It's NOT Organization XIV!!!
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.
Chapter 2: Pairings of the WORST Kind
It was the next morning in the World That Never Was, and Demyx was hungry. Really, really hungry. So, trying his best to get rid of the pangs in his stomach, he opened a portal to the kitchen.
He was shocked (and a little creeped out) to see Xaldin passed out on the counter in nothing but his boxers with purple and gold hearts painted all over him.
"Ooooookaaaaay." Trying to push the image out of his head, he looked in the fridge. He saw a small object covered in aluminum foil. On it was a strip of tape, and written on it were the words 'Don't Touch'. Grinning, Demyx (of course) picked up the item. Underneath it was written 'This Means YOU, Demyx'.
Scowling, he unraveled the foil, to see a small beaker with a thick, rainbow-colored liquid in it. "What have we here? This must be that new smoothie recipe that Vexen and Mar came up with. Sweet!"
Ripping open the bottle, Demyx guzzled the drink in record time.
Unbeknownst to him, the smoothie makers were hiding behind the couch, watching the foolish musician drink their concoction. "I told you he'd do it." whispered Marluxia. "Pay up." Cursing silently, Vexen slipped a $10 into the flower user's outstretched hand. "Yeah, whatever. Let's see if it works."
Demyx suddenly felt very weird. His stomach was churning, and he felt nauseated. Holding onto his stomach, he made a mad dash to the Bathroom That Never Was.
Or Won't Be when Demyx is done with it.
"Wow, Demyx can run." exclaimed Marluxia in awe. Vexen just smiled. "Well, at least now we know it works. Mar, get the recipe, I'm gonna make one for Axel."
Marluxia started sweating nervously. "Um…Vexen?" "YES…" hissed the Chilly Academic, knowing what was coming. "I kinda…lost the recipe somewhere." Vexen smiled, which scared the hell out of Marluxia. "That's what I thought. YOU FUCKING MORON!!!" Vexen then jumped on the Graceful Assassin and began strangling him.
"Help!" screamed the eleventh. "Rape!" "Oh, I'll do WORSE than that, you little weed!"
In Xemnas' Office…
Startix sat in a small chair waiting patiently for Xemnas to show up. Where he was, no one knew, except he said it was important and if anyone interfered they would be turned into a Dusk on sight.
The Artistic Wonder let out a sigh of relief when Xemnas teleported in, holding a piece of paper in his hand. Handing it to Startix, he cleared his throat.
"Your mission is written on that slip." Startix looked at it strangely. "For a good time, call 745-26—"(2) "Whoops!" said Xemnas, blushing and quickly snatching the paper away. "Sorry, that's just a little joke." The Superior reached into his left pocket and pulled out another paper.
"That's your mission objective. Axel's going to tour you around the Castle." "Axel? Wasn't that the guy with the red hair and the chakram?"
"Yes. One moment." Xemnas took a deep breath. "AXEL!!" boomed the Superior. In a burst of flame, said member appeared in the middle of the office. "You rang?" he said, twisting his finger in his ear.
He pointed at Startix, who waved happily. "This is our new recruit. Startix, Axel. Axel, Startix." "Yo." Said Axel, waving back to him. "The name's Axel. That's A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"
Startix nodded and held his hand out. "Pleasure ta meet ya, Axeman!" Grinning, Axel shook Startix's hand. "I like this kid already. Okay, pal, on with the tour!" And they both warped out, leaving Xemnas alone. His eyes shifted back and forth. When he was sure he was alone, he reached into his desk drawer and pulled out the 'prize' Startix had stolen from Larxene yesterday.
"I really hope this kid stays." whispered Xemnas to no one in particular, squeezing the piece of cotton in between his fingers. "Another one of these would be heaven…"
With Axel and Startix…
"…And this is the Kitchen, where you'll almost always find Xaldin. He's a pretty big eater. On the other side is Zexion's room, otherwise known as Kid Emo." "Doesn't Demyx have a room?" queried the new member. "Of course. You could hear him in there from Wonderland. Why?"
