Act 2: C'est n'existe pas.
Act 2, scene 1 (Outside "Happy Sim Sum Ge Lestaulant")
Enter bystanders.
Bystander 2: So, how come Franco pushed Ching-lee off like that?
Bystander 1: Easy. He doesn't think he can like a Chinese girl because there's so many little disputes against the Italian-Americans, at least the Italian-Americans from Little Italy and Chinese-Americans.
Bystander 2: Oh yeahhh. But, why doesn't he just, like, not listen to that taboo racial stuff?
Bystander 1: Shh! Don't give away the plot!
Bystander 1: Oh, right.
Exit Bystanders.
Enter Hong Kong Connie.
Hong Kong Connie: Evelyday's the same thing! Wook and Cook! Wook and Cook! At The Laundly mat/Chinese Lestaulant as all us Chinese do, of cowse. This is unfaiw to my kind! I shouldn't wook! Back in China I didn't have to wook. I was poe and dying. Oh, those wewe the good old days.
Enter Ching-Chong and Ching-lee.
Ching-Chong: Hiya, Mom.
Hong Kong Connie: Have you fowgotten yow Chinese?
Ching-lee: Of course, not, Mom!
Hong Kong Connie: Then why didn't you wespond to me in Chinese?
Ching-Chong: This is America. A-MER-I-CA.
Hong Kong Connie: Hey. Did I laise you two up to be Amewicans.
Ching-Chong: Yeah, remember? .The talk about being American and to renounce our heritage to be accepted in the new world?
Hong Kong Connie: Huh? I neveh lemembewed saying that.
Ching-lee: You said it this morning.
Hong Kong Connie: Want some poke-flied lice?
Ching-Chong and Ching-lee: No thank you.
Hong Kong Connie: You don't want no poke-fwied lice? That's against your helitage! lemembew, you can't fowget, that. (sings)
Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: I make poke-fried lice fow you. Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: Better eat it while it stews. You can't fowget your helitage or yow life wouldn't be twue! Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: I make poke-flied lice fow you. Background: Hong King Connie! Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie.! Hong Kong Connie: Little Chinese boy go school, ealwy in the mowning. He fowgot his helitage and died died died. Die die die. You fowget yow helitage and die! Die die die. I'm Chinese and I lie! Die die die. You like flied? Die die die. You fowget yow helitage and dieeee! (spoken) Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee. Do you get why yow helitage so impowtant now?
Ching-Chong: yeah, sure.
Ching-lee: Mom?
Hong Kong Connie: Yes, Ching-lee?
Ching-lee: What do you think of Italian boys?
Hong Kong Connie: NEVEH! NEVEH! MAGOW! MAGOW!
Ching-lee: W-what?
Hong Kong Connie: Solly. My chinese child tlama ploblems wewe acting up again. What did you say, honey?
Ching-lee: nothing.
Hong Kong Connie: Okay! Oh, look at the time. I have to get back to the Laundly mat/Chinese Lestaulant. Good bye, childs! Stay away from diffelent people. They can suwpass you!
Exit Hong Kong Connie.
Ching-lee: We have got to get mom away from that soy sauce.
Ching-Chong: Yeah. Is it time to go to Chinese school again?
Ching-lee: Yup, in about five minutes. We have to keep our heritage going, or mom'll try to kill herself.
Ching-Chong: Aye-ah!
Act 1 scene 2
(school again)
Enter Hashish.
Hashish: We must bomb the school! Bomb it! Come, stand together! We've got to do it because of tyranny and deceit! Long live what's-his-name! Who can pronounce his name? He's Arabian! (sings) You shall come and die! You shall come and die! Suppose you your American things? You shall come and die! You shall come and die! These are just material things. You shall come and die! You shall come and die! I am really high! You shall come and die! You shall come and die! You're not my Spanish friend. That means your actions are FALSE!
Enter Principal Raté.
Principal Raté: Come here, Hashish.
Hashish: No! It's the man, Raté! He's going to use his fat-cat, American rights!
Principal Raté: No one likes you. If I throw you in colored detention, my popularity will be boosted. Bye-bye!
Enter Bystanders.
Principal Raté: Take him away.
Hashish: (being dragged away by bystanders) No! I can't help it. I MUST bomb something! I'll go crazy insane if I don't!
