January

BPOV

I never thought I'd see this place again, well, not with this much luggage in tow anyway. Forks, was bad enough in Summer, but it was the middle of winter, and I was back. For good. I'd never been here at this time of year, that I could remember anyway. It was worse than I thought. I didn't think life could get any worse than it was, but apparently I was wrong.

The trip from the airport in Charlie's squad car was a silent one. Not that we ever had a lot to say to each other, but this time it was like he just had no idea how to communicate with me. I could feel the pity. I didn't want that. I'd had enough of that over the last three months. It was the only bright side to my move to Forks, no more people looking at me wondering when I would lose it.

"How's your grandmother?"

"Oh...huh.....she's....OK I guess. Not happy about going into a home, but she's just gone downhill so quickly since Mom....um...." I didn't finish my sentence. Dad seemed to understand and didn't ask any more questions. More questions that I didn't want to discuss. All of the answers to those questions had been pushed so far into the back of my mind. I didn't talk about it. Wouldn't talk about it. All I knew was that my mom was gone, never coming back, I would never see her again. Never have the chance to talk to her about school, friends, her crazy plans, the rest of my life. She would never see me graduate from school or college, never celebrate with me when I got my first job, never know her grand children. And it was my fault.

"Well, here we are, home sweet home." Charlie winced as the words left his mouth. As if realising 'home' for me had always been where my mother was. His comment reinforcing the fact that 'home' was no longer in Phoenix with my mother. Home was now in Forks with my father. Forks, where I only really knew one other person and her parents.

"Thanks Dad. I think I'll call Angela, let her know I'm here."

"She called yesterday to find out when you were arriving. Didn't sound like you'd spoken to her yet."

"I didn't really get a chance before I left." I'd been a bit wrapped up in James before leaving Phoenix. James who was my saviour, my first love, my first everything. He'd pulled me out of the depths of despair and made me move forward. Made me see that life still went on, and that I could be happy again.

Moving to Forks and leaving James behind was bad enough. But moving back to the town in which the last night I spent was in the arms of someone else made me feel guilty. I had thought of Edward Cullen a lot in the days after I last left Forks. I never did get a proper good bye. But as time went on my memory of him faded. I'd try to draw on that beautiful image of his face, but I'm sure I never quite got it right.

But after the accident I'd left those memories behind. It was James that swept back into my life and picked me up, kept me going. It was James that made me smile once more. It was James that was there in the weeks after my mother's death, helping me pack up her house, helping me move in with my grandmother, helping me forget the painful memories of that night. But he couldn't help me with the nightmares.

oOoOoOoOo

Now on my way to school for my first day at Forks High School I was nervous. Not nervous because it was my first day at a new school, I at least had Angela for support. Nervous because I had no idea what Edward would have said about me after we slept together. There was no reason for him to have kept it quiet. Why would he? As far as he knew he was never going to see me again. Why not brag about the chick that he banged at the final summer party before school went back.

I knew what people said behind the backs of the girls who slept around at school. They were sluts. The guys loved them, the girls hated them. I wasn't like that in Phoenix, but as far as these people knew that's what I was like. But at no point had Angela mentioned anything in any of her emails, so maybe he hadn't said anything to anyone. Maybe my reputation was intact. I could only hope.

Angela picked me up for my first day at school. We chatted casually on the way. She tried to contain her excitement at having me here. She knew the circumstances of my move to Forks weren't ideal so I could tell she was toning it down a bit.

"So, what's going on with you and James? Are you going to stay together?"

"Well, yeah. We're going to try. I know you probably don't understand Ange, but he's been so great since the accident. I just don't know what I would have done without him." I could see she was trying to be understanding, but it was a stretch for her. After all, the last time I saw her I spent two weeks calling him a son of a bitch.

The first couple of periods at my new school passed without too much fuss. My teachers didn't embarrass me too much, and I had yet to bump into Edward. To be perfectly honest I didn't even know if he was still here. There was every chance he had moved away, I would never see him again. I tried to put him out of my mind, but for some reason he kept clawing his way back in.

I had English with Angela just before lunch so we went to the cafeteria together afterwards. I felt the nerves again. Every time I'd walked into a new room today I'd felt them. Butterflies at the pit of my stomach. It was an unfamiliar feeling and I didn't like it. We grabbed our food and sat at a table together. We were very quickly joined by a small girl who I recognised vaguely.

"Bella have you met Alice?" Angela asked me.

"No I don't think so," I replied.

"Hi Bella." Alice said in her high pitched voice.

"Hi Alice, nice to meet you."

