Author's Note:
Casey may seem a little out-of-character in this chapter, but I tell you this: Alcohol is a vile substance that makes smart people do stupid things.
Feedback is greatly appreciated!
Kisses.
Max's hand slipped down my back.
More kisses.
I was pushed down onto the bed. He undid my jeans, not even bothering to try my shirt first.
Here we go again, I thought. It was always the same these days: kissing, pleading, wandering hands—followed by some sulking on Max's part when I didn't do the thing he kept begging me to do. He'd feel frustrated, I'd feel safe, and then he'd leave and come back the next day ready to start the routine all over again. It was almost starting to get a bit…boring.
No it wasn't! What was the matter with me? Max was perfect. I loved him.
He was on top of me now, fumbling with my bra and yanking at it a little too roughly. If there was one thing that had become different with the routine, it was that Max seemed more urgent lately. When he looked at me sometimes, it was almost like he wasn't really seeing me. I couldn't explain it.
"Mm…no Max," I said at last, squirming away.
"Ah, c'mon Casey," he whispered teasingly into my ear. The clasp popped open on my bra.
"No Max," I repeated, a little louder this time. I pushed his hands away, but as soon as I did, they were on me again.
"Please Casey?" he begged, kissing my neck. "Please…c'mon Casey. Please." He'd gone back to yanking at my bra.
I tried to push him away but he clung to me. He was being very insistent today. "Not now, Max…not now…" His arms were on either side of me, pinning me down. I wished he'd stop kissing my neck. I wriggled some more, growing a bit anxious. "Max!"
All at once, he stopped. He jumped off me so fast it was as if I'd burned him. I sat up, but Max was already storming across to the other side of my room. When he spun back around to face me, the anger on his face surprised me.
"When then Casey?" he demanded, his eyes wild.
I hesitated, looking down at my hands, which were clasped tightly on my lap. What did he want me to say? It was the middle of the day. Mom and George would be home soon. There was always an excuse. The truth, though, was that I just wasn't ready.
I opened my mouth to tell him this, only to realize he'd already left.
***
U cmng 2 d pRT 2nite?
I read Max's text message and frowned. More often than not I felt like a needed a special translator to understand what he was saying. That wasn't why I was frowning though. After he'd left yesterday, I'd spent the rest of the day in tears. I'd tried calling him several times, but he'd ignored me.
When I'd arrived at school this morning, however, he'd greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, smiling like nothing had happened. When I'd attempted to bring it up, he'd brushed it off.
"Let's just forget about it, okay?" he'd said beseechingly. His indifferent attitude made me wonder whether I'd read too much into the incident.
I dont think so, I wrote back.
My phone beeped a minute later and I looked down at his reply:
Suit yrslf
Well that was easy. If only I could get off that effortlessly going to his football games.
***
Emily, on the other hand, was not so easily turned down, and at 10:47PM that night I found myself walking up the driveway of what might have been considered a cozy storybook home, had it not been for the loud music and rowdy teenagers permeating it.
"I told you it was going to be huge," Emily said smugly as we stepped up to the front door.
"You weren't lying," I replied. If I'd thought the music was loud from outside, it was nothing compared to the ear-splitting pounding inside the house. The place was overflowing, and I feared if anybody else tried to enter, people would start spilling out of the windows. Emily and I meandered through the crowd, holding hands so as not to lose each other. She somehow managed to do so quite gracefully despite her six-inch heels. I, however, suffered three collisions and nearly tripped over one couple that was apparently making out on the floor.
Everywhere I looked, people were behaving like animals let loose—alcohol being the obvious cause. It was in no short supply, and flowed freely throughout the house from one person to the next. I peered through the crowd, hoping to spot Max. I didn't care about what had happened anymore. I just wanted him to kiss me and tell me he loved me and forget about everything. Some of his football buddies were standing over by the fireplace, cheering each other on as they swigged beer, but Max wasn't with them.
Emily led me into the kitchen, where she promptly began fixing herself a drink.
"Are you going to drink something?" she asked, taking a sip of what looked to be rum and coke.
"Who? Casey Mac-Holier-Than-Thou? No way."
It was Derek. Someone he'd managed to find me in this throng of people. I couldn't say I was happy about it.
"I could drink something if I wanted to," I insisted. "I just don't want to."
"Whatever you say," he shrugged. His obvious disbelief bothered me. It bothered me to the point that I grabbed Emily's cup out of her hand and took a big gulp of her drink. I'd show Derek I wasn't such a goody two-shoes, that I knew how to have fun, that I could be cool.
Only problem was the drink tasted like a mixture of Buckley's cough syrup and cat pee. I gagged, my face wrinkling up like a raisin.
