Recap: Mai being late, tea, Mai describing Naru's looks, Mai getting angry because of Naru's behavior, guests mistaking Mai for Naru's girlfriend, Mai apparently meeting the Davises for the first time, Davises are convinced Mai is the perfect bride, Naru accepts a case in England for no valid reason, cases with teenage girls including Mai being targeted, author gets rid of Masako and John and pairs them together, either Mai and/or Naru get possessed and kiss each other, Mai discovers about ZOMGSPOILERCHARACTER and/or finds his grave, Naru being a cold hearted bastard, Naru eating meat, Ayako/Bou-san/Yasuhara flirting/hidden relationship, nonsensical Lin introspective side commentary in between all of these.

Author's note: That was how I planned this first chapter. Yes, really.

Anyway, I split the second chapter, because this was in the drafts for a very long time. The segment you will read next is the start of rehashing of the typical Naru/Mai multi-chaptered romance fanfic. The tragic love story between the main characters generally goes like this:

"Mai gets into trouble, Naru saves her, NaruMai happens, happy end!" Or: "Mai gets together with someone else, Naru becomes jealous, insert drama here, NaruMai happens, happy end!"

Oops, I just spoiled all your fics :(

Chapter 2: Our Romantic Inconsistency

Then Naru could feel his 'MAI IS IN DANGER' senses tingling and then pulled a Houdini trick out of his hat and sneaked away. He ran and ran dramatically, searching for his future love (?), until he stumbled upon a graveyard. When he saw Mai lying there on the ground tears from the heaven fell down the sky; in other words, rain.

Naru tried to pick her up, but failed, collapsing to the ground along with Mai, who had been unceremoniously dropped in the mud. Then he remembered how earlier that day he was kicked in the shin by Mai, had been manhandled by Lin and Bou-san, then slapped by Mai, and on top of that kicked in the side by Bou-san, therefore he couldn't carry Mai up à la bridal style anyway (plus he needed a sandwich). 'His power level was too weak,' Lin would conclude, but the Chinese man was still playing against the final boss so he naturally wasn't there.

Naru suddenly widened his eyes.

'Wait I forgot to say something very important in the previous chapter!'

He cleared his throat.

"Mai, tea!" he barked the magic words.

"Huh?! Huh? Wha-" She woke up as result of a reflex. Naru smirked. 'Just as planned!'

"I said-"

"But but but it's so dark out there, and the kitchen is so far away!!" Mai whined vigorously, pointing at the villa, which was very far away indeed. No one could hear them from such a great distance. It was a great mystery how they could have heard Mai screaming from all the way out here. Did she carry around loudspeakers in her pocket? Who knows.

"That is not a problem, go walk there," he smugly told her, so smug you could hear pineapples fall from the tree.

"Then go with me."

"I never told you I was planning on staying here."

"That's it! I'm leaving the SPR! Goodbye Naru!"

Naru had to raise an eyebrow. "...why are you going to leave?" He had saved her from danger (even though he didn't know what kind of danger; his senses were just tingling) and the impending cold.

"Because you ruined my beautiful white shirt! Did you know how much this cost? A whole month of salary pay! Goodbye Naru!"

"..."

"Goodbye Naru!"

Naru thought he was hearing an echo, then he randomly kicked the tombstone out of sheer frustration. Damn it, now he had to look for another assistant! Annoyed he moved over to the next grave to release his frustrations once again.

Suffice to say, Gene was not happy with this development and his picture magically turned into him glaring and doing a thumbs down.

Mai ran, raaaaaaaan and tripped. Somehow she ended up getting back in Tokyo again (how she came there is a mystery) and quit working at the SPR, because in the end, it was all Naru's fault.

When Naru returned to the haunted mansion, he found Lin typing away (after he had minimized the window and wept his mouth – interrupting the endless fight against the final boss much to the man's dismay) and sighed. Naru shook his head and went to the bathroom to slit his wrists, I mean, to weep emotionally in a corner of his bed room over the loss of his tea automat, err, part-time worker thingy.

Unfortunately he discovered the other trio randomly gang banging in his room. A short story long, Naru dragged them and Lin back into the first airplane back to Japan.

THE END?

ps. Yes, he forgot about Masako and John.

...

uhh...case? What case?