"Are you sure you guys didn't meet at your party. Bella remember that party last summer the night before you went home to Phoenix. That was Alice's place." Oh god, Alice, of course! She was Edward's sister, twin sister I think, although they looked nothing alike. Meaning, it was unlikely he had left, and it was likely I would run into him somewhere...soon. That feeling was back in the pit of my stomach. And I'm pretty sure my cheeks were turning a dark shade of crimson.

"Oh right," my heart skipped a beat. A wave of guilt washed over me as I thought about her brother, and then thought about James.

Alice looked at be blankly for a few moments, then all of a sudden the look on her face changed. There was a strange look of recognition come over her face, and then she smiled knowingly. She was smirking at me, like she knew.

"So you're Isabella Swan right? The police chief's daughter?" I nodded. "We heard you were moving here from Phoenix." Oh god, did that mean that Edward knew. I thought not, I never told him my last name, or my full first name.

But she very quickly started talking about something else as I tried not to look too uncomfortable. But every chance she got she looked at me intently, as if trying to size me up or something.

"So what class do you have next Bella?" Alice chimed at the end of lunch.

"Oh…..um" I pulled my schedule out and looked at it. "Biology with Mr…..Banner."

"Oh, right," she giggled for some reason. "We'll walk you to class." Angela and Alice walked me to my classroom and then left. "Have fun then Bella." Alice smirked at me knowingly again and then ran off in the direction of her classroom. What was going on with her?

I turned and walked into my Biology classroom alone. The teacher's desk was just inside the front door so I stopped and introduced myself. Mr Banner kindly pointed me in the direction of my desk and my lab partner for the remainder of the year.

Oh, god.

I felt my chest constrict and my cheeks turn red as I saw Edward Cullen sitting at the table the teacher had pointed me to. As I approached he was looking at me, blankly. I went to smile but my face wouldn't move. If he'd smiled at me I'm sure I would have smiled in return, but he didn't, he looked....horrified, was that it? Yes, horrified and then he looked like he was in pain, before wiping all expression from his still perfect face.

Oh, god.

He turned his attention away from me and towards the teacher who had started the lesson. What had happened? Why was he reacting like this? The possibilities started running through my head, but I had nothing, my mind was blank. But why was I even worrying about it? I had James. I was with James, I had a boyfriend. I was in love. But I couldn't help but look over to catch a glimpse at that face. My memories had not done him justice, not by any stretch of the imagination.

When I looked back at him he had calmed a little. I could see his leg jigging up and down. But the look on his face had softened a little. He looked sideways at me and then quickly looked away.

I wasn't going to sit here nervously for the next hour without getting some answers. I wrote on the pad of paper in front of me and slowly edged it across to him.

Was it that forgettable? I don't remember it as being that bad?

Edward looked up into my eyes, a pained expression on his still beautiful face, which softened to one of confusion. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then hesitated before picking up the pen to write a reply. He looked completely unsure of what to write, completely different to the Edward I met 5 months ago who was a lot more sure of himself. His brow furrowed and he shook his head a little before sighing and then he wrote something down.

I didn't think I was ever going to see you again.

He looked up at my face, slowly taking in all of my features before looking into my eyes, searching for something I wasn't sure was there. Oh dear god this was going to be a problem.

Well here I am.

I pushed the pad back towards him.

I can see that. What are you doing here?

Well, this was better, at least the scowl was gone.

Long story.

Edward drew an arrow back up to the first questions which he still hadn't answered.

No, definitely wasn't bad. But remember you're the one who wanted no contact.

And he was right. Was he still pissed off about that? And why did it matter to me? I went back to paying attention to the teacher but spent the rest of the period acutely aware of his presence not more than half a foot from me.

As the bell went at the end of the period I turned towards Edward. He looked at me again, my memories didn't do those piercing green eyes justice. In fact his entire face had faded in my memory. And it was so much better than I had remembered. The butterflies were back.

"Hi," I said softly, smiling at him hesitantly, not sure what his response was going to be.

"Hi…….so you're Isabella Swan…Bella…..I didn't put two and two together when I heard the police chief's daughter was coming."

"Well, I guess I never did tell you my full name did I?"

"No, if I remember correctly, and I'm pretty sure I do, you were pretty vague on that little bit of information." He ran his hand through that sexy hair of his, the slightest grin on his face. It disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared. I wanted to see it again. Oh god, no I didn't! I have a boyfriend.

We both stood and walked out of the classroom, walking up the aisle side by side. Looking at each other occasionally as if not believing the other was standing there.

"So, Bella. Where's your next class?" He asked out of what sounded like obligation rather than any real desire to know.

I pulled my schedule out and we both looked down at the piece of paper.

"Gym." Edward began giving me directions and we both turned quickly as we heard someone behind us clearing their throat.

I looked up to see a girl with long dark hair scowling at us. I'd seen her before.