"Smooth," Derek laughed.
I looked over at Emily who had her hand over her mouth to hide her less obvious, but nevertheless recognizable laughter.
"Do you think you could go get lost in the crowd Derek?" I asked irritably, the awful aftertaste of the alcohol still in my mouth.
"My pleasure," he replied, leaving the kitchen and heading over to a group of girls wearing dresses that looked better sized for toddlers.
"Oh my god Casey, I think that guy's staring at me!" Emily whispered excitedly, grabbing my arm. She motioned with her head towards the back of the kitchen. Sure enough, there was a tall blonde-haired guy shooting periodic glances in her direction. He looked like he'd walked straight out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue, and he knew it.
"He's coming over here," I said with a smile.
"Are you serious?" Emily squealed. "Quick! Pretend like we're laughing!"
"What?"
She burst out into a fit of fake laughter. I looked at her like she'd gone mad.
"Hey," Abercrombie said, flashing a set of eerily white teeth.
"Hi," Emily said, managing to make the word sound like it had three syllables as opposed to one.
"Are you in my Carpentry class?" he asked.
"Uh…yeah," she replied.
"What? Emily, you're not in—"
She nudged me in the ribs before I could finish the sentence. Hard.
"Great party eh?" he said, still blinding us with those teeth of his. "Let's hope they don't break the house down though."
"Yeah," Emily said, having lost to ability to make proper conversation.
"Oh I don't know, I bet you could fix it with those carpentry skills of yours Em," I said, doing nothing to hide my sarcasm, and as a result receiving another, even harder, nudge.
Abercrombie didn't pick up on any of this, but instead continued to smile serenely. I had to wonder if all that tanning had fried his brain a little bit.
"I'm going to look for Max," I told Emily.
She didn't seem to hear me, so I left her in the kitchen with Model Boy and made my way back into the main room. Amazingly, the number of people seemed to have doubled since I'd left, defying all laws of physics. I attempted to find Max, but it was like searching for a needle in a haystack.
Frustrated, I pushed my way through the crowd to go upstairs. I wanted a bathroom, but there was no telling which of the many closed doors it was behind. Swallowing nervously, I opened the first one only to discover two very naked teenagers.
"Sorry!" I squeaked, turning red and slamming the door as fast as humanly possible.
On to door number two. I opened this one a little more cautiously. It was naked teenagers again.
"Sor—"
I stopped, my heart dropping to floor.
"Max?"
The air seemed to have become denser, making it hard to breathe.
He was lying back on the bed, stripped down to nothing but his briefs. And on top of him was an equally nude girl I recognized from the cheerleading team.
"Casey!" he said in shock, shoving the girl off of him and jumping off the bed.
I didn't wait for him to get to me though. Instead, I slammed the door and flew back down the stairs.
I needed to get out of here. Badly. Where was Emily?
I looked around desperately, but of course it was impossible to spot anybody amongst the crowd. I felt the tears coming and pushed them back down. Gotta get out of here, gotta get out of here.
Without thinking, I grabbed one of the shot glasses a group of guys were lining up for their next round and downed its contents. It burned like fire all the way down my throat, but eased the lump that had formed there.
Oh, where was Emily? She was probably making out with that guy somewhere. The thought of having to check the bedrooms for her made the tears surge back up and I grabbed another shot from the group of guys.
"Will you quit doing that?" I heard one of the guys say, but I ignored him. I didn't even care about the fire of the alcohol this time. It beat the empty feeling in my chest.
"Casey!" Max said, grabbing my arm and spinning me around to face him. He was panting and had missed one of the buttons on his shirt in his frantic attempt to redress himself.
"Get away from me Max!" I yelled, yanking my arm from his grasp and shoving past him.
"Casey, just let me explain!" he pleaded desperately, chasing after me.
"Fine," I said, turning around abruptly to stare him straight in the eyes. "Explain."
"I…well…"
"Just leave me alone Max." I snapped, moving away once more.
"No wait Casey!" He grabbed my arm again to stop me. "It was a mistake! I didn't mean for it to happen!"
"You didn't mean to go into a bedroom and take off all your clothes…and hers?!"
"It was a mistake! I never thought—"
"Just go away, okay Max? I don't want to see you! Can't you understand that?" I yelled, wrestling out of his grip and storming away. Thankfully he didn't follow.
Once free of him, I found the alcohol catching up with me. My head was beginning to feel a little fuzzy. Not fuzzy enough though. I felt like everybody was watching me, looking at me like the poor sad little girl that I was who had just had her world come crashing down around her.
