For I Have Sinned
Chapter Two
Yun was stirred awake by the pinching sensation of little paws on her chest. Blinking into awareness her first view was that of Baha's backside as he made circles to eventually curl up under her chin. She could only tolerate that degree of closeness from the animal for all of half a minute, and eventually pushed him away.
"Love you too, kitty, just not right now." she groaned. With a powerful stretch and the subsequent push of her arms she was upright. Looking to her side she noticed the empty space, curious as one dusky eyebrow lifted. "Anybody home?" she called out. No verbal answer came, though her cell phone buzzed on the arm of the sofa. She recognized the sound for her usual daytime alarm, so she turned it off per the usual, but then it chimed again with the notice of an unheard voice mail.
"Hey, Yun, it's Serah. I apologize for your waking up alone, but daddy came by this morning wanting to have breakfast with us. Anyway, we'll be home soon, in an hour or two most likely, and then we'll get together to pow-wow, okay? See you then."
Yun shrugged her shoulders a little as she set the phone down and worked her way out of bed. She set the sofa to right before taking liberties with the house facilities, such as the bathroom and the kitchen. She would eventually migrate back to the couch with a bowl of cereal. She shared spoonfuls of milk with Baha in between surfing the channels, resigning in time to watch cartoons though they weren't particular favorites of hers.
Contrary to the message she left, Serah wouldn't be back through that front door for the next four hours, it was almost one. But the three of them had the airs of people that had enjoyed themselves, so there wasn't much room to gripe.
"Oh good, you have pants on." Serah seemed genuinely relieved.
"Ya know, I actually had to think about it." Yun laughed as she stood up, reaching for Jack's hand as he entered the room. "Afternoon, Mr. Farron."
"Please, just Jack. Good to see you again, I'm really glad you two came up."
"Just think what we'd be willin' to do if ya just ask. So Serah," she turned her attention to the younger Farron who was still nearby. "I got your message, you wanna talk now?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Ya want your dad in on it too?"
"I've actually spoken to dad a bit about it already, so it can be just the three of us this time."
Yun nodded. "Ya ready, sunshine?"
Claire ducked from beneath Jack's other arm, a hint of uncertainty shadowing her features as she followed her sister and lover through the living room and into the nearby hallway, into Serah's office. Jack would take Yun's former place in front of the television and wait, Baha nestling in his lap seeing as he was the only source of body heat available.
"Have a seat everyone." Serah offered as the door clicked shut. "But I've only told dad just a little more than I've told you, seeing as he was awake at the time and well...he's dad, so,"
"No, I get it. Do continue." Yun and Claire sat side by side in front of Serah's desk in a pair of seemingly cheap fold-out chairs.
"Well, neither of you knew this -and I'll get to the reason why- but there's a security camera in the living room."
"Pardon?" one dusky brow peaked. Claire seemed to fret a little.
"Snow had them put in after that reporter broke in that time, remember?"
"Oh yeah, that. Okay, so you spied on us all night?"
"Sort of. I went over the tape this morning before dad came, so technically yes." Serah was seated now and was clicking away at her desktop computer. Than she swiveled the screen around. "I had a hunch I wanted to test, and I was worried about the results if either of you knew the camera was there."
Both Yun and Claire shifted forward in their seat to watch the black and white footage on the screen. It looked like business as usual after lights went out, for the longest while the only thing to move throughout the night was the cat switching from one occupant of the pull-out couch to the other.
"So what were you lookin' for exactly?"
"I was waiting for you to ask." Serah almost smirked as she moved the cursor to the streaming bar at the bottom of the screen, clicking on a particular spot along the track of footage. "This is around three this morning."
Still they watched, and now something else began to move. Claire seemed unnerved to see herself on film, more so when her sleeping form on screen began stirring, eventually getting out of bed. It looked like a late night trip to the bathroom, nothing odd about that, until Claire seemed to stop in the opening of the hall and just stand there. For several minutes it went like this, and then Claire moved across the room into the kitchen to do the exact same thing, but this time for only a few seconds. From the kitchen she drifted to the hallway again, disappeared in its darkness momentarily, then reemerged in the living room to stand at the foot the bed, seemingly watching Yun. The entire...whatever you want to call it, lasted for nearly an hour, ending with Claire crawling back into bed like it didn't happen.
Serah pulled the monitor back to its original place. "Do you remember doing that?"
Claire shrank into her chair under her sister's gaze. "No. Not at all."
"Really?" Yun's head whipped to the side, complete disbelief on her face.
"Have you ever experienced waking up in a place you don't remember being when you went to sleep?"
