Chapter 1 – Like Before
I was in front of her door, fidgeting my fingers, nervous. I got early at prom and stayed long enough to see the word 'whore' written on my dress. Lucas hadn't showed up yet, and I really hoped he wouldn't be at her place already. It was early, both of them were probably getting ready in their own houses. It was weird to ring the bell in this house. I was so used at just getting inside and going straight to her room. I couldn't exactly do that anymore. I heard her muffled voice as she probably climbed down the stairs.
"Luke... you're here already? I thought..." and then she opened the door and her bright smile was replaced with a fake one. "May I help you?"
It hurt. It hurt a lot that she could look at me as if she'd never seen me before, and I was just a stranger.
"Peyton..."
"What? You're not here because of your damn dress, are you? Cause I'm sure you mommy and daddy can buy you a new one next time you see them. Oops, I forgot, not even they wanna see you anymore."
Worst thing about fighting with someone who knows you that well is that they know just what to say to hurt you for real. But I couldn't blame her. I did the same thing when I made jokes about her mom. I so deserved this.
"It's not about the dress. Can we talk?"
"We're all talked out, Brooke. What part of the 'you're dead to me' you didn't understand? We're done, isn't that what you wanted?"
"We're not done. We can't be done. You wouldn't have wasted your time writing that on my dress if you really thought I was dead to you."
She didn't say anything, and avoided eye contact.
"You don't have the right to come here now and say you wanna talk, after you've been ignoring me for the past months. MONTHS, Brooke. So just go, ok? I gotta finish getting ready."
I sensed a bit of the ice on her voice melting, and thought it was my chance.
"I'll go soon, just hear me out."
She sighed and faced me with a bored look. And I lost my nerve. How could we talk if she wouldn't really listen? What I had to say was too important to be said like that.
"Cat got your tongue?"
"You know what, Peyton? It's not like you're perfect, and you know it. Since you saw that tape, you didn't feel anything different than what I felt when I found out about you and Lucas. And don't you dare to say that it was different because you and Lucas didn't have sex. That was ONE time, and it meant nothing. What you and Lucas had going on behind my back, there were feelings, and you knew I was falling for him. We weren't broken up and, unlike you and Nathan, I was happy with Lucas. I'm not saying what I did was right, I know it wasn't, and I'm so sorry for that. But you know it, you know that, if I'd told you back then, you could be mad at me, you could yell, and maybe even punch me like you did this time, but you wouldn't give a damn about your relationship, cause you know Nathan was like that all the time, you didn't even care about each other. Yeah, it was wrong. But you have no right to throw all of that on me as if you hadn't done anything wrong, ever. You think this hurts? Finding out about the boyfriend you hated with the best friend who used to be a whore, in a drunken one night stand? Try finding out about the guy you were starting to love, with the best friend you already loved, having a connection, making plans behind your back! You may think what you felt was bad, but you have no idea, Peyton. No fucking idea!"
I turned around at that point, cause I couldn't control my tears anymore, and I didn't want her to see that. I didn't want to accuse her all over again, I just wanted to put all of this behind. But I don't think that would've been possible if I hadn't let it all out.
"You really loved him, didn't you? I had no idea, back then, that we'd hurt you this bad", to my surprise, her voice was soft and even caring, "Do you still love him?"
"You really don't get it, do you?" I let out an incredulous laugh, "God, Peyton", I stopped talking before I let anything else slip. She could hear the desperation in my voice, and she probably knew the tears were coming freely now, even if I had my back turned to her.
"Come in."
I turned back to look at her, and she simply turned her head in the door's direction. She didn't smile, her expression was hard to read. I don't know why I followed her inside, at that point I wasn't so sure of what to say anymore, or even if I wanted to. I mean, it was our prom, she needed to get ready, her boyfriend was gonna come and pick her up, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be there for that. She didn't go to her room. I took it as a sign that I wasn't welcome there anymore. Instead, she sat on the couch and waited for me to do the same. But I just wandered around, in front of her.
"So? You wanted to talk, I'm waiting, what don't I get?"
"What you don't get", I stopped and faced her, and then lost the courage again, "Never mind, I'll just leave you alone. Enjoy your prom."
I was about to open the front door to get out, when she grabbed my wrist and made me turn around. "No, now you're gonna tell me. You said a bunch of things about how different things were, I said you really loved Lucas, I had no idea you did, and you said I don't get it", her voice started to get stronger and stronger. "Well, I wanna get it, Brooke. Just so that we can get over this thing and each go our own way. So tell me, damn it, tell me so that I can understand", she was already yelling by the time I interrupted her.
