Enjoy.

For Better or For Worse, Chapter 2

"Hello, Alex."

Antonio, her ex-drug dealer, of that fine, white, powdery substance stood tall in front of her. His scruffy face that she once remembered had been shaved, and was now just a five o'clock shadow. The drug dealer's eyes weren't the usual bloodshot mess, she had remembered either, and instead, they were a bright hazel tone.

"Antonio." Alex looked down at her son who was peeking up at the man from behind her long legs. "What a surprise."

"I'm so glad I ran into you. I saw your name was still on the penthouse and when I buzzed up, some woman with a screaming baby answered. What the fuck is that about?" The man let out a hearty chuckle as he motioned upwards towards the penthouse, completely oblivious to the small boy burning holes into his face with his concerned stare.

"That's my wife, and my daughter." Alex kept her composure in front of her son, otherwise who known how she would've reacted to Antonio's statement.

"What the? No. You're fucking pulling my leg. No way you're married and have a kid. That's unlike you." The grin on Antonio's face was stretched completely across his face and it was taking everything for Alex to not to get rid of it for him.

"I have two kids, actually." Conner slightly stepped out from behind Alex as she spoke, but still clung to her hand, now wrapping both of his around hers. His blue eyes that were exactly like Pipers were full of questions as he watched the two adults' converse.

The look on the drug dealer's face was priceless.

"Now if you excuse me, I have to go."

As Alex started to walk away, Antonio grabbed Alex's elbow, causing her to slightly pull it away.

"Let me give you my card. I'd like to speak to you, when not so innocent ears are around."

The brunette scoffed and continued walking, she knew what he was hinting at, and she had faithfully stayed away from that for nearly six years.

"Go to hell, Antonio."

3 weeks later…

The bookstore had been particularly slow this morning. Kelly still worked there despite getting married to Hayden six months prior. Hayden had taken a job as an assistant manager at a new Thai restaurant in Brooklyn, since he had obtained his business degree over a year ago. Occasionally the pair would babysit on Alex and Piper's date nights, considering that they still lived in the same building.

"Hey, Alex." Kelly knocked on the ajar office door. "There's a man here to see you."

Alex didn't even need to ask twice about who it was. Antonio had called her at work, and even came by once since she saw him in the lobby of her apartment building. He was back in business, better than ever actually. He was trying to form a clientele again, and he desperately wanted Alex's business considering how much she bought in the past, but she wasn't budging.

"Okay, thanks. I'll be out in a sec."

Before Alex stood up, she looked at the pictures littering her desk. One was of her kids asleep in the backseat of the car, heads drooping to opposite sides of their car seats, one was of her and Piper in Cambodia before Ellie was born, and the last one was of her and Diane sitting on that old, ragged couch. That mattered so much more than what Antonio was trying to offer, and she constantly repeated that as she walked out into the store to address him.

Later that night…

"Just don't keep the kids away from me…please." Alex was begging. Tears were streaming down her face and she was begging. Alex Vause never begged for anything. The usual, intimidating, fierce, brunette had let her resolve wash away, leaving herself completely vulnerable in front of her wife.

Alex's breakdown had come out of left field. Piper had noticed Alex seemed a little off since she came home earlier than normal, but what she had revealed was totally unexpected.

Alex had come inches away from using.

Automatically, Piper's mind began to race after her wife had broken the news. Had she been neglecting her? Was marriage not appealing to her anymore? Was two kids too much to handle?

"Al, I'm not gonna keep our kids away from you…I would never do that to you. Ever."

Yes, Piper had taken Conner away for two months when Alex had taken the heroin away from Nicky, but she was left in the dark about Alex's background up until that point and it had literally taken everything out of her. How else was she supposed to react back then? But this time was different, they were married, now had two kids, and Alex hadn't hid her near relapse to that white powdery substance, but came clean to Piper after coming in contact with it in almost six years.

