Title: Dancing Hamster

Author: Snacky

Email: onlinefishin@yahoo.com

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: don't own red dwarf or any of it characters, made for personal enjoyment only.

Summary: Sequel to Mr. Man. Lister is acting very strangely.

"Lister? What are you doing?"

"Dancin'"

"I didn't know you could dance"

"I can't"

"Then what are you doing?"

"Pee dance"

"Oh" rolls eyes "Right"

"Blue Midget is loaded!"

"Lister?"

"The bomb is about to go off!!!"

"You didn't drink any of that stuff did you?"

"Stuff? We have stuff?"

"Yea... we got it from that planet a while back... I ended up drinking some... ring any bells?... Are you even listening to me?"

"Err... what?"

"Did you drink any of that stuff that makes you loopy?"

"Um stuff?"

"Lister!!! Stop staring at your feet and look at me!"

"Oh, sorry, what?"

"The stuff?"

"Oh yea that, I drank that, actually I wish I had the urine recyc...It was disgustin"

"So do I... Lister? What you doing?"

"HUG!!!"

"NO! Bugger off!" Starts to run as Lister chases him round a table.

"Aw come on Rimmer just a little one?"

"NO! Not even a little one!"

"Not even?"

"No! Not even!"

"Aw" Pauses "How about a big one?" Resumes chasing poor Rimmer.

"You are not putting those grubby curry covered hands anywhere near me!"

"I'll clean em?"

"NO! Why they hell are you not worn out yet?!"

"Dunno..." Rimmer trips.

Leaning over Rimmer " Hug?"

"Try it and you'll find my foot in your groin!"

"No Hug?"

"NO!!!"

"Ok I'll hug the table...," Which he does in a pathetic attempt to get Rimmer jealous.

Rolls Eyes again (he's getting very good at it) "I wasn't this bad when I drank it was I?"

"Yep... you called me a hamster, You think I'm cute" Grins

*Choke* "What?!"

"Well, you never said it... but hamsters are cute, right?"

"I don't like hamsters"

"You don't?"

"No"

"You don't like me?"

"No"

"No?"

"No!"

"Oh well, what do you think?" Sticks his hand in Rimmer's face.

"About your hand?"

"Yep! It's perdy isn't it?"

"I wouldn't call it that"

"Well I think it's perdy!... AHHH!!!" Grabs hold of Rimmer's hand.

"What!! Oi, Get off me you goit!!!"

"Help!!!"

"Get Off!!!"

"No the hamster People want to take me to their under ground layer!!!"

"No they don't! Now Get! Off!"

"But, They want to sacrifice me to Mr. Butter"

"Don't be stupid... Now if you would just..."

"NO! You can't let me go they won't take me coz they're scared of you!"

"My god! I'm going to have do wash for weeks... Why are they scared of me?"

"Coz you're the evil Mr. Toast that will spread Mr. Butter and destroy them all!"

"Oh... Right... It's just keeps getting better and better"

"You have to scare them away!"

"How?"

"Point and say I can't believe it's not Mr. Butter!"

"Oh come on"

"You have to; they're going to take me away"

"Then I'm not losing anything then..."

"Quick!!!"

"No! Just let! Me! Go!"

"They're Coming Closer!!!!"

"OW! Let! Go!"

"AHHHH!"

"HEY! I said no hugging!!!"

"Help!"

"I couldn't have been this bad?... Fine! What do I do?"

"Point and say 'I can't believe it's not Mr Butter!'"

*Dead Pan* "I can't believe it's not Mr. Butter"

"They don't believe you! Do it better!"

Enthusiastically "I can't believe it's not Mr. Butter!"

"Yay! They ran away!"

"Thank God now let go!"

"Ok... do you think they will be back?"

"I hope not..."

"They won't come back; you scared em pretty good"

"Good"

"One of em nearly had a fit"

"Oh"

"Oh wow look!"

"What?"

"Look!"

"All I can see is you stroking the floor"

"No, Look!"

"Just tell me will you!"

"It's a caterpillar"

"A what?"

"A caterpillar... I've never seen one of these before"

"Then how do you know what it is?"

"They were on a discovery programme once"

"You mean you were watching something besides sports, Lister, I'm impressed"

"Thanks"

"I was being sarcastic"

"You were? You're not very good at it"

"Git"

"Hey! No swearin' in front of the caterpillar! Have sensitive ears you know"

"Oh does it... and what happens if I do this?"

"No! Don't stand on her, she may be the last one in existence!"

"Oh"

"The discovery lady said they were extinct in the twenty second century... guess she was wrong ey?"

"Yea... Lister?"

"Yea?"

"How did you get me back to normal?"

"Kryten said it wears off"

"Good, how long?"

"Um a few hours I think"

"Hours?!"

"That's what I said"

*Sigh*

"Catty said are you ok?"

"Catty?"

"The caterpillar"

"Caterpillars talk?"

"Yea, you didn't know that?"

"No"

"Yea well they do and she said are you ok?"

"Tell it I'm just dandy"

"She heard you"

"Ok, Lister?"

"Yes?"

"Follow me!"

"Can catty come?"

"Yes"

"Come on catty, where are we going?"

"We're going to find Kryten"

"Why?"

"So I can get rid of you"

"Why?"

"Because you're annoying"

"Why?"

"You drank the green stuff"

"Why?"

"Why the hell should I know, you drank the damn stuff"

"...Why?"

"I don't know!"

"Why?"

"Shut up!"

"Why?"

"Because if you don't I'll take you to the nearest air lock and shove you out!"

"Why?"

"Shut up!!"

"Why?... Hey Kryten!"

"Hello Sirs"

"Kryten I don't care what you have to do, gag him, bind him, just shut him up!"

"That won't be necessary Sir, Holly informed me of Mr. Lister's condition, he just needs a sedative... he should be fine by the time he regains consciousness"

"Good, I'll leave him with you then"

"Rimmer?"

"Yes Lister?"

"Thanks for saving my life!"

"...Right"

"Bye!"

"Come along Mr. David Sir"

As Lister skipped away with Kryten towards the medical bay Rimmer just shuck his head and walked off.

Parody... My one true love...

Hope you enjoyed the sequel, I know I did :D

Now feedback away! (Away? err, me? Erm...Oh the to hell with it! Just feedback!)