A/N—Thanks so much for all of the wonderful reviews. I love hearing about what was good or bad. I also love that people seemed to think I staying true to Olivia's character. I tried my best, and it means a lot that people think I succeeded.

XXXXX

When she got back to her apartment, the first thing she did was throw away the shirt stained with Kathy's blood. She put a pot onto her little stove for her tea and decided that a hot bath was in order.

She realized that she wanted a drink. A stiff, strong, coma-inducing alcoholic drink. And because she wanted it so badly on this night, she knew she couldn't even think about it much longer without giving in. That was something her mother would do and long ago she had vowed to never drink away her problems. It had destroyed her mother's life and caused her death and she couldn't do that to herself.

While the water was beginning to bubble she turned on the water in the tub, turning the knob almost to the point where it would burn. Her muscles were tense and she was still jittery, stuck in her "time to save a life, Benson…don't think about anything else, Benson," state.

From the next room her teapot whistled and it wasn't long before she was slipping into the warm water with a mug of tea in hand, wet towel on her forehead, and the scent of her citrus soaps filling the foggy bathroom.

It would've been perfect, would've been what most people needed to wind themselves down, but if she had learned anything through the years it was that she wasn't most people. She was craving something else, and it wasn't a drug or a drink.

She needed a friend. She needed someone to calm her, now, before she completely self-destructed. Normally she would go to Elliot, except he was the one who had made her this way. She might've gone to Casey, but by now she would've at least heard of the accident and how the amazing Detective Benson had saved two important lives today. Casey would want to hear every intricate detail, about how exactly Olivia had managed to do this to herself. The rest of the squad didn't know or understand the extent of her demons enough to know what to say.

It was this train of thought that made her shiver despite the warm water. Was this what her life had come to? Her friends could easily fit into the smallest interrogation room in the precinct. Was this really all that she had left now?

Her thoughts were jarred by the fierce knocking on her door. It was probably him. And she didn't want to talk to him right now. He belonged at the hospital, with his wife and newborn son, not with the woman who had willingly sentenced herself to whatever she was doing now just to make sure that they would still be there with him. She needed time to regroup and lick her wounds and she just couldn't do that with him around.

Her phone rang next, echoing loudly in the otherwise silent apartment. There was another bang on her door and she chose to ignore it again, taking deep breaths. She had to remember to breathe.

He had no right to come here now. After the mess of ideas he had put in her head, the monumental way that today had changed her life, it was just too much. She couldn't be happy smiley partner again, not so soon. She had plastered on a grin for the hospital and had let it crack when he had embraced her and that couldn't happen again.

She was afraid that if she opened the door, he would want to hug her again, touch her again.

Hugging him had given her a wholly unnecessary glimpse into the life she would never have, and while he had most certainly touched her before, this time had done it.

Time was what she needed. She needed to prepare for the inevitable and be ready to resign herself to stepping back from the world and watching what others get and she will never have.

This is completely his fault. If he hadn't hugged her, hadn't showed her the smallest bit of what life could be like, she wouldn't be hiding in her bathroom, waiting for her breaking point and wondering what she will do when she gets there.

XXXXX

So, if people want this to become a full-fledged story, I might consider it, or maybe just a little epilogue to wrap things up. Review! Please tell me if I completely messed up.