Over the next few days and weeks Shepard saw that the path to her complete recovery would be a long and painful one, which would tax her both physically and mentally. Unlike when Cerberus brought her back to life she was going to have to go through months of physical therapy; and even then there was no guarantee that she would ever return to her normal state.

She could handle that physical pain, but what was far worse than the physical pain of the recovery was the mental pain. For the first time in years she had plenty of time to think about all of the friends and colleagues that she had lost over the past four years. And because of her interviews with reporters she was forced to live it over time and time again. Between these two things she realized that despite how she tried to blame the Reapers for everything she realized that most of their deaths rested at her feet; Kaidan, Thane, Mordin, EDI, the Geth, all of the people on Earth. They were all dead because of her actions, and all of this was starting to take its toll on her.

She had never been one to second guess her decisions before this; it was something that her instructors and commanding officers had always chastised her for. Now, she was second guessing all of the decisions she had made since she had become a Spectre. But, even worse than that she was so angry all of the time, with her lack of progress, with her helplessness, and because she was doubting her decisions when there was nothing she about it now.

She did not mind being mad at herself, she had been through it when she lost her entire company during the mission to Akuze. It was what had pushed her to be a better leader, and improve her skills. But, this was just destructive anger, and what was worse was that she could not control her emotions with others; she would go from happy to angry to sad, and then back to happy in the span of one conversation.

She was lashing out at those around her who were trying to help her; she felt bad about it afterwards but the damage had usually already been done. And it was affecting all aspects of her life, in particular it was affecting her relationship with her friends, and especially Liara since she was the one closest to Shepard. And the one person who might have been able to help her get through this was dead because of her decisions.

About a month into her recovery she had a particularly difficult therapy session and was really anger that she seemed to be making no progress in her recovery. But, instead of just getting mad at herself for her lack of progress she started to yell at the poor therapist. The young alliance officer was on the verge of tears before Liara stepped in and said, "Shepard my love, you need to stop this it is not her fault."

Shepard's emerald eyes flashed with anger as her attention shifted to the Asari. "Liara, this is none of your business; why are you still here anyways. You don't need to follow me around, I can take of myself."

"I am here because I love you Shepard, and I am worried about you," said Liara, her voice cracking a little. "Please tell me what is wrong, why are you acting like this. This is not like you at all."

Adrianna Shepard slumped to the floor and started crying, "Liara it is all my fault."

Liara signaled for the Alliance Officer to leave; she did not want the news that Shepard was yelling at people to spread around the base with her evaluation coming up. They girl grabbed her back and left the room, happy to leave. When he was gone Liara walked over to Shepard, and sat down next to her.

She put her around her and said, "It is okay Shepard I am here for you. Now please tell me, what is bothering you, what is your fault?"

Shepard waved her hand gesturing toward the window and the carnage that still lay out there and said, "All of it, this destruction and death was all because I was not strong enough to protect everyone."

Then, she broke down crying again. Liara grabbed her head and pulled it into her chest and said, "Shepard that was the Reapers who did all of that not you. If it was not for you we would all either be killed or enslaved. I know how you feel but…"

Shepard pushed her away and started to yell at her. "You have no idea how I feel Liara, don't pretend like you know what is going on in my head. You Asari are all so high and mighty but you are no different from anyone else.

Liara just stood there and let Shepard insult her; because it was the only thing she could do now. She knew Shepard was hurting, and it killed her that she could do nothing to help so she just let keep going until she finally tired out.

When Shepard stopped she said, "I just want to help you love, please just let me in so I can help. I just want…" She could not get anything else out before she broke down crying.

"I am sorry Liara, I don't mean to get angry with you; I love you more than anything else in this entire galaxy, I just can't tell you yet what happened it is just too painful." Then, in a whisper so quiet that Liara almost missed it she said, "Please don't make me relive it again."

Liara wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at Shepard. For the first time since she had meet Shepard she saw the weight of the past four years; and the toll that they had taken on her. She could almost feel the pain radiating off Shepard.

Her emerald green eyes had lost their trademark fire, now they look lifeless and hollow like she was looking at a far off painful image. Her face had lost it color, she looked pale and sickly; and her cheeks were sunken. Her shoulders were slouched, they looked like she was trying to carry the weight of the universe on them and she was losing. It was in that moment Liara realized that she was not looking at a lifetime military officer, the first human Spectre, the hero of the Citadel, or the savior of galaxy; no she was looking at a scared woman who needed to know that there were people who loved her and would do anything for her.

But, Liara did not know how to tell her this; she did not know how to help her or even what was bothering her lover. So instead she just wrapped her arms back around Shepard. This time Shepard just let her, Liara could tell she was just too exhausted to do anything or protest. Liara continued to hold her until Shepard finally fell asleep in her arms.

Notes-

I hope that you enjoyed the latest chapter in my on-going story of Commander Shepard. I know that the story is developing slowly but please bear with me for a couple of weeks. I want to make this as realistic as possible; Commander Shepard has been through it a lot and in my head canon the price of her victory is starting to show. I hate the stories that gloss over parts just because they think that it is not what their readers want to read; I believe that the reader needs to know these things in order to truly understand the story and appreciate the character.

There will probably be one or two more chapters needed to address these issues before I can jump into the main part of the story.

But, like I said I should have these chapters down quick. The reason that this one took a week is because my computer broke. But, the next two should both be out within the next week. Keep your eyes open for more chapters.