"Um thanks." I quickly scurried away from him, not feeling welcome anymore in his presence any longer. I turned around briefly to see the girl throw her arms around Edward's neck reach up and kiss him on the lips. He placed his hands on her hips and drew her in. So Edward Cullen has a girlfriend.

As I walked to the gym I felt a sense of relief. As if things just got easier. I had sat in biology, memories flooding back to me of the night I spent with Edward. I realised why I'd been feeling the butterflies all day. It was just the affect Edward Cullen had on me, it was a completely subconscious thing, my body just reacted to him. I had sat there getting worried about my ability to resist him. I'd sat there feeling guilty that I could possibly be having these feelings for Edward when I was in love with James. But that was no longer a problem. He had a girlfriend.

oOoOoOo

EPOV

"How was your day?" Alice sounded too fucking happy. She sounded like she was up to something. What, I didn't know, but she had that tone in her voice.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." I bit back sarcastically. We both climbed into the front of my car.

"What, no Jessica this afternoon?" Another sarcastic remark? Or was she just over hiding her disdain for my girlfriend. I knew she couldn't stand Jessica, for what reason I wasn't entirely sure.

"No, she's staying back for some study group thing."

"Right." We were both silent as I reversed out of our car spot and drove out of the school. This meant she was up to something. Alice was rarely silent.

"So, anything interesting happen today?"

I eyed her suspiciously. "Spit it out Alice. What do you want to know?"

"Nothing." She laughed at me. Another silence, yep, definitely up to something. "Hey did you meet the new girl today? Bella Swan." She was looking at me with a fake innocent look on her face. What the hell? What did she know about Bella Swan? I racked my brains for what she could possibly know.

And then it came back to me. She didn't know who it was, I'd never said her name. But the day after the party I did ask Alice questions about who Bella might have come with to the party. And some time later I'd admitted to Alice that was the night that I'd lost my virginity to the mystery girl with the long brown hair and brown eyes.

"It's her isn't it?" She said it so quietly I wasn't even sure I was supposed to hear it.

"Sorry?"

"Bella Swan. She's your mystery girl isn't she?" She didn't even give me a chance to answer. She just knew. "I get it now. I get what you see in Jess now. She's the spitting image of Bella. Not as beautiful if you ask me, but I see it. The long brown hair, brown eyes."

"What are you talking about Alice?" I snapped at her. Of course she was wrong. Wasn't she? "You've always had it in for Jess and I don't know why. She's never anything but perfectly nice to you and you're still a complete bitch to her." I was angry with her. Alice and I hardly ever fought but I just snapped at her. My aggravation at her comments getting worse and worse and I wasn't sure why, it wasn't like I didn't know how she felt about Jess.

She looked at me incredulously. "OK, forget I said anything then," she spat at me. We drove home in silence but I could see that little brain of hers plotting. She was up to something and I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know what. But as we drove along her words seeped into my brain, eating away at what I knew to be true. Jessica did remind me of Bella, it's what finally attracted me to her in the first place.

"You don't need to worry you know. She's got a boyfriend."

"Who's got a boyfriend?"

"Bella Swan. She's got a boyfriend back in Phoenix. James, he's a piece of work apparently."

"So she got back together with that scumbag." I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"So you admit it then. You do know her? It is her?"

I gave in to Alice's pestering. "Yes Ali, it is her, but it's a moot point isn't. We're both seeing someone aren't we. So just leave it alone. I'm with Jessica, she's with James, there's nothing to discuss."

"Sure." But I could tell that wasn't the end of it as far as Alice was concerned. She was up to no good.

That night in bed I lay there thinking about my reaction to Bella when she walked into Biology. I had almost fallen out of my seat as I saw her walk into the room. I wasn't sure it was her at first, I mean I knew there was a new girl starting at school that day, but I'd never thought that Isabella Swan would be Bella. My Bella. I'd imagined that moment on many occasions. In the months after that night of the party I'd sat in various classrooms at school and wondered what I would do if she walked through the door.

And when she did I froze. It's not how I'd imagined it would be. I'd imagined I would flirt with her outrageously before asking her out properly, I even had the conversation mapped out in my head. We'd started things all backwards and I wanted to make it right. But I'd fucked it up. I just glared at her. I wasn't even sure where all of the anger and resentment that I felt in that moment came from. It was like I hated her, hated her for leaving me, hated her for not wanting any contact, hated her making me want more from her and not letting me have it. But most of all I hated her for coming back into my life when I couldn't have her. When I was seeing someone.

In the few seconds I got to prepare before she sat down next to me I knew that I wanted her more than I'd wanted anyone in my life, and I hated myself for what it was going to do to my girlfriend.