Principal Raté: Quickly. I have a klue klux - mystery convention coming up in an hour and I can't miss it! They need my illegal fags - bags of legal fire fighter. badges.
Hashish: This is not the end of Hashish! I'll get in every nook and cranny and find a way to make. what's-his-name known! He's Arabian, who can say his name or cares? Whoooooo?. (dragged off stage)
Exit Hashish and bystanders.
Enter Ching-lee, Franco, and Vinny.
(Ching-lee organizing locker. Vinny hides.)
Franco: Believe me, Ching-lee. I'm sorry!
Ching-lee: What? Do I hear a organ grinder?
Franco: It's just that.
Ching-lee: What? You're Italian and I'm Chinese?
Franco: Yeah!
Ching-lee: Go away.
Franco: Hey, just because I have classic stereotypical desires to eat pizza and work in an organized crime-based organization, that doesn't mean I'm bad.
Ching-lee: You DO work in an organized crime-based organization and you ARE eating a slice of pizza.
Franco: Mama mia! You're right! But, anyway, I still remember that time we had. Wouldn't you want to, like do something after school?
Ching-lee: I don't know.
Franco: Come on. Please? For my sake?
Ching-lee: Okay. For you.
Franco: Thanks, you won't regret it!
Ching-lee: I'm sure of it. (kisses Franco on the cheek)
Exit Ching-lee.
Vinny: I see you've got the girl! Now we'll really make her pay for not paying for chocolate!
Franco: Yeah! But what are you going to do to her, boss?
Vinny: The one thing Chineseys hate most.
Franco: What's that?
Vinny: Railroads.
Franco: what?
Vinny: That's right. Railroads. We'll make her work on my little Italian- based sister's train set! She'll be hammering away and in her place, like all of those low-browed factory workers! Now, lets dance!
(Italian Music comes out. All dance off stage.)
Act 2 scene 3.
Enter Principal Raté.
Principal Raté: Ms. Morris?
Ms. Morris: Yes, Pwincipal Waté?
Principal Raté: Fetch me the files.
Ms. Morris: Which files?
Principal Raté: the ones that say "Project: Franticly Alienate all the Races with Tretchery" or "F.A.R.T" for short.
Ms. Morris: Oh yeyeah, Pwincipal Waté. Hewe it is. The one with the stab mawks.
Principal Raté: They all will know my fears will be known. They'll be gone, each and everyone. All those Iraqis, Jews, Blacks, Chinese, Mexicans, and any other race that makes it harder for White Anglo-Saxton Protestants to live with their cultures! (maniacal laugh)
Ms. Morris: Oh my gawd! I almost fowgot! Hewe's your medicine.
Principal Raté: ah. that good cocai. I mean. uh. sugar cane.. For my Alzheimer's. Now leave, Ms. Morris! I have work to do.
Ms. Morris: Okay, Pwincipal.
Exit Ms. Morris.
Principal Raté: Now that she's gone. I can safely say my plan in a brief song-based soliloquy. Color is good and color is fine. You can pick colored people off of vines.
(Doorbell)
Enter Ms. Morris and Governor Sandpaper.
Ms. Morris: Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! The Govewnow is hewe!
Principal Raté: Hello, Governor Sandpaper. Governor Sandpaper: Yes, yes. Hello.
Principal Raté: Goodbye Ms. Morris.
Ms. Morris: Okay, okay Pwincipal Raté! I hope to see you latew, Govewnow.
Exit Ms. Morris.
Governor Sandpaper: Raté! You know what I need!
Principal Raté: I have a lot of things.
Governor Sandpaper: THE DRUGS! I NEED THEM!
Principal Raté: What will you give me in return?
Governor Sandpaper: ANYTHING! This is your doing, Raté! If I wasn't addicted I'd turn you in!
Principal Raté: I want a little law passed. (hands Governor Sandpaper a piece of paper.)
Governor Sandpaper: What's this? This is preposterous!
Principal Raté: (sings) Would you like to kill? Would you brake? Would you like to hate? Then just sep-ar-ate. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or brake! This is how you do it. You won't ever need hate. Just separate your races and you'll know you've found. That special place where trouble never ever makes. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! That is how you do, it's very, very opaque Just separate those races and you'll what you've found. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! It's that special feeling that they all hate! It's putting down the races that aren't doing well, 'cause, Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! It's really, really simple, you can't ever shake. Just, Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! When you've found that place where people are put down, it's Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! HATE!
