RENAI 恋愛

HATSUKOI: Heartbroken

15 years old

The first year we spent together was the most beautiful time of my life. I learned how to love and found out what it's like to be loved. Ino and Kiba were happy for us, as well as the rest of our classmates. It was during that year that Hinata started hanging with us less and less. She would always make up excuses, but I never realized she made it on purpose.

How blind was I? Why couldn't I see the pain in her eyes?

When I found out that Hinata has been in love with Naruto all along, I realized that even if I would have known the truth from the beginning, I wouldn't have given up Naruto. I really did love him.

"So, like I was saying. Did you see—Oh wait, someone's calling." I was talking on the phone with Ino when someone called. It was Naruto. "Hold on Ino-chan, Naruto's calling."

"Oh come on, just tell him you can't talk right now. You have to tell me!"

"Yeah, just hold still." I answered. "Hey Naruto."

"Hi Sakura-chan! Whatcha' doing?"

"I was talking on the phone with Ino." I replied quick.

"Oh, what were you talking about?"

God, he can be so dense sometimes.

"Girls things, you know."

"Yeah.. Nothing interesting."

"Oh, shut up. It's interesting for us." I replied giggling. He laughed too.

I remembered then that Ino was waiting.

"Uh.. Look Naruto, can we.. Talk later?" I looked at the clock, it was already half past ten. "Tomorrow?"

He fell silent for a moment and then let out a forced chuckle.

"Yeah, sure."

"Thanks. See you tomorrow at school then."

"Mhm. Good night."

I hung without replying.

"Back." I told Ino.

"Finally. How was Naruto doing?"

"He wanted to talk some more."

Ino let out a chuckle. "Too bad. Anyway, where were we?"

It took me a while to realize it all started going downhill because of me. Even now I ask myself what would it have been like if I would have cherished Naruto more. Maybe we would be together even now. We would be married, have a nice house with a big garden and two kids. When I would think about future, I can easily imagine having one with Naruto. That was when I used to think I would still have a future.

Last year of middle-school is exhausting. There are exams and everyone puts pressure on you. I just wish Mom would leave me alone already.

I was on my way to school on the train. As it stopped on a station, Ino walked in and approached me. We would always meet here as she lived closer to school.

As she stepped closer, I could easily see she was holding back. She stopped in front of me smiling like an idiot.

"Ino-chan? What happened?"

"You won't believe me." She replied still smiling. She was so excited I was afraid she might take her flight. I thought about the last thing possible.

"You and Kiba are going out."

"Yes!"

"NO WAY!" I said as the other people in the train turned their heads towards us.

I covered my mouth hoping they would ignore it.

"Are you serious?" I whispered.

She nodded furiously.

I knew Ino liked Kiba for months now, but Kiba was what you would call a player. Because of the time we spent together, he came to really care about me, Hinata and Ino so I knew he would never do anything to hurt either of us. The two of them actually getting together meant he was serious.

Our stop came and we quickly got off. I hugged Ino and she hugged me, we were bouncing up and down. We did the same when I and Naruto coupled.

"I'm so happy for you!" I told her.

"I still can't believe it."

We then hurried to school as we were already running late.

The first class passed by fast. As soon as the bell rang I wanted to go to Ino and talk some more but Naruto came to me and embraced me from behind. Our classmates were already used to those things.

"Naruto, wait, I have to talk with Ino."

"Nuh-huh," He said burying his face in my back. "I didn't see you at all this weekend and we barely talked. I missed you and I want to spend time with you."

God, why does he have to do this now?

"I missed you too Naruto but I really have something to talk with Ino, it's urgent." I said trying to convince him. I was talking to him as if he was a little kid.

"It always is." He then let go of me.

I turned around and he was looking away, a sad expression on his face.

"I'll be back, ok? We can talk later." He only nodded.

I turned around and left to search for Ino without looking back. Little did I know that would be the last time Naruto would come to hug me.

The months kept passing by. My parents would always tell me to study and I started going to cram school three times a week. I would often come home exhausted on those days and when I didn't have cram school, I had to study anyway. I would often fall asleep at phone talking with Naruto and doing my homework and I would never finish them. I would spend my breaks doing homework.
As for Naruto and I, we were talking less and less. He was doing his best studying too, so when I would have time and wanted to go on a date together, he wouldn't have time. We used to talk on the phone two nights a week for hours, but that changed too.

We never fought. No matter how much we would be mad at each other, we never fought. We would ignore each other for a while—depending on what was the cause—and then we would act as if nothing happened. It was a big mistake. Maybe if we would have told each other the truth, it would have ended in a different way. I was still small at that time, it was my first relationship. My mother never gave me advice for relationships and I couldn't talk about this with anyone, not even Ino.

It was the last month of school, the end of a day. I was waiting for Naruto at the entrance, I wanted to go home together. I was putting my school shoes in my locker when I heard his voice.

"Just wait a little linger, ok? I will talk with her tomorrow, I promise." It was Naruto, his voice sounded unexpectedly soft.