"We're gonna get through this Al, okay?" Piper looked at Alex as if she was the loneliest human being as she cradled her face in her hands. "You didn't take it, babe, and I'm so so proud of you that you didn't."

"I'm such a fuck up." Alex rested her face in the crook of the blonde's neck, sobs practically racking her body. "I've let you down, I've let our kids down. What kind of a mother or a wife fucking does this?"

"Alex…" Piper was now the one fighting herself to keep her tears at bay. "You're not a fuck up. You're not a fuck up of a wife, you're not a fuck up to our kids, you're not a fuck up to anyone, Al. You did the right thing by not taking it."

"Piper you don't understand what was going through my mind when he held out his hand as we stood in the back aisle. I was about to tell him to fuck off, and then he just held it out in front of me. Everything the past six years just flashed before my eyes. I saw you in the back of that cab. I saw Conner lying in the nursery right after he was born. I saw us getting engaged. I saw us getting married. I saw Ellie being born." Alex paused wiping her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, smudging her once perfected eyeliner. "It was so overwhelming, and the temptation was so so real but I can't fuck up even though I already feel like I did."

"Alex, you did the right thing. I knew from the beginning that we would go through trying times no matter what. It happens to everyone." Piper cupped Alex's face as she looked into her emerald eyes. She couldn't run away from this chaos. She wouldn't run away from this emotional chaos. "Tell me what you want to do…Whatever you want to do or decision you make, I, our kids, Nicky, Jim and Barbara, will stand by you. You're not in this alone."

Piper understood that things could be much, much worse right now, if Alex had of taken the drugs or not told her what had happened, but she was thankful that her wife had been honest. Of course, Alex was mainly just shocked and scared about what she had almost done and the blonde was determined to stand firm and encouraging behind wife.

The Next Morning…

"Hold on, grandma."

Conner quickly padded towards Piper who was leaning against the master bedroom's door frame watching them leave, attempting to hide the tears that were slowly trailing down her pale face.

"What is it bud?"

The blonde quickly dried her face with her sleeve and knelt down to his level. Thankfully, the child was oblivious to his mother's tears.

"I forgot to say bye to momma."

The child could barely see past Piper and through the crack in the door that Alex was lying face first in the mattress, head turned towards the door, attempting to peek at her son. Her face was absent of her usual, fierce, secretary glasses, causing her pale face to look that much lighter and the tear trails to be that much more prominent.

"Momma's sleeping right now, okay? She doesn't feel good."

"Pipes." Alex's weak voice could be heard as she slowly sat up in bed. "It's okay. Let him say bye."

Piper slightly turned towards her wife, and before she knew it Conner had bolted past her into the bedroom. She only hoped that he wouldn't notice how broken Alex looked compared to her usual self. Looking back down the hall, she saw Barbara holding Ellie's hand, observing what was happening at the end of the hall. The look on her face was worrisome, but she knew this was what was best for the family.

"Momma why are you crying?" Conner's little face quickly grew weary as soon as he observed Alex's blotchy face and dried trails of tears littering her cheeks.

"I just have a really bad headache, that's all." The brunette cupped Conner's cheeks, silently reminiscing on how much of an impact he had on her life the past six years. Lying was the last thing Alex wanted to do, but this wasn't something a six year old should hear or even know about. She couldn't take the pain of knowing how disappointed he would be if he actually could understand what was going on.

The brunette couldn't have been more thankful that the kid's summer annual week-long stay with their grandparents had fallen when it did. She knew she wouldn't have been able to look her kids in the eye if they hadn't been going to Barbara and Jim's. Their week would be spent doing fun, and entertaining things, and Alex would spend her week straightening herself out again, hoping to be semi back to normal when the children returned.

"Can I kiss it better?"

The smallest smile spread across the brunette's face as she nodded. Conner never failed to make anyone smile, even in the worst situations. His heart was full of love and appreciation and he always strived to make sure everyone was okay. He was a helper, and never once did he whine that he was being broken away from whatever he was doing. Ellie looked up to him, and was always in awe of whatever he did.