Governor Sandpaper: Alright.
Principal Raté: Good, good. You're a good man, Mr. Sandpaper.
Governor Sandpaper: No. I used to be a good man.
Exit all.
Act 2 scene 4
Enter bystanders.
Bystander 1: Oy! Kindala! Sfvitz! So, y'see, 'cause Governor Sandpaper got addicted to Principal Raté's drugs, he passed a law that segregates the races in schools.
Bystander 2: I see. So, I should even be here?!
Bystander 1: Oh, yeah, that's right, you're a neg -
Enter Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police.
Yuri: Look-ski! Two bystanders are together. Ski!
Bystander 2: Oh no! It's the new Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police!
Yow-ee-ski: Da, ski. We are. SKI! You two look pretty about within 20 meters of each other. That goes against the Governor's new law-ski! You'll have a lot of time to be together. In Permanent Mandatory Colored Detention for Colored People, like you two, ski!
Bystander 1: No! We didn't do anything wrong! We were simply making a plot synopsis as an introduction, like most of the scenes in this musical!
Yuri: Da. Da. That's what they all, ski, say, ski. Da. Da. Da. Niet. Niet. Niet. You American fools and your inferior government-ski. This is why are country is starving to death. Ski.
Bystander 2: What? Our country and your country's starving doesn't have anything to do with our country's government.
Yow-ee-ski: Comunism rules-ski! Hail Lenin! Hail Len. oh whatever. I always say stupid stuff-ski, because I'm Russian-ski. No one can understand us- ski. Da?
Yuri. Da.
Yow-ee-ski: Da?
Yuri: Da.
Yow-ee-ski: Da?
Yuri: DA! Okay, lets take them away-ski. Russian dancing style-ski!
Yow-ee-ski: Da! ("Peter and the Wolf" music starts. They start dancing.)
Bystander 1: Raté! You'll get your just desserts! I know it!
Exit all.
Enter Ching-lee, Franco, and Vinny. (Vinny hides.)
Franco: Here's the place.
Ching-lee: But this is in Little Italy. Don't you think we might be in danger?
Franco: Noway! You've got me on your side, hon.
Ching-lee: Thank you. (Enter into Vinny's house.)
Vinny: NOW! Go get 'em, guys! For Italia!
Enter Marela, Gondola, and random members of the Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic.
Marela: Long time no see, Ching-lee. Hey that rhymes! Long-time. see. Ching- lee. (laughs.)
Gondola: Vinny, who's that with Franco?
Vinny: (enthusiastic voice) Dat's the day female day laborer that's going to help you with your train set! That's what she was born to do!
Gondola: Yipee! Fun! Fun! Fun!
Vinny: Good. Now, it's time to show your allegiance to the Popular Italian- American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic. Hit her.
Franco: W-why?
Vinny: Because you didn't get to do it to her before.
Franco: Alright. (whispers) sorry, Ching-lee. (punches Vinny and runs.)
Exit Franco.
Vinny: Fraco! No! Darn that boy. I knew he liked you! Prepare to feel the wrath of the.
Ching-lee: (Sitting down with Gondola.) Trains! Yay! I'm great at trains, of course. Here's how you set up the tracks.
Vinny: That's it! You've stayed your welcome. (grabs Ching-lee by the shoulder.)
Gondola: No! She's my train builder-upper. I want her to stay.
Vinny: Okay! Mama mia! Blasted brat sister. This isn't over! Not by a long shot. Come on, guys. Let's find that traitor, Franco.
Exit Popular Italian-American Chlidren's Mafia of the Roman Republic.
(Fast forward to the evening. Darken. Spot light on Ching-lee.)
Ching-lee: Would you like us to be friends forever?
Gondola: Yeah!
Ching-lee: Okay then just. (whisper sounds.)
Gondola: What?
Ching-lee: Oh, sorry. That was just the whisper talk. (sings) When the moon shines, the deck rhymes and all is not well.. You can always tell me. Frog cracks, Nigg's rap. all is not well, just huddle by me and tell me. Moon shines. deck rhymes.. To no avail. Just tell me and give me hope. Moon shines.
