Chapter Two: Scarlett

I'd heard Rhett approach me, and braced for his touch. I was so afraid that the moment his skin touched mine I'd collapse. I'd sent him away from my room with such vehemence after Bonnie was born, and hadn't regretted it until that night those few months ago. The troubles of pregnancy and my thoughts of Ashley seemed worth the choice in the beginning.

By the time of Ashley's birthday, I'd begun to realize I didn't care for him as I thought I had. Perhaps I never really loved him, but the thought of that made me more ashamed than I cared to admit so i pushed it aside. The morning after his party I'd felt better and been happier than I had been in years. Despite Rhett's anger at the situation, and that he'd drank more than I'd ever seen him drink up until that point, he'd been gentle, and giving.

Our honeymoon had been similar, if a little bit awkward: it seemed most first times between couples were. I'd known even then that he was nothing like Charles or Frank. I smiled as I remembered when he told me that marriage could be fun. It had been inconceivable to me at the time, but now I wondered if he could have been right.

I felt the light pressure of his fingers as they made contact. He slowly unbuttoned the back of my dress and we stood in silence. Once all of the buttons were loose, I was able to slip the dress of my shoulders and down to the floor. I heard him take a slow, deep breath, and exhaled before he touched my corset strings. I simultaneously felt relief from the tight binding as well as curiosity as I wondered what he would do next.

When the corset dropped to the floor, he stepped back away from me. "I believe you can manage from here, Mrs. Butler."

I hated when he called me that, it was almost as bad as when he said "my pet". It was mocking, and he never used it when he was pleased with me. I'd never before asked him why he did it. If the war had taught me anything it was that you had a slight advantage on your own land. In my room, I felt that advantage, and made the choice to speak out.

"Why do you never call me Scarlett, anymore? It's always Mrs. Butler, or Pet." I turned as I spoke, looking him directly in the eye.

He seemed surprised by the question, but appeared to contemplate his answer before speaking. "I call you Mrs. Butler to remind myself you're my wife."

"Do you forget that often?"

"It's easy to forget, sometimes."

"And the other times?"

"The other times it's painful to remember."

He said it with sincerity, and I found that it made his answer sting even more than had he answered in his normal mocking tone. "I see."

"No, Scarlett, I don't think you do." with that, he offered me a small bow and turned on his heel, leaving the room. I was left standing in my chemise in the middle of an empty bedroom.

I went to call out to him, but no sound came from me. I slipped out of my chemise and into one of my nightgowns. It wasn't my newest, but it was one of my favorites. I had ordered it from a catalog shortly after Bonnie was born. It was simple in design, but the fabric was soft and comfortable. It was reminiscent of one I'd seen mother wear before the war, although I hadn't realized that until later.

I laid in bed once I was dressed and my hair brushed, and I couldn't fall asleep. The room's silence was deafening. As I lay there, the image of Melanie saying goodbye to me surfaced in my mind. I felt a tear slip down my cheek and I wondered how my world had completely crumbled in such a short amount of time. I'd thought the time during and directly after the war had been horrendous. I'd almost lost Tara, I had lost Mother and Pa, it had felt impossible. Yet now, this seemed so much worse.

I don't know how long I laid there, but my eyes were closed when the door creaked open. Any other night it might have startled me, but the emotions of today and the last weeks had numbed me. I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head. Rhett stood in the doorway, ready for bed, but he made no move to enter.

"You came back." The words were obvious yet they seemed to be the only thing I could say.

"You did invite me, or have you changed your mind?" Again, his tone was absent of mocking, and almost seemed afraid that I might answer that I had.

"I haven't, but you left so I thought you had…" I felt relief just having him stand in the room with me. The house was so silent I couldn't stand it. A part of me wondered if I might go mad. Seeing Rhett somehow held me down, like some sort of anchor to life.

"After finally being allowed back in, another war wouldn't keep me out." I couldn't see the details on his face as he spoke but I could hear the smile in his voice. It reminded me of the Rhett I used to know. I couldn't help but wonder if he meant it. Did he really want to be here or was he just as uncomfortable in the silent house as I was?

He walked in slowly, closing the door behind him, and I watched as the dark shape of his form got closer and closer until I could see him more clearly. The first year of sleeping alone after Bonnie, I had stuck faithfully to my side of the bed. After that, I'd slowly moved to take up the entire area. As he walked, I moved over, allowing him his half of the bed. He walked with a confidence that I didn't feel, though that had always been his way. I watched as he pulled the bed covers back and the mattress dipped under his weight as he slid in.

Rhett always radiated heat, and even after all of the years with him absent from our bed, I remembered the feeling it gave me. When he was completely under the covers, I turned to him, and he was already facing me. I reached a hand out, slowly, but I pulled it back before it made contact. This moment was in some ways as awkward as our first wedding night, and maybe in other ways, a little worse.

Before my hand had retracted completely, Rhett's reached out and grabbed mine. He watched me intently as he pulled my hand towards him and laid my palm against his chest. His slow, even breathing helped to calm my own, and I briefly wondered how he managed to seem so unaffected by the situation. We laid like that for several minutes. I was afraid to move and I wondered if he was too, but for different reasons. There was a part of me that knew that there was a chance I would panic and send him from me once more.

His hand didn't leave mine for the entire time, and when it finally did he followed the length of my arm up to my shoulder, pausing there again. It was a slow torture, and my breath had yet to completely even out. I was realizing just how much I'd missed out on since Bonnie's birth. I'd had a small taste of it the night of Ashley's party, but now when we had more time, and Rhett didn't seem as urgent, I really noticed it. His hand moved again, and this time it pulled the shoulder of my night dress off of my shoulder. His eyes followed the gown, and even in the darkness I could see how intently he was studying me.

"Scarlett…" he trailed off, and his hand stilled once more.

My name on his lips tugged at my heart and the feeling surprised me. I loved him. I wasn't sure exactly how or when it happened, but there was no doubt in my mind that I loved him. The word seemed foreign in connection with him, even in my own head. In the last months I'd came to understand my feelings for Ashley, and yet hadn't considered what I felt for Rhett, or how things would or could change. I was hesitant to tell Rhett of my feelings; embarrassed at my years of proclaimed love for Ashley, and worried that Rhett would mock me when I told him. He'd warned me he would never fall in love with me, and I'd already had loved a man who couldn't love me back once, I wasn't eager to repeat the experience.

Still, whether it was the events of the day, or the feel of his skin against mine, I felt a courage rise up in me, and I spoke. "I love you."

I'd squinted in the darkness a bit, wanting to see the look on his face when I told him, but at the same time I spoke, he spoke as well. "I'm leaving you, Scarlett."

A/N: Thanks for the warm reception to this story of mine. Especially to Phanma, gabyhyatt, Romabeachgirl1981, gumper, Aunt Flora, annaPanag, and the guest who left reviews! I have (for the most part) an entire week off of scheduled events and work, so when I'm not at School, I plan to write. More to come, and soon! -Phantom