Claire stilled a moment, swallowing. "Once."
"What? When? Why didn't I know about this?" One would think Yun's position fair, considering they had been living together and all.
"I didn't know what to tell you." Claire inched away from Yun slightly, made wary by the tone of her voice perhaps. "Is...is something wrong with me?"
"Not necessarily. Sleepwalking can be common even in perfectly healthy people."
"You say that like it doesn't apply to me."
"Well, I mean," Serah had to think about it, get the words right, then she shrugged. "Look, let's be frank; you're anything but typical, Claire. I don't mean for that to insult you, I'm just telling you like I see it. And considering what Yun has been able to tell me about your sleeping issues, I think there is a definite likelihood of something psychologically...going on." she didn't want to label her sister with the word "wrong".
Claire looked worried, if not downright terrified.
"I mean, you've never been to therapy, have you? Any kind of victim's counseling or support groups?"
"No. What does that have to do with it?" Claire could feel her palms starting to sweat as she unfolded her hands and crossed her arms. She noticed a swiftness to her heartbeat. "I don't need it."
"I'm afraid I'm going to argue with you on that. You can't just shove all that down...and for four years."
"Why not? What am I supposed to do with it?" as if there was an easy answer. She shifted in her seat, assuming an almost defensive straightness in her back.
"It helps to talk about these things, helps us learn how to cope."
"I'm coping." Claire said flatly, bordering on defiant. "You just said sleepwalking isn't always a problem."
"But night terrors typically are. You're having those, aren't you?"
Claire's expression twisted, unknowing. "What?"
"Yun says you wake up at night screaming, sweating, sometimes you stop breathing. If that's not a sign that something's going on, then I'll eat my degree."
Claire could feel frustration bubbling in her stomach, making her chest tighten. She was feeling a little trapped to be honest. "Not all the time. I didn't last night."
"But it's happening more often, isn't it?" Serah already knew about the frequency, Yun told her. But she needed for Claire to admit it. It was part of the process, making her realize there was a problem. "Especially since that mess with the specialist, right?"
For a long while the three of them sat in silence, with Claire continually exchanging her attention between Yun and Serah..
"Look, darlin'...we're not tryin' to tell ya you're sick or somethin'. Far from it. We just want to make sure you're okay. We're worried about ya."
Claire's gaze shifted from her sister to her lover and back one more time. She really didn't want to be talking about this, not now, not at all. It was somewhere far beyond uncomfortable. Almost violating. She didn't want to be here, the room almost felt too crowded.
"I'm fine." she eventually snipped, now visibly agitated.
"I disagree," Serah countered gently, "you really should-,"
Claire threw up her hands. "I'm not talking about this anymore." And just like that she shut right down, all but jumping out of the chair and leaving the suffocatingly tiny office.
"Shit." Was all Yun had to offer as she put a heavy hand on her neck and rubbed, the air leaving her lungs in a shrug.
"I was expecting as much, actually. That gave me a lot."
"All she did was deny everythin'." Yun made a strange face.
"It's all part of the puzzle, Yun, trust me."
"So what's it all mean then, smartypants?"
"Well, as it stands -and don't quote me on this since I'm not really qualified to give a positive diagnosis- I think she has a form of PTSD."
Yun went quiet, her curiosity devolving into a heavy scowl. "Hm...can't really say I'm surprised...guess I just never seen symptoms like that before. I mean, the whole wakin' up scared thing was -in a way- normal. It would happen a couple times a month, no biggie. But now... and I had no idea about her wanderin' around at night like that." and she shook her head, brows raised and eyes wide with true bewilderment. "It's bizarre."
"But, like I said, it's not on paper yet. I'd need a second opinion, a more objective one. And there would be tests that I can't give."
"Either way it doesn't much matter, does it? Not unless she lets us help."
"True enough." Serah nodded. "Clearly this is something we won't be able to force, not that I would."
Yun could only nod.
Claire would skulk out of the hallway and make a straight path to the kitchen. She snatched a soda from the fridge and drank it quickly, something cold for her hot insides, wincing through the burn of carbonation in her mouth. Needless to say she was feeling somewhere in the spectrum of angry as well as frustrated -which the two could be cousins really- and heart wrenching fear. Was there really something wrong with her? No, there couldn't be. She was normal now. She had to be. She had a normal name, lived in a normal apartment, wore normal clothes, lived a normal life from one day to the next, just like everyone else. There was nothing wrong...
But...
Claire shook her head hard as she all but threw the crushed aluminum can into the garbage with a loud puh-CLACK.
No...I'm normal.