Gondola: deck rhymes.
Ching-lee: and all is not well.
(Unision) Tell me. Tell me. Your. Secret spells.
Enter Franco from the window.
Ching-lee: Franco! What are you doing here? The Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic is looking for you!
Franco: I know. I want to get you back to where you were before. When I wasn't there to be a burden.
(Spotlight on Franco and Ching-lee.) Sings Unison with and Franco Ching-lee: Loves comes in many forms but not enough for me Love comes in hills and toys, but not enough for me This love inside, This magical feeling, Must take up atleast three songs, But I know that it'll never be wrong. 'Cause our musical can ring. 'Cause I know the hearts will ring I know the niggs will bling. And most of all, I know that love can sing!
Ching-lee: (alone) I'm a strictly female female.
Franco: (alone) I'm a strictly hemale hemale.
Unison: And I know that love can prevail (happy) In the home of the great survivors, I'd love being (Franco) a guy liking a (Ching-lee) girl like (Ching-lee) me!
Franco: You know what we should do?
Ching-lee: Buy lo-main?
Franco: No. We should elope!
Ching-lee: What's that?
Franco: It's like running away, only more romantic. Come on, let's go!
Ching-lee: Okay! We're kids living in the 1940's. How hard could it be?
Gondola: Can I come too?
Ching-lee: Good lice, no! It's not for little children it's for bigger children, like us!
Gondola: Please? You said we'd be friends forever, Ching-lee! Franco: Let her come. Why not? Isn't she precious?
Ching-lee: But won't you miss your mother or father?
Gondola: My mama and papa are over there on the couch.
Mama: Goodbye, little girl! Yay! More money for me in Papa's will!
Papa: Goodbye, little girl! Oh, no you won't! I'll take it to my grave! I'm a little Italian. I'm the Papa!
(Start fighting in Italian.)
Ching-lee: Maybe you should come with us.
Gondola: Yay!
Exit Ching-lee, Franco and Gondola holding hands. Exit Mama and Papa
Act 2, scene 1 (Outside "Happy Sim Sum Ge Lestaulant")
Enter bystanders.
Bystander 2: So, how come Franco pushed Ching-lee off like that?
Bystander 1: Easy. He doesn't think he can like a Chinese girl because there's so many little disputes against the Italian-Americans, at least the Italian-Americans from Little Italy and Chinese-Americans.
Bystander 2: Oh yeahhh. But, why doesn't he just, like, not listen to that taboo racial stuff?
Bystander 1: Shh! Don't give away the plot!
Bystander 1: Oh, right.
Exit Bystanders.
Enter Hong Kong Connie.
Hong Kong Connie: Evelyday's the same thing! Wook and Cook! Wook and Cook! At The Laundly mat/Chinese Lestaulant as all us Chinese do, of cowse. This is unfaiw to my kind! I shouldn't wook! Back in China I didn't have to wook. I was poe and dying. Oh, those wewe the good old days.
Enter Ching-Chong and Ching-lee.
Ching-Chong: Hiya, Mom.
Hong Kong Connie: Have you fowgotten yow Chinese?
Ching-lee: Of course, not, Mom!
Hong Kong Connie: Then why didn't you wespond to me in Chinese?
Ching-Chong: This is America. A-MER-I-CA.
Hong Kong Connie: Hey. Did I laise you two up to be Amewicans.
Ching-Chong: Yeah, remember? .The talk about being American and to renounce our heritage to be accepted in the new world?
Hong Kong Connie: Huh? I neveh lemembewed saying that.
Ching-lee: You said it this morning.
Hong Kong Connie: Want some poke-flied lice?
Ching-Chong and Ching-lee: No thank you.
Hong Kong Connie: You don't want no poke-fwied lice? That's against your helitage! lemembew, you can't fowget, that. (sings)
Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: I make poke-fried lice fow you. Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: Better eat it while it stews. You can't fowget your helitage or yow life wouldn't be twue! Background: Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie: I make poke-flied lice fow you. Background: Hong King Connie! Hong Kong Connie! Hong Kong Connie.! Hong Kong Connie: Little Chinese boy go school, ealwy in the mowning. He fowgot his helitage and died died died. Die die die. You fowget yow helitage and die! Die die die. I'm Chinese and I lie! Die die die. You like flied? Die die die. You fowget yow helitage and dieeee! (spoken) Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee. Do you get why yow helitage so impowtant now?
