Author's Note: I have nothing against yaoi or its fans. I just dislike it when people force characters to be couples to appease personal fantasies. I doubt this was what the creators had in mind.

Raising Umah

Chapter One

"Hey, wake him up."

Jareth felt someone shaking him. His head was still woozy. Had he been drugged or knocked unconscious? The memory of his kidnapping was too fuzzy to focus on.

The plush mage opened his eyes to darkness. He could vaguely make out some sort of cloth covering his head. It smelled like cabbage and B.O.

A hand yanked the bag off his head and he took in a breath of slightly fresher air. He blinked and tried to focus on his surroundings. Three young women stood in front of him. They were all of average height, weight and appearance. Even their hair was dyed black and cut to a uniform shape. The only diffrence was that one of the girls had darker skin that contrasted with her pale companions.

The honey skinned girl stepped forward. Was she Hispanic? Native American? In the dim light he couldn't tell. The walls were covered with pretty young men embracing each other in various stages of undress. Newspaper clippings engulfed a rolltop desk while the computer displayed a Legacy of Kain screensaver. Fellow fans. That was good. Perhaps he could reason with them.

The girl looked him over assessingly. She didn't look too impressed or compassionate. It was then he realized he was strapped naked to a chair. The seat had been cut out and his nethers were quite...exposed.

"He doesn't look much like a plush mage to me. Maybe we shoulda grabbed that Jennifer chick."

"Shut up, Neva." The darker girl seemed to be the de-facto leader. "You want to bring Kain or Raziel down on our heads? Besides, what we're doing is supposed to be a surprise."

Jareth's foggy brain started to put one and one together. "You...want me to raise a plush?"

The young woman in charge seemed slightly pleased he was catching on and pointed to a handful of plushies on the bed. Tears of nostalgia pricked his eyes as he saw Umah was among them. "You could say that."

Jareth quietly tested his bonds. They'd tied him pretty tight. Just what his reputation needed. He'd gotten his ass almost literally handed to him by girls.

The leader finally made introductions. "I'm La Cienega. That's Neva and Fenn." She pointed to the other girls in turn but Jareth knew he wouldn't be able to tell the "twins" apart. "We've read a lot about you, Jareth. The whole Squid deal? I was there." La Cienega told him proudly. She neglected to mention she'd been among those who had ran like hell when the Elder God attacked and had only returned once he and Umah were dead.

"Then you know! You know...all the stuff that can go wrong when you try and summon a plush in this world." Maybe she could be reasoned with and then they'd let him go. He had grossly underestimated the obsession of the yaoi fan girl.

"I know what can happen when you're careless. You should have known better than to summon the Elder God, dumbass. If you played the game at all you should know he's a backstabber. And Umah? Enough said." La Cienega's expression was of contempt.

Watch your mouth! Don't talk about her that way!" Jareth tried to sound angry and commanding. "You're acting pretty bitchy for someone who wants me to do something for them. Who do you want summoned anyway?" Might as well get to the point.

La Cienega grabbed a sheaf of papers from her desk and tossed them in Jareth's lap. He could see the top sheets were of Vorador and Janos locked in various sexual positions. He burned all over. Fenn snickered as she watched his body react. Neva looked bored and La Cienega looked as if she expected this.

The top sheets fell from his lap and he caught glimpses of Vorador/Janos fanfiction. Something clicked and he realized what they wanted.

"Vorador? You've got to be kidding?" Jareth tried to reason with his main captor. "Now who hasn't played the game? The guy was a sado-hedonist who got off on killing people. He hated humans, remember? He'll kill you before he'd let you control him. And...I don't think he thought about Janos like that..."

The lead girl laughed. "Of course he did! How could they not be a couple?" She blithely ignored the fact that Vorador seemed more worshipful towards Janos than passionate. "And you can't tell me you never thought of them together. Your body is too honest for that."

"Well...yeah...but you can't control Vorador! He'll kill you!"

They didn't seem too keen on listening to him. He tried again. Although he knew he would love to see Vorador and Janos...reunited...he better than anyone knew the consequences of raising an reluctant, angry plush.

"Look...I understand what you're trying to do. I can appreciate it. But not him. Not anyone. I'm done being a plush mage. If you saw what happened with the Elder God you know the consequences. If EG had been brought at full strength, the most Kain could have done is fight to a standstill. Can you imagine the kind of destruction Vorador would wreck on this world?"

La Cienega dismissed his concerns. "Squid was a crappy plush you put together in a hurry. You weren't thinking straight. Umah was much better but you had no hold on her."