I yelled back, before she finished, "You don't get it... cause it was never about Lucas", I couldn't believe I was saying that, but I had to. If I didn't say it now, I never would. So I whispered the last part, part of me hoping she wouldn't hear, "It was always about you."
We both stared at each other, and no matter how well I knew her, this time, probably for the first time ever, I had no idea what was going through her mind.
"Please... tell me I didn't just hear..." her quiet voice was replaced by the sound of the bell ringing. "That's Lucas."
I nodded, quietly, and a single tear escaped my eye as I did. "Have fun at the prom."
When I walked away, I thought she was gonna say something. I wanted her to call me back, or at least tell me to wait, that we'd talk again another day. But she didn't. I walked to the kitchen, to get out through the back door, not to bother the perfect couple. I heard her opening the door and took one last look. I don't know why, but I did. And then I realized that it wasn't Lucas who was there. He hit her so hard she passed out. The psycho was there. She needed me again, and this time I wasn't gonna let her down.
I had to keep myself from screaming as I watched him drag her to the basement. But I'd be useless if he found out I was there and knocked me out, too. So I waited, with my heart pounding uncontrollably on my chest. I heard the door closing and grabbed the phone to dial 911. They were coming. In less than 10 minutes, they'd be there. But god knows what he could do in 10 minutes. I had to make sure she'd be safe. When I walked down the basement, he was distracted. She was tied to a chair and could barely move. She just mouthed for me to get out of there. I motioned to tell the police was coming. He turned around so suddenly I could never have anticipated. I tried to fight him, but there was no way I could beat him. The guy was twice my size.
"She hurt you so much, Peyton. Let me prove my love to you", he slapped me so hard in the face, I screamed in pain as Peyton cried. "Let me take care of this problem for you. She wouldn't even look at you a week ago. Remember how much you suffered because of her?"
I couldn't bring myself to reply to that, cause it was all true. He was absolutely right. I just didn't know how to defend myself against his words.
"I don't want her to die. Please, Derek, if you love me like you say you do, don't hurt her again, ok?"
"No, Peyton. She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve you to defend her after everything she did."
The doorbell rang and we heard Lucas' voice calling her. Her mouth wasn't gagged, so she threatened to scream. But as soon as she did, the psycho bastard grabbed my hair and pointed a knife to my throat. It was no use trying to get away now, he'd kill me for sure. I just had to wait 5 more minutes and the police would be there. But I had a feeling he wouldn't wait that long.
"You're free to call for him, Peyton. Yell all you want. Only Brooke here won't be able to help you with it when her throat is slit."
"Derek… leave her alone. I'll go with you, ok? I'll do anything, we'll be together. Just… take that knife from her neck", she pleaded in a whisper, she cried, as he smiled. When we heard Lucas' car driving away, I cursed him in my head. God, he didn't know her at all. I never would've gone away like that without at least talking to her and actually hearing her say she didn't wanna go. Things like that happened a lot, when she was moody or sad and locked in her room. I'd find a way to get into the house, which was never too hard, and try to convince her to go out. I didn't push her if she didn't want to go. If she wanted to stay in her room, I'd stay too, and we'd talk or gossip about something or simply listen to her weird depressing music. But at least she wouldn't be alone. Lucas seemed like an idiot to me for not even trying. Ian punched me on the face. I think I was out for a few minutes. When I opened my eyes again, I could only hear her crying upstairs. It wasn't easy to get to her room, too many stairs to climb, and I could barely stand. He was on top of her when I got in with a lamp on my hands. It was the only thing I could find. I hit him in the head, he got away from her and his attention turned to me. And then we heard the police. The rest of it happened so fast I can barely remember it now. They got him, I grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the room as the cops immobilized him. She was shaking, and I was too scared to ask if he'd had any time to do something to her. When they passed by us, he grinned at our direction and she cringed. I put my hand in front of her eyes, trying to shield her from having to look at him. Then she turned her head away herself.
They gave us blankets, I took one and wrapped around her, then took one for me. It was only then that I realized I was shaking, too. I held her, and she let me. It felt right, to have her back in my arms, to be protecting her, the same way I'd always done, since we were kids. She was resting her head on my shoulder, outside the house. I brushed some of her hair from her face and she looked at me. I took it as a chance to ask. I had to know, cause if he'd done something, I was gonna kill him before the police put him inside the car.
"Hey… he didn't… he didn't have time to…", I couldn't say the words out loud, couldn't even conceive that thought.
But she shook her head and smiled weakly at me. "You got there in time. You saved me". I breathed, relieved. She was safe, she would be fine. "Brooke… about what you said before…"
"It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have said anything". My heart was beating so fast, and I avoided eye contact. I wasn't ready to face this.