She raked one set of hooked fingers over her scalp as she took a series of deep breaths, reigning herself in before leaving the kitchen to move into the living room and plop on the sofa next to her father. And while he took notice of her presence -how could he not?- he didn't immediately address her.
With as little as he felt he knew about his eldest, Jack could tell something wasn't right. He could see Claire's scowl concealed in the tightening in her brow, had a feeling why, which was his reasoning behind his current silence. He needed to give her a minute or two to wind down a little, or she would be mad at him too. So he would wait, pretending to have his attention on the television.
Just as he was thinking to speak, he heard Serah's office door open and his youngest step out of the hallway. He spoke up at a familiar jingle of keys.
"Going somewhere, honey?" Jack was twisted in his seat. "We just got home."
"I know," Serah hoisted her purse onto her shoulder. "Yun's coming with me to grab a few things for the beach. What do you think about camping there overnight?"
"Sounds like fun. Claire, what do you think?"
"It's fine."
"Well, just be careful then, you two."
"Love you dad, we'll be back before Snow gets home." Serah bent over the arm of the sofa to kiss her father's cheek.
"You wanna go, sunshine?" Yun tried as she pushed into her shoes. "Just us girls?"
"No thanks."
The detective winced at the tightness of the reply, showing a well hidden caution to leaning down and requesting a kiss goodbye which she seemed relieved to receive. "Try to stay outta trouble until we get back, wouldn't wanna miss anythin'."
The sound of the door opening and closing echoed through the house, a sound that dissipated almost too quickly to leave behind an awkward weight in the air. Jack was honestly surprised Claire didn't go, especially since Yun was. He always thought the two attached at the hip. Then again, if his hunch was right, his eldest probably wasn't too happy with her significant other.
"Is there something you would rather watch than the news, sweetheart?" Jack finally spoke to Claire, offering her the remote.
"Not really."
"Okay. Well, maybe we'll find something we can agree on." and he started clicking through the several dozen stations in the roster. He hadn't the slightest idea what to look for, no clue what his daughter found entertaining. Did she even watch TV that often? He never thought to ask before now. In time he would just let the channels fall where they would.
"How's school coming along?"
"Fine."
"Aren't you a senior now?"
"Junior."
"Oh, okay. My mistake. Any sororities on campus?"
"I guess. Never looked."
He chuckled. "I'll just assume you're not interested in joining any, either."
Her sharp, cerulean gaze slid to him, her features still creased. "And if I was?"
"Well, that's your decision, honey. I didn't mean anything by it." he rubbed the back of his bald head, feeling her eyes on him. "Look,"
And she did, waiting.
"You know...if something is wrong you can always talk to me."
Her eyes thinned. "You think I'm sick too?"
"No, of course I don't. But I certainly don't want whatever is going on to get that bad."
Claire took a breath, turning her head away and letting it fall back on the cushion.
"You can't blame me for worrying. Or anyone else either." and he waited for a response, hoping she wasn't thinking him as pushy as he was feeling. When she remained quiet, the only gesture having been her letting her head fall back against the couch with a shrug, he got up and walked into the kitchen. There was a clatter of dishes for all of a few minutes and then he came back with two bowls in his hands, one that he passed to Claire.
"Its the middle of the afternoon. We haven't even had lunch." She couldn't wrap her had around the fact that Jack had just given her a bowl of strawberry ice cream.
Jack sat right beside her now. "No one's here to tell us what to do, so why not?" and he gave her a boyish smile as he took his first spoonful.
She only nodded in agreement, lacking a sufficient argument. It was actually quite nice to just sit and enjoy her father's company. They even managed to watch a few minutes of the movie Jack had haphazardly tuned the television to, finding it so bad it was good.
It wasn't until after the movie and the sweet treats were finished that Claire found it in herself to open up.
"Serah says I need therapy." She shrugged, her empty bowl in her lap.
Jack's brows lifted, his head turning sharp to one side. "Do you think she's right?"
"I don't know." her eyes were down, fixated on the floor. "I mean...it's just talking, right?"
"Most of the time, yeah."
"But talking doesn't really...change anything."
It was a fair opinion, one that Jack nodded to. "Well, not everyone knows the right things to talk about. Serah could tell you a lot about that."
"Do you agree with her?"
Jack took a moment, trying to get the words right. "I...I believe you shouldn't close yourself to the option." and then he swallowed. "I went through something similar back when I was still drinking. I was convinced I didn't need a shrink telling me why I wanted to do it all the time. I already knew why."
Claire lifted her gaze to her father, mild surprise in her wide set eyes.
