicer), she wasn't that great an artist either (although she always did manage to stay within the lines when she painted), and whenever she sewed, the stitches came out all wonky. To her credit, she did try. Everything she did, she put her whole heart into, and really, that's all that matters, isn't it?

One thing Serena most certainly put all of her effort into was eating. My goodness, that girl could eat. And eat. Three meals a day, big ones, mind you, and plenty of snacking in between. And she always stayed so skinny. Now if it this happened today, more than likely her parents would have tested her for hyperthyroidism, since people afflicted with that condition (amongst other symptoms) tend to be able to stuff their faces and not gain a single pound in weight, but this is a romantic-ish tale back in the make believe 'Days of Yore' so let's assume that she doesn't have hyperthyroidism and that she just runs around the farm a lot, so she has a fast metabolism, and good genes.

Serena lived on a medium sized farm with her parents, her extremely annoying younger brother, her cat and the rather odd farm boy.

Well, Iwouldn't have called the farm boy odd. The young girl named Serenawas the one who called him odd.

In actual fact he was rather handsome. And intelligent. And gentle. And capable (when I say 'capable' I mean he tended to be good at whatever he put his mind to, he was very talented, actually. I don't remember if he could play the piano, but I'm betting that if he did, he would have been very good at it). Did I mention that he was rather handsome? Because he was most certainly that. Yes, very handsome indeed. Black, shiny hair, eyes the dark blue of a stormy ocean at midnight, strong, tanned muscles that rippled as he washed and brushed and scooped and gathered and did all the things required of a farm boy on a farm. When he spoke (which was a rare occasion) his voice had a lovely sound to it. It was deep, but not so deep that it rumbled, no, it was quite smooth and altogether very pleasant to listen to.

The farm horse seemed to like him very much (the farm boy would whisper to the farm horse when he'd brush him down. He'd named him Helios and would refer to him as such whenever he talked to him, even though officially his name was Mr Horsey-Face (I'll give you one guess as to who named him that)).

The cat was also unusually fond of him, and that was saying something, because Luna (or Mrs Kitty-Witty as she was otherwise known) was something of a grumpy and peculiar animal, known to hiss at guests and even certain residents on the farm (Serena in particular, whose face she clawed at most mornings). Yet around Darien (for Darien was the name of our rather handsome and capable farm boy), Luna was always the pinnacle of kitty adorableness, weaving around his ankles and purring loudly, sometimes even sleeping in his lap.

And then there were the two cows, Hestia and Vesta (Miss Moo-Moo-Pie and Miss Daisy-Cowpat), who were very obedient doe-eyed creatures, and who always seemed to produce the best quality milk when it was he who milked them. As with the horse he'd talk to them, soothing them with that lovely tone of his, sometimes even singing in a language quite unknown to Serena's ears (while she tried to hide it, Serena quite liked to hear him murmur out a song when he was milking the cows, and she would often hide on top of the haystack in the barn just to listen to him).

Outwardly, Serena did not get along with the farm boy (now, I'm not going to go down the same route as Buttercup and Wesley, with all that nonsense about how it took her ages to realise that she loved him. No, I prefer the direct approach, and as silly as my heroine Serena is, I feel she's altogether much cleverer than Buttercup, so yes, no denial, no taking ages to 'wake up to her feelings'). From the beginning - ok well maybe not from the very beginning (Serena was around ten when Darien first arrived and was a little young to understand that she was attracted to him) but very near the beginning, when the farm boy had only been there a few years - Serena had known that she loved him. It wasn't a difficult thing to know. What else could make a heart flutter like hers did? When he was in all her waking thoughts and dreams, what greater symptom was there? When just a look at his dark and stormy midnight ocean eyes made her excessively weak in the knees, what other illness could it be but love? (I'm not going to use the term 'true love' because that is horribly cliché, but it was true love all the same).

The capable farm boy Darien, only being about three years older than her, realised that he loved her about the time she had turned fourteen and had given the horse its ridiculous name. From that point onwards, he was lost to all others. And as she matured and became more beautiful and grew less whiny, he fell more and more in love with her. Each day he did not think it was possible to fall more in love, and yet by each night, he'd found that his love for her had doubled in size.