Jareth scoffed. "What makes you think you can do any better?" He decided not to point out even a poor Elder God was probably more dangerous than Vorador. Although Vorador had the advantage of mobility.

"We have something he wants," Fenn went to the bed and cuddled the Janos plushie. "You did a really good job on him, Ci."

"We know all about the 'Angel of Indiana'." Neva spoke up. "We might be able to lure him here but it'd just be easier to make our own. Then he'd be bound to us. And once Janos is back, Vorador woud be too busy shagging him to come after us."

Jareth rolled his eyes at this line of reasoning. "I haven't agreed to bring out one plush for you, much less two." He doubted they would let him stop with merely two. He looked over the plush and saw Vampire Raziel and Blood Omen 2 Kain. He reasoned those two would be the next "couple" the yaoi fangirls would want. Why was Umah there? For the occasional threesome or because it would make Vorador happy to see her again?

He supposed he should count himself lucky that the Hylden Lord and Malek weren't there. THAT was a pairing from Hell. He would not put it past these three. Their pairing sense knew no logic.

"You can't make me remake Umah," he spoke with little authority.

La Cienega shrugged. "Yeah, well, she's low on our priorities anyway. We CAN however make you bring out Vorador."

Oooh, he was so scared. "So you say. But how are you going to make me?"

Fenn reached into the dresser and pulled out a flesh colored dildo. It whirred to life as she lubricated it. "With THIS."

"Guys...this isn't working."

"Maybe we shouldn't have lubed it after all."

"Well it wouldn't go in otherwise, would it? His damn bunghole is too tight."

"Jareth is a virgin in more ways than one."

The captive plush mage squirmed with discomfort but not for the reasons the yaoi fangirls wanted. He made a mental note to buy his own penis-shaped dildo and try this himself. Having his love life or lack thereof blithely discussed in front of him was embarassing. Even more than being naked and vulnerable. Although he had to admit, being kidnapped and bound naked by three women who later sodomized him was one of his greatest fantasies.

"Ok...so tying up a bisexual goth and buttscrewing him is like give a kid with ADD raw sugar." La Cienege wrote that on a notebook. Well lucky for us I have a better plan." She reached into a bag and pulled out a knotted rope. "So, Jareth, have you seen 'Casino Royale' yet?"

Jareth's eyes widened as the girl swung the rope and connected with his testes. It stung a bit was wasn't necessarily painful. "Whoops, bad swing. Let's try that again." She swung the rope in a few circles and then time, the impact was enough to make a red mark on his balls. He grunted in pain but tried to bear it. These idiots didn't realize what they could unleash.

"Ooooh, look at Mister Tough Guy," Neva jeered, encouraging her friend to hit him harder and with greater frequency. He gritted his teeth and tried not to give into the impulse to scream. They didn't realise he was trying to do them a favor. Besides, if he were to summon Vorador he'd cut a swath of death all the way to his Sire, who would then be forced to kill him. Janos Audron had gone through so much and even though he had not met the angel personally, he did not wish such anguish on him.

But after ten minutes of this testicle torture his good intentions evaporated and he begged for mercy. He would have done anything to keep his balls from bleeding.

"Fine! FINE! You win!" Jareth was shaking from the stress. "I'll bring you Vorador! Then I'm out of here!" He figured they wouldn't keep their word but once the elder vampire was summoned the trio would have more important things to worry about.

"Good boy. Give us Vorador and we'll let you go. Puss." Fenn smirked at what a weakling Jareth was. The dummy actually thought he'd be let go? Not until she had her very own vampiric Raziel.

"Okay," Jareth took a deep breath. "I need some food. And something to drink. Then prepare the plush and pause any game that has Vorador in it at the point you want him drawn from."

"Fenn, get the food and stuff. Neva, dig out your copy of 'Blood Omen 2'." La Cienega found it amusing he hadn't asked for pants or for the dildo to be removed. She supposed he enjoyed this kind of humiliation.

"So, Jareth, are you in to bondage?" La Cienega asked him out of boredom.

Jareth didn't meet her eyes. "Yeah. You know...I like yaoi too. But, I want to try and warn you one more time. Vorador is dangerous. And angry. He hates humans and with good reason. I'm speaking from experience when I say this; it isn't a good idea to mess with Vorador. Hey, can't I summon another plush for you? What about Alucard and one of the Belmonts from Castlevania? Or Dante-"

"Look, just shut up and do as I say." The young woman liked having a man under her control and she was in no mood to be placated. "We've already worked out how to control Vorador so save the lecture, mmmkay?"

Jareth sighed. So be it. He just hoped he could persuade the emerald skinned warrior not to kill him.