Ching-Chong: yeah, sure.
Ching-lee: Mom?
Hong Kong Connie: Yes, Ching-lee?
Ching-lee: What do you think of Italian boys?
Hong Kong Connie: NEVEH! NEVEH! MAGOW! MAGOW!
Ching-lee: W-what?
Hong Kong Connie: Solly. My chinese child tlama ploblems wewe acting up again. What did you say, honey?
Ching-lee: nothing.
Hong Kong Connie: Okay! Oh, look at the time. I have to get back to the Laundly mat/Chinese Lestaulant. Good bye, childs! Stay away from diffelent people. They can suwpass you!
Exit Hong Kong Connie.
Ching-lee: We have got to get mom away from that soy sauce.
Ching-Chong: Yeah. Is it time to go to Chinese school again?
Ching-lee: Yup, in about five minutes. We have to keep our heritage going, or mom'll try to kill herself.
Ching-Chong: Aye-ah!
Act 1 scene 2
(school again)
Enter Hashish.
Hashish: We must bomb the school! Bomb it! Come, stand together! We've got to do it because of tyranny and deceit! Long live what's-his-name! Who can pronounce his name? He's Arabian! (sings) You shall come and die! You shall come and die! Suppose you your American things? You shall come and die! You shall come and die! These are just material things. You shall come and die! You shall come and die! I am really high! You shall come and die! You shall come and die! You're not my Spanish friend. That means your actions are FALSE!
Enter Principal Raté.
Principal Raté: Come here, Hashish.
Hashish: No! It's the man, Raté! He's going to use his fat-cat, American rights!
Principal Raté: No one likes you. If I throw you in colored detention, my popularity will be boosted. Bye-bye!
Enter Bystanders.
Principal Raté: Take him away.
Hashish: (being dragged away by bystanders) No! I can't help it. I MUST bomb something! I'll go crazy insane if I don't!
Principal Raté: Quickly. I have a klue klux - mystery convention coming up in an hour and I can't miss it! They need my illegal fags - bags of legal fire fighter. badges.
Hashish: This is not the end of Hashish! I'll get in every nook and cranny and find a way to make. what's-his-name known! He's Arabian, who can say his name or cares? Whoooooo?. (dragged off stage)
Exit Hashish and bystanders.
Enter Ching-lee, Franco, and Vinny.
(Ching-lee organizing locker. Vinny hides.)
Franco: Believe me, Ching-lee. I'm sorry!
Ching-lee: What? Do I hear a organ grinder?
Franco: It's just that.
Ching-lee: What? You're Italian and I'm Chinese?
Franco: Yeah!
Ching-lee: Go away.
Franco: Hey, just because I have classic stereotypical desires to eat pizza and work in an organized crime-based organization, that doesn't mean I'm bad.
Ching-lee: You DO work in an organized crime-based organization and you ARE eating a slice of pizza.
Franco: Mama mia! You're right! But, anyway, I still remember that time we had. Wouldn't you want to, like do something after school?
Ching-lee: I don't know.
Franco: Come on. Please? For my sake?
Ching-lee: Okay. For you.
Franco: Thanks, you won't regret it!
Ching-lee: I'm sure of it. (kisses Franco on the cheek)
Exit Ching-lee.
Vinny: I see you've got the girl! Now we'll really make her pay for not paying for chocolate!
Franco: Yeah! But what are you going to do to her, boss?
Vinny: The one thing Chineseys hate most.
Franco: What's that?
Vinny: Railroads.
Franco: what?
Vinny: That's right. Railroads. We'll make her work on my little Italian- based sister's train set! She'll be hammering away and in her place, like all of those low-browed factory workers! Now, lets dance!
(Italian Music comes out. All dance off stage.)
Act 2 scene 3.
Enter Principal Raté.
Principal Raté: Ms. Morris?
Ms. Morris: Yes, Pwincipal Waté?
Principal Raté: Fetch me the files.
Ms. Morris: Which files?
Principal Raté: the ones that say "Project: Franticly Alienate all the Races with Tretchery" or "F.A.R.T" for short.
