Authors notes: After 9 months I have gotten the urge to return to this story. If for no reason at all other than to vent. I want to say that this chapter deals with dark thoughts and a somewhat mature conversations about relationships. Oh and you get to see which Newsie it is that Jo is really infatuated with. Note: in this chapter the italics are flow of consciousness

Disclaimer: I do not own Newsies, which is a Disney musical.

JO: A Homecoming Story

Pyschojo

What? What is it. It can't be me. I don't smell. I still look good. It must be them, must be them. I am fine. I am great…

Who am I trying to fool. It is me, not them. They have each other, whereas I am all alone. Not a great position to be in it is it?

Jo draped her arm around his back, feeling his flesh under the blue cotton shirt he wore. It was sweat covered and a bit stained. It was hard to wash clothes when you can hardly afford to buy them. Her arms swarmed around his shoulders caressing them as she leaned into his body. At first he did not react. He stood there as stiff as a board, his darks eyes hidden by his thick blue cap.  Then slowly, his muscles relaxed and she could feel him warming up to her. He lifted his head and she could see into his eyes, dark brown eyes, almost black. She could drown herself in them. She leaned toward him as if to kiss him and immediately he pulled away.

"Jo…" he paused, not knowing what else to say. His eyes went down to the floor again.

She looked at him longingly, "Mush baby…? Mush…?"

He stared at her once more and then broke his gaze and returned his attention, back to the table he was standing in front of. He remembered that he was in the middle of saying something, but he could not remember what it was. "Um…"

"Well lookie-here, if it ain't Joey. Ain't seen you for a while girlie." The obnoxious voice of Blink echoed in the room. He looked at her and sneered. "Thought you were a working girl now, least that's what I've been hearing."

"Look ya ragger. I know you are just jealous of me. Upset that I have what you can't get? You can't get a girl down. Especially when you have nothing to threaten her with except idle threats and picked scabs." Jo spit out spitefully. She turned her attention once more to the boy in her arms. " Mush can we talk away from the juvenile delinquents?" She pleaded. She could feel him tense up when she spoke. It was nice to know that she still had an effect on him. Unfortunately, after that greeting, she did not know if this reaction was good or bad. She pulled him away from the booth and into a corner of the restaurant. She looked around her, a bit unnerved on the inside, but her exteriors showed pure control. She still was not used to being able to sit in a restaurant. It was some thing she only had gotten to know on her last trip "home". The boy's had taken over the restaurant between the hours of 2 and 6 every evening since their strike, The owner of Tibby's only allowing this after getting to know the boys after the big Newsie strike 2 years before.  The restaurant became known for its tolerance of  "streetrats" at certain times of the day.  Still the Newsies knew that to hang out there was a leisure they could not take for granted and always tried to pay for their food, even on the days when they had sold little papes.

Jo pulled the boy into a seat next to her at the back of the room.  She scooted her chair nearer to his and proceeded to stroke his face with her right hand whilst looking into his eyes for that recognition she longed for.

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What the hell is she doing here? She was gone. I thought she was gone. What is she doing coming back into my life to mess it up again.  Stop touching me! Stop it! I can't stand it! Why?

Mush could feel her stroking his face, her fingers lingering on his ears, circling around his lips, massaging his temples, fleeting over his eyes. His eyes were shut tightly. But he could still feel her looking at him. Staring at him with those dark, dark eyes oif her's. Right now he bet they were rimmed with red, and tired. He opened his eyes to check and then immediately closed them again. Yep they were.  She always came back with red swollen eyes, most likely from drinking. She always was red and black... always. He hated it and he hated her for it. And yet some perverse feeling existed between them; it was some link that drew him to her like a moth to a flame. It was a seductive red and black flame; it wanted to … no needed to burn him with all it's will. She wanted to hurt him. He knew that. She always did and he always let her. She would come back with red and black eyes, begging him to let her burn him again, begging him to let her in. Would he let her this time?

She stopped stroking his face. She was about to speak. Low, lilting tones and melodies flowed from her throat. The low seductive voice she always used, the voice that lured him in like a fish on a pole. "Mush baby…" She began, and then paused for a moment. She looked away, as if ashamed. He perked up at this. Shame was something she seldom exhibited. She began again, "Mush, I…" paused again. Started once more with a willful look, " I missed you." Stated plainly and openly, her eyes darted away, a slow grin forming on her lips. Words began to gush from her, "Oh I must sound so silly, so idiotic really. I really did not mean to leave before. Things happen. Life happens. Hell… I happen. You know…you have to understand... you are the only one who bloody well can. You know me… messed up … as usual. I don't even know if I can stand myself anymore let alone have others stand it." Her hands began to rub against her inner thighs, and then found their way up to her short jet-black hair, pulling on the ends. She paused for a second. Gulping for air and confidence, she began again. " I found myself drowning in myself, in my problems and my thoughts. I wondered if you knew what that felt like.  Like you totally know what is wrong with you, but you can't figure a way out of it, like you are unable to control anything. My life has seemed like that for a while. Darting from place to place, avoiding the coppers, avoiding my past, not wanting my future to find me even. I found myself in a dark place. You know, really dark, really alone.  And my thoughts began to scare me… and I knew that I needed to get back to you. I knew that I could be fine, if I found you."

During this gush of emotion, Mush had closed his eyes tight, afraid to look at her lest he break. He was afraid to let her influence him. He knew how this could end if he let her in: that terrible burning feeling would be set upon him once again. He would not let it. Never again!

With her last words eschewed from her mouth. She fell back, silent, waiting for a response, an answer, an acknowledgement of sorts, whether it was that he looked at her or he told her to go away. She needed to hear him talk. She willed him to say anything.

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