Fenn arrived with orange soda and cold pizza and proceeded to forcefeed the captive before he could protest. Neva loaded her saved game at a point where Vorador and Kain were arguing over Umah's death shortly before the Hylden Lord's attack.

"Monster!"

"I really prefer a few minutes later, when he's wounded," Jareth protested.

"And what if he really is as dead as he looks?" Swampy snapped back.

Jareth shrugged. Actually, the unwounded, angry Vorador was exactly what he was hoping for, but he knew the girls were expecting one final protest, so he gave them one.

After he'd eaten he stared at the plush, concentrating all his energy onto it, bringing to bear all his yaoi longing for a Vorador/Janos pairing. Power, focus, and lust became one and he funneled this energy into the small cloth body perched on the television until it began to move.

A tiny Vorador looked at his adorably small hands in wonder. He had just been arguing at Kain for killing the most beloved of his children. Janos, his sire and mentor was concentrating on locating the Hylden City to save all of their kind. Now he found himself in a strange chamber surrounded by giant humans, one bound to a chair. He took one step forward and tumbled off the strange platform that held him, landing in his true form in a heap on the floor.

He was on his feet with supernatural speed. His mind reeled with thoughts of his sire. Disturbing thoughts. He shook his head to clear it and focused on those around him.

"So...you have captured me, humans. Know this though. I will not remain so long, even if I perish in the attempt."

La Cienega shivered with pleasure at the sound of his voice. It was melodic and deep, rich like dark chocolate. His animalistic visage was strangely sexy; she could envision him as dominant male ruling a pride of lionesses. It was arousing.

"Why do you stand there and gawk at me, human?"

La Cienega smiled as she recognized the familiar stance; Vorador prowled her small room, his hands laced behind his back and glaring at her like an indignant professor.

"It's because you're so handsome. Sexy even."

"If you were a vampire, I might tolerate that lecherous gaze from you. As an inferior human, you leave me cold."

"You could sire me," she invited.

"I do not sleep with my own children," Vorador remarked in disgust, though he admired the human for inviting the gift.

"Then how do you explain your brides?"

He seemed taken aback this stranger knew so much about him. "I did not sire my brides. They were castoffs of other vampires who sought me out for protection."

"So...no sleeping with your kids but sleeping with your sister or cousins is okay? You know, because you'd all be descended from Janos. Are you Southern? Is that why you live in a swamp?"

Jareth groaned. Of all the ways to start a relationship with a volatile predator, this dumbass began with insults.

"His brides might have been descended from one of the other Ancients before they died. I doubt Janos was the only one who sired vampires." Jareth was desperate to difuse the situation. He wanted to escape but not at the cost of anyone's life. Even stupid people had the right to exist.

Vorador looked at him for the first time and Jareth regretted attracting the elder's attention. "And who are you, boy? Some plaything of these wenches?"

Jareth was insulted but smart enough not to show it. "No, sir, I'm their prisoner. They enjoy kidnapping strangers and toying with them for fun." He tried to make himself sound beneath Vorador's concern.

Vorador smirked. "Then I and these foolish adolescents have something in common."

"He's lying. We brought him here to summon you from Nosgoth. He's a plush mage." Fenn overcame her hero worship to chime in at the exact wrong time. Being Vorador's new toy would be far preferable to how he'd deal with the one responsible for trapping him in the real world.

"Noooo! I'm really the victim here! Please kill them and let me go."

La Cienega knocked him so hard his ears rang. "Shut up and speak when spoken to! Don't listen to him, Vorador." She addressed the green vampire who was regarding the bound fool with annoyance and dawning horror. "We'll have him bring Janos out and then you can be with him as you always dreamed of."

"As I..." Strange foreign feelings for his sire welled up.

"NO!" Jareth shouted and they all stared at him. He swallowed hard and then continued. "If...if that's what Lord Vorador wants, I'd be more than happy to do it." The Ancient could probably talk his fledgeling out of slaughtering them all. "But I need a little while to rest. It takes as much time and effort to bring a plush to life as it does to sire a vampire."

Vorador bristled at the comparison. "Don't be so presumptuous, boy! And what do you mean 'As I always wanted dreamed of?' My master is one of the few creatures to walk the earth I truly respect. Be careful how you speak of him."

Jareth hoped La Cienega would heed this warning. Vorador was practically boiling with rage. Unfortunately the ignorant fangirl continued to speak.