Ms. Morris: Oh yeyeah, Pwincipal Waté. Hewe it is. The one with the stab mawks.
Principal Raté: They all will know my fears will be known. They'll be gone, each and everyone. All those Iraqis, Jews, Blacks, Chinese, Mexicans, and any other race that makes it harder for White Anglo-Saxton Protestants to live with their cultures! (maniacal laugh)
Ms. Morris: Oh my gawd! I almost fowgot! Hewe's your medicine.
Principal Raté: ah. that good cocai. I mean. uh. sugar cane.. For my Alzheimer's. Now leave, Ms. Morris! I have work to do.
Ms. Morris: Okay, Pwincipal.
Exit Ms. Morris.
Principal Raté: Now that she's gone. I can safely say my plan in a brief song-based soliloquy. Color is good and color is fine. You can pick colored people off of vines.
(Doorbell)
Enter Ms. Morris and Governor Sandpaper.
Ms. Morris: Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! The Govewnow is hewe!
Principal Raté: Hello, Governor Sandpaper. Governor Sandpaper: Yes, yes. Hello.
Principal Raté: Goodbye Ms. Morris.
Ms. Morris: Okay, okay Pwincipal Raté! I hope to see you latew, Govewnow.
Exit Ms. Morris.
Governor Sandpaper: Raté! You know what I need!
Principal Raté: I have a lot of things.
Governor Sandpaper: THE DRUGS! I NEED THEM!
Principal Raté: What will you give me in return?
Governor Sandpaper: ANYTHING! This is your doing, Raté! If I wasn't addicted I'd turn you in!
Principal Raté: I want a little law passed. (hands Governor Sandpaper a piece of paper.)
Governor Sandpaper: What's this? This is preposterous!
Principal Raté: (sings) Would you like to kill? Would you brake? Would you like to hate? Then just sep-ar-ate. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or brake! This is how you do it. You won't ever need hate. Just separate your races and you'll know you've found. That special place where trouble never ever makes. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! That is how you do, it's very, very opaque Just separate those races and you'll what you've found. Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! It's that special feeling that they all hate! It's putting down the races that aren't doing well, 'cause, Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! It's really, really simple, you can't ever shake. Just, Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! When you've found that place where people are put down, it's Nullify, liquefy, punish and or break! HATE!
Governor Sandpaper: Alright.
Principal Raté: Good, good. You're a good man, Mr. Sandpaper.
Governor Sandpaper: No. I used to be a good man.
Exit all.
Act 2 scene 4
Enter bystanders.
Bystander 1: Oy! Kindala! Sfvitz! So, y'see, 'cause Governor Sandpaper got addicted to Principal Raté's drugs, he passed a law that segregates the races in schools.
Bystander 2: I see. So, I should even be here?!
Bystander 1: Oh, yeah, that's right, you're a neg -
Enter Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police.
Yuri: Look-ski! Two bystanders are together. Ski!
Bystander 2: Oh no! It's the new Junior Raté Socially Soviet Segregation Police!
Yow-ee-ski: Da, ski. We are. SKI! You two look pretty about within 20 meters of each other. That goes against the Governor's new law-ski! You'll have a lot of time to be together. In Permanent Mandatory Colored Detention for Colored People, like you two, ski!
Bystander 1: No! We didn't do anything wrong! We were simply making a plot synopsis as an introduction, like most of the scenes in this musical!
Yuri: Da. Da. That's what they all, ski, say, ski. Da. Da. Da. Niet. Niet. Niet. You American fools and your inferior government-ski. This is why are country is starving to death. Ski.
Bystander 2: What? Our country and your country's starving doesn't have anything to do with our country's government.
Yow-ee-ski: Comunism rules-ski! Hail Lenin! Hail Len. oh whatever. I always say stupid stuff-ski, because I'm Russian-ski. No one can understand us- ski. Da?
Yuri. Da.
Yow-ee-ski: Da?
Yuri: Da.
Yow-ee-ski: Da?
Yuri: DA! Okay, lets take them away-ski. Russian dancing style-ski!
Yow-ee-ski: Da! ("Peter and the Wolf" music starts. They start dancing.)
Bystander 1: Raté! You'll get your just desserts! I know it!
Exit all.
