A/N: Admittedly, Draco gets a bit more emotional in this chapter than I'd like him to be, but it's necessary. When all I have to work with are his words, it gets a little bit tough to show how he's feeling without him saying it. This chapter is a bit rough and a little bit sad, but the third and final chapter will perk up... I promise!
6 January 2000
Ginny,
I really wish I had got to see you while I was home. I actually had a gift for you – a thank you for watching over Mother. She has it, and next time you see her, she will give it to you. I really can't believe that Christmas is over already. Now I have to spend four more months in this blasted place. It'll be difficult, but worth it in the end, I'm sure. If not, I have you to blame, don't I?
Merry Christmas, Ginny, since I didn't have the chance to tell you in person.
Draco
7 January 2000
Draco,
I'm sorry, but over hols I was quite busy.
Your mum gave me the necklace. It's quite lovely, and I can't believe that you remembered that opal is my favorite gemstone. Narcissa mentioned to me that it was a family heirloom, and I want you to know how much that means to me. After everything that has happened between us, I'm glad that you feel I'm worthy enough to wear a piece of Malfoy jewelry. Unfortunately, Draco, I can't accept it. I returned it to her, and she is quite displeased with me.
I do think you were right about something. She told me something rather odd the other day. She said that she was glad she had got to see your face one more time. I don't have any facts to prove anything, but I think she might be ill. Please, don't go barking mad with worry, especially not now when you're away and have got other things to concern yourself with. If and when I know anything, I'll be sure to let you know.
How is Ron doing?
Ginny
P.S. Merry Christmas to you, too.
19 January 2000
Ginevra Molly,
I refuse to accept that you won't accept my gift. It matters to me – you matter to me. I gave it to you for a reason and I won't accept no for an answer. Please, take back the gift and wear it.
My biggest fear is that something will happen to Mother while I'm gone. She's my life, Gin, although I know I don't need to tell you that. You know me better than I'd care to admit. Keep her safe, and make sure you're there for her if something does happen.
Your brother is fine. He's annoying as all hell, but he's doing quite well in all of the field practicals.
Draco
20 January 2000
Draco,
I have the necklace. Are you happy?
Listen, your mum is ill. I know she is. I don't know what it is, exactly, but I don't think she's got much time left, Draco. Whatever it is, it must be bad. She has lost weight and she looks fragile in a way that she never has before. Even if I don't have all the details, I know that this is bad. I promise you, if it's all I ever do right in my life, that I will take care of her until the end. Just know that she loves you more than life and that she never stops telling me how proud of you she is.
I'm happy Ron is doing well. He didn't stop talking about you for the whole two weeks he was home. Apparently, you did a smashing job of doing what I asked. You became his friend, and he's happy now. He's needed someone for a long time. I don't know why, but I'm glad that it's you. I guess, I think you need a friend sometimes, too. These letters to me aren't good enough, you know.
Draco, how are you? Is everything going well for you, also? Please, tell me something good.
Gin
24 January 2000
Gin,
I need you to promise me that if something happens to Mother, that you'll be there when it happens. She loves you, and I trust you. Promise me, Gin, that you'll take care of her for as long as I can't. If I had known this was going to happen, I'd have never enrolled in this bloody school. I'd have stayed with her for as long as she was alive. Gods, Ginny, I should have seen that something was wrong. I should have known that she was ill. Damnit, I should have been there for her!
To be honest, I'm hanging on by a thread here. You know that I don't allow my emotions to overtake me normally, but I am stressed beyond comfort. I don't know how I'm going to survive the rest of this, knowing that Mother is going to die.
I've been thinking about you a lot more lately. There's something that I have to tell you, but it's going to have to wait until I can see you in person. You're too good for me to say it in a letter. I will tell you one thing, though, and that is that I appreciate you. It sounds terrible, I know, but when we were together, I don't think I did. But now I do, and I regret the fact that I brought you so much pain. I remember the look in your eyes when I told you it was over, and I know that I was cold about it. But, when you left, I wanted to die. I never wanted to make you feel that way, Gin. I never wanted to hurt you so badly.
Ron says he loves you.
Draco
25 January 2000
Draco,
If you have got something to say to me, then don't wait. Take this advice – please. You should know from what is happening with your mother that your relationships should never be took for granted. If there is something that you want me to know, then I want to hear it.