"Let me tell you a few things. One: your world doesn't exist. It never did. It was just a game dreamed up by a bunch game designers...humans," she told him smugly. "You were brought here to the real world with magic. Your real body is just cloth and if you don't do as we say, you'll be stuck as a doll for the rest of your existence. And besides, anyone who's played the games and was paying attention know that you're desperately in love with your sire and wanted to bang him."

"I see. How insightful of you. And I suppose my harem of brides were just there to alleviate feelings I could no longer express." It was clear Vorador was merely humoring the deluded woman. Why was he doing that?

"Exactly. But now that you're out of Nosgoth and in our world, all those taboos are behind you now. You wouldn't be shagging your sire because WE'RE your sires now. And all we ask in return is a few pictures of the two of you naked. Then maybe some videos of you guys making out. We can slowly work our way up to the orgies. And we can bring Umah back too. She wouldn't be your child anymore so you could...alleviate any lingering hetero feelings when you needed to."

Ra. Isis and Osiris. This stupid bitch had just gotten all of them killed. It wasn't enough she had to question Vorador's sexuality. Now he was accused of incest. Why didn't she just piss off Vorador more and suggest a Kain/Vorador/Umah threesome?

"Or you could do a Kain/Vorador/Umah threesome." Neva had a deathwish too.

Jareth struggled against his bonds in desperation. "Please, my lord! I have nothing to do with them OR their plans!" Sure, his yaoi inclinations helped bring Vorador to life but there was no need to mention that now. "Please, sir, let me go. I can tell you where to find Janos. He's already been brought from the game and is living peacefully in Indiana." That got Vorador's attention.

My sire...he is here?" The vampire's face was suspicious yet hopeful.

"Yes!" Jareth was relieved Vorador seemed willing to listen. Perhaps he could yet be reasoned with. "He was brought out by a plush mage too from what I understand. Newspapers occasionally mention all the charity work he does."

"That does indeed sound like my sire. Showing compassion to all, even the least deserving." Vorador sneered in disgust but the look in his eyes betrayed his fondness for his gentle sire. He still found it hard to believe he could be the fledgeling of such a man.

La Cienega shoved the chair over with her foot, knocking Jareth to the ground. "Don't listen to anything he says! This dumbass summoned the Squid...Elder God and got your little girl killed!" It would serve the little worm right if Vorador eviscerated him right now.

The green vampire reached down and grabbed Jareth by the throat. He then used the leverage to right the chair. "Explain your actions, human. I need not tell you what will happen if your answer displeases me."

Jareth began explaining, stumbling over his words in fear. He wished he'd never discovered his powers. "Like she said, I'm a plush mage. I can put the soul of any game character into a cloth body. I uh...fell in love with Umah and brought her forth. She didn't return my feelings and instead turned to Kain, who is also in this world. Out of anger, I brought out the Elder God. He's not what you think he was. He's a false god who gulled poor Janos and his race into the Hylden War and then tried to kill us all. Umah was the one who stopped him. Not Kain or the Reaver. She was so brave. She saved us all. You would have been so proud." Jareth was in tears by the time he ended his narrative. Vorador was silent with anger and grief. Hearing about Umah's death, however noble, was heartrending.

"And I suppose Kain did not lift a hand to try to save her? Not that I would expect him to." Vorador finished bitterly.

"I don't know. I was unconscious by then. All I know I found out from eyewitnesses. Umah's plush body was damaged beyond repair. The woman who created the plush I...stole allegedly gave her a proper burial."

"Don't listen to him! He already admitted to being partly responsible for Umah's death." La Cienega tried to pull Vorador away from Jareth. "You can get her back. We'll make him bring her out and Janos too if you want. Kain's a no-go but maybe a vampire version of Raziel too."

Vorador's hand whipped out and struck the young woman soundly across the face. "Who is this Raziel you speak of? Why should I even care? And what makes you think I would obey a trifling peasant of a human who dares attempt to commmand me? Do you have any idea how many of your wretched kind I have slaughted for enjoyment? What can you possibly offer me that I cannot take for myself?"

Finn and Neva cowered but nonetheless tried to draw their injured leader away from Vorador's ire. She rubbed her sore face. "That isn't all! We can take you right to Janos! Or..." she clutched desperately at straws and drew her trump card. "Umah! Umah's here! Not a plush either!"

Vorador backed away and struggled for control of himself. "Explain. And make it interesting."

La Cienega nodded to Fenn who rushed to the desk and pulled out a laminated newspaper article. She tentatively handed it to Vorador and ran away. He focused his attention on the strange paper. The strange writing seemed like nonsensical squiggles at first and then his mind adjusted so that he could read his world's writing.