Enter Ching-lee, Franco, and Vinny. (Vinny hides.)
Franco: Here's the place.
Ching-lee: But this is in Little Italy. Don't you think we might be in danger?
Franco: Noway! You've got me on your side, hon.
Ching-lee: Thank you. (Enter into Vinny's house.)
Vinny: NOW! Go get 'em, guys! For Italia!
Enter Marela, Gondola, and random members of the Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic.
Marela: Long time no see, Ching-lee. Hey that rhymes! Long-time. see. Ching- lee. (laughs.)
Gondola: Vinny, who's that with Franco?
Vinny: (enthusiastic voice) Dat's the day female day laborer that's going to help you with your train set! That's what she was born to do!
Gondola: Yipee! Fun! Fun! Fun!
Vinny: Good. Now, it's time to show your allegiance to the Popular Italian- American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic. Hit her.
Franco: W-why?
Vinny: Because you didn't get to do it to her before.
Franco: Alright. (whispers) sorry, Ching-lee. (punches Vinny and runs.)
Exit Franco.
Vinny: Fraco! No! Darn that boy. I knew he liked you! Prepare to feel the wrath of the.
Ching-lee: (Sitting down with Gondola.) Trains! Yay! I'm great at trains, of course. Here's how you set up the tracks.
Vinny: That's it! You've stayed your welcome. (grabs Ching-lee by the shoulder.)
Gondola: No! She's my train builder-upper. I want her to stay.
Vinny: Okay! Mama mia! Blasted brat sister. This isn't over! Not by a long shot. Come on, guys. Let's find that traitor, Franco.
Exit Popular Italian-American Chlidren's Mafia of the Roman Republic.
(Fast forward to the evening. Darken. Spot light on Ching-lee.)
Ching-lee: Would you like us to be friends forever?
Gondola: Yeah!
Ching-lee: Okay then just. (whisper sounds.)
Gondola: What?
Ching-lee: Oh, sorry. That was just the whisper talk. (sings) When the moon shines, the deck rhymes and all is not well.. You can always tell me. Frog cracks, Nigg's rap. all is not well, just huddle by me and tell me. Moon shines. deck rhymes.. To no avail. Just tell me and give me hope. Moon shines.
Gondola: deck rhymes.
Ching-lee: and all is not well.
(Unision) Tell me. Tell me. Your. Secret spells.
Enter Franco from the window.
Ching-lee: Franco! What are you doing here? The Popular Italian-American Children's Mafia of the Roman Republic is looking for you!
Franco: I know. I want to get you back to where you were before. When I wasn't there to be a burden.
(Spotlight on Franco and Ching-lee.) Sings Unison with and Franco Ching-lee: Loves comes in many forms but not enough for me Love comes in hills and toys, but not enough for me This love inside, This magical feeling, Must take up atleast three songs, But I know that it'll never be wrong. 'Cause our musical can ring. 'Cause I know the hearts will ring I know the niggs will bling. And most of all, I know that love can sing!
Ching-lee: (alone) I'm a strictly female female.
Franco: (alone) I'm a strictly hemale hemale.
Unison: And I know that love can prevail (happy) In the home of the great survivors, I'd love being (Franco) a guy liking a (Ching-lee) girl like (Ching-lee) me!
Franco: You know what we should do?
Ching-lee: Buy lo-main?
Franco: No. We should elope!
Ching-lee: What's that?
Franco: It's like running away, only more romantic. Come on, let's go!
Ching-lee: Okay! We're kids living in the 1940's. How hard could it be?
Gondola: Can I come too?
Ching-lee: Good lice, no! It's not for little children it's for bigger children, like us!
Gondola: Please? You said we'd be friends forever, Ching-lee! Franco: Let her come. Why not? Isn't she precious?
Ching-lee: But won't you miss your mother or father?
Gondola: My mama and papa are over there on the couch.
Mama: Goodbye, little girl! Yay! More money for me in Papa's will!
Papa: Goodbye, little girl! Oh, no you won't! I'll take it to my grave! I'm a little Italian. I'm the Papa!
(Start fighting in Italian.)
Ching-lee: Maybe you should come with us.
Gondola: Yay!
Exit Ching-lee, Franco and Gondola holding hands. Exit Mama and Papa