Startix smiled and clasped his hands behind his back as he swayed back and forth. "Oh, I just wanna meet him is all…"
Axel pointed down a long hallway that led to an aqua door. "That's his room right there. If you need anything, give me a call." Startix nodded and Axel disappeared in a column of flame. Snickering to himself, Startix followed the path down to Demyx's room. He whisked open the door to witness a major shock.
Demyx was passed out, and lying on top of an almost unconscious Larxene, who was only dressed in her bra and panties. "Oh, Demyx…" she moaned, snuggling closer to him. "Play for me one more time…" Holding back snickers, Startix drew a camera in the air, and snapped his fingers, letting it materialize in his hand. "This is gold." He then focused the camera at the two lovers. "And now it's totally saved as irrefutable proof. Cha-ching!"
"What are you doing?" Jumping nearly a foot in the air, Startix spun around to face Axel. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Your first day here and you're already causing trouble." The Wonder lowered his head in shame. "Kid, you and me are gonna get along just fine." Startix looked back up at him with a look of confusion and happiness. "Gimme the camera for a sec."
"With pleasure."
We now join Luxord and Marluxia, who are sitting in the family room, going over the bruises they each got from their abusive partners...
"Y'know," whimpered Marluxia. "Vexen beat me with my scythe. If that isn't enough, he…pinched me with it…" Luxord shuddered. "That's tame compared to what he did to me. He shoved my lucky dice somewhere. …Somewhere…HORRIBLE…" A loud, piercing shriek rang through the castle, even causing the bandages Luxord was using to patch up his scars to curl and shrivel up.
"YOU LITTLE BRAT! HOW DARE YOU INVADE BOTH MINE AND DEMYX'S PRIVACY! I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE BORN A HEARTLESS!!!" "That must be Larxene. What's up with her now?" Vexen never responded, because a zipper suddenly materialized on the door, and Startix jumped through it. In his hand was a picture.
"Think fast." He said, and tossed it to Marluxia. He then twirled his paintbrush in the air and disappeared.
Larxene burst through the zipper, her hands filled with her thunder kunai. Snapping her head to Luxord, she let out an inhuman roar. "WHERE IS HE?!!" Demyx stepped through the shattered door, looking nervous. "Um, Lar? Maybe you should relax. It was probably just a prank." "Demyx, you know I adore you, but right now I want to find the sick midget who took pictures of us and castrate him. That's all."
'You know that 'sick midget' is the new member and Xemnas' best friend?" But the Nymph wasn't listening. She was staring at Marluxia, her right eye twitching. "Mar-kun? What's that in your hand, there?" Panicking, the flower manipulator hid the picture in his pocket before she got too suspicious. "Nothing!" "Mar, you are a horrible liar. Give me that picture."
"Petals of Shining Death!" A flurry of gleaming petals burst from Marluxia's scythe and seared towards Larxene. Wasting no time, he dashed out the window, with one pissed off thunder maiden in hot pursuit. "Oh, I'm going to blast the SHIT out of you!"
Axel stepped in through the door, an amused look on his face. "Wow, that kid's a bigger troublemaker than you, Demyx." Said musician turned to him with shock on his face. "Wait…that's the kid that Superior was talking about? That's the new member?" "Yep. He's almost good an artist as Naminé. Anything he draws comes to life. Pretty impressive, eh, Luxord?" But the gambler didn't respond.
Instead, he was staring at the window that Larxene and Marluxia had jumped from, looking lost in thought. "Do you think they know that we're on the 15th floor?"
THUD!
"Guess they know now." Said Roxas, stepping in the room to see the fun. Suddenly, Xemnas warped in, covered in only a towel, with a rubber duck in one hand, a shower brush in the other and another towel wrapped around his dripping wet hair. "WHAT is going on in here? You all should now by now that I hate to be interrupted while I'm showering! And Mr. Quack-Quack doesn't appreciate the noise either." He squeaked the duck twice for emphasis.
No one said anything for a few moments, however Axel kept snickering at his leader. Xemnas sighed. "Okay, I want everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in the congregation hall, NOW!" And with that, he vanished.