"It wasn't until after the first couple sessions that I realized how badly I needed it, how it played such a crucial part of my recovery. Maybe...some people have what it takes to handle their problems on their own...I'm just not one of those people. And you know what? That's okay." And Jack was internally elated to see the effect his words appeared to be having on her. She was hanging on his every breath. "Just think about it before you decide, sweetie. Please."
"Okay, dad. I'll try." weaseled its way out after a long, tense moment.
"That's good, that's all I can ask. But you shouldn't get so miffed at your sister, she's only looking out for you. Same goes for Yun."
"I know." Claire tried not to roll her eyes. "But do they have to be so nosy about it?"
"Oh, honey, that's just their nature. Telling them to be any other way is like asking a pig to make its own bacon." he laughed a little. "You've got to remember that all of us are still trying to get to know you. I mean," he had to stop and straighten out the words when his daughter gave him an odd look, "we know you have boundaries, but you're not entirely forward with letting us know when we cross them. You need to talk to us, let us know how you feel since we can't always tell."
Claire shrank a little. "Yun tells me that all the time." She could almost hear her girlfriend's voice, so well practiced in her head. I can't read your mind, ya gotta talk t'me.
"And I think she's right."
"But," her eyes went low and away, "it isn't easy."
"It never is, sweetheart, believe me." Jack shook his head. "Though it'll get less difficult the more you try...I don't think these sort of things are meant to be easy. They're too important."
She could feel her heart sink at the prospect he posed. "So I'm screwed?" it came out as a sort of sarcastic huff of air.
"Not at all." Jack then leaned a little, putting an arm around his daughter's shoulders. "You're surrounded by people who love you, and that's a damn good place to be."
For the moment, Claire didn't take much mind to how her father's word gave no real comfort, but she enjoyed having him hold her a while.
The others would return home within an hour of each other later that afternoon. The lot of them would linger just long enough to get a bite to carry them over until dinner, as there were plans to grill on the beach tonight. Everything was promptly loaded into either Snow's truck or Jack's jeep, supplies and bodies alike, and they pulled out just before the evening rush. Local traffic was only so bad, as everyone was trying to hit the numerous resort town bars at the exact same time, but once they got off the main strip and to the two lane, unmarked road to the beach, it was rather quiet. Most of the activity was outbound.
Leading the two-car convoy, Jack avoided the main stretch of Bodhum's beach. Too close to the hotels and therefore much too crowded for what they were planning. Nothing ruined an evening with family faster than being surrounded by a bunch obnoxious, drunk tourists.
There would still be just enough daylight to see by when they arrived, a chilled breeze staring in from the ocean as the sun went down. The red orange glow in the sky would last just long enough for them to get a sizable fire started and to set up the family-sized tent Jack had never opened before. It was long after dark when blankets were spread around the fire and smoke began spilling out of the grill Snow had brought along.
"I heard on the radio that there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight. That's why I suggested we camp out." Serah sat down on one of the blankets, sodas in hand and passing one to her dad beside her.
"Sounds great. When?"
"Shortly after one or two, I think. It's not going to be a big one, but I thought it would still be nice to see."
"You ever seen one, Claire?"
The elder Farron stood beside Snow, helping him manage the food. Her head snapped to at the question and all she did was shake her head before going back to it.
"Well, maybe she'll get a kick out of it. I hadn't even met your mom yet and was half a world away the last time I saw one."
"Back when you were in the navy with Uncle Matt?"
Jack nodded, the can of soda at his mouth. Then he swallowed. "We were stationed in Lindblum Harbor at the time, for what reason I don't remember. Anyway...yeah, it was pretty amazing. Your uncle thought he was hot shit because he lost his virginity that same night, so you can imagine the jokes he was making about it."
Serah laughed, sounding a bit uncomfortable. "Thanks, dad, could've gone my entire life without the latter half of that story."
"You're welcome, sweetie. I only do it because I love you." A chuckle, followed by another sip of soda. "Speaking of awkward conversations, where did Miss Oerba wander off to?"
"I think she took it upon herself to set up the sleeping arrangements. Last I saw her she was putting the bedding in the tent."
Jack nodded, his curiosity satisfied as he glanced over his shoulder. "Ah, speak of the devil,"
"Thought I felt my ears burnin'." Yun waggled her eyebrows a little. "Beds are all neat and comfy, ready to go." She turned her head and cocked it back a little. "When's chow?"
"Ten more minutes." Snow responded without looking up from his task.
"Sweet, my gut's been growlin' for half an hour now." Yun plopped down on a blanket, shadows dancing across her frame. With her hands bracing behind her, she tilted her head against her shoulder. "So, Jack,"
"Hm?"
