"I'm so hungry!" Goku whined, flopping over in the backseat of the Jeep. "Why'd we have to leave in the middle of breakfast?"

"It wasn't in the middle, you stupid monkey," Gojyo retorted. "We were done. It's not our fault you can't stop eating."

"But I wasn't even halfway finished!"

"You ate 5 times more than the rest of us!!!"

The two were unable to finish their argument, because what had been smooth travelling for a few hours came to a halt in a second. Blinking, they glanced up at Hakkai, who had slammed on the breaks.

"Okay you two. I'm sick of it. If you won't shut the hell up I'm kicking you both out. You can walk back to town and Sanzo and I will finish the damn mission in peace!" Hakkai's grip on the steering wheel was so tight, his knuckles had turned white, and his shoulders had the slightest shake to them.

They all stared. Even Sanzo, who hadn't had the chance to pull his gun out on the two in the back. The shock was plastered so plainly on the monk's face that his half-finished cigarette fell out of his mouth and onto his lap, causing him to jump slightly at the sudden heat.

"Hakkai?" he asked softly, brushing the cigarette and ashes off his robes. Green eyes looked up at the question. "What's...wrong?"

"I don't understand what you mean," he answered. "It's obviously those two fighting again, and it's driving me insane."

"Yeah, but...I'm always the one to blow up, and you just keep smiling." He leaned in towards his companion some, looking very serious, and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Is there something else bothering you?"

The question brought out an interesting reaction. Hakkai's face softened greatly, and his cheeks became bright red. He shook his head quickly, hoping the motion would distract Sanzo from the fact that he had immediately begun blushing.

"N-nothing at all," he stammered, loosening his grip on the wheel and starting to drive again. "Just...tired."

The healer then said nothing more, focusing on what was in front of them so intently that he seemed to forget everyone else was there. It was just him and his thoughts, which was almost worse than Goku and Gojyo fighting - though they had both become eerily silent.

Even though he had been harboring these feelings towards Sanzo for quite a while, recently they had become more and more intense. It was all he thought about, when his brain allowed him to have thoughts (because of course when they were fighting demons he wouldn't think about anything but victory for the group).

It had to be the rain. As childish as it seemed to blame feelings on weather, it made sense. With the coming of the rain came horribly intense feelings; feelings he could no longer ignore. Part of him wanted to pull Sanzo aside, confess everything, and wait for the harsh turndown. The part of him that Cho Gonou still lingered in, however, held him back. No matter how long ago it had been, the whole ordeal with Kanan still hung over him. It was to the point where he was afraid it would never go away.

He had loved her with everything he was. It didn't matter that she was his older sister. They were deep in love. Hakkai, at that time, couldn't see himself with anyone else. He had been more than ready to spend the rest of his life with her, embracing every new day with happily open arms.

Yet, in the end, he wasn't able to save her. He destroyed the lives of a thousand demons to rescue her, and she still died. And he had sat there, utterly helpless to save her. He had let her down, and she was ripped out of his life for eternity. Could he risk his heart like that again? He was sure that if something of that manner were to happen again, he would break. If Sanzo was torn from him like Kanan was, he knew he would go over the edge, no matter what Goku and Gojyo did.

Hours flew by like minutes, and before Hakkai knew it, the sun was setting. He glanced over a Sanzo, who was studying the sea of trees that were coming upon them.

"We should find shelter in those woods," he muttered, raindrops beginning to fall on his forhead, "Before we get drenched."

Hakkai nodded, hoping that no one had tried talking to him before now, and turned the Jeep, heading for the trees. They luckily made it under the cover of the thickly-woven leaves before the sprinkle turned into a downpour. He drove a little deeper into the forest and luckily came upon a deep cave. Soon they were dry and surrounded by the warmth of a nice fire that Gojyo clumsily got started...after burning his hair and face.

"Sanzo," Goku whined. "I'm hungry. I need food. Food! Pretty pretty please gimme some meat buns!"

"For the last time, no!" Sanzo replied, yanking out his fan and whacking Goku on the head, who began to complain even louder.

Hakuryu flew across the cave and over to where Hakkai was laying with his back facing the flames, keeping a slight distance from the other three. Hakkai smiled some when his dragon landed in front of him and rubbed under his chin gently, though his smile faded just as fast as it had appeared. Hakuryu looked up at his master and chirped in concern.

"Hey there..." he whispered. "You know what's wrong, don't you? It seems like you always have."

He set his hand on the ground and just watched as Hakuryu scratched behind his ear and curled up in a ball next to him. The smell of rain and must was all throughout the cave, which was now mixed with campfire smoke, cigarettes, and alcohol. Yet, even with all those different smells in the air, the smell of rain always seemed to push through the rest. He hated the rain. It always made him an emotional wreck. He had always figured it to be ironic that such a common and natural thing brought back the most painful of memories...

"Hey Hak-"

"Shut up, stupid monkey!"

"OW!"

Hakkai smiled again briefly without turning around. So, Sanzo knew there was something wrong. Of course, it wasn't like he'd made an attempt to hide his internal struggle, not this time. The longer it rained, the more difficult it seemed to be for him to keep smiling. It was the same for Sanzo, too, with the rain. Of course he would know that he was bothered. But would the monk approach him, or leave him be? Hakkai secretly prayed for the latter. If Sanzo were to come to him now, of all times, he doubted he could hold his thoughts in any longer.

Luckily, that fear never came true. Not much longer, Gojyo made a spectacle of how tired he was, and the party decided to turn in for the evening. Hakkai closed his eyes and began to drift, hoping he would succeed in falling asleep.