In the hall…
Xemnas lit a candle on the table and faced his subordinates. Larxene was glaring at Startix, her two antennae-like bangs crackling with electricity. Startix simply stuck his tongue out and pulled down his right eye. Demyx patted his sleeve, which vaguely showed the outline of a syringe. Marluxia was sitting next to Vexen and was crying softly, while the Chilly Academic crossed his arms and glared at the weeping botanist. Luxord was shuffling his cards and grinning stupidly.
Xigbar had his elbow on the table (how rude!) and his cheek in his hand, with a bored expression on his face. Zexion was looking as emo as ever, balancing a knife on the tip of his nose. Lexaeus was drumming his fingers on the table and was tapping the large tomahawk at his side. Xaldin was still dressed in only his boxers and was twitching uncontrollably. Axel was casting strange glances at Roxas, who kept mouthing 'what the hell?' Saïx was picking at the scar on his forehead, wincing in pain each time.
Xemnas folded his hands and began to speak. "It has come to my attention that SOME OF YOU (he shot a glare at Larxene, who glared back, her bangs sending out a small jolt) are ruining the group dynamic of the Organization. Therefore, effective immediately, I will be assigning each of you a partner."
"WHAT?!"
Xemnas raised a hand for silence. "I am merely doing this so that you may all learn to cooperate better. But if you don't like it, then I can turn you all into Dusks and make this easier."
No one said anything.
"Okay." The Superior pulled out a pair of reading glasses and produced a small list. "Demyx, you will be paired up with…Xaldin." Said wind master smacked his head against the table. "Perfect! I get paired up with the Led Zeppelin dropout?" "At least I wore clothes today!" yelled the irate musician. "Vexen will be paired with…Marluxia."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"
6 hours later…
"…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO gasp OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
Xemnas frowned as Marluxia stopped screaming. "Are you quite finished?" "One second." replied the pink-haired Nobody. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Okay, now I'm done." "Good. Xigbar, you have…Luxord." "NOOO—" Lexaeus slammed his tomahawk against the side of the gambler's head. "No. More. Screaming." He said in that deep, stony voice of his.
"Lexaeus, your partner is Zexion." "Nn." muttered the Schemer, still balancing his knife. "Axel, you get Saïx." The claymore-wielding psycho looked at Axel with the creepiest smile one could muster. "Roxas, you're with me." Roxas gave Axel a longing look before slumping onto the table. "Finally, Larxene, you get Startix." Larxene slammed her fist on the table. "You CAN'T be serious! I get stuck with this little brat, who would rather spend more time drawing than working?!"
"Hey," said Startix, looking up from his sketchpad. "Any time's a good time for drawing." "I cannot, no, will not work with this unprofessional brat! I mean, his weapon is a paintbrush for Ansem's sake!!" At that, the Wonder jumped up and whipped out the pencil he was drawing with. He tossed it into the air and it turned into the paintbrush as it came down.
"Don't knock da brush! And besides, my weapon's cooler. You have knives. 'Watch out, boys, it's House of Flying Daggers the sequel!'"
"Brat."
"Tramp."
"Urchin."
"Whore."
"Git."
"You're so ugly, I can push your face in dough and make gorilla biscuits!"
"Oooooooooh…" whispered everyone.
"Well…you're so small, Gary Coleman's your bodyguard!"
"OOOOOOOH!"
"You're so ugly, you got bitch-slapped by Freddy Krueger!"
"OOOOOOOOOOH!!"
Xemnas sighed. "Anyway…" he said, grabbing attention once more. "You will both be expected to share a room with the other. Larxene, since Startix has no room as of yet, he will stay in yours. Be nice to each other." He finished that sentence with an evil smile on his face.
The Savage Nymph slumped her head on the table. "I hate my life…"
(2) It's funny to make up stuff on what Xemnas might be doing.
Ku, ku, ku, ku, ku, ku!!! The next chapter is going to show Larxene and Startix spending more time working together. Brace thyselves for the result of 72 s'mores Pop-Tarts and 26 cups of hot chocolate (with marshmallows!) in just two hours! SUGAR HIGH OF THE 21st century!!!! (Seriously, I have done this. There are things I would do that would break the laws of physics to cure writer's block.)