"Given any more thought on what we talked about?"
After a moment, Jack shook his head. "Haven't had the time to quite yet. Though, as it stands...I don't think it's good timing."
"Yeah." Yun sighed a little, seeming reluctant. "I don't blame ya. I wasn't thinkin' now anyway. Eventually."
When they had first arrived on the beach, Yun managed to swallow the little, lingering lump in her throat and approach Mr. Farron with the prospect of marrying his eldest daughter. From her perspective, they were so very much in love, not to mention the closest of friends; the only other logical step to take was to make it official.
"In that respect, you have my full support. I think you would make Claire very happy, but I don't think she could manage that kind of stress too well right now."
Serah invited herself into the conversation with a curious expression. "Have you even mentioned the idea to her?"
"Nah," Yun seemed to grumble. "Wasn't sure she'd understand...I mean, I'm not sayin' Claire's stupid-,"
"No, no, it's a fair concern." Serah assured her.
"Still, I'm with Jack, that sort of commitment might not sit too well with the way things are rollin' nowadays."
"I would wait until after she graduates, but that's just me." Serah covered up a burp right after the last word emerged. "Unless, of course, her emotional forecast drastically improves."
"Yeah, I know, I know." Disappointment was more than evident in the detective's tone, but no one could blame her for it. "She was doin' so well before...wonder what made it all go pear-shaped..."
Yun knew damn good and well the general reason for the change, but she was starving to acquire the details. When was moment zero, when everything went wrong? Often times she would find herself thinking it over, to death even, looking through memories for anything that might have tipped her off that she had missed. There had to have been a sign. As Claire was not one to abruptly shift from one thing to another, she was a constant low simmer. Like a fuse.
What lit it?
"Don't lose hope." Jack sighed, finding it the best response to her temperament. "Claire may surprise us yet."
Shortly thereafter the matter was pushed aside with plates of food fresh from the grill, and Snow and Claire coming into the circle around the fire. They ate and socialized, shared stories over what spanned this most recent stint apart. As the night carried on in this fashion the fire slowly died, which they allowed as the appointed time for the meteor shower drew closer. In the end it would be snuffed out completely with a bucket of water, leaving only the meager light of a crescent moon bathing the shoreline beneath it. They moved the blankets a little closer to the tent, as sleepy-eyes were already threatening to settle in, and got comfortable.
Lying beside her in the darkness, Yun didn't so much see Claire's reaction to the flickering trails of stars as she felt it. Claire's hand found hers as the lights in the sky danced and clutched it tightly, and Yun heard a quiet gasp from her lover. Yun had to imagine the look on her face, even still it made her heart melt.
"Amazing." Claire whispered.
"Sure is. Just like you." And she smiled wide at the silent response of a tighter grip around her hand.
The shower lasted the better part of an hour, leaving them more than sleepy enough to just crawl into the tent and into their sleeping bags for the remainder of the night, snuggled in tight.
Claire fell asleep almost immediately, Yun curled along her back with an arm circling her waist in a way she sensed as almost protective. In any case it was welcomed, comforting, and helped lull her along after closing her eyes. She would dream of the sea that continued to whisper and sigh on the other side of the zippered door, an easy thing to do when you're surrounded by it. There was no peril or rush to the images, just a sleeping mind reaching out in exploration. Her sleep was deep, recuperative, the kind you wake from feeling like you could take on the world and actually win.
Though Claire wouldn't feel that good. In fact she was overwhelmed with a cold, frustrated shame as she woke to the sensation of cool ocean water near her knees and an early morning breeze in her face, only to look down and see she was indeed standing in the shallows of the bay. Claire looked around, seemingly untroubled, to see the campsite some hundred yards or so behind her. There was no sign of anyone being awake at this hour, sunrise now minutes away.
Sleepwalking...again...and no one noticed? What if she hadn't woken up just now? What if she had kept walking? What if...
Claire clenched her jaw and spun on her heels to start back towards the shore. She started chanting in her head, something she had caught herself doing more and more lately, and for longer than anyone was aware of.
There's nothing wrong. I'm not sick. I am normal. I am normal. Normal.
Author's Note: I guess you could say this is coming along all right. I don't think it can be considered a full sequel though. Just an addition. It likely won't have the sway or depth of the original, but it's still a story I feel the need to tell. I'm making an honest effort, I just think I'm still trying to convince myself I've got what it takes to tell it properly. I'm getting my wings back, so to speak. In any case, hope you're enjoying it, and I'll see you next chapter. Questions are always welcome.