So this was meant to just be a oneshot, but then I read a Crack!Fic and realised that... well... they're the best things ever, so I made this one and I hope it's ridiculous enough for you :)
When the couple showed up to Granny's the next morning for their daily cup of coffee and, for Emma, bearclaw, they were met with silence.
The entire diner stopped what they were doing to stare awkwardly at the two. Regina ducked her head to cover the smile that she couldn't help whilst Emma's brow furrowed. She clutched Regina's hand in confusion.
When they walked in, the diner slowly came to life, but that didn't stop the hushed conversations when they walked past a table or the not so subtle stares from Leroy.
"What's going on?" Emma hissed to Regina when they slid onto stools at the back. The brunette, still with her head down, shrugged and grabbed a menu to cover her face. The blonde opened her mouth to challenge Regina when the door to the diner slammed open and an angry looking Snow White charged in, heading straight for Emma, with a sheepish Charming following suit, awkwardly apologising to the customers.
"Pornography!" Snow yelled, slamming her hand onto the counter by the couple. Emma jumped out her skin, her eyes wide and confused whilst Regina bit her lip hard enough to draw blood.
"Mom, what?" Snow was shaking with anger as she held her phone out to them.
"What is this, Emma? The citizens of Storybrooke did not add their Sheriff on snapchat for pornographic images- or illegal drunken ones!" The pixie haired woman exclaimed.
By now the entire diner had given up on their lives and were eagerly watching their Queen yell at her daughter.
"Mom, my head hurts. I don't-" but her sentence was stopped by Regina's outburst of laughter.
Snow stared incredulously at her whilst Emma couldn't help the small grin that formed on her face. Regina had a beautiful laugh.
David reached Snow and held her arm softly, as though trying to sooth her, but the brunette was too shocked to notice. Hearing Regina laugh so heartily was such an obscure image that she couldn't help but think she was dreaming.
"Your faces!" Regina managed to chock out through her laughs. Emma shook her head, smiling at the woman, moving her hand over the table to clutch Regina's.e
"Babe, what's going on?" Regina wiped the tears from her eyes and passed Emma Snow's phone. The pixie haired woman had saved all the pictures from the night before- as a form of revenge or discipline, whatever parents called it these days- and let Emma look through them.
The blonde's eyes widened slightly further with each one, and by the time she reached the end, her jaw had dropped and her cheeks had a soft red painted on them.
"Man I was drunk..." she whispered, looking up sheepishly at her parents and Regina. Her father shrugged, awkwardly rubbing his neck and her mother looked furious, but that didn't matter. Regina looked proud.
The hard-ass brunette was smirking proudly at Emma and right now? After those pictures, that was the hottest thing Emma had ever seen.
The customers watched with bated breath, and Emma noticed that Ruby had even managed to drag Granny from the kitchen to watch the scene unfold. Emma licked her lips, looking round at everyone, unsure of what to say.
"Well?" Snow snapped, breaking the silence. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
Emma frowned, stepping from her seat and taking Regina's hand. The pair hadn't come out to anyone yet, but apparently Regina had taken it upon herself to 'announce' to the small town of their relationship last night. Emma was not about to beaten in their coming out story.
"I'll always conquer you," she whispered against Regina's lips before slamming hers against the brunette's. She ignored the shocked gasps from around the diner and her mother fainting. She ignored Ruby's clap and Leroy's strangled grunt.
She focussed only on Regina's lips and the warmth they offered. The brunette would not back down to a challenge, which Emma knew was the case now as she felt Regina's hands slide round her frame to grasp her ass, pulling her closer. Emma moaned loudly into the kiss, running her fingers through the brunette's hair.
The two only pulled back when they were short on air. "God you're hot," Emma muttered, hiding her face in Regina's neck to avoid the poignant stares.
Regina simply hummed in response, pulling herself away from Emma's body.
"Come now, dear," Regina spoke, loudly enough for everyone to hear. Emma had to bite her tongue to stop laughing when she saw a collapsed Snow in David's arms. The man just grinned up at Emma, proud of her for finally coming out to everyone.
David had already known, Henry had told him when the two had gone camping to give Emma and Regina a night alone. The kid hadn't meant to and had been extremely apologetic, but David had been cool about it and hadn't told her mother, and that was that mattered.
"You've made me sweaty. We need a shower," Emma's jaw dropped. Man, Regina made everything sexual and made every innuendo ten times more arousing than it really should be.
The brunette grabbed the Saviour's hand and lead her out of the diner, leaving the entire diner with jaws on the floor at the shocking news of the Good Saviour dating the Evil Queen.