I finally got it out of her, Draco. She's dying, and she admitted it. She won't give me any more information; she thinks that if she does I'll try to save her. She thinks that I'm too much of a Gryffindor to give up on her. She's probably right. We cried today. She held me like I was her daughter, and I cried for hours. I love her so much, you know? I cried enough for the both of us, Draco, so don't. You've got other things to take care of. Just know she's with me always. I am staying with her at the Manor until she's gone.
So, tell me, Draco. What do you need me to know?
Gin
3 February 2000
Gin,
I don't know if I can do this anymore.
Draco
4 February 2000
Draco Malfoy,
What in the hell are you doing? Are you bloody trying to scare me? It isn't bloody funny, and you had better respond to this quickly and tell me what in the hell is going on with you.
I had a Healer come in and visit your mum, Draco, and she's bed ridden. He's given her a few more weeks at most. I know I said I'd be strong for you, for her, but hearing that makes me want to die. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can make it. I don't fucking know what to do. My whole life, I've been the one who was able to help people and fix things, but now that it matters, I'm frozen.
Whatever your last letter was about had better been related to your mum. If not, I don't think I can ever speak to you again. How can you spend a single moment thinking about anything but her?
Gin
15 February 2000
Gin,
I have to think about something other than her or else I'm not going to make it. Do you understand what Auror training is like? Do you? I just spent the last twelve hours running drills, brewing some rather difficult potions, practicing dueling spells, and being tested on Wizard law. I had three half-hour breaks for meals, but other than that, I've had no time. It's been like that since October, Gin, so excuse me for wanting to think about something other than my dying mother. She's all I have, and if I think about the fact that I won't have her pretty soon, I'm never going to make it.
Do you know what I think about to get me through the day? You, you awful, irritating, infuriating, insufferable harpy! You are the one who motivates me to bloody be all that I can be, and I hate it as much as you do. I hate the fact that Mother is on her death bed and all I can think about is telling you that I love you. I regret every second that we've been apart, and I wish like hell that I'd never hurt you. You are the only person who has ever got to me like this, and you are the only person I've ever fallen in love with. Damnit, Ginny, I love you.
It's hard for me to express these things. I'm not open with my feelings, and I know that you are well aware of this. But the fact is that I'm so afraid of losing you forever that I don't care anymore. I'll scream to the world that I am in love with you. I'd do anything to get you back. I want you to be my wife. That is what I wanted to say in person.
Draco
16 February 2000
Draco,
Your mother is still holding on. I do believe that I've told you already that she is confined to her bed until she dies. I have to assist her to the loo and I have been bathing her. House elves have been bringing her all of her meals in bed. It's breaking my heart to see her so weak, especially since she's always been so strong.
I wonder if you would be able to get leave, to say goodbye. I think she would appreciate that.
I showed her your last letter. She cried. But there is too much damage done, and I can't ever be with you. I'll never trust you to take care of my heart, and so my answer is no. I won't marry you, I won't be your girlfriend, and I'll never be your friend. You've broke my heart once, Draco, and I can't let you do it again. I've told her that, and she understands.
Ginny
P.S. From now on, I will tear up any letters that have got anything to do with our past relationship. I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to talk to you about it, and it's not what's important anymore.
18 February 2000
Ginny,
Please, don't do this. I need you.
Draco
21 February 2000
Draco,
You don't need me. You just want someone that you can hold onto because your heart is breaking. You feel badly about Narcissa, and you need someone who will care for you while you shatter. I suggest you go and find your new, sexy little redheaded witch to shag senseless, because I'm never going to touch you again. This wouldn't be the first time you've used my body numb your pain, and I'm not doing it again. You don't love me and you never have. You love the way I can make you forget, but I can't do it anymore.
I don't think she's going to last the next few days. If there is any chance that you can get leave, I suggest you try now. She is usually asleep now, but every so often she fades in and out of consciousness. I've heard her talk about you and your father.
Please, get here.
Ginny
28 February 2000
Ginny,
I've got my leave. I will be there by the end of the day, and I am authorized to stay for as long as she lasts. If it's over a month, though, I will have to complete my program late in order to make up for work. I'll be there soon, Gin. Keep her alive for me.
I don't care what you say, baby. I'll always love you. Nothing in the world can change how I feel.
See you soon.
Draco