For very different reasons, neither of them revealed their attraction to the other for a very long time. For Serena's part she did not think that he loved her back. He was always so quiet, so very in control. He never seemed weak in the knees, he never seemed to flush hotly when they were in close proximity to each other. He never once made a move on any of her subtle advances (and by subtle I mean things like yelling out "Oh no! I am standing under a garland of MISTLETOE! Farm Boy! Do you see that I am standing under a garland of mistletoe? What will happen if I continue to stand under this garland of Mistletoe, I wonder?" at the family Christmas dinner (Darien's response had been to reach up, unpin the mistletoe and move it a foot to the left so that she was no longer under it). Another memorable occasion was this one:

"Oh Farm Boy," she said as breathless as possible, dashing around a corner. "Hold me! I thought I saw a cat jump out of the bushes and it frightened me!" Her cheeks were red, as if she'd been running, but in actual fact she'd spent the past few minutes slapping herself to get them that colour. And they stung rather badly, so at least the tears she was crying had been real…

Darien looked at her, deliberately not holding her, she noted, and frowned. "You thought you saw the cat jump out of the bushes?"

Serena had the back of her hand to her forehead like other dramatic ladies tended to do in fairy tales. "Yes! Now hold me or I shall surely faint!" It was more of a command than a request, really.

Darien appeared oblivious to her needs. "Was it your cat or another cat?"

"What?" Serena pulled her hand from her face, now a little annoyed that this was not going according to plan.

"Which cat was it?" He bent down and began to search under the foliage for the offending feline. "I've been looking for Luna-"

"Mrs Kitty Witty!" Serena exclaimed, hating it that he refused to use the cat's real name, i.e. the one given to it by her.

He stopped searching for a moment to look at her, his dark and stormy blue eyes knocking all the fight out of her. "I've been looking for… the cat, all day. Help me find her, it's almost dark and I don't want her out of doors after nightfall," he said as he began his search again, clicking his tongue softly and calling Luna's name.

Serena stormed off, genuinely put out because he seemed to be more concerned for the cat's wellbeing than for hers. "Look yourself, Farm Boy! You're meant to take care of the animals, not lose them!"

There were quite a few of these failed attempts at seduction, but I really can't be too mean, she was still a little young and naïve at that point in time so it was all chalked down to inexperience rather than just being ridiculous).

So when the other village girls chased after Darien, our capable farm boy, Serena pretended as if she didn't care in the slightest. When they asked about him, she would call him 'odd' and tell them all about his peculiarities (partly to show everyone that she wasn't interested, but mostly it was to try and discourage the other girls from going after him, she was, after all, deeply in love with him and therefore felt she had a right to feel jealously possessive, even though, as I've said before, she pretended to not like him at all). His peculiarities, according to Serena, included his fondness for reading, his ability to get along with almost any animal on the farm, the fact that he was always sweaty and dirty from work (this led to his daily visits to the river to wash, although she kept that little tid-bit to herself), and the fact that he rarely spoke. To be honest none of it seemed to work, in fact, for some unfathomable reason it had the opposite effect. They just chased after him more. In the end, what caused the silly village girls to leave him alone was his own aloofness towards them, something which Serena thought made them even more foolish. The village girls did not realise how attractive his reserve was, and more was the pity for them.

As for Darien, his reason for not revealing his love for Serena was related to money. He didn't have any. What was the point in telling her he loved her if there was nothing he could do about it? He knew she loved him, he knew he loved her. He'd thought about leaving to go make his fortune but the problem was it would take time. She was young and as deep as their love for each other ran, there was no guarantee she would wait for him. After all, she was indescribably beautiful (actually, I should emphasise this point so that you don't think I'm just a lazy writer who couldn't be bothered to come up with a decent description. Serena's beauty was literally indescribable. I mean, as an author, I could try and give you a general picture of what she actually looked like, long, light blonde hair, bright bluebell eyes, cherry lips, rosy cheeks, supple breasts etc. but it wouldn't hold a candle to what she actually looked like. Her beauty wasn't exactly something you could put into words. You had to see it to understand, so yes, indescribable. Anyway, I digress.)

