Chapter 2: Mutation Day Celebrations

Well, well, well. I see that ya came back. Wantin' ta know more about ma life, huh? Ya creeps.

Raph...

...Fine. Since, apparently, I gotta do this-

You were the one who wanted to take over!

True. Alright, alright, already. Now where was I?

Karai?

Oh, yeah. Karai. So aftah she dragged me off ta the Underworld-

*clears throat*

Okay, okay. Aftah Karai shot me full of whatevah drug she had on her, I passed out. *pauses* Ya ain't tellin' the guys 'bout this, are ya? Man, Mike would nevah let me hear the end of it.

(From off-screen) You got that right, bro!

Shaddup, Mike! *shakes his head* Anyway, when I woke up, I was greeted by somethin' that I nevah wanna see again.

TMNT/TMNT/TMNT

A sharp, stabbing pain in my jaw is what wakes me up. My eyelids snap open and I jerk, pulling at the chains holding me to the wall. Wait a minute...

Taking a look around, I find myself in a very familiar, very musty-smelling room. Aw, Kraang.

"Well, well. The freak is awake."

"Yer gonna be wishin' I ain't as soon as I get these chains off, Shreddah!"

The metal-clad villain steps inta the light, letting me see his half-melted face. He throws back his bared head and laughs. "You do not scare me, turtle."

"That goes double fer you, Chrome Dome."

"Not for long, I'm afraid," he replies coldly. "You see, my henchmen stand at the ready to get every ounce of information out of your mouth - no matter what it takes. And by the end of that process, you will be a cowering shell of your former self."

"Don't count on it," I retort, putting as much venom inta it as I can.

Shredder fixes me with a stony glare. "I look forward to breaking you, freak."

Ya won't get that chance. As soon as he leaves the room, I have my lock pick out. The chains drop ta the ground in a matter of seconds. A triumphant smirk splits my face, and I turn towards the door...

Coming face-to-face with a big wall of flesh and bone. Hun matches my grin. "Hello, freak."

"Aw, shell."

I don't even have time ta dodge before his fist crashes inta my face. The blow knocks me back a good dozen feet, slammin me inta the brick wall opposite me and something cracks.

A low groan of pain escapes my mouth and I slide down the wall. I stagger ta my feet and pain shoots through my ribs, hurting so bad that it makes it hard to walk.

...Yeah, Fearless and the others ain't ever gonna let me live this down.

Before I know it, I'm back in the chains - and stripped of everything. My belt is ripped off, along with my gauze wrappings. Various small weapons fall to the floor with the cloth, and Hun smirks.

"I thought so." As an added insult, the blond thug rips the mask from my face.

"What, think I might be hidin' a knife under there?" I ask mockingly.

Hun glares, then he notices my sai. A low growl builds in my throat.

"This is some nice steel," he says, picking them up off of the floor. "How about telling me who gave them to you?"

Despite the position I'm currently in, I can't resist, and a taunting smirk appears on my face. "Yo momma."

The man snarls. And stabs one of my sai through my left forearm.

Now, I've been stabbed before, but lemme tell ya. That thing stings like a parasitic wasp. I grit my teeth, determined not ta show it, but somehow the smug son of a Kraang knows.

"Look, all you have to do is tell me where Splinter and the other freaks are and I'll put you out of your misery."

"Not a chance, fatso."

Leo's always tellin' me how one of my talents is not knowin' when to shut the shell up. That, and aggravating the shell outta people. Right now, I'm managin' ta do both.

Hun is gettin' more ticked off by the minute - and I'm workin' on a plan.

"I mean, c'mon. Did ya seriously think that I was gonna tell ya about where my bros are? Yer too stupid ta tell Shreddah the right location anyway. All those blond genes in yer head would screw it up. 'Sides, with all of the space between yer ears, I doubt ya'd understand me anyway."

The goon scowls, his face flushing red. "SHUT UP!" he roars.

And when he aims the second sai at me, I'm ready. The glimmering point of my weapon arcs downward...and slams inta the cuff on my right wrist, shattering it.

Hun's eyes widen briefly before my fist flies inta his eye. He howls and grabs at it, but I'm already movin', snappin' the cuffs around my ankles. The only thing left ta go is my left wrist - which is still achin' like shell.

Grittin' my teeth, I pull the sai out of my arm in one smooth motion. Blood keeps seeping out of the puncture wound, but it's not gushing, so I guess it ain't too bad. I take my ripped mask and tie it around the wound. Hopefully that'll keep me from bleedin' ta death.

"You will pay for that, freak."

Uh oh. Forgot about tall, dark, and ugly. Hun stalks towards me, his left eye swollen shut and an enraged look on his face.

"Nice shiner, Hun. How 'bout I give ya another one ta match?"

"Shut. UP!"