I walked past the lockers and saw Naruto and Hinata talking down the hallway. It was already late as Naruto had club activities. I was surprised to see Hinata still here.

"Hey Hinata-chan," I said as I approached smiling.

I walled until I reached Naruto's side. I was facing Hinata. It was then that I observed their expression. Hinata was surprised and Naruto.. He had an expression I've never seen before. I couldn't guess what he was thinking. Neither of them were looking at me and neither said anything.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked trying to light the atmosphere, maybe they had a fight or something, though it didn't sound like it.

"Naruto?" I asked clinging onto his arm.

For the first time, he pulled away. I was so surprised I couldn't say anything. I tried to remember if I did something bad but nothing came in my mind.

"I.. I have to tell you something." He said looking away. Hinata was only looking. It felt weird having her there in such a moment, but I couldn't tell her to leave.

"I.." He was stuttering.

"What is it, Naruto?" I asked. I was totally confused.

It was then that Hinata approached Naruto and grabbed his hand. Their fingers linked.

I stared at their hands, my mouth was open. It was then that Naruto raised his head and looked me in the eye. I was about to cry just by looking at his face, but I still had no idea what was going on. There was no way I would have expected what I was about to hear.

"N-Naruto.. What's this?"

"I love Hinata, Sakura." He said confident and straight-forward.

It must have been my imagination playing tricks on me. I must have heard wrong. It was supposed to be 'I love Sakura, Hinata' but I was sure I heard 'I love Hinata, Sakura'.

"I-I..I don't understand.." I stuttered, looking at their faces. They were looking at me with those faces. I could easily recognise what Hinata was feeling then—pity.

"I love Hinata and she loves me, Sakura. I realized only recently."

"You mean.. You cheated on me?" I asked cutting him off. I still couldn't believe anything, it seemed like a dream.
My heart was aching and my legs were shaking.

"No, of course not! J-Just that.. We haven't been the same lately Sakura, we don't see each other nor talk anymore. H-Hinata has been there for me all along a-and.."

I couldn't say anything. I finally understood what was going on. Naruto didn't love me anymore. He loved Hinata. Hinata loved him. They are going to have a nice and happy life. I am going to die alone.

I could feel tears forming at the corner of my eyes. I won't cry. Not in front of her. I turned around. I tried to smile, which only made me want to cry even more.

I wanted to say so many things. I wanted to jump on him, kiss him, cry so much that he'd start crying too. I wanted to slap Hinata so hard and beat her up. I wanted to call her a bitch. I wanted to tell him not to leave me.
Instead, I only said two words.

"I see."

I walked slowly until I exited the school grounds so that they won't see me. Then I started running as fast as I could. I didn't know where to go. I only ran. I ended up on a bridge that was leading to my house. There was nobody around, but even if there were, I wouldn't care. I dropped on the grass next to a small river and started crying out loud. I screamed and screamed for what seemed like hours.

At first I wanted to jump in the water and kill myself. Then, I wanted to go back and beg him to forgive him, but of course I would never actually do it.

I got up from the grass and went in town. I won't go home, I can't go in that small room and act as if nothing happened in front of my parents. I walked and walked in town, people passing by me and I passing by buildings.
I felt empty. I felt like everything I had left me. I unconsciously answered on one of Ino's calls. It was only when she yelled in my ear that I realized I was sitting in the middle of the street.

"Sakura! Do you hear me? Sakura!"

"Yeah." I replied half-heartedly.

I walked away from the street and put my back against a wall.

"Thank God! Sakura, where are you? Your parents called me and asked about you. I told them you're here and they.." I wasn't paying attention anymore. "Sakura!"

"Yeah?"

"For the name of God, where are you? What happened?"

"Naruto dumped me." Was all I said.

She fell silent and then replied. "Where are you?"

"I don't know."

"Come to my house."

I went to Ino's house. She didn't ask anything, just hugged me and led me to her room. I cried all night. She then listened to me, she wasn't surprised to hear.

She told me she saw Naruto and Hinata hanging out more but she never expected them to actually do that. She called Hinata a bitch, slut, whore and so on. I agreed with her but it didn't make me feel better but only worse because I knew it wasn't the truth. Not because I know her, but because I know Naruto. If she were a bitch, Naruto wouldn't love her.

I didn't go to school the next day but spent the day at Ino's house. She came home with Kiba and a lot of sweets. They tried to make me feel better and it worked pretty well. When I asked about Naruto and Hinata, they said that if they're a couple, they hide it very well.

The next weeks I ignored the two of them at school. I would study and study and never look at them. Neither of them tried talking with me.

Time passed and the graduation ceremony came. I passed the entrance exam to Higurashi High School and never met Naruto again. I heard he and Hinata went both to Beni High. Kiba went to Southern High and Ino went to Higurashi High, just like me. Kiba and Ino broke up two months later.

Our friendship ended just like that. It was only Ino and I that remained.

So it ended my first love. Sadly, only as time passed did I realize that I would never forget him.