Now where was I? Ah yes, Darien knew that she loved him, and that he loved her. But he also knew that she was incredibly beautiful and very young, there was no guarantee that she would wait for him. If a handsome prince happened to wander up their road and spot her, he'd offer her money and jewels and a crown, and why on earth would she not take it? It would be stupid not to. Especially if Darien was gone, with no way of guaranteeing he could make his fortune. So for that reason Darien stayed, and waited, and deliberately kept his true feelings to himself. Serena needed to make the first move. Darien needed to see that she was mature enough, strong enough in herself to make that leap forward. Once she did that, he knew that he'd be able to count on her to wait for him. Only then could he go to seek his fortune.

It happened one day when he was milking Vesta (a.k.a. Miss Daisy-Cowpat).

"Don't forget to milk Miss Moo-Moo-Pie as well!" She was standing behind him today, instead of hiding on top of the haystack like she usually did. To Darien, despite the hostility in her voice, this was a very good sign. He began to mentally list the things that he would take with him from his hut for his long expected journey.

"I won't," he said, smiling (although she didn't see his smile since he had his back to her, which was a pity because it was a stunning smile, radiating his happiness and making him even more handsome than before). "Anything else?" he dared to ask, pausing in his task and waiting with baited breath.

"No," she said, after a long silence.

His shoulders sagged a little, it appeared she'd lost her nerve. "I see," he said simply and went back to milking Vesta.

She spun on her heel and stomped out. "While you're at it, muck out Mr Horsey-Face's stable! And feed the chickens! And don't forget you're meant to shine the cauldron!" She yelled as she left, evidently angry at her own cowardice and taking it out on him. "I want to see my face in its shiny coppery bottom!"

"Of course," he muttered and finished up milking Vesta. About a minute later he was done and stood up from the stool, stretching. He turned around, only to find that Serena had crept back into the barn, and was standing behind him.

He'd never known her to be able to sneak up on him before. This was new. This was big. His initial instincts had not been wrong. They'd just been early.

"Darien," she stated simply. This was the first time she'd used his real name.

"Yes?" He replied, faking being casual.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I love you." She said, fidgeting with her fingernails, her bright eyes cast downwards.

When she looked up, he was standing much closer than he'd ever dared to before.

"I know," he said, smiling kindly at her, and this smile beat the last one by about ten times.

"Do-" She hesitated for a moment before trying again. The second time, her voice came out in a breathless whisper, a real breathless whisper, nothing like the fake ones she'd tried so many times before in her failed seduction attempts. "Do…you love me too?" She asked.

"Of course," he said, "More than you will ever realise."

And then he kissed her.

Now in The Princess Bride, if you will recall, it is at this point that the narrator rates the kiss. I am not going to do this, because let's be honest, you can't compare a kiss of one couple with a kiss of another couple. Kissing is all very subjective. You can compare kisses that you've had with other kisses that you've had, but say, Cinderella and Snow White got together for a girly night and tried to figure out who was the better kisser, Prince Charming Number One (Cinderella's fella, whose real name, if you're interested, was Gustav) or Prince Charming Number Two (Snow White's fella, who interestingly enough was also named Gustav…hey, it could have been worse, they could have both been named 'Horace'), they wouldn't be able to solve it, they would never be able to agree.

I think it's enough to say that it was a pretty darn good kiss. Mind-blowing, actually, especially for a first one (which are usually just your standard closed-mouth peck on the lips, or your slobbery fumbling). Serena had never been kissed before, so she couldn't really compare it to other experiences. But much later on, when she looked back on her memories (after having been kissed very many times) she was very certain that this kiss was rated extremely highly on her list. Darien, you see, had surprisingly good technique (I told you he was capable!) and Serena seemed to follow his lead very well. There were sparks and butterflies and flashes of lightning within their bellies. There was lots of 'drowning in each other's essences' and 'tasting of rain and soft heavens', there was enough 'gentle caressing of each other's cheeks' to last a lifetime, and plenty of 'eye-staring into each other's souls'. It was all very romantic.

I do hope you get the point, because I would like to get on with the story. I have a word limit I'd like to stick to, you see, and a limited time in which to get to it. Besides, there's not very much more I can tell you at this point without using over-the-top language. Nothing really happened over the next few days except for lots of handholding and 'I love you more, no I love you more' games. So if you don't mind, let's skip a bit and move onto the next chapter.