"I'm sorry. I don't wanna hurt you anymore, I never meant to, really. Brooke, can we… can we still be friends?"
"I want that more than anything". She smiled, but I didn't. There was a lump in my throat. The words I knew I had to say, but I didn't think I'd ever have the courage to. The words that would mean she was out of my life, for good. It was hard, too hard, to be around her, knowing she was with Lucas. For more than one reason, actually. But I wasn't ready to lose her again. So I swallowed hard and, with it, the words were never spoken. If she wanted us to be friends again, I could only hope like before was still possible, somehow. "So… friends again?"
"How about best friends?"
"That sounds even better", she rested her head on my shoulder again, and that was the end of the conversation. At least for the time being. We were both drained, just sitting there seemed tiring enough. But I had to ask one more thing. "So… where do we go from here?"
"Well, I'd say we go to sleep, but I can't go back to my room, now."
"I didn't mean…"
"I know", she interrupted me, and I knew from her look not to go any further for now.
"Rachel's not home. She's not graduating, so she went to see her parents, stay with them for a while. So if you wanna go…". She kept looking at me, as if trying to read my thoughts. And of course, she could. So she knew I wasn't gonna say anything else today, she wouldn't have to worry about anything. But I thought I'd make sure, so I added, "You can sleep in her bed."
She nodded. I didn't think she would. I was half expecting her to say it was fine, we'd sleep on the same bed, like always. Like before. But I was right when I said it was gone. Something too serious had changed, and it changed everything. And, I was guessing, even more for her than for me. I wanted her in my life. She wanted us to be friends, so friends it was. But friends didn't mind sleeping in the same bed. Friends found that normal. It was no big deal before. Apparently, it was for her, now.
We went to Rachel's house. She kept looking at her cell phone all the time, hoping that Lucas would call. But he never did. She wouldn't call him, too, I honestly don't know why. I hated to be this selfish, but I was glad she didn't. I just wanted my friend back for a while.
Words were barely spoken in the car, and even when we got inside the house, we didn't talk. She changed in the bathroom, so I did the same, right after she got out. She was curled up in bed when I lied down in mine. I turned my back to the other bed and tried to rest my eyes. I heard her, and could almost see her tossing and turning. There was nothing I could do, though. At least nothing I should do, and it killed me. A few silent tears fell through my face, and I tried to sleep. And then she moved again. When I turned around, she was facing me.
"Brooke?"
Simply from hearing her voice, I could tell she was crying, too. "What?"
"You remember when we were kids, and my dad wasn't home, and we rented all those horror movies he would never let us watch?"
"Yeah", I smiled at the memory, "You were so scared with Freddy Krueger that you said you wouldn't sleep ever again."
"And you said you'd visit me in my dream to make sure he wouldn't get in there."
"Yeah…"
Damn it, I didn't remember that till she said it. But I did say that, and then she rested her head right next to me and slept well all night. Not even one nightmare.
"I'm scared again".
"Don't worry. He's locked up, and he's not Freddy Krueger, so you're safe if you fall asleep", I smiled, and she did the same.
"Can you… can you make sure he doesn't get in my head, too? Just in case?"
She was scared, and I couldn't blame her. I was afraid, too. She didn't have her mom around for too long, and I never really had mine, so when we had nightmares, or when we were simply scared, we'd call each other. Actually, most of the time she was at my place or I was at hers, so we'd wake the other one up and keep as close as possible, as safe as possible. She sounded like that kid again, now. None of it mattered at that moment. Not what I felt or what I'd said. What mattered was the girl standing in front of me. The girl I loved the most. I hesitated a little before getting up and sitting in front of her, on the bed.
"He's not getting near you again, ok? I promise". I moved a stray curl from her face when, to my surprise, she shifted away, making room for me to lie down. I did, slowly, and held her hand, like we always did. "You can stop worrying now"
She nodded. "Thanks, for being here."
"Thanks for letting me be here". I said, truthfully. It was comfortable, she calmed down, cause she soon fell asleep. But most of all, it was normal. For the first time in a long time, we were us again. P. Sawyer and B. Davis. Always there for each other. No matter what got in the way.
The drama starts on the next chapter! ;) Call this one the calm before the storm, if you will! I like some building up, so I didn't think it'd be real or too interesting if things just happened out of the blue and all of a sudden Peyton forgot her feelings for Lucas, and if Brooke acted as if she never loved him, either. I believe in taking things slow in a story. Hopefully you'll like it, too. But if you don't, well, let me know anyway! So... review!