" 'Child born with strange birthmarks that resemble tattoos'? " he read aloud." He looked at a drawing of the markings. They did indeed resemble the tribal art his daughter had worn. He read on and learned the child had been born with violet eyes.

"The mother is Alice, the lady who made the plush Umah. She named her daughter Kella Umay. We're guessing that the Umay part was in Umah's honor." La Cienega spoke through bloodied lips. "They live in a state called Flordia." She pointed to a road map of the United States on the wall. Alice's home town had been circled with a red pen. Vorador strode over and tore it down. It was more detailed, but not so different from the maps he was used to. He could follow rivers and the sun as well as any man, having once hunted for his own food.

Vorador's gaze fell onto Jareth once again and with a clean stroke cut through the boy's bonds with his claws. "Despite your treachery towards my beloved child, you have redeemed yourself with your honesty and information. I am therefore prepared to show mercy." With that he picked up the plush mage and casually tossed him out a window. Jareth winced as glass shards cut him but he landed mostly unharmed in a dumpster, covered only in spoiled food and dirty diapers.

Vorador turned his attention towards the human females who had so arrogantly thought they could control him with sinful lust for his sire and the promise of being reunited with his daughter.

"As for you three, I am much displeased with your behavior. I require additional information about this world, the location of my sire, my daughter and how to get to them. Be warned..." he smiled and picked up a riding crop they had discarded. "Incorrect answers carry a stiff penalty."

"You can't kill us!" Neva tried once more to save herself and her friends. "Your life is tied to ours! If we die, you die!"

Vorador frowned at that. He had no reason to believe them but decided not to chance it. "Death need not be the only outcome, presumptuous wench."

All three girls began to cry in earnest. He HAD said he'd die to escape them. Now it seemed he would carry out his threat. Perhaps they should have listened to Jareth after all.

The crop slashed against their faces. "NOW you have a reason to cry." He searched through the closet until he found a whip and additional rope. "Let's see how many more reasons I can give you, shall we?"

The three young women closed their eyes as the first lash landed across their tiny chests. Soon their screams filled the night and Vorador grinned with malice. Ah...just like old times.

Some hours later Vorador left the house with a new winter wardrobe, what currency could be found in the house and newfound knowledge. He was eager to see his sire. He glanced behind him. The females were unconscious but breathing, he even took care to turn them on their sides so they didn't choke on their own vomit. Perhaps Janos' sense of mercy had rubbed off on him.

Jareth waited until he was sure Vorador was far enough from the house to hear with those ears. He made his way back to La Cienega's room. What he saw made him want to wretch. The girls were covered with gaping wounds. They flinched even in their unconscious state from imagined wounds. On the walls scribbled in blood was "Manus celer Dei." Vorador's sense of irony was as great as Kain's.

The plush mage paused only long enough to clothe himself before calling 911. Dear god, what horror had he helped unleash?

After leaving the police station the next morning, Jareth rushed home and posted a private message on every LoK forum to every member who might know Kain. He was glad he had saved the "If found, return to" tag he'd pulled off the Umah plush. Alice must be warned. So should the legendary Jennifer. He was certain Vorador would head straight to Daddy first.

Jennifer scrolled through the usual "Kain pwns J00" messages until she saw something that caught her eye. It was a post from someone who claimed to have been at a Con attended by the real Kain where Elder God had been summoned. He was desperate to get in contact with Kain. Something concerning Vorador and Janos Audron. She shrugged. It could be genuine, or the guy could be another kook. She had her own problems to consider. She decided the first thing to do would be to post a sticky that anyone who spotted a wacko dressed as Vorador shouldn't approach him. After PM'ing a generic "I'll pass the message onto Kain when I see him," she decided to call it a night.

"Yes...I understand. No, calm down. It's all right, Jareth. I believe you. I was there after all."

Alice balanced her six month old daughter on her hip and cradled the phone against her shoulder. What the hysterical young man said didn't surprise her. Deep down, she expected something like this to happen. Perhaps it was her link with Umah that told her so. The timing bothered her. David had just been deployed for a second tour of duty in Afghanistan. She had neighbors but not for a mile or so. No one would hear her scream if attacked. She made a note to have phones installed in every room in the house. "I'll make the necessary preparations. Thank you for calling."

She hung up and made faces at her cooing daughter. She had to plan an appropriate reception if the worst-case scenario occurred.

But first, she had to dress her daughter in her cutest winter outfit. They were headed for the hardware store to load up on rope, bricks and industrial strength rubber cement. The next stop would be the sporting goods store for some basic weaponry and a few rounds of ammo. She made a note to have her swords sharpened and her bow restrung.