I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of something, dumping it into an empty cup. I didn't even care what it was, I just wanted to make the ache go away.
The burn of the alcohol was becoming less noticeable now. I liked the warm feeling it was giving me, liked the way the room was starting to spin. I filled my cup for the second time. Or was it the third time? I couldn't remember.
I thought about walking in on Max, but this time instead of seeing him and the girl on the bed, I noticed the hideous pink wallpaper and floral curtains of the room, and something else. On the wall. There had been pictures of…cows. Not just one or two, but dozens, splayed across the room. White cows, brown cows, cows with firefighter hats on. I was pretty sure I had even seen a picture of a cow wearing a tutu.
I started laughing to myself, causing the people around to give me strange looks. That brought me back to reality in a dizzying rush, and any temporary humour I'd found in the incident quickly vanished, replaced once more with the hollow aching feeling in my chest. I took a swig of my drink, wanting it to be funny again. It wasn't working though—all I could see were Max and the girl on the bed, naked and kissing.
I slammed my cup down on the counter, causing the contents to slosh everywhere. I walked—or stumbled more like it on account of the floor which was now swinging back and forth under my feet—into the dining room. I wished I knew where Emily was. She would know what to say, know how to make me feel better.
It was then I got the notion in my head that if I got up on the dining room table I'd be able to see her amongst the crowd. I climbed up awkwardly onto the table—it was a surprisingly difficult task. Once on top, I stood up carefully.
If I'd felt unbalanced on the floor, it was like I was standing on one leg up here. The people below felt far away, as if the table was 10 feet high instead of three. I searched for Emily, but all I could see were people I didn't know.
"Woo!" someone shouted. "Let's see a dance!"
I realized he was yelling at me.
"C'mon!" another person cried, but I continued to stand there like an idiot.
The music was turned up louder and I felt the table shake as more people climbed up top. They started dancing, making the table wobble even more.
"Whatcha' standing there for?" a girl asked, grabbing my hips and moving them along with hers.
I was about to pull away from her when I realized she was also one of the cheerleaders from school. Something changed in me then, and I started dancing with her, making the guys in the crowd cheer and whistle.
"Casey?!" I heard one guy yell in astonishment.
I turned to see who it was, but lost my balance and went tumbling off the table. I landed on the floor with a force that should have hurt more than it did, inciting an audible "ohhh" from the crowd. I groaned and shut my eyes.
"Casey?!"
I wished that guy would stop saying my name like that. It was really rather annoying. It was at that point I realized who it was, and groaned a little louder.
"Go away Derek," I moaned.
"Casey, what were you doing?" he asked. He sounded utterly bewildered.
I tried to stand up but the floor kept moving under me. When I finally got to my feet, I almost fell over again except that Derek caught me around the waist. He let go of me and I teetered there like a seesaw.
"Wait…" he said slowly, realization dawning on him. "Are you drunk?"
The idea seemed completely impossible to him, and come to think of it, me too. Me. Casey Macdonald. Drunk. It was so absolutely preposterous that I started to laugh hysterically.
"Okay, you need to get home," he said, talking to me now like I was a child. "Where's Emily?"
"Probably fixing the deck out back with Abercrombie Boy," I said, laughing at my own joke.
Derek raised one eyebrow. Apparently he didn't get the joke, although I couldn't understand why.
My foot slipped out randomly from under me. I seemed to have lost control of my own limbs. Derek caught me once more.
"Guess I'll have to take you then," he sighed impatiently.
He started leading me through the crowd. It was taking a long time to move. Maybe it was because I kept waiting for the crowd to magically part and let me through, like Moses and the river. I didn't get why that wasn't happening.
"Hurry up Casey," Derek complained, grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the door.
I followed him out the door to the front yard and wrapped my arms around myself. Had it been this cold outside when we'd arrived?
"Stop running Derek!" I grumbled, staggering to keep up with him as he headed towards his car.
"I'm not running," he called back and indeed he wasn't. How was he so fast then?
When we got to his car I stopped and put a hand up.
"Wait Derek," I said in a very serious tone. Or at least, I hoped it sounded serious. "I can't allow you to drive after you've been drinking."
"You're one to talk," he scoffed. "But relax Casey, I haven't had anything to drink. I have practice tomorrow."
"What if I don't believe you?" I challenged.
"Then I guess you can stand out here in the cold for the rest of the night," he replied, getting into the car.
I decided I believed him and got into the car as well. I barely had my seatbelt on before Derek was zooming away. I couldn't say I was too pleased about the speed of his driving, but I was happy to see the last of the house and its cow-defaced bedrooms.
"Did you know that cows have four stomachs?" I asked Derek conversationally.