Weak as I am - with Karai's drug still runnin' through my system -, there's no way I can take him down alone. Then, an idea appears in my mind and a smirk grows on my face.

"Whatsa matta, big boy? Does my talkin' bother you? Am I distractin' ya somehow? Makin' ya irritated? Finally gettin' on yer nerves? Or maybe yer just a little bit worried that I might actually...beat you?"

That's the last straw. Hun growls and charges me. At the last second, I duck outta the way. And he slams headfirst inta the brick wall behind me. Hard.

A look of pain crosses his face. Then he slumps ta the floor, unconscious.

"Thank goodness fer Mike and his mouth," I mutter, collectin' my gear and staggerin' ta the door. Which, stupidly, Hun left unlocked. The smirk returns ta my face and I slip out inta the hallway. It ain't long before I'm makin' my way inta the sewers and back ta the Lair.

When I get home, the first thing I see is my bros gathered around the kitchen table, lookin' worried.

As cockily as I can - which ain't sayin' much, considerin' the way my ribs are achin' - I say, "Why do ya all look like ya have sticks up yer shells? Normally that's only Leo's thing."

"Raph!" Mikey runs over and tackles me.

And man, does it hurt. I let out a hiss of pain and shove him offa me. But the added movement sends pain through my plastron and down my legs. I mighta fallen if Don hadn't caught me.

"What happened to you?" Don asks, concern evident on his face. He helps me inta the lab and sets me down so he can take a look at my injuries.

"Ah, ya know. I went out ta celebrate my birthday and decided ta get inta a fight with an angry blonde broadzilla."

If he's irritated by my sarcasm, he doesn't show it. Instead, he sighs and starts tapin' my ribs up. "Raph..."

"Alright, alright..." He's fixed me up enough times that it's almost natural fer him ta see me like this. That almost makes me feel guilty, but I push that thought away. "I got caught."

"By whom?"

I never was one ta beat around the bush. "By Shreddah."

Don is so startled that he misses a beat, his fingers slippin' from the butterfly clips fer a minute. Then he resumes his job, hands steady as ever. "What happened?"

As quietly as I can - because I just know that Leo is listenin' outside the door - I tell him about my time in Shreddah's dungeon, complete with the tale of how I defeated Hun.

When I finish, my purple-clad brother inhales. "Shell," he swears softly. "Are you okay?"

The question bounces around in my brain as I try and think of a good answer. My head is achin', my plastron and left arm are wrapped up in so much gauze and tape that ya can't even see what's underneath, and all I really wanna do is curl up in a little ball and never come out again. But I'm alive. I'm still here ta celebrate our birthday. I give Don a smile.

"Never better," I tell him.

And that night, when Mikey brings out his misshapen lump of a cake with "Happy Mutation Day" written on it in icing made with who-knows-what, I look around at my family.

Yeah, we may be strange, we may not always get along, but we're here fer each other. And in this crazy, messed-up world that we live in, that's all that's important.

So I laugh with Mikey, I tease Donnie, and I apologize ta Leo. Because in the end, they matter more ta me than anyone else in the world.

TMNT/TMNT/TMNT

So that was how I celebrated my 19th birthday. Satisfied now?

Whaddya mean, ya thought the endin' was cheesy? I oughtta-

Raphael! If you want to keep doing this, then you have to be nice to the readers.

Who says I wanted ta keep doin' this? Maybe they ain't even interested in it.

I think they are.

I think they ain't.

Oh yeah? Fine, we'll ask them.

That suits me just fine, sweetheart. *turns to the readers* If ya wanna keep hearin' about stuff that happened ta me and my bros, let us know in a review. Personally, I don't think that anyone would wanna hear my borin'-as-shell stories, but she seems ta think that ya do.

Leave a review and prove me right, guys! There are a lot of stories that you'll wanna hear, I'm sure. And if you have questions about some of Raph's missions, leave it in a review too! He'll be happy to answer those questions. Won't you, Raphael?

*grumbles something*

Well, we could always do a book about Mikey instead. Or maybe even Leo. I'm sure that he'd be way more willing than you are.

Aw, shell nah. If yer doin' a book about any of us Hamatos, it's gonna be me. They don't wanna hear about Fearless Leader and the stick up his shell. Seriously, it'd put a damper on their whole day. Me, on the otha hand...

Sigh...

So if you guys liked this story, let me know! I'll try and get him to tell you some more stories - and answer questions that you have. If you want to hear about a specific mission that they did, just ask!

So are we done here?

Not until you say it.

I ain't sayin' it.

Why not?

Because it's lamer than Lame-o-nardo, that's why.

Well, we can't leave until you say it.

...Fine. Until next time...Cowabunga. *promptly turns and walks off of the set*

Raph, wait up! Raph? Aw, come on, it wasn't that bad...