Climbing up onto the bed, Conner placed a gentle kiss to Alex's forehead and wrapped his little arms around her neck. It took everything Alex had to keep her tears at bay as she clung to him.

"I hope you feel better."

"Thanks, bud. Take care of your sister while you're at grandmas, and give her a kiss for me, okay?"

Conner nodded before hopping off the bed, and running out the door. If she would've asked to see Ellie, that would've been it for her. She would've lost complete control of herself, and she didn't want her kids to see her in such a state.

It dumbfounded Alex at how oblivious children could be to any situation. The world could be crumbling around them, and they wouldn't notice.

As she sat in bed, she could hear Piper instructing their son to grab his backpack and to hold Ellie's hand as they walked across the hall to the elevator. Barbara's words of love and encouragement brought a small smile to her face as they drifted down the hallway. When she heard the front door close, she could hear Piper quietly pad back down towards the hallway and resumed her position leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed, intently observing her wife.

"You're such a good mom." Alex whispered as she continued to sit on the edge of the bed, dangling her legs off the side and her hands splayed out against her thighs.

"So are you."

From Alex: Can we go see the kids tomorrow?

Piper sat back in the leather armchair in Polly's office. It had been two days since they had physically seen their children. Every night they had a routine Facetime call, but it wasn't the same. Alex had contacted Nicky, who had been surprised at what had happened, and agreed to attend NA classes for a little while. Piper had gently brought forth the idea of perhaps an outpatient rehab for a couple of weeks, but Alex was set on just trying the NA classes since she didn't actually ingest the drug or even touch it.

Her wife had left for work this morning to keep her mind off of everything, leaving Piper to lounge around the penthouse, drowning in the many thoughts swirling around her brain. Leaving the house was the only way to get her mind to slow down after the events of the week. The blonde had originally planned on going grocery shopping but her feet led her to Popi. The weather out was too nice to drive, and she figured she could go and see Alex at work since the bookstore was in the same neighborhood as her store.

To Alex: I think that sounds great.

The blonde wasn't about to deny her wife privileges to see her children, if anything she wanted Alex to see them as much as possible to give her that motivation to stay on the path of her six year sobriety streak and get through the rehab. And to make everything seem as normal as possible for their children. Both women felt that Conner suspected something, but he didn't ask questions and told his parents he would look out for his little sister throughout their two week stay at their grandparents.

"How is everything?"

Polly shut her laptop, giving her attention to Piper.

"I honestly don't know…It's like, one day things were great, and the next everything was torn down to the ground. It's so deathly silent around the house and she's been so so quiet."

"On the bright side, at least you can walk around naked."

The faintest smile appeared on the blonde's face. She knew Polly was trying her hardest to keep things light and cheery. Dealing with emotional chaos was not hers nor Piper's strong suit.

"Walking around naked has been the farthest thing from our minds… She's been afraid to touch me, actually, because she's been so disappointed in herself and she thinks I feel the same way."

"Do you feel the same way she does?"

Piper had pondered that question many times the past three days as she lay awake in bed next to her wife. Sometimes they would both be awake at the same time and not say a word, just lying there staring into the darkness of their bedroom. Other times they would watch each other sleep, or leave the room in order to not disturb the other, finding themselves roaming the childless and quiet penthouse. The blonde would often find herself lying on the old, tattered couch of Diane's, wondering what else she could do for her wife.

"No." Piper whispered. "I'm proud of her."

A/N: I'll go crawl in a hole while you all yell at me.

Just a little background behind the writing of this chapter…I recently visited a family member in rehab, and it was truly an eye opening experience. We had to sit through a family counseling and I learned there really is no cure for addiction, it's just about self-control and not giving into the temptation. The man who spoke hadn't done drugs in 17 years but still fights the battle with sobriety occasionally. Alex didn't give into the temptation, yet still feels like a letdown, I learned that is normal also.

My family member just received their 30 day sobriety chip today. It's been a good day.