Derek gave me a sidelong glance. "No, I didn't know that Casey. How much did you have to drink tonight anyway?"
"Cows are sacred in India, you know. I don't really understand why somebody would want to worship a cow, but who am I to judge?"
"Alright, never mind," he said, in a "you're crazy" kind of tone and returned his attention to the road.
"I caught Max cheating on me," I said all of a sudden.
Derek didn't take his eyes of the road, but I saw his brows furrow. On the one hand, it felt good to say it out loud, get it off my chest. On the other hand, I felt the aching feeling creeping back and I wasn't ready to face it—not yet.
"Casey, I'm—"
"Oh my god! Did you see that?" I yelled, rolling down my window.
"See what?" Derek asked, confused.
"That guy had a top hat on—a top hat! Who even wears those nowadays?"
"Okay…?"
I stuck my head out the window. "Hey!" I shouted a guy and a girl walking down the street. "Your shoe's untied!"
They looked around puzzled to see who had shouted at them and I saw the guy glance down at his shoe. Seconds later we'd driven past them.
"Casey! What are you doing?" Derek hissed.
"Do you have any Grey Poupon?" I yelled at another guy waiting at a crosswalk.
"Cut it out Casey!" Derek said, yanking me back down into my seat. He was half laughing though.
"Oh my god, I love this song!" I exclaimed, jacking up the volume on the stereo. It was "Low" by Flo-Rida. In truth, the song was mediocre, but for some reason it was hitting all the right notes with me tonight. Probably any song would have.
I started singing along to the music loudly, dancing like nobody was watching.
"You are crazy," Derek shouted above the roar of the music, but he appeared amused.
He turned the music down as we rounded the corner to our neighbourhood.
"What'd you do that for?" I whined. I'd just been doing my best Shania Twain "I Feel like a Woman".
"Do you want to wake up the whole neighbourhood, including Dad and Nora?"
I wrinkled my mouth to keep from protesting. He pulled the car into the driveway and turned off the engine.
"Now just be cool Casey," Derek told me. "Dad and Nora should be asleep."
"Right," I nodded. "Cool. I can do that."
"Okay."
He got out of the car quietly and I attempted to follow suit, but the moment my feet touched the ground outside I went careening over in what might have been considered a half-somersault.
Derek ran a hand over his face. "Way to be cool Casey," he said through gritted teeth.
He yanked me up but I fell down again. And likewise the second time. Frustrated, he put a hand on either side of my waist and started walking behind me, guiding me forward like one might help a baby learning to walk for the first time. I kept stumbling and falling back against him.
We were almost at the front door when I stopped and turned around to Derek.
"Let's prune Mrs. LeBeau's shrub into the shape of a banana!" I suggested excitedly, putting my hands on his shoulders and bouncing up and down.
"Shhh Casey," he whisper, laughing a little despite himself. "Did you hear anything I said in the car?"
"Oh. Right. Cool. Everything's cool."
He opened the door carefully. "Okay, now keep quiet," he said in a low voice as he led me inside the dark house.
"Where's the dog?" I asked in an equally low voice.
"We don't have a dog Casey," Derek replied patiently.
The lights flicked on suddenly to reveal Mom and George standing outside the kitchen.
"Dad! Nora!" Derek exclaimed in surprise, although I could hear the dread in his voice. "You're awake!"
Mom's eyes flicked down to his hands which were still on my waist, supporting me. He saw her looking and let go of me abruptly so that I almost fell over again.
"You guys are home earlier than I thought you'd be," George remarked.
"I thought you were coming home with Emily, Casey," Mom said.
"Abercrombie" was my only reply.
"What?" Nora asked.
"Um, Casey's just a little tired," Derek explained quickly. "I think I'll take her upstairs."
"But I'm not tired," I said laughing more than necessary. Mom and George gave me twin suspicious looks. Derek grabbed my arm to try and lead me towards the stairs, but I tripped over the dog and fell over.
I scrambled to my feet, grasping the coat rack for balance. Derek had his hand over his face in what appeared to be defeat.
"Casey have you been drinking?" Mom asked in angry disbelief.
"No…" I replied, but it was so obviously a lie that I started laughing again.
"I can't believe this," Mom said through gritted teeth. She was clearly furious. "I didn't think you this irresponsible Casey, but apparently I was wrong."
I could tell she wanted to say more, but seeing as though I was hanging off the coat rack now, she must have thought it futile for the moment.
"Thank you for taking her home Derek" George said.
"We'll talk in the morning," Mom told me with a glare.
Derek laughed. "The only talking she'll be doing is hunched